I was sitting alone on the cold, hard ground in the pitch dark of night. We’d come at one in the morning to bury Jamie and Lily. There was nothing marking their graves, but I would always know. Twelve paces from the willow tree was my brother’s spot; Lily was another six paces to the left. I hoped once things had calmed down, I would be able to come back and place a marker here. Jamie deserved better than an unmarked grave.
“Ellie, we need to leave, it’s nearly daybreak,” Remus said behind me. I couldn’t, for all the gold in my vault, bring myself to stand and begin walking away. Jamie was here, how could I leave him this way? I didn’t want to live, but I also knew I couldn’t die; I had Harry to think about. What little bit of me that still felt anything was shutting down, and I worried if I could care deeply enough for my nephew. “Arthur is ready to take you back to his house.”
“I understand. Mus, do you think he’s cold? Do you think it’s cold to be under all of the dirt?” I questioned. My mind couldn’t wrap itself around my brother being in the hard, late-autumn chilled ground.
“El, I don’t think he feels anything but Lily’s arms around him, now. She was always the only thing he ever needed, and they’re together now.” Remus’ words were comforting, to think of James and Lily in an eternal embrace. I remembered the first time I caught them snogging. It was the autumn of our seventh year, and Jamie had been trying to get her to go out with him for three years. I couldn’t find my Transfiguration essay, and I had a feeling either my boyfriend or my brother had taken it to copy. I knocked on the door to the boys’ dormitory, and when there was no answer, I opened it. I screeched at what I saw.
“Ha! I knew it. All your complaining, ‘he’s just so rude’ was a ruse, Lily Evans,” I screamed at my roommate. She and Jamie were on his bed, engaged in some rather passionate snogging. “Congrats, Jamie!”
“Ellie, you can’t say anything,” Lily begged. Jamie just laid there, looking like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.
“Why? You were snogging my brother, and believe me, you look like you’ve been at it a while. Oh, wait until Sirius and Remus hear…”
“Ellie, please, I don’t want any one to know.” Her comment made me mad. I put my hands on my hips and looked at her.
“Why? Isn’t my brother good enough for you?”
“It’s not… it’s just… it’s special. I don’t want…” she said softly, and I started dancing around the room.
“Lily loves Jamie, Lily loves Jamie.”
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Remus’ voice brought me back to the cold November night. “It’s a big week ahead for you,” he said, gently putting his hands under my arms and lifting me up. “Tell me about the house you found.”
“It’s a Muggle house, but it’s away from the town by a fair bit, so it won’t be too difficult to have us live there. Molly and I walked by it the night we went shopping, and I fell in love with it,” I explained. I’d seen the house, went to the bank the next day and enquired about purchasing it. The place was empty, so I would be closing on it by the end of this week. “There are four bedrooms, so you’ll have your own space. I’m going to need your help,” I added quietly. I didn’t really want to think about what it would be like to be living with a toddler, all alone.
“It’s very gracious of you, Ellie,” Remus commented. He’d once told me he thought himself unworthy of our friendship. I scoffed at the idea then, just as I felt compelled to do now, seeing the emotion in his eyes as he spoke.
“No, it really isn’t. I can’t raise Harry by myself, I’m not… Harry needs someone around him who isn’t all broken and… we’ll need you, Mus,” I whispered.
“You’re not broken, Ellie. You just… it shouldn’t have ever been this hard on you. I do believe everything will work out in the end. He hurts as bad as you do,” he told me, but I somehow found it hard to believe. I hadn’t ever done anything to cause the rite to activate.
“Thank you for saying so, even if I’m not sure I believe it anymore.” We were quiet, and we met back up with Professor Dumbledore, Arthur and a rather battle-worn man whom Remus referred to Mad-Eye. The name was familiar from Order discussions I’d overheard between the guys and Lily. I’d not joined the resistance. I was a Potions Master, still not strong in defence. “Thank you, for all of your help. Jamie and Lily would have been touched by your…” A sob broke my sentence, and Mus wrapped me in his arms and I started to sob again. I didn’t want to go on, I didn’t want to do this without Jamie. I had nearly given up when our parents had died; it was only because of him that I was able to continue on.
