I don't usually review, but I've vowed to turn over a new leaf, so here we go!
Well, well...Obviously, since it's a prologue there's not much action, but I can see already that the foundations have been laid! Paladins sound interesting; I can't wait to see what you do with them.
I enjoy your writing style, too! I'm mildly pedantic, (comma splices and the usage of "dove" as opposed to "dived" upset me) and am pleased to have gone through the first chapter of a fanfiction unscathed! I'll be on to the next chapter, and promise to review Once we get to action, I can promise a few more meaty reviews. Like a massive steak.
I've read and enjoyed the entire story ("Great Scott...") to the December 2008 release.
Do you plan to continue? My view is that you should complete the story. I don't know if I'm 'typical' of your readers, but at age 72 with three Masters, a PhSci and a law degree I'll bet I've read more crap than almost anybody. And, I've published over 100 articles. So I urge you to complete "Great Scott..."
If you are unalterably opposed to completing the story, it is probably an insult to your intellect to raise the possibility of collaborating with someone to finish the story.
To do so, would require extension of the action for all active characters in the several venues of the story - Hogwarts. Wizengemot, Church, Steph Granger, Albus, Ministry emphasizing the imprecations of Fudge and company post "peace in our time" (Neville Chamberlain?) and Gringotts, Harry and Bill, Harry and his business partners and so on. A wonderfully rich story and I'm sure you know full well the tasks of outlining to keep the story moving in parallel chapters. Anyway, I'm sure you'll prefer not to take me up on this idea, but I just hate to have a classic just stop!
So thanks, Aaran, for as much as you did write.
Robert H. Barney, Esquire
I can't believe I'm getting sucked in by a WIP. I keep telling myself to wait until they're finished because you never know when an author might just decide to chuck the whole thing and leave you hanging. Please tell me you're going to finish this story. I've read all I can find of your other stories and I really enjoy the way you write. I personnally think that Maker of fine wands would stand on it's own as a very enjoyable novel without any direct reference to Harry Potter.
Thanks for writing and sharing.
So, Penny still loves Percy. And, it appears that his road to redemption is begining. Few people bring him back so soon after the betrayal of his familly after the end of Harry's 5th year. That is where this story picks up, right? I'm looking forward to seeing what purpose he plays for you. I have to guess that it is fairly important as it gets a 3rd of your prologue. I like the intor of Penny's brother. A new character is always cool.
An interesting conversation between Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape. Hints of some kind of enhancing potion. Building an army and perhaps the failure of that potion being part of the cause of Voldemort's rise? Not the failure of the poition so much, but the failure of those administering it to properly screen the applicants and those it was administered too. And some of Snape's torment at not being able to 'save' the students of his house.
You've got me feeling good things about Snape and Percy in the first chapter of this story. It really is hard to put aside residule feelings on those two characters from all the abuse they take at the hands of fanfic authors.
And the letter to Harry. What else to say, but how long before he decides to sign it. Dumbledore really has so much more to answer for than anyone even begins to hint at. But, he is fighting a war. And, despite caring about someone, you use every tool you have. And, Harry is the ultimate tool. The price of leadership can be quite high.
I've really liked your other stories. Your Ollivander story is very entertaining and is a real accomplishment for being of the HP world, but having little to nothing to do with Harry. I also thought the Victorious Horcrux was brilliantly thought out. You seem to have a very techncal side to your stories. They are also much more thought out, and 'Hold Water' compared to other fanfics. You don't leave holes in them. That is pretty cool to find. I'm really looking forward to reading more of this and hope it does not take you too terribly long to finish. I hate reading stories that are WIPs, but this looks to good to wait on and I never was particularly patient.
My apologies for a very belated review but having revisited this chapter i very much felt the need to comment on your writing.
Very much intrigued by the three plot threads, whose connections to each other are sofar unclear but tantalising with their potentials.
It is far too rare to read something in which Percy is portrayed as he is here, and it intrigues me to no end why it is the first piece of the chapter - I very much look forward to understanding how this fits into the greater puzzle of your story.
For me, coming from a backround in roleplaying games, Paladins certainly has a special charm, formidable knights armed with magic and honour. Time will tell whether that is type of Paladin you will have in your story - but as a "teaser" in the prologue you have have certainly sold me on the story.
Finally the letter from Dumbledore to Harry is a dramatic start to the story - I'm not 100% convinced about the wording, it didn't feel all Dumbledore to me, but then to write Dumbledore is probably the biggest challenge of all, second only to writing a believable Luna and maybe I'm just overly critical.
Overall my impression of this first chapter is that there has been an awful lot of thinking and premeditation into you writing, there is a level of maturity about the wording and the structure that impresses me greatly. The choices of words and phrases, the personality beneath each line of dialogue feels real and very much true to the characters and world created by JKR but with its own integrity as well.
As a prologue's main task is to sell the story to reader and draw him into I think that you have succeeded brilliantly.
When are you planning to write the next chapter? It's been nearly half a year since you last did it, and everybody is waiting patiently for you to finish chapter twelve. is surely waiting for you to make him get involved with and develop all his abilities to go and kick voldy's !
I am not sure yet what you think Doubledumb's letter would have on Harry, but to me, I would tell the old fart where and just how far to shove it. So far, in canon, I can not think of any decision Doubledumb has made regarding Harry that has not been a total cock-up. The actual thinks that it was good to stick Harry with the Dursley's so he wouldn't get a swelled ego. Well, that certainly succeeded well. DD is the only "good" character who seems to think that emotional and physical abuse of a child is OK "for the greater good" and allows his subordinate to mentally and emotionally rape his students on a regular basis. To me, that was the most condescending and full of letter I have ever heard of. What the hell, every decision I have ever made (without any legal of moral basis for controlling your life) has been an abject failure but I would not change a thing and now I want to trust me although I still won't tell you anything.
This had better be a bash Doubledumb story.
OK, now to calm down and say that I wish that you wouldn't keep flipping decades every few paragraphs, however, I really like the story so far.
It takes at least two seconds to say Avada Kedavra and in that time I can get off three shots with my .45ACP on separate targets (I can generally get into the low3+ seconds for five targets, whether plates or bowling pins), so the Grangers should be OK if they are in condition orange. However, you wrote the good doc in condition green and he better have a quick subconscious response.
Hi, Love your story, wanted to know if you were going to write anymore chapters, I read what you had posted on Sugar Quill, but noticed it had not been updated for a long time. I have enjoyed what you have written so far. Please keep writting. lee
I had found the Granger Defence very satisfying and most believable. Am glad to see it taken further.
Any system has vulnerabilities, and I think we do need a series that
highlights the weak points of the wizarding world. If only to help us
muggles save face ....
Looking forward to more.
And oh yes. 'Makers of fine wands' was a classic. It was something like
Roberta Flacks 'Killing me softly' -- nobody else is going to have a
better version. You've done the same thing for the PreHistory of Majik!
Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various affiliates. Without the brilliance of J.K. Rowling, PhoenixSong.net would never exist. The stories we've published here are manifestations of our appreciation for the world that she has created. That said, all fan fiction stories and artwork published on PhoenixSong.net are copyrighted by the listed authors and artists and may not be published or distributed elsewhere without the express permission of the authors and artists.
Artwork for Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione and Fawkes banners created by ReallyCorking (c) 2013