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Reviews For The Letters of Summer by Kokopelli

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Showing 1 to 11 of 11
wluer96
Friday 4th June 2010 05:43


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 28

Prologue - In From the Lake
I don't know how many times I've read this, but it just seems to get better. Thanks so much for writing it.
Kokopelli
Friday 4th June 2010 09:48
Prologue - In From the Lake (Author Response)
I don't know how many times I've read this, but it just seems to get better. Thanks so much for writing it.




Thanks for your kind words. You'll find more stuff I've written since my PS.net days at www.fanficauthors.net

Regards,

J
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ILikeToRead2
Thursday 6th December 2007 15:55


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 30

Prologue - In From the Lake
A wonderfully detailed and exciting story. I really liked the emotion and new characters of this story!

Thanks so much!
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Disassembly of Reason
Tuesday 13th December 2005 23:15


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 17

Prologue - In From the Lake

Drat. In all that wordy review I neglected to mention that I quite enjoy the story (even though I went so far as to sidetrack myself into mentioning other stories that had come to mind by association, which I don't usually inflict on people).

Sorry about that.

I also neglected to mention that I tend to mention what I perceive as possible areas where a story might be handled differently, as well as the stuff I liked especially. I try to provide what feedback I'm capable of producing.

Kokopelli
Wednesday 14th December 2005 07:30
Prologue - In From the Lake (Author Response)

Drat. In all that wordy review I neglected to mention that I quite enjoy the story (even though I went so far as to sidetrack myself into mentioning other stories that had come to mind by association, which I don't usually inflict on people).

Sorry about that.

I also neglected to mention that I tend to mention what I perceive as possible areas where a story might be handled differently, as well as the stuff I liked especially. I try to provide what feedback I'm capable of producing.

Well, thanks for reviewing - I finished this story in December of 2004, so it's nice to see that people are still reading it.
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Disassembly of Reason
Tuesday 13th December 2005 23:06


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 17

Prologue - In From the Lake

Split between Harry's POV and Ginny's, with the main transition between them is handled properly at a break in the middle of the scene. Unfortunately, the POV switches to Ginny without a transition when she asks him not to shut out his friends, and back to Harry right after he asks about the crush, again without a transition. Consequently, we're finding out bits of Ginny's emotional reaction that Harry might not have been able to figure out on his own, but not as much as Ginny herself might reveal where it starts to get interesting. (That's *cheating*, which is one reason why I don't like cutting between POVs within a single scene very much. Sticking with a viewpoint character means that there are certain mysteries about other characters' thoughts and feelings; that's just the way it is. I do like companion pieces a la Jen Adamson's Kissing series, though, if an author really wants to come clean about everybody's feelings in a scene.) (Another reason I don't like chopping and changing without transition is in the same category as why I dislike muddled use of past and past perfect tenses for flashback scenes - it can make following the flow of what's going on rather jarring.)

 

It's good that at least one of Harry's friends has learned from experience that Harry generally says he's "fine" when he is anything but fine. Holding a wand on him to get a straight answer out of him is a smashing idea. Actually hauling off and body-binding him to persuade him to talk would be one way to escalate matters, but Harry has enough sense of self-preservation here that it wasn't necessary.

 

Very nice, that Ginny shows real concern for Harry herein; she cares whether he's doing OK - enough to insist on getting a straight answer. She knew he hadn't eaten, and made sure to bring something and offer it to him. (I'm not sure whether the sharp, pungent tastes of the sandwich are meant to be any kind of subliminal suggestion about how Harry perceives Ginny, or not. If they are, that's rather nicely done; if not, just a nice sensory description.)

 

Good that Ginny is keeping her dignity here. She answered his question about the crush very honestly: she decided to get on with her life. (For a very good story where Harry really, really missed the boat on this issue, I recommend Casca's [I]Seeking Ginny[/I], which is at thehiddentower.net.)

 

It's good that the author hasn't dropped these two straight into a relationship via a confession of feelings scene. One of my many pet peeves (they line up wagging their tails and ask to be fed table scraps all the time, don't you know) is that fanfic authors are often lazy about handling relationship transition and development. Just starting by asking him if he'll write back if she writes him is nice.

 

Having the scene occur before the Hogwarts Express, although necessary to set up a summer-before-sixth-year correspondence - that doesn't seem to tally with Harry's thoughts/reactions on the Express in OP. (That doesn't apply to Ginny, who has an impressive poker face and was winding Ron up anyhow.) Harry's emotional state on the Express gave the impression that he was completely unattached, and that he'd need some recovery time before he felt like attempting any kind of relationship. He was too numb for anything at that point.

 

Copyediting nitpicks:

- Spelling error: "of" for "off", quotation

- The sentence about intercepting owl post shouldn't take an "and".