“Ellie, are you in here?” Jamie called up to the attic. I was sitting in the attic at our home. We had just buried Daddy next to Mummy. I loved both my parents, but I was Daddy’s little girl. I knew he had been disappointed in some of the choices I’d made, and I had always dreamed that one day I would be vindicated in his eyes. I’d never had a chance, though. He died loving me, but disappointed nonetheless.
“I am,” I muttered, and Jamie climbed up the rickety ladder. I had Mum and Daddy’s trunk open, the one they kept their mementos in. It held their things from Hogwarts and from when they were first married. Jamie sat down next to me, wrapping his long arm over my shoulders. I reached in and pulled out a pin. “I’d forgotten Daddy was Head Boy, too,” I muttered.
Our attention was on the chest, not on each other, and we pointedly avoided speaking of our loss. We pulled out yellowed pictures and old scraps of parchment, looking at what they’d written on essays, and wondered why they’d kept them. As we reached the bottom of the trunk, a pink box, tied with a white ribbon, remained. I started replacing the family treasures, piling them on the feminine box, but Jamie attempted to stop me.
“El, there’s something else in here,” he said as he reached for the blush container.
“Don’t. I know what’s in there, please don’t take it out.”
“What is it?” Tears I’d held back broke free and cascaded down my face as sobs rumbled through my chest. Jamie pulled my small frame to his much larger one and nearly smothered me in his embrace.
“Mummy’s wedding dress,” tumbled out between my staggered breaths, “the Hightower dress. I can’t look at it.” Jamie rubbed comforting patterns along my back. It helped me calm down. “Maybe you and Lily will have a little girl someday, and you can let her wear it. Please, Jamie, just put it somewhere I won’t ever find it.” The future, my future, felt bleak. I couldn’t imagine there was anything beyond the blackness that was wrapping tighter and tighter around me.
“I’ll put it in the vault tomorrow,” he promised. The silence which engulfed us was overwhelming. It was like there was a pink-spotted dragon in the room, but neither of us was going to talk about it. We both wept.
“Jamie, I’m all alone. I knew Daddy was sick, but, oh God, Jamie. There’s no one left. I just want to die, please, please can’t I just stop living?” I slid to the floor, becoming a withered bloom of whom I had once been. I felt the darkness surrounding me and, had Jamie not been there, I would have willingly succumbed to its beckoning call to death.
“Ellie, love, you’re not alone. You have Lily and me, we will always love you and have a place for you. And, El, I know you don’t want to hear it, but Sirius still loves you. He’s downstairs ripping his hair out with worry about why you disappeared. You know that, right?” Jamie’s fingers ran through my hair and down my back, rubbing it the same way he did when I’d had a nightmare as a child.
“I… Jamie, I can’t… loving him… it hurts so much… he’s…” I stuttered between my sobs.
“I know, El. I know.” He rocked me for a long while, just like he did when he would check under my bed for Boggarts. “There’s a secret I want to share with you,” he told me, and I righted myself to peer through my wet curtain at his eyes. “Lily and I are going to need your help. She’s going to have a baby. I’m going to be a daddy. What do you say, Aunt Ellie? Can you help us with the baby?” I hugged my big brother. He and Lily were looking forward to starting their family.
I hadn’t realized we’d Apparated back to The Burrow. Arthur must have picked me up to bring me back here. We came through the front door, were warmly greeted by Molly, and then he carried me directly up to the room I was sleeping in. Molly poured a potion down my throat and I curled up on my side and quickly fell asleep.
Time passed more quickly once we’d buried Jamie and Lily. It was like I knew they’d moved on, so I didn’t feel quite as guilty in my moving on with little Harry. I dreamt of them the night before Harry and I were to move into our own house. They told me they were so happy that Harry would have a home with me, and they promised me they would still be with me, guiding me to help their son grow. I awoke the morning of the move not dreading the daybreak for the first time since Harry had been laid in my arms Halloween night. I threw on my old Quidditch jersey — Jamie’s was only for sleeping in — and a pair of ripped jeans and pulled my hair back in a scarf to keep it out of my way. I looked at my face for the first time in what seemed like forever, and was surprised at how drawn I looked. My skin was pale, the natural rosiness of my cheeks was gone, and my lips were now just a pale pink line. My greenish-grey eyes looked glassed over and dark half-moons underlined them. I lifted the ends of my hair and examined it. My father had always called my hair spun gold, now it just looked like dead wheat. My body reflected the suffering of my heart.
