Are you British? I don't think so because your story does not have the natural flow of 'British English', but you do seem to know a bit about the SAS. If you're not, I shouldn't be surprised by your knowledge, as your stories seem to have an just a 'bit' more research to them than most others.
An aunt Petunia that I can at least begin to forgive. Maybe. We'll see if she's doing it because she's changed, or because being on better terms with Harry helps her protect herself, Vernon and Dudley.
At last! Someone who has muggles capable of doing something against the magical humans. You can always do something. And one thing I've noticed from every fanfic author to JKR herself, is the over dependance on wizards on their wand. Really, it is a quite clumsy weapon. Give me an assualt rifle anyday; even better, a sniper's rifle. And really, JKR has the magical's go into hiding from the muggles, at least in part, because the muggles are a danger to them. If muggles were so entierly helpless, why the need to go into hiding? Simple sheer numbers mean there is an ability to fight. And once that wand is out of the picture, then every wizard I've read of would be in a world of hurt. I love it.
Well, that certainly stirred things up, including my curiosity!
I loved the flashbacks and that wonderfully creative, and different, background for Hermione's parents. SAS, eh. I'll never look at a Dentist the same way.
There is a quicker pace in this chapter, and the flashbacks helps in building the tension - an unusual writing style that requires a good hand behind it and that you certainly have. The story is so well written and told, with that wonderful sense of maturity to it - you feel as you read it that a lot of thought has gone into constructing the lines and paragraphs (along with the story of course) and in choosing the right words. I'm very impressed, and not a little envious either! *sighs*
Thank you for writing and sharing this, Spark Soliton.
"unless Harry died or something worse" -- sounds like the Dursleys .
Nice development. Who's at the door? Mrs. Granger (Meg?) is suspicious, but would Deatheaters ring the bell?
I loved the background story. I loved getting to know more about the Grangers and beginning to see where they can fit in when it comes to the war that'll come. Great job
Good grammar and dialog, plus lengthy chapters are a goood thing. I like the Grangers too.
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 05:59
1: Defenseless Muggles (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
I would be grateful for you to consider continuing reading and reviewing.
Excellent story so far! I've often thought that just because the Grangers are dentists doesn't mean that they couldn't be quite competent at protecting themselves in the Muggle fashion. After all, despite the British government's best efforts to the contrary, not all British subjects can be sheep ready for the slaughter. I can't wait to see what happens over the next chapters!
she now was outwardly as kind as most people were to complete strangers. -Made me laugh.
Knife-Wielding! Petunia was new to me, but somehow it didn't seem to strange, especially as it fit in with the knife vs. wand theme that became clearer as the fic progressed.
did not care if he was injured or sick, so stop sending the owls unless Harry died or something worse. -It must have been awful for the Dursleys - always getting their hopes up only to be disappointed. I'd have made the same request. (on a side note, a great fic for Harry getting "killed" is Harry Potter and the Deadly Deception at http://www.hgnetwork.co.uk/siye/viewstory.php?sid=701 )
Now the Secure Floo Powder..." -Good idea.
but I de-mobbed after ten years service to become a dentist." -for some reason this reminded me of the old animated Christmas special about the elf who wants to be dentist. From now on I'll expect that elf to be packing a Fairbairn.
As he turned to leave he quietly stated, "I am sorry. I was never stationed in Ireland." -Love his control.
Nice. I like the flashbacks.
The SAS angle is nice. Hand-to-hand fighting is effective - I've seen some fanfics that use it well. Here's to hoping you do as well.
You never expounded on the "dusty old chest." Gun? Knife?
This is starting out GREAT!!! I can't wait for further updates. I like the idea that Dr. Granger the father is a tuff guy! :)
Seriously. I love the Harry in your story, too. He's willing to accept that he may be questioned for his connection to Moldiemort and the consequences of that connection, but he's also willing to stand his ground for what he believes in...
update quickly, please please please!!!
Cassie
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:54
1: Defenseless Muggles (Author Response)
Dear CootieP- - -Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
You have been reading this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts. It will not continue elsewhere.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
by the by! I loved the Harry and Petunia interaction! I could picture it brilliantly!
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:54
1: Defenseless Muggles (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
I think this story touches on a topic that many overlook -- that the Grangers, despite being Muggles, still have effective ways to defend themselves, and have a potential for effective training of those ways as well. The normal plot line of having the Grangers cowering never worked well for me -- Hermione has always been headstrong and independent, she didn't get that being raised by "weak" parents. This is an excellent start to a story that helps define Hermione's family as more than just sidebar characters to huddle against the wind. I'm looking forward to your next chapter!
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:55
1: Defenseless Muggles (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago. I conceived this storyline when I was pondering how I might defend myself against DEs.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
I always enjoy reading HP fics that involve modern military; I'm of the
opinion that they could give a far better account of themselves than
most people give them credit for, especially in CQB, which Death Eaters
don't seem to be trained for. This one looks like it's going to be a
good one, and I am eagerly awaiting more.
You have a very good characterization of Petunia. Different, yes, but
certainly believable, without going so far in the other direction so as
to make her a caricature. Now the Grangers...the Grangers are
interesting. (Hey! Don't you just hate notes in the middle of a
paragraph? Distracting, aren't they? Now you know how I felt when I ran
across your A/N. IMHO, that should have been handled another way,
possibly from Steph's POV.) Mr. Granger nine years SAS, Mrs. Granger
with some sort of "extensive training" unknown...did her husband train
her or did she get something different from the IRA?
Yes, I noticed that you never gave us Mrs. Granger's given name, but
you do reference Hermione's temper. Bet she gets it from her mom...the
Irish Meg. Am I right? :)
Oh yeah, one more thing. You say, " the Special Air Service of the British Army is...the only unit that can rival US Navy Seals in my opinion." Well,
better not let the SEALs hear you say that. And what about the
Kampfschwimmerin? Boy, you like living dangerously, don't you?
Aaran St Vines Saturday 12th February 2005 03:58
1: Defenseless Muggles (Author Response)
By "popular request" the A/N in the middle of the story has been fixed. Thanks for the great review.
Regarding living dangerously, why do you think I use a pseudonym?
Yes, I agree, the assistance of a Britpicker would be very helpful.
Any volunteers? This is a three-chapter story that is part of a sixth
year story (that I am obviously going to have to write quickly). These
three chapters are written and in beta, so raise you hand quickly if
you want to be of assistance. Thanks in advance.
I'll volunteer if you like. While I don't know much about the
military, I am British and I do have a good handle on most things
(including spelling).
Now this is something I'm looking forward to reading. How will
two muggles and one witch defend themselves for the two minutes it
takes for the Order to arrive? I'm sure you'll do a good job of
telling it.
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:56
1: Defenseless Muggles (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
Interesting read so far, but (accckkkk) an author's note in the middle of a story? I know your writings and I am sure you could find a better way to express this idea.
And I could beg to differ about the Seals.
Aaran St Vines Tuesday 8th February 2005 06:31
1: Defenseless Muggles (Author Response)
For that statement about the SAS, there isn't a member of a special weapons small unit fighting force in the world today that isn't lining up to whip by backside - even the SEALs and the SAS for including the other.
I could argue my case, but.... I always say that opinions are like noses, everyone had at least one.
If someone cares enough to start a thread to discuss this, let me know. Thanks for reviewing.
.
