Having reached the third chapter without a hitch, I can honestly say that I've read only one other fan fic that rivals this one. It was written by Muggle Momma.
I'm reading this long after the release of Deathly Hallows and assume, from the date on this chapter, that you wrote it with no knowledge of how the final book would play out. Dare I say that I like your version of the wedding attack better than JKs? O.K., I'll say it.
But there's a problem with Harry's reaction to the Dementors and the Death Eaters. I think it should be something like:
' When some loud bangs were heard from outside the tent, Harry thought Fred and George had ignored their mother's warnings about not bringing any Weasley Whiz Bangs to the affair. It was only after the screaming started that he realized something was terribly wrong.
Harry was petrified. He realised what had come and he couldn't believe it. Here? Now?
He was startled out of his thoughts as Ginny drew out her wand. Coming back to his senses, Harry hissed"Stay beside me," beginning to walk towards the tent opening. He cursed himself for becoming so involved in the drama of his personal life that he'd completely ignored that feeling of unease that had plagued him this morning. '
This is just roughly what I thought you should have wriiten. Roughly
And I think you should have described the cold, hopeless feeling of the Dementors. Not refering to things like that made the encounter seem very normal to me.
You should have also mentioned how bad Harry might have been feeling at the sight of the Dementors.
On the other hand, very intersting chapter, well written I think.
Oh and because of
I also have to thank my third and final pre-beta, GhostWriter. He gives me a nice male prospective on things, and also, being an editor by trade, knocks down my word count and makes me get to the point. I call him a slave driver -- and I'm only half-joking -- because he usually starts asking me for the next chapter as soon as he's seen one. You can thank him for keeping this story moving.
Remus giving advice after pushing Tonks away .
Aw, Harry and Ginny lost in their own little world on the dance floor, so sweet . -- Nice of Gabrielle to that .
Nice action at the end; though hate to see dementors at a wedding.
What a way to end a chapter. I really like the way you got Harry and Ginny back together. I loved your use of Remus to point out some needed facts to Harry. He knows from experience how hard it can be to be noble when it comes to someone you care about. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
Is it wrong for me to cheer the arrival of the bad guys? Actually, it's the whole second half of this chapter that has me wanting to cheer. As soon as Harry and Ginny walked back into the tent together, the pace and energy of the story skyrocketed, and I think that's great news.
Maybe it was because the start of this was so laid out by HBP or because I'm used to a very terse style of writing or because I just couldn't get myself to believe Harry's constant pining for Ginny, but (with the exception of Dudley's scenes) I wasn't particularly hooked by the plot until that moment. Now I am. I'm excited to see how the battle comes out, what becomes of Harry and Ginny's newfound openness, and how you transition the focus of the story to the hunt for horcruxes. There are so many fun possibilities.
Speaking of fun, I found this chapter quite humerous, too. The whole bra bit -- especially Hermione explaining things to Ron and Harry's, er, distraction -- was hilarious. And so were all the friendly, cordial reactions to [i]Jean-Luc[/i]. There's nothing quite like a character whose sole purpose is to be the focus of ire.
I also really liked how you used Gabrielle. Having her be the catalyst in bringing Harry and Ginny together after the annoyance you made her out to be earlier in the story was a nice twist.
Harry and Ginny being together? I can't say I'm particularly convinced by that, either, (I think we saw H/G in HBP because there won't be time for it in Book 7.) but I definitely find it preferable to all the confusion beforehand. As I said, I didn't much enjoy or believe the pining, and now it's out of the way, hopefully Harry will be able to focus on what he has to do. Plus, Ginny's presence adds another extremely interesting point of tension when it comes to actually searching for the horcruxes.
Anyway, you've definitely got my attention now. Thanks for all the hard work!
-KC
I'm surprised that you did bring Harry and Ginny together. It looked rather the other way for the longest part. And I'm surprised that the Minister tried to pull the same trick twice.
Aww, Ginny and Harry working together as it should. i wonder where it leads from here though. I guess I'll have to read on.. Again a great chapter, I'm still really enjoying this fic!
I was so excited to see that you were writing again! I read all of your chapters in one sitting! Very nice so far, except for that last cliffie You even have a website now! Hooray!