I’d closed on the house a week ago, and Professor Dumbledore had insisted he personally ward the home before Harry, Remus and I could move in. He was keeping us under the Fidelius Charm until the remainder of the Death Eaters were caught. I couldn’t help but wonder if the Muggles would notice that, where there once had been a pretty little cottage not far from town, now appeared as only a field.
Remus and I had gone to the Potter family home in Leeds and collected as many things for our house as we could. We’d been able to scrounge enough furniture to take care of the bedrooms, as well as a dining set and several chairs for the lounge. I’d also removed some of James’ and Lily’s personal things and packed them away in Jamie’s school trunk. Harry would someday want his parents’ wedding quilt and their mementos from Hogwarts. I would make sure he knew them. What I wasn’t able to ‘borrow’ from my childhood home, I went and purchased. Only the fourth bedroom wasn’t furnished; I really wasn’t sure what we were going to do with it, so for now it remained empty.
It wasn’t going to take us long to move in, Harry and I had few things at the Weasleys' home. We’d been with them for a little less than a month, and we’d already promised we’d be back for Sunday dinners and to spend Christmas with them. During supper last night, Molly pronounced Harry and me honorary Weasley’s.
“Molly, I can’t even begin to thank you for everything you’ve taught me. You have opened your heart and your home to us, thank you,” I told the woman as I hugged her tightly after we did one last cursory look around before our departure.
“My dear girl, it was nothing. You and Harry were in need, I’m just thankful that we could help. Oh, and Ellie, have faith. Love is more powerful than anything,” she told me, patting my cheek. I’d told Molly more about Sirius than I’d even told my mum. She seemed to believe in her heart that true love was something real, rather than the stuff of fairy tales.
“How about if you believe for both of us?” I asked her.
“For now, I think that will be enough. Make sure we know when Sirius has his hearing. We’ll be there for you,” she promised and I hugged her again.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Professor Dumbledore had shared the secret of my home’s location with Arthur and Molly, and with Arthur holding the single shared trunk holding all of Harry’s and my possessions, and me holding my nephew, we Apparated to the little house in the valley. Remus was already at the house, organizing the kitchen.
Arthur carried the trunk upstairs, and I took Harry into the lounge where his toys were. I was surprised that Professor Dumbledore was awaiting our arrival as well.
“Boom, boom, Ehwwie,” Harry asked, pointing at his broom on the top shelf of the cupboard.
“Brooms are for outside, Harry. We won’t be flying in the house,” I explained.
“Doggie boom house?” Poor Harry was confused. Jamie had indulged Harry in ways that Lily hadn’t. I was present the night the toddler wore his father down on this issue. It didn’t help matters that his godfather had begun the practice.
“Yes, well,” I sighed, “Uncle Sirius isn’t here right now, so there won’t be any flying in the house.” Professor Dumbledore chuckled at me and we watched as Harry, looking slightly dejected, went to play with his stuffed dragons. “Have you had any word when Sirius’ hearing will be?”
“Ellie, there’s been a small glitch. The team leader from the Hit Squad is opposing the hearing. It’s in part my own fault, it was on my intelligence that they went after Sirius, and they don’t want to open themselves to the accusations that they didn’t have adequate evidence on which to take him in. I’ll continue to work with them, it’s simply politics.” I nodded in understanding. I hate politics more than anything, having watched my father navigate its murky waters for years. “Additionally, we’re meeting resistance from Sirius’ family.”
“Let me guess, his mother is more than willing to let him rot in jail?” I asked, knowing Walburga Black didn’t have a nurturing bone in her body. The professor nodded at me and I sat down, disbelieving how a mother could be so heartless.
“It would seem Rosemund is quite happy to have Sirius out of the house as well,” he added and I shook my head in disgust at the situation. Rosemund had begun publicly flaunting her infidelities. Sirius was magically required to be faithful to her, due to the way his father had created their marriage contract. She was under no such obligation, and took full advantage of it. I didn’t doubt having him out of the house and away from the bank accounts would be a holiday for her. Arthur returned from upstairs and Remus came in from the kitchen carrying a tray with afternoon tea on it. After we had all been served, the professor began speaking again.
“I don’t believe I’ll be able to secure a hearing date before the calendar year ends,” he told me sadly, and I broke down over the idea of Sirius enduring Azkaban. “I’ve been to visit him several times; I retain the prerogative as Chief Warlock. If it’s any consolation, he’s found a remarkable way to deal with the Dementors, Ellie. He said the only drawback was the fleas. I assume you know what he means?”
