Wow. I like how you did the letters. And why does Harry want to go to the Headquarters? And Ron at Hermione's grandparent's house. Haha. That's funny. Very good start to the story.
Promising start, even though the spacing is a bit off which makes it hard to read. - I always feel my guts wrench when Ginny goes off about somebody else than Harry.
Sorry to be such a nit-picker, but you do realise you have misspelt the title...
It's 'Prologue'
Or was it intentional for a specific reason?
Majick Thursday 17th March 2005 10:44
Prolouge (Author Response)
Look carefully - I spelt it right in the chapter heading
Prolouge doubtless came from some poor overworked PS staff member,
desperately coding at some ungodly hour of the morning. Still, well
done on being the first person to spot it
I enjoy your characterization of Ginny. Very rarely do I find a story in which she is not an avid supporter of the R/H relationship. It's refreshing.
Hermione's characterization, on the other hand, I found to be a little off. I don't quite think she would be interested or at all supportive of the flying motorbike. I also doubt she would be so tactless when asking Ginny if she had a boyfriend, or so gossipying that she would have to write her a letter about it right away. Still I think that you are on the right track.
A few more words of criticism about the letters (sorry). I think that there were too many. I, myself, have an un posted story that features letters and the reason why it remains unposted is that my friends and betas told me that they were too boring. Your letters weren't exactly boring, but the number of them did get tiring. I think you could condense them. One more thing. I think Seamus's letter was not appropriate. People speak with certain speech patterns and accents because of where they were raised, however they do not right that way. Their thought patterns would be similar yes, but in written work Seamus would not substitue "me" for "my" or "mam" for "mum". That really bothered me.
My criticism, by no means mean that I didn't enjoy your story. I find that constructive reviews are more rewarding than abject praise. Oh! I almost forgot. Your title. I have seen that group before, in a story called "The Other Black Girl" by Smelltastic (a very good read BTW). I'm not sure who copied from who, or it the Knights exist in another place from which you have both drawn, but I would recommend creditting whoever created the Knights and contacting Smelltastic if she had stolen your ideas.
mandy
Majick Thursday 17th March 2005 10:55
Prolouge (Author Response)
It is my experience of similar relationships that Ginny would support
whatever would seem to make people the most happy. Doubtless she'd
support R/Hr if it was there, but it's not - yet - and she's learnt a
bit from her own time languishing in unrequited love - however long
that may have been.
As for Hermione, well, she's a teenaged girl, and they can be flighty
at times, no matter how practical they are in general. Hermione's stuck
at home, eager for any and all news from the wizarding world,
especially if it doesn't involve Voldemort or the Death Eaters killing
her best friends. As for the motorbike, she's more interested in the
theoretical side ("How does one charm a motorbike to fly?") than the
practical ("When can I get a go?")
The letters rambled a bit, it's true, but mainly because I was
conscious of the fact that, ultimately, what these people were saying
was 'Nothing to report. You?' back and forth several times over the
course of the month.
Coming from Irish stock, I know that certain people do
include phrases like 'me mam' in their letters, and in Seamus' case
it's a sign of him asserting part of what makes him unique at Hogwarts.
We haven't seen any other Irish students, and to me he seems like the
type who likes to stand out a bit. In more formal correspondence he'd
probably be as grammatically correct as the next man, but when writing
to school friends he may slip in the odd colloquialism.
The Knights Of Walpurgis are JKR's creation, but she has said that they
probably won't be in the books. More details are available on her
website, but in order to avoid dropping spoilers, I won't go into it in
detail. I haven't seen Smelltastic's work, so haven't drawn from her.
Thanks for the review, and constructive criticism is always welcome. It's flames that I dislike
I still think this is so close to the canon - you're lucky, mine never comes out sounding anything like JK's.
I don't think this chapter was boring at all. The Dursley's were hilarious. I loved the way Vernon was shouting at the kitchen appliances.
Can't wait for more.
Majick Sunday 9th January 2005 13:00
Prolouge (Author Response)
There should be more soon. The Dursley's are out of the way for the rest of the story, but I hope that there'll be some fun along the way. Of course, there's plenty of seriousness for poor Harry to deal with first...