I will certainly be checking your site for new updates more often from here on out! Thanks for giving me something so enjoyable in my spare time...
-Lo
This is another interesting chapter. The attack on the wedding seemed almost inevitable, but you picked a good time and setting to do it, with everyone clearing out. And congrats on the new website! That's very rad.
You convinced me to start reading a Horcrux fic, darn you... I so wanted to do my own thing, with no influences. Alas, alak...
I must admit, I was a little cautious about reading this at first. The Dudley-is-a-wizard plot seemed shaky, and I was hoping for a little more fun with the Dursleys - especially Vernon. I'm also not too sure about the way Hermione changed the room - it spoke of significant power that I'm not sure Hermione possesses, although I may be wrong.
Oh, and Ron has seen Muggle garden gnomes before
However, as soon as you get Harry to the Burrow, everything snaps into focus. Poor, tortured Harry learns a few home truths - from everyone! Excellent to see Remus drawing on his own experiences - while Ginny has some fun as well.
I adore the wedding scene, from stag party to Dementors. Ginny's bolshy refusal to conform to anyone's image of her - bar, perhaps, Hermione's - is wonderful, and her dressin to impress certainly seems to have the desired effect. A shame that Harry didn't get to enjoy the whole package - although perhaps that will be his reward once everyone gets through the attack... Good to see he didn't try and send Ginny away once the attack starts, incidentally. That would have cost him a lot of points, from reader and sort-of-girlfriend.
Of course, Harry being Harry, he's taking the attack on himself. I fear he's about to learn a painful lesson regarding leadership. There seems to be blood in the air - and given that it's you... Either a Weasley's going to bite the dust, or Remus, or maybe Percy's going to come out of it a hero and everyone will have a moment of happiness before you march them off to war.
However you go, I - darn you - am here for the long haul.
Melindaleo Wednesday 29th March 2006 17:14
4: Until Death Do Us Part (Author Response)
Haha! You're last paragraph made me snort Diet Coke out my nose, lol! Given that it's me, is it? You think I'll kill another Weasley? When I had such a hard time doing it last time? It is the final battle - not everyone can survive, and I do find it silly when it's only the bad guys that get it. So...I'm thrilled you decided to give this a try even though you didn't want to. I hope I can make it worth it.
Well, as promised...here is my more "thorough" review. LOL
The monster in Harry's chest had been roaring with such intensity that Harry was shocked no one else could hear it. He'd been in a right foul mood, and most of the Weasleys had been giving him a wide berth because of it.
Oh HARRY! LOL! As much as I love Harry and Ginny, I always always appreciate the struggles they have to overcome in order to be together. In this case, despite feeling for Harry, I really liked Ginny flirting with Jean-Luc.
Maybe it's the girly side of me, knowing that, although Ginny obviously doesn't care much about Jean-lucifer, she still played the jealousy game.
And the monster in Harry's chest...LOL! I really appreciate your very well written incorporation of canon. I've read quite a few post-HBP stories, and yours by far is the most enjoyable.
The only slight positive to the whole situation was that Fleur had stopped pushing Harry to entertain Gabrielle. It was as if ever since Harry and Ginny's shouting match in the back garden, Fleur had a new pet project. She purposely arranged tasks and insisted that both he and Ginny needed to work on them together.
Awww...
I knew I always liked Fleur, no matter how cocky she can be.
She was stunning, and he was lost.
HAHAHA!!! Oh man, I swear I was half squealing in excitement and half grinning smugly as I saw how Harry was shocked at Ginny's appearance. LOL
The neckline of Ginny's dress suddenly appeared much lower than the modest cut of Gabrielle's, and Ginny's bosom looked as if it were barely being contained. Her robes no longer looked as if they had been made for a little girl at all.
LOL! Let the games begin!!!!
In doing so, she missed the appreciative look the Frenchman cast down her cleavage. Harry didn't miss it, however, and jumped to his feet.
Once again, it was Hermione who held him back. "Don't make a scene, Harry," she hissed.
Harry glared at her. "Did you see where he was looking?" he demanded crossly.
"Yes. The same place you were looking. Honestly, Harry. It's called a push-up bra," Hermione said, her cheeks turning pink.
