Yay - this was much better! The dialogue flows a lot smoother and feels more natural in this one but there are still some awkard moments in the text. Ron seems to have become all wise and all knowing all of a sudden and it doesn't ring quite true with me.
The pledge comes a bit sudden as well - but that's a bit more of a minor niggle.
There is definetly somthing addictive with the story though!
I have read the first two chapters of your new story and I like it very much I look forward to your next installment. I usually wait for a few chapters to see if the writer is committed to the story, so often writers will write one or two chapters and quit. You have a good start, keep going.
Kinda short, but I like it.
The plot has yet to harden, but I liked the prophecy.
Dumbledore was a bit too weak, IMHO.
Molly was right on, so was Ron. I liked the interaction.
This story has a lot of potential. Hope this continues to be good. And longer.
I just finished reading both chapters and have a lump the size of a Quaffle in my throat. Your premise that Harry doesn't believe that he deserves love interests me greatly and I'm looking forward to finding out how Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Remus, Tonks, and others show him that he is worthy of the love they have for him. Please post again soon. This is a story I will be looking for every time I log in.
Hey, you're off to a great start and utilizing my biggest weakness in being drawn to a story - protective Weasleys. I love that.
DD is up to his old manipulations in putting the four together mostly unsupervised (Tonks? Puh-leeze!). Getting the pieces in place for that second prophecy, I see. I wonder if he'll share this one with Harry? I can see the ramifications of telling him on this one - by saying you have to love your friends and fall in love with someone would make that love nearly impossible to feel. I can also see Harry's rage when he finds out later that he's been manipulated. DD is in tight spot yet again.
I liked to see Ron's developing maturity in recognizing the differences in their upbringing and recognizing he's by far the richer one. I also liked his mentioning it to Molly. Bring on more!
kaiserzacc Thursday 17th March 2005 06:39
2: To the Gates of Hell... (Author Response)
Yeah, Ron has grown up a little. I think that the battle in the DoM will really change his mindset. Ah...Dumbledore...when will he learn that people are not pawns?