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Reviews For Harry Potter and the Caliban Poltergeist by MudbloodMatt

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Showing 1 to 4 of 4
Stormdelver
Friday 11th November 2005 12:09


3rd year
Num. of Reviews: 116

Prologue
Good build-up, paints a nice picture of gothic dread
  Quote
LoonyPhoenix
Sunday 31st October 2004 14:11


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 13

Prologue

Do you mind if I nag for a bit? Thanks.

Yet there are several smaller lakes geographically scattered nearby , the nearest lake is called Secuutus Lake and yet it is this very lake the Hogsmeade villagers avoid.  This is called a comma splice. It means that the clauses in the sentence are separated only by a comma, and nothing else. It's considered bad taste, as far as I know. You can rectify it like this:

Yet there are several smaller lakes geographically scattered nearby, and although  the nearest lake is called Secuutus Lake, it is this very lake the Hogsmeade villagers avoid.

Or,

Yet there are several smaller lakes geographically scattered nearby ; the nearest lake is called Secuutus Lake...

Or else,

Yet there are several smaller lakes geographically scattered nearby . T he nearest lake is called Secuutus Lake, and yet it is this very lake the Hogsmeade villagers avoid.

More on the comma splice can be found here: http://webster.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

three level stone and wood cottage - I'm not sure, but I think there should be a hyphen here: "three-level stone and wood cottage".

upper class Italians - same here: "upper-class Italians".

Sorry for nagging

 

As to the prologue itself, it was good, if a bit small. I think I'll read the next existing chapters first thing in the morning, after I've slept for a bit.

Best regards, - LoonyPhoenix
  Quote
Bring and Fly
Sunday 31st October 2004 13:48


5th year
Num. of Reviews: 201

Prologue
Mmmm... Intriguing! Off to next chapter!
  Quote
Cera
Sunday 31st October 2004 12:30


2nd year
Num. of Reviews: 64

Prologue
This is a really good prologue.  Short, but effective.  The last paragraph especially pulls the reader in.
  Quote
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