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Reviews For Harry Potter and the Caliban Poltergeist by MudbloodMatt

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LoonyPhoenix
Monday 1st November 2004 00:45


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 13

1: A Twist of Fate

1. He was already a two weeks into his fifth year... why a two weeks?

2. Oh, I'm sorry Harry...  Oh, I'm sorry, Harry... an addressed person's name is always paranthetical and should be set off by commas.

3. The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast. Harry thought... The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast, Harry thought... quoted speach should be set off by commas.

4. Okay then... - Okay, then...

5. "Come on Ron, its Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off, "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" "Come on, Ron, it's Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off. "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" (It's = it is)

6. "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful." Ron said with a slight drawl. "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful," Ron said with a slight drawl.

7. "Ah, must have caught flu then?" Harry replied with worry, already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end. "Ah, must have caught flu, then?" Harry replied with worry; already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end.

8. "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully, "See if this helps..." "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully. "See if this helps..."

9. "Oh, I feel dizzy!" Replied Ron... "Oh, I feel dizzy!" replied Ron...

10. Hermione glared at Harry which caused him to feel guilty, even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point. Hermione glared at Harry, which caused him to feel guilty; even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point.

11. Harry if you could get me... Harry, if you could get me...

12. You are going to Madame Pomfrey, you never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate? You are going to Madame Pomfrey. You never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate?

13. ...it had been awhile since he asked... ... it had been a while since he asked...

14. "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin, "Why don't we all go." "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin. "Why don't we all go.(?)"

You should really do something about your punctuation... For an HP fanfiction writer, it's a good idea to read throug all the threads here: http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=141

Don't think bad of me. I just wanted to test my grammar skills ;)

MudbloodMatt
Monday 1st November 2004 00:45
1: A Twist of Fate (Author Response)

1. He was already a two weeks into his fifth year... why a two weeks?

2. Oh, I'm sorry Harry...  Oh, I'm sorry, Harry... an addressed person's name is always paranthetical and should be set off by commas.

3. The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast. Harry thought... The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast, Harry thought... quoted speach should be set off by commas.

4. Okay then... - Okay, then...

5. "Come on Ron, its Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off, "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" "Come on, Ron, it's Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off. "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" (It's = it is)

6. "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful." Ron said with a slight drawl. "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful," Ron said with a slight drawl.

7. "Ah, must have caught flu then?" Harry replied with worry, already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end. "Ah, must have caught flu, then?" Harry replied with worry; already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end.

8. "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully, "See if this helps..." "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully. "See if this helps..."

9. "Oh, I feel dizzy!" Replied Ron... "Oh, I feel dizzy!" replied Ron...

10. Hermione glared at Harry which caused him to feel guilty, even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point. Hermione glared at Harry, which caused him to feel guilty; even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point.

11. Harry if you could get me... Harry, if you could get me...

12. You are going to Madame Pomfrey, you never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate? You are going to Madame Pomfrey. You never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate?

13. ...it had been awhile since he asked... ... it had been a while since he asked...

14. "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin, "Why don't we all go." "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin. "Why don't we all go.(?)"

You should really do something about your punctuation... For an HP fanfiction writer, it's a good idea to read throug all the threads here: http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=141

Don't think bad of me. I just wanted to test my grammar skills ;)


Thank you LoonyPhoenix for the corrections, this went through several revisions with other readers, but a few things were overlooked with the punctuation. I hope you liked it anyway.
  Quote
Bring and Fly
Sunday 31st October 2004 13:59


5th year
Num. of Reviews: 201

1: A Twist of Fate
Now I really want to know more... Poor Filchy!
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