Wonderful start so far. Nice / fluff, I really like it. I hope though that it was your intention for the first chapter being quite superficial, so that you could move things forward to a certain point and will slow down now. Otherwise I would recommend to deepen things a little bit.
Everything else is really great. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. In fact I can hardly wait.
critmo Friday 20th May 2005 02:00
2: The Party (Author Response)
Chapter 1 is the setup, not much more than a prologue. And I think things have slowed down in chapter 2, haven't they?
Off to a good start. Some nice H/G moments in there :)
Just one question ...
" Her nails are short, very well-kept. Neither
long claws like those of Lavender Brown's, nor bitten down like, uagh , Millicent Bullstrode's. Today she used a little clear nail polish. She doesn't use much make-up, that's nice too…. "
Do guys notice the finger nails of all the girls they know ... esp. the ones they are not interested in? :)
I think the translation is "through adversity to the stars." I know
this because it happens to be the Royal Canadian Air Force's motto, and
I'm an RCAF nut.
Cute story, by the way. I can't wait for the next chapter!
critmo Friday 20th May 2005 01:54
2: The Party (Author Response)
I'm not a native speaker of either Latin or English, but I think you'll be hard pressed to find the ONE translation.
Lat. "asperum" means something like "roughness", "craggedness", "unevenness", all of which are not a goid choice for a fluent translation. I also found "Through hardships to the stars". I think all those possibilities cover the basic idea: You'll make it, but "it's gonna be a bumpy ride!"
Thanks for r/r.
Well, well, well.
Your flowing style at the begining of this chapter was hard to follow. It flowed like a jar of molasses. In the winter. On a frozen lake.
But when you got to the dialogue and the party - you hit your stride and it came out great. Great work! I espeically like how this FEELS real, as opposed to some other fics out there. I mean, Harry's 16, not 45. Sometimes fic writers make him sound older. Gin too. But you didn't. Kudos.
Harry, Harry, Harry! You shouldn't be worrying about what Ron will do to you if you start going out with Ginny! You should be worrying about what will happen to YOU if you DON'T!
Ha! All that was needed was a little attention! That prat Thomas should
be hung by his toes and force fed to Grindylows. Along with his tart
girlfriend.
I wonder how long the peace between Harry and Ginny will last? Well, if
Harry thinks Ginny is exciting and is fantasizing about her, erm,
attributes it will be interesting.
/
fluff, I really like it. I hope though that it was your intention for the first chapter being quite superficial, so that you could move things forward to a certain point and will slow down now. Otherwise I would recommend to deepen things a little bit. 
it will be interesting. 