"What the bloody hell has Ginny done to herself?" Ron demanded, finally finding his voice after Ginny and Jean-Luc had walked onto the dance floor. "That...that doesn't look like my baby sister, and I don't want all these blokes looking at that."
Alright, I know I'm quoting a lot, but I feel like I really want to point out everything I enjoyed. Afterall, I used to write fanfics too and ended up getting a real ego boost after some of the more thorough reviews.
Anyway, I love how naive and obvious Harry and Ron can be when it comes to things like this. Trust Hermione to be the one to bring them back down to earth. And Ron...I hope he never changes..haha!
Ekaterina was smiling knowingly at Harry, and he couldn't stand it.
Yeah, I'd be annoyed too. But in Harry's case, I can't help but laugh. I'm really glad that in the HP books, JKR really makes out the teens to be...well, TEENS, even if their predicaments are usually...not something teens would face everyday.
"Hi, Tonks. Hello, Remus," Harry said, shaking the older man's hand.
Besides H/G, I'm so THRILLED that R/T are officially canon!!!!
Now if only Ron could get a clue...
Fred and George stood there with arms akimbo, glaring at Percy, who was standing at the entrance, looking extremely uncomfortable. With him stood the Minister of Magic, dressed in his finery and bearing gifts.
Yeah, I was wondering if he would make an apperance. I'm glad to see that Scrimgeour is pretty much the same in your story. I am also curious as to how Percy is going act in this story, if he plays a role at all. I was hoping JKR would've reconciled him with the Weasleys by now, and I'm wondering what will become of Percy in the last book.
"As I said," Harry replied with dead calm, "you do what you have to do. Right now, I have a wedding to enjoy, and your presence is neither needed nor wanted here." With that, Harry walked away from a spluttering and very angry Minister of Magic, Ron following closely in his wake. Harry was amused to see Fred and George remain behind to escort Scrimgeour from the tent.
HAHA! Dumbledore's man though and through...
That was great!! I esp. liked the "your presence is neither needed nor wanted here" line.
He could hear that slight measure of uncertainty still in Ron's voice. Deciding to tease a bit, he asked sharply, "Did you get a nice look at her bum?"
LOL! And I'm REALLY excited to see how Ron and Hermione's relationship will play out when they're on the horcrux hunt.
They're just too cute!
"I zink it iz time to switch partners," Gabrielle said, shocking both Harry and Jean-Luc. She let go of Harry and wrapped her arms around her cousin. She said something in French as the two began to dance.
Chyeah...I was pretty shocked here, too. That was such a sweet moment. Though I didn't quote it, I liked how Gabrielle also held her head high when Harry looked back at her. I can see that she is every bit as observant as Fleur.
"I can't help it; I like the boobs. I like the whole thing. That dress is snug in places where school robes just aren't," Harry said earnestly.
Men can be prats ...
"No time to chat now, Jean-Luc," Harry said, handing him their empty glasses. "I promised my girlfriend the next dance."
...but they can also be quite endearing at times. Tee hee...
Staring desperately at the chaos around him, it occurred to Harry that he still hadn't seen either Ron or Hermione, and the feeling of hopelessness began to build in his chest.
That's what I'd like to know as well...
Again, awesome chapter! Like I said before, I really enjoyed your Power of Emotion and Curse of the Damned stories and was really excited to learn you would be writing this post HBP story.
Gosh, but it makes me sad to think there's only one more book left to go..
Anyway, KEEP IT UP! I look forward to your next update!!! LOL
~Ashley
Melindaleo Wednesday 29th March 2006 17:05
4: Until Death Do Us Part (Author Response)
WoW! Talk about a nice, juicy review! Thanks so much for pointing out some specifics - I do appreciate that. I'm happy you liked the monster. Someone else said I was using it too much, but he really was my favorite character in HBP.
I'm glad to see someone else who enjoys the teens being teens. I always do, too.
As for Ron and Hermione...has it ever been smooth for them? *grin*
This was a great chapter!!!!I love how ginny and harry finally got together again.!!!
.
and Ginny 
lost in their own little world on the dance floor, so sweet 
. -- Nice of Gabrielle to that 
.
You even have a website now! Hooray! 
