His name had been on the list from the day he was born
I like how that ties in to Harry being on the list that long as well. :)
in Muggle terms, a rather run down yet architecturally interesting National Trust building visited by bus loads of pensioners; in Wizarding terms, the ancestral seat of one of the oldest, richest and most prestigious wizarding families
Love that description/aside thingy
"And remember to be nice to your cousin, and to wear clean socks, and comb you hair,” his mother’s lip was trembling. James recognised the danger and hoped she wasn’t about to cry.
That's very mum like.
However, the bouncing boy’s face contained a mixture of excitement and defiance.
Gotta love Sirius! I like the interactions you've created with family (and Malfoy)
James nodded to his distant cousin Alice, a round-faced blonde, who was biting her lip so hard that she’d drawn blood, while the girl next to her chewed at her pigtail.
The future Mrs. Longbottom? Or is that just a coincidence? Anyway, the descriptions you have here are perfectly lovely.
He decided that the Sorting Hat’s song was incredibly stupid, and concentrated on looking suitably nonchalant.
Heh. That does seem very James-like to do.
Blank glances were exchanged around the hall; at their table the Slytherins looked menacing. Bellatrix’s look could have melted the golden cutlery before her. The murmuring began. It took Sirius a moment to realise that clapping was coming from the centre of the staff table. More members of staff joined in, as did the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. A girl on the Ravenclaw table had stood up, and was cheering at the top of her voice, to the surprise of her friends. Sirius glanced gratefully at Andromeda, the only other Black since Uncle Alphard not to be sorted into Slytherin. The Slytherins remained silent, arms folded.
This was quite well-written. I liked being able to see the different reactions of people to the sorting, and Andromeda's bit was great.
I like how you've written James -- unsure of himself, but able to hide it behind the confidence he has. Peter was done well also, and I the thought that he was put in Gryffindor because the others didn't fit is one I haven't seen before, so that's nice. Am guessing that Lily and Alice are going to be good mates.
Oh. Monty! I'm so glad I finally got around to reading this. I'm going to try and review every chapter, but it's probably not going to work because I can tell I'm going to get so sucked into the story I'm probably going to forget. I loved that Bella was the ringleader and Lucius, again, was the second in command.
I also loved the similarities you have with Harry's sorting in Canon. Fanon sortings that I've just haven't got the wonder, and nervousness, down pat as JKR portrays -- until now. I especially loved Peter's sorting. Him thinking that Hufflepuffs were "leftovers" whereas he didn't get sorted in there because he is neither loyal or hard-working. The whole chapter was just brilliantly written, really.
This is so awesome that I found this! I have found myself totally addicted with the Harry Potter series, and I have sadly ran out of those books, so this should keep me busy for a while! It is so cool to hear of the backrounds and relationships of earlier generations and it makes the more recent stories all the more exciting and understandable! Kepp up the goodwork! I love this!
Alice Walker, huh? deliberate choice? Any way, your story is off to a good start, though you might want to try slowing the pace down a little. Take you time and describe the scenes a little more vividly, it'll make your readers visualize the story better. On the whole, though, well done.
Oh, I'm glad I came over here. I'm already loving this story!
Marauder fics always seem to get me, if you know what I mean. They make me sad, since I know the outcome, but I can't help but love to read them.
You have a great writing style, easy to follow, but not too simple that it becomes boring. I really like how you've portrayed James. He's cocky, yet at the same time, unsure of himself. I think that what he was feeling during the sorting would have been similar to Ron's, had we been able to read about it.
I'm going to end the review here, since I have a bunch more chapters to read.
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