An entire chapter to set up the real fight. I love it. The back story on the Grangersis wonderful. Whatever did happen to Meg. Some people are so stupid. Freedom must be paid for with the blood of the enemy. And I'm sure her uncle, or cousin, or whoever it was was killing people too. I know, it is make believe. Separate from the story dear reader. Of course, that is the goal of the author, isn't it. To drage us in, make us love and hate certain characters. You are doing a great job of it. Thanks for a wonderful story.
So its not Meg but Syl . "Those aren't knives. This is a knife" -- Let me guess, you've been watching Crocodile Dundee . Very interesting chapter . . . good buildup.
The perspective this is written in is intresting. The standard for fiction now days seems to be the third person limited omnicient. This which I think is the unlimited version at times is harder to write, but makes for a diffrence in mood and feel that I like. There have been a few moments wher eI have lost track of where the action is happeneind and who is who, but I think this is caused by the rapid changes form diffrent flashbacks memories and diffrent peoples thoughts. All in all I think you are doing it well, but be carful, and try to avoid those sections where you are trying to concel the identy of the speaker/thinker if you are going to be switching a lot.
, "If you follow me for one more step I will pull out my mace and spray you." -Hey! My recruiter told me that every girl loves a soldier.
kitchen with shelved items arranged by category and further arranged by height. -Even if he wasn't SAS, I wouldn't mess with him.
, I have misled you and you have every right to be furious with me. -That was a very sweet, soldierly, confession.
"They rang the door bell," -"Death-o-gram". I really liked the knife fight in the alley and everything military in this fic. All other fics have the Grangers as being somewhat wimpy. Nice change to see some butt-kicking Muggles.
OOOOO. Nice.
I'm glad you didn't make the Granger parents Mary Janes. The fact that he got hurt shows that he's not some invincible superman. I hope you keep the action flowing as nice as this chapter.
I'm curious to the 'rearangements'. I hope you xpand on that.
Shame on the Death Eaters. They brought wands to a gunand knife fight. Silly boys, when wil they learn.
I guess no one told them the first rule of a Gun fight,
1. Bring a gun.
Hermione is about to be in for the second shock of her life (the first being her current situation).
Love the story so far. No real nits to pick. Well, maybe
one. If that metallic sound at the end is what i think it is, is
that legal in the UK?
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:42
2: Not Completely Defenseless (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
This was very, very nice. I loved the Death Eaters ringing the doorbell. What a wonderful little touch. Your back story for the Grangers is lovely, and a very nice set-up for the rest of your story. It thoroughly engages my interest, at least. I'm very much looking forward to more.
Wow!
That was amazing. I can't wait to read more of this goodness.
I loved the Grangers' story.
Please, udpate soon.
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:43
2: Not Completely Defenseless (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
Shame on the Death Eaters. They brought wands to a gunand knife fight. Silly boys, when wil they learn.
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:43
2: Not Completely Defenseless (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
congrats. You just wrote the ABSOLUTE WORST CLIFFHANGER I have ever read.
update soon, update often! Excellent story so far, with the most unique premise I've seen in a really long time!
Aaran St Vines Sunday 4th December 2005 06:44
2: Not Completely Defenseless (Author Response)
Thank you for your review from so very long ago.
"The Granger Defense" here on PhoenixSong has been renamed "Great Scott, Potter, This is War!" and is now being continued through Harry's sixth year on this site. The next chapter after the Grangers defeated the Death Eaters has now been posted.
If you have read this elsewhere, the chapters starting with this one are being edited and rewritten in some parts.
I would be grateful to you if you consider continuing reading and reviewing.
One small nit... was mace avialable in 1977? I thought of mace as a 1980s invention.
Aaran St Vines Saturday 12th February 2005 04:08
2: Not Completely Defenseless (Author Response)
You are correct. After a little research (after posting the story) I found that Mace Security Products dates back to the early '80s. Mr. Ollivander and I find that when you reach our age, some of the 'newer' memories fade. Now, ask us about the invention of the machine gun....
. "Those aren't knives. This is a knife" -- Let me guess, you've been watching Crocodile Dundee 
. Very interesting chapter . . . good buildup.