I smiled at the idea, and looked at Remus. “We do, sir, I’m sorry… we can’t really say…” I trailed off. I remembered the first time I learned of Jamie and Sirius mastering the Animagus transformation.
It was a cloudy day, nearing the end of our summer jaunt to the Isle of Wight. Mum was in the house there, packing things up and getting ready to return to Leeds. We would be returning to Hogwarts for our fifth year in less than two weeks. Jamie and Sirius had been spending a great deal of time together this summer, which was fine with me. I was happy Jamie had accepted Sirius and my relationship. I didn’t need to be with them all day, every day, like I had when we were children. I spent most nights with Sirius anyway, when he’d sneaked out of his parents’ home and into my bedroom. We lay on my bed, fully clothed, talking, snogging, caressing until we fell asleep. Sirius wasn’t going to his parents’ house for the last few weeks before school, he was coming home with us. Mum had gone so far as to promise Sirius his own room at our home, so he would no longer have to sleep on the fold-away camp bed in Jamie’s room.
For some reason, a feeling of melancholy had slipped over me this summer, and it wasn’t just my father’s progressing illness. Fifteen was the Age of Announcement, and I had seen Sirius’ betrothal on the roster. My father had promised me he would take care of it, should Sirius and I still want to marry one day. My father had always been able to do anything in my eyes, but seeing him ill and frail this summer had made me nervous.
I was lying in the rushes not far from the pond, thinking about the entire betrothal process. My parents had never had any intention of forcing either my brother or me to marry for money or power. Their parents had been revolutionary by not requiring that their children have arranged marriages. There had been some rather disastrous matches in both the Potter and Hightower families, and their fathers had been determined to make sure it didn’t happen again. The fact that the two were friends only seemed to bolster their resolve to go against the system. They did joke, in later years, that if they’d believed in the system, my parents would have been matched anyway. Quinlan and Margaret, or Maggie as everyone called her, seemed destined to fall in love regardless of law or tradition.
When a pure-blood was born, or even a child with a Muggle grandparent (but not more than one, that would mean their blood was too tainted), their name went on the “Registry of Worthy Births”. Families could review the birth records and begin jockeying for betrothals beginning immediately, but nothing could officially be arranged until the child was between the ages of eight and ten, the Age of Arrangement. The ideal match would be with a child who was within a few years of your own, so there wasn’t a large lag between when they would reach the Age of Legality at seventeen.
The Age of Announcement was at fifteen, and it was at this point where one or both families would announce their child’s betrothal publicly. There were often newspaper announcements, and for very high-profile arrangements, parties and celebrations were held. It had been through the Prophet that Sirius and I had learned of his engagement to Rosemund Rowle, daughter of known Death Eater, Thornfin Rowle. If Sirius’ birthday hadn’t been in the middle of the school year, his family would have held a large celebration for them. Rosemund was a year older, and had to wait until Sirius was of age to have her arrangement announced. The day the article appeared in the paper, she was flitting around the Slytherin table, accepting congratulations and well wishes. I felt like the earth had dropped out from underneath me.
Law stipulated the Betrothal could be broken any time between the fifteenth and seventeenth birthdays; but there would be restitution which would need to be paid. Once both parties were seventeen, the contract would be legally binding, with horrid consequences: breaking of both parties’ wands and the inability to ever have a marriage recognized by the Ministry of Magic. The financial penalties were great. The restitution was enough to cause some families to become destitute. In addition, the family initiating the break became social outcasts. Father had a cousin who broke her engagement and the girl ended up moving to Luxembourg to avoid the public pressure.
My thoughts were broken by a sound off to my left. I rolled over to look through the rushes and saw a large black dog staring at me. He was gently sniffing the air and watching me. I sat up as the dog ambled forward and laid down at my side, placing its head in my lap. There was a general sense of contentment while I petted the dog, though I wondered where its owner was. It wasn’t until a rather large deer followed the dog’s path that I began to get suspicious. Deer weren’t known to travel out into the rushes during daylight and this one was even odder in the way it circled the dog and me. I was beginning to worry something might be wrong with it — like, it was ill or something — when no longer was there a deer and dog by me, but rather Jamie and Sirius. When I recovered from the shock of it all, they shared the tale of how they had mastered the magic and why.
