How long have I been in here? Hours? Days? It certainly seems like it.
My back's starting to hurt. Ow. I've been leaning against that door for...how long has it been?
Yeah, it's not comfortable in here. I really don't like this room much. I don't know why we put it in. I would prefer the roof. At least then I could see the stars. And it wouldn't be so damn hot. Why does it feel like it's ninety degrees? It's October!
Why am I in here? You don't know? I was sure it'd be all over the news by now. Well, it would be if Padfoot knew.
I don't have anything better to do, so why don't I just tell you?
It all started when I was listening to the game on the wireless...
"They're neck and neck!" the announcer announced. "Pity Potter's sick, or this wouldn't even matter. The Wanderers would be ahead by three hundred by now and-- He's got the Snitch! Wanderers win! One hundred seventy to eighty!"
"YES!" James screamed, jumping up from his seat on the couch. Harry woke abruptly and started to cry softly. James whispered an apology as he moved by his sleepy son.
He ran into the kitchen and didn't even notice as he knocked a pot off the stove. A full pot.
"Lily, we won!" he whisper-yelled, before pulling his wife into a kiss. She kissed back for a moment, before abruptly pushing away.
"I'm going to kill you, James Potter," she said, glaring.
"I've been cooking for three hours in here. Three hours! And you come in here, and knock the pot off the stove, spilling our dinner all over the floor! You better run..."
James eyes widened as his wife reached for the rolling pin. She apparently had momentarily forgotten she was a witch, and decided to go after him the Muggle way.
"Lily, put it down... Put the rolling pin, down..."
He ran, and she chased. If Harry hadn't woken before, he'd most definitely wake up now. The redhead chased her husband round the living room four times before he fled down the hall. She followed, only to have a door slammed in her face.
"You have to come out sometime, James Potter!" she hollered through the door. "There's no where else to go!"
And that's why I'm here. Lily. I knock one pan off the stove and she's threatening to kill me. I bet she's still out there, just beyond the door. Biding her biding her time.
I really am getting bored. I think it's been about sixteen hours or so since I came in.
Damn the Dark Lord. This is all his fault. Everything is.
How, you ask? Simple. If it weren't for Voldemort, I could have Apparated to safety hours ago. Of course, I could never tell Padfoot why I ran, but I'd still be free.
I could always just come out, but I know a headache when I see one. And that's a place I'm in no hurry up to be.
Luckily, I happened to hide in a spare room used for storage. Otherwise, I would starve. There's even warm butterbeer in here. Yum!
But seriously, I need to get out of here. One cannot live on butterbeer alone. Well, that and some old snacks we forgot we had.
A few minutes ago, I found some parchment. I had no idea what I might use it for, but I thought it might come in handy. Now I know.
I don't have a quill. Perfect! Of all the times not to have a quill, it has to be now. Well, I guess I could use this Muggle pencil. I was never fond of the things. It's just unnatural.
I pick up one of the sharper pencils, and set to work. I am, if I do say so myself, skilled at art. If I wasn't in hiding, I could go professional. Of course, when I said that to Lily, she thought I was joking. I wasn't. I siriusly think I could. He even told me so.
I think Lily would appreciate a picture. Of...flowers maybe? No! I got it...a LILY!
A much better idea than a petunia.
What colour are lilies? I ask myself.
I then smack myself on the nose. I don't have colour. I have a pencil. A grey pencil. I am stupid sometimes.
There! It's finished. Perfect! I crouch down and slip it underneath the door. I hope she'll soften up a bit when she sees that.
Yep, she's still there. I see her leaning over, picking it up.
"James Potter," she says, "is this supposed to be a lily? Because I always thought I was named after a flower not an ice cream cone."
"That's not an ice cream cone! It's a lily, Lily! Really!"
"Oh, when you come out of there..."
"I am not coming out till you put down that rolling pin you've been waving! Darling, why are you so mad? You know I love you..."
"Don't you honey me! I worked hard on that dinner, and you just...just...you acted like you!"
"But, Lily, if you crack my head, you'll be all alone, you know..."
"Like I'd miss you." She's teasing. She has to be.
When it comes to me and her and fighting... I just can't win it. I don't think I've won an argument since we got married. And that's the only one I did win.
I swallow. I really need to get outta here. There are a bunch of boxes over there...I wonder...
Yes! A window!
I reach for the lock, but Lily's mind reading powers put a stop to that.
"James Potter, if you try to go out that window, I'll do worse than hit you with a rolling pin..."
This has to end. Once and for all. I need to get out of here.
I take my wand out, and aim at the door. I'm gonna open the door, and then summon the rolling pin, real quick. It might even work.
I mutter the unlocking charm. The door opens to show...
Lily. Grinning. No rolling pin in sight.
"You...that whole time... You mischievous little..."
I walk toward her and envelope her in a hug. After a few moments, I pull back, and kiss her.
"I am so proud of you. Worthy of the Marauders, that one was."
~ Author's Note ~
Was that the oddest fic you've ever read? I didn't think so, but it was pretty weird. To me, at least. By the way, this is based on a song, by Brian Maes. Odd thing about that, is that the song was based on a true story. This REALLY HAPPENED!