Letters are a great way to start a story like this, reconciling unity of narrative point of view with the need to let readers know what others are doing and thinking. Besides which, theyr're fun.
At the risk of being made to walk the plank, btw, I'd love to see Ginny and Dean get to have just a bit of quality time together. He's fun (not a word one would apply to Harry at this point, or -- I suspect -- to Michael) and she deserves a break.
Majick Monday 3rd January 2005 17:21
Prolouge (Author Response)
I like to remember that there's a world outside Harry's POV, and you'll see a few scenes where Harry's reminded of that as wll. While this tale will stictly be from Harry's viewpoint, the letters were necessary to let people know what's going on.
As for Ginny and Dean, they'll get some time together, but exactly how high quality it is... Still, Ginny will have some fun this coming year, a lot of it at Harry's expense
Cool. Really liked this. It's been a long wait since your last long story. I like the way you've kept us up to date via the letters and the sibling rivalry you've captured very well. I'm not sure about the "Long -legged, firm-thighed, hard-chested vagabond' description (although thats probably me being picky - and having read far too many trashy romances). I thought the ending was brilliant. It really made me laugh and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Majick Thursday 23rd December 2004 18:05
Prolouge (Author Response)
If I need any advice on trashy romances, I know where to come Have a for reviewing
Whoa. A very interesting beginning. You've got me hooked!
I especially like how you smothered the worry about Harry with fun & gossip, so that the ending comes as quite a surprise. Can't wait to find out the story behind this one!
Majick Thursday 23rd December 2004 18:05
Prolouge (Author Response)
You'll find it all out next chapter, and I'm glad to hear that you're hooked
Awesome job! This story sounds so interesting! I can't wait to read what happens next! LoL, Harry's hilarious!
Majick Thursday 23rd December 2004 18:04
Prolouge (Author Response)
Harry won't be too hilarious over the next few chapters, but he does perk up a bit once he gets back to Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione should brighten things up a bit, though, and Dumbledore is usually worth a smile or two as well
Oh, my. Well, Majick, that was an interesting start. What's
going on with Harry, to set him off like that, I wonder (I'm not really
expecting an answer quite yet--I know how you work! ).
The letters were quite entertaining, by the way. They were an
interesting way to tell what was going on without using a bunch of
narrative.
Looking forward to reading more!
Julie
Majick Thursday 23rd December 2004 18:02
Prolouge (Author Response)
The letters came about from my desire to tell an entire story in Harry's POV (Temple and Dementors' Kiss were multi-POVs) but I needed to update the reader on the other characters. As you say, it saved on a lot of narrative...
As for Harry's emotional state, the next two or three chapters cover that in depth. There's a lot to cover...
Hmmmm - well that was an unusual start but ever so 'compelling! Can't wait (but have to, darn!!!) and now feel like the proverbial 5-year old waiting for christmas morning (and boy do I hate this time of unfettered hypocrisy and unbridled commercialism called christmas) and it just cannot come quickly enough. Loved the style of writing and the the theme/plot as well!!!
Majick Thursday 23rd December 2004 17:56
Prolouge (Author Response)
Hope that the wait isn't too bad. I'll be aiming to update every ten days or so, and am a few chapters ahead of the story at the moment, so even if my Muse dries up I can still keep things ticking over.
I really like this start and am not afraid of the shippiness in the
slightest. You've got a good grasp on where you want things to
go, I can tell, because there's purpose in every scene and
letter. Well done.
Majick Thursday 23rd December 2004 17:55
Prolouge (Author Response)
Hey, thanks for the review. I'm glad the ships won't put everyone off As for being planned, well, the Prologue has been more or less written since, oh, March... It took me a while to get started on this story, and now I'm racing the real Book Six
Wow this is a really good story!!!
Prolouge doubtless came from some poor overworked PS staff member,
desperately coding at some ungodly hour of the morning. Still, well
done on being the first person to spot it 
)
There's a new chapter online, so come on over and see what you think of it .gif)
for reviewing
Julie
I look forward to receiving more reviews 