“Honestly, you’re telling me it took you two years to come to the conclusion your roommate was a werewolf?” I questioned my brother, astounded at his denseness.
“Well, yeah, Ellie. When did you suspect?”
“About half way through our first year. I mean, really, he ended up in the hospital wing with a rather vague illness every month, for two or three days. It didn’t take me long to figure out it had to do with the lunar cycle,” I explained, and they both were in shock. “It’s a girl thing; from rather young we’re taught to count days each month.”
“Why would you need to do that, Lolly?” Sirius asked and I looked at him incredulously, hoping he’d catch on soon. When he didn’t, I just leaned over and kissed him.
“It’s a good thing you have to take that special class with Professors Flitwick and Slughorn this autumn. After they’ve gone over the whole ’birds and the bees’ thing with you, we’ll talk.”
“Oh,” it dawned on Sirius and he blushed. “You mean, when you just want to lie around and each chocolate…”
“Yes, love, congratulations on figuring it out,” I patted him on the back. “So, Jamie, you going to teach me how to do it?” I asked my brother hopefully. He nodded. By the next summer I was an Animagus, too.
“I’m sorry, sir, it would seem the smallest things seem to trigger memories in me. So, Sirius is surviving? He isn’t… please tell me he isn’t suffering,” I begged.
“Ellie, I swear to you, while it isn’t a walk in the park, he is, by no means, being driven insane as so many are by the Dementors. If you’d like, I could take you with me?” I quickly agreed to the suggestion. At this point, I really didn’t care what Rosemund thought, I knew where the line was, and as long as we didn’t cross it, she had no recourse against Sirius. I was quite certain she wasn’t visiting him anyway.
When we’d concluded tea, Arthur returned home, but made me promise that if there was anything we needed, or if we had any questions, we’d contact them immediately. I agreed, and shortly thereafter, the Hogwarts Headmaster bid us goodbye as well.
“Well, we have things to unpack before Harry can take his nap this afternoon,” I announced, deciding productive work made much more sense than just laying my head upon the sofa and weeping. “I have a bit of time before supper, how about if I unpack while you keep Harry here company?”
“That sounds like a plan, Ellie,” Remus replied, promising to watch Harry while I worked. Arthur had left the trunk in the master bedroom, my bedroom. I had tried to get Remus to take it, since he would need to spend so much time healing after his monthly episodes and the attached bathroom had a large tub, but he insisted that, since it was my home, I should have the largest bedroom.
Harry’s bedroom had all the furniture from Jamie’s old bedroom, what would have been his bedroom as he grew up in the family home. I brought everything, the wall hangings and curtains, Jamie’s Quidditch trophies, his pictures of Sirius and me as children as well as the things which were Harry’s, too. He loved his special blanket from his baptism and it had been accidentally left behind when Jamie put his family into hiding. Most of Harry’s things were left behind, as they’d had to leave for Godric’s Hollow rather quickly. The furniture for Remus’ and my bedrooms consisted of things my parents had put into the attic when they’d sold the summer house. Our pieces were mismatched, but it didn’t matter, it wasn’t like we were going to have a whole lot of house guests, since we were under the Fidelius Charm.
I walked through the room and sat on the edge of the bed. I had tried to get Remus to take this particular frame, but he insisted I be the one who had it. The headboard was decorated with intricately twisted branches and the posts were carved into pine cone shapes. I ran my fingers over it, trying to not think about sleeping in this bed.
I slipped from my room and padded down the hall on my tiptoes, opened the door two rooms down, and eased myself in. I was wearing a very short nightgown which really didn’t cover much. It only added to the danger of what I was doing. Sirius and I had decided what we were going to do, we were going to be together forever, and seeing me less than fully dressed was part of our choice. I pulled down the sheet and slid myself into the soft pocket and nuzzled myself next to my future husband.
I was surprised to find him in nothing but his pants and I decided not to look, really, much. We hadn’t done much beyond caressing, mostly over our clothes. It wasn’t for lack of desire but, instead, for a paralyzing fear. The only people either of us had ever gone out with were each other, but we only knew what to do from books and rumours in the dorms. Furthermore, there was the problem of being in love with my brother’s best mate. Sirius was convinced that Jamie would pummel him and then hex him if my reputation was sullied. Sirius stirred next to me, rolling his head and opening his eyes. He was speechless at finding me in his bed. I quelled his sputtering with a kiss.