Kokopelli
Wednesday 14th December 2005 07:36
Prologue - In From the Lake (Author Response)
I fought with my beta long and hard over that POV shift.

Being a self-taught writer, I have a different view of many of the rules of writing.  My own view on POV is that so long as the reader is not confused, POV shifts are okay, but the best practice is to indicate POV shifts, which is something I normally do. 

When I wrote TLOS, I was trying to break many of the cliches of fan-fiction - one cliche being the instant romance.  TLOS Ginny is indeed carrying a torch for dear Mr. Potter, but it's nothing quick or instant.

I'll look at your copyediting picks when I have time - I 'll probably correct them on my "other" archive - fanficauthors.net, where I have more control over my stories.  I invite your attention there to my more recent writing, such as "Making Change" and "Maskirova" (the latter piece also being found on this archive as well.)

Thanks again,

JEC
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SillyGillie
Thursday 7th July 2005 13:08


Hogwarts alumni
Num. of Reviews: 543

Prologue - In From the Lake
Awesome job I loved it! I can't wait to read some more! It sounds fantastic!
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Mariposa
Wednesday 12th January 2005 09:25


2nd year
Num. of Reviews: 51

Prologue - In From the Lake

I love this little part from OotP. I don't know why JKR didn't write something like this. MAybe it would put too much hope in us for the H/G thing. But I really liked this because after Christmas and all they've been through I can definitely see Ginny doing this.

BTW I'm going to review your chapters without reading the previous reviews. I am going to go back and read your reviews since the a/n make them tempting so don't answer anything you already have. I've finished the story already and it was so amazing I wanted to come back and review. I thought it was just some fluffy bit of H/G from this beginning and then wow! did you take me for a ride!

On to the reviewing......

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prometheanalchemist
Tuesday 28th September 2004 07:13


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 8

Prologue - In From the Lake

Having just re-read one of the earlier chapters of this saga (with my brain in remember mode) I am now consumed with the burning question...should we be calling him Voldemort of the thousand voices and his presence as 'Snake Weather' or something similar.

RG

Oh yes and is Harry going to start relling vatch!!

Kokopelli
Tuesday 28th September 2004 07:13
Prologue - In From the Lake (Author Response)

Well, truth be told, no.

The function of the Pyr'g was inspired by Goth's tutor, in which a Toll pattern taught her magic that she was almost ready to perform.  For those readers who don't know what we're talking about, read The Witches of Karres by James Schmitz - out of print by now, I suppose, but well worth the search.

Regards,

JEC (Kokopelli)

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Tamar73
Friday 24th September 2004 13:09


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 8

Prologue - In From the Lake

I first read this story on Sugarquill.net, and was very happy to see that I could read more of it here on Phoenixsong - it is, without doubt, one of the best fan stories I have had the pleasure of reading.   Having said that, I'm sure you can guess my next question - when can we expect to see more of the story?  Thank you!

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obsidiana
Wednesday 22nd September 2004 03:53


3rd year
Num. of Reviews: 126

Prologue - In From the Lake

Finished the lot...and it was wonderful other than the heavy Jasmine parts. I found her a bit too openly flirtatious and foreward.

I like the fic other wise, but with it had bee more Harry and Ginny and not Harry and Jasmine...it was writen more as a ship between the two of them and I found it so over powering that it over shadowed the bond between H&G. Harry never contimplated Ginny in his mind and he was constantly thinking and telling anyone who would stand still that Jasmine was the hottest witch and then some....which I think you have Harry say to Ginny.

Sorry, but you have got to be a man, because I am a woman and if someone I was trying to seek a relationship with had even a toned down version of that sentence to say in reguards to another woman...well the words TOTAL NUCULAR MELTDOWN....would be an understatement.

 

Other than the lightness of H&G and the heavy handed Js it was a great fic with a wonderful plot device.

 

Obsidiana

 

Kokopelli
Wednesday 22nd September 2004 03:53
Prologue - In From the Lake (Author Response)

Well, you got one thing right - I am a guy.  As to talking about other women when you have intentions towards the one you're talking to - you haven't seen anything yet.  The next chapter (19) shows Harry in full blunder mode.

JEC

 

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obsidiana
Tuesday 21st September 2004 13:47


3rd year
Num. of Reviews: 126

Prologue - In From the Lake

I like this and by the way after only reading a few sentences I voted you for Best Harry Potter characterization. I liked it that much...now, I must read the rest.

Obsidiana

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Teen Prodigy of Ravenclaw
Wednesday 7th July 2004 15:30


Prologue - In From the Lake
Bouncing up and down waiting for the next one, so I'm gonna click and go there. Yay!~TPoR
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