Originally I deferred reading this story because it's a WIP (my limited brain-space has trouble remembering plots!) but now I have the great pleasure of betaing for you, I'm really enjoying it. You strike the perfect balance between humour and drama, much as JKR does - I love the conversation in the train ("Not Dean, you idiot! VOLDEMORT!" ) and the image of Harry lying against the door trying to listen in and Vernon stepping on his face! LOL! A super opening chapter - I look forward to this story unfolding.
"... averting Harry’s eyes, muttered she would be spending the journey with
some friends who had asked her to sit with them ‘ages ago.’"
You want avoiding not averting. Or perhaps Averting HER
eyes form looking at Harry or whatever. But, I don't think she
can avert someone else's eyes.
Other than that and the rather over done and OOC "petuna change
of heart" it was a pretty good start. I am happy you did not have
Hermione and ROn tell him he was being stupid about Ginny.
DaisyFlo Sunday 16th October 2005 03:30
Chapter 1 (Author Response)
Hey,
Thanks for the tips, it could be avoiding, as when I was writing the chapter, my pre-betas and I weren't sure what to put and decided on averting.
very good start. It should be interesting to see where you go with it.
Hasn't angry Harry kind of been done though, with all of the post Ootp
fics? just a thought
DaisyFlo Friday 7th October 2005 09:06
Chapter 1 (Author Response)
Hey,
Thanks for your review, and i suppose angry Harry has been done, but angry Harry is so fun to write! Next chapter coming soon...
) and the image of Harry lying against the door trying to listen in and Vernon stepping on his face! LOL! A super opening chapter - I look forward to this story unfolding.
