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Reviews For Harry Potter and the Caliban Poltergeist by MudbloodMatt

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LoonyPhoenix
Sunday 31st October 2004 19:45


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 13

1: A Twist of Fate

1. He was already a two weeks into his fifth year... – why a two weeks?

2. Oh, I'm sorry Harry... – Oh, I'm sorry, Harry... – an addressed person's name is always paranthetical and should be set off by commas.

3. The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast. Harry thought... – The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast, Harry thought... – quoted speach should be set off by commas.

4. Okay then... - Okay, then...

5. "Come on Ron, its Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off, "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" – "Come on, Ron, it's Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off. "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" (It's = it is)

6. "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful." Ron said with a slight drawl. – "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful," Ron said with a slight drawl.

7. "Ah, must have caught flu then?" Harry replied with worry, already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end. – "Ah, must have caught flu, then?" Harry replied with worry; already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end.

8. "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully, "See if this helps..." – "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully. "See if this helps..."

9. "Oh, I feel dizzy!" Replied Ron... – "Oh, I feel dizzy!" replied Ron...

10. Hermione glared at Harry which caused him to feel guilty, even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point. – Hermione glared at Harry, which caused him to feel guilty; even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point.

11. Harry if you could get me... – Harry, if you could get me...

12. You are going to Madame Pomfrey, you never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate? – You are going to Madame Pomfrey. You never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate?

13. ...it had been awhile since he asked... – ... it had been a while since he asked...

14. "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin, "Why don't we all go." – "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin. "Why don't we all go.(?)"

You should really do something about your punctuation... For an HP fanfiction writer, it's a good idea to read throug all the threads here: http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=141

Don't think bad of me. I just wanted to test my grammar skills ;)

MudbloodMatt
Sunday 31st October 2004 19:45
1: A Twist of Fate (Author Response)

1. He was already a two weeks into his fifth year... – why a two weeks?

2. Oh, I'm sorry Harry... – Oh, I'm sorry, Harry... – an addressed person's name is always paranthetical and should be set off by commas.

3. The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast. Harry thought... – The least she could do is join me for Saturday breakfast, Harry thought... – quoted speach should be set off by commas.

4. Okay then... - Okay, then...

5. "Come on Ron, its Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off, "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" – "Come on, Ron, it's Saturday," Harry replied, sensing that something was off. "Ready to go to Hogsmeade?" (It's = it is)

6. "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful." Ron said with a slight drawl. – "Sorry, Harry, I feel awful," Ron said with a slight drawl.

7. "Ah, must have caught flu then?" Harry replied with worry, already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end. – "Ah, must have caught flu, then?" Harry replied with worry; already he could see his Hogsmeade visit coming to an abrupt end.

8. "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully, "See if this helps..." – "Here are some bangers and scones," Harry replied hopefully. "See if this helps..."

9. "Oh, I feel dizzy!" Replied Ron... – "Oh, I feel dizzy!" replied Ron...

10. Hermione glared at Harry which caused him to feel guilty, even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point. – Hermione glared at Harry, which caused him to feel guilty; even Harry had to admit to himself that she had a point.

11. Harry if you could get me... – Harry, if you could get me...

12. You are going to Madame Pomfrey, you never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate? – You are going to Madame Pomfrey. You never know, what if it's something poisonous you ate?

13. ...it had been awhile since he asked... – ... it had been a while since he asked...

14. "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin, "Why don't we all go." – "We were going as well," Dean replied with a grin. "Why don't we all go.(?)"

You should really do something about your punctuation... For an HP fanfiction writer, it's a good idea to read throug all the threads here: http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=141

Don't think bad of me. I just wanted to test my grammar skills ;)


Thank you LoonyPhoenix for the corrections, this went through several revisions with other readers, but a few things were overlooked with the punctuation. I hope you liked it anyway.
  Quote
Bring and Fly
Sunday 31st October 2004 08:59


5th year
Num. of Reviews: 201

1: A Twist of Fate
Now I really want to know more... Poor Filchy!
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