Sirius had a room at my parents’ summer house, as he’d refused to go into his father’s house. Mr. Black was adamant about not breaking the marriage contract he’d set for Sirius when he was a child. My father was spending the summer trying to find a way around it, but I already knew what we’d do if Dad couldn’t make him change his mind.
“Lolly, what are you doing here?” Sirius asked groggily. We’d shared my bed the whole last summer, but we’d always been dressed and on top of the blankets. This was different, more intimate.
“Sharing a bed with the one I’m going to marry,” I told him as I leaned over to kiss him.
“But, I’m not dressed.”
“Neither am I. Keep your voice down, Sirius. Go back to sleep. Mum will lock my bedroom door if she finds me in here,” I told him, and he lifted his arm so I could snuggle against him, his hand going to my hair to play with it as he fell back asleep. I went to sleep looking at the branches twined together in the wood above me, knowing, that’s how our lives now were.
I stood up and levitated the trunk onto the bed, unpacking my things and placing them into the drawers of the window seat and then hanging the few things that needed it in the wardrobe. I’d shrunk all of my work clothes and put them away on the top shelf because I wouldn’t be wearing them soon.
I then took the trunk to Harry’s room and put his things away. I shrunk the trunk and stowed it high in Harry’s wardrobe, as he had more storage room in his than I had in mine. As I headed back down the hall to the stairs, I checked the bathroom, to make sure it had towels and supplies, and then peeked my into Remus’ room, finding he, too, had unpacked. It looked like people were living here. I peered into the empty room. It was large and bright and had windows looking out over the back garden. I closed the door again, not knowing what we were going to do with it, but glad to know we had room to grow, if we ever needed it.
With Molly’s help, I’d finally learned to cook a little in the last month. I wasn’t ready to cook a fancy holiday meal, but I knew enough to feed Harry every day, and make sure he was eating things which were healthy and nutritious. I’d even been able to make a reasonable steak and kidney pie and for dinner, and was quite pleased with the results. My mum would have been so happy to have seen me in the kitchen, doing anything domestic. Tonight I would make Harry his favourite, Toad in a Hole.
We were in the lounge after supper, and Harry began pointing at his broom again.
“Ehwwie, boom, pwease,” Harry begged and I looked at Remus.
“I can’t believe Jamie let him fly in the house, even if Sirius had started the practice,” I told Remus and he smiled at me.
“Sirius tends to get what he wants, even Lily wasn’t immune to his smile,” Remus reminded me and I chortled at the idea of Sirius charming Lily on behalf of Harry.
“Pwease, Mus. Hawwy boom,” Harry switched tactics, asking his Mus rather than me. The tactic worked as Remus looked to me in deference.
“Harry, there just isn’t room here, you’re liable to knock into something, or get hurt,” I tried to explain to the toddler, but he really wanted to fly.
“Hawwy good, boom, boom.”
“You know, El, we have a whole empty room upstairs,” Remus suggested and I could see the little boy had worn down his uncle. I shook my head at him.
“You know, Mus, we’re really going to have to get firmer with him, or he’s going to walk all over us someday. Come on, Harry, let’s go upstairs and you can fly in the empty bedroom.” I reached up and grabbed the broom from the top shelf and watched as he climbed the stairs on both his hands and feet. It took only moments before he was zooming around the room.
“He’s quite a natural,” Remus remarked.
“Just like his daddy,” I said, my heart again heavy at missing Jamie.
“I seem to remember you were both quite a force to be reckoned with. Our Chasers were hard to beat,” Remus said with a smile.
“Yeah, well, when we’d all been playing with each other since we were seven, it was easy for us to predict what would happen, and where the other one would be,” I responded. Jamie, Sirius and I had been the teams Chasers, and we were fairly unstoppable. Remus played as our Keeper. The scores were always rather lopsided, in our favour.
“How old were you when you started flying?” Remus asked as we were buzzed by the little sixteen-month-old on his broom.
“Jamie was about two and a half, I wasn’t even two yet. Daddy put us on brooms at the same time. We always flew together…” I told him, having to fight back new tears. I left him alone with Harry and went and hid in the bathroom, wondering how I was going to raise a child who reminded me constantly of everything I’d lost.