Register | Login
Story of the Week: You Know Who's On First By Iniga  Image of the Week: Quidditch victory By AgiVega  
LATEST STORIES AUTHORS TOP 10
STORIES OF THE WEEK COMPETITIONS SEARCH

Reviews For Dudley's Redemption by Bronte

Review Navigation:PreviousNextShow All
Showing 1 to 8 of 8
cckeimig
Monday 19th May 2008 10:03


Hogwarts alumni
Num. of Reviews: 406

1: Leaving Privet Drive
Off to an interesting start.
  Quote
angiel72
Sunday 18th May 2008 16:06


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 5

1: Leaving Privet Drive
i am enjoying the premise of the story, but i've noticed that dudley seems to be behaving younger than his 17 years. he is a month older than harry but you have him thinking and acting like a 10 year old. i know he is a bit dim, but i think he is quite street smart. but hey its your story ... do what you like :-) just an observation, is all!
Bronte
Monday 19th May 2008 10:30
1: Leaving Privet Drive (Author Response)
I disagree, Dudley is not street smart. Hanging around on the streets of a village, is not the same as hanging on the streets of a large town. Drop him in the middle of London and he would be lost and an easy target.

I stand by what I said earlier, that people often play different roles in different environments. At home he is treated like a child so he acts like a child. I'm not saying that he acts that way away from Privet Drive, just at home.

i am enjoying the premise of the story, but i've noticed that dudley seems to be behaving younger than his 17 years. he is a month older than harry but you have him thinking and acting like a 10 year old. i know he is a bit dim, but i think he is quite street smart. but hey its your story ... do what you like :-) just an observation, is all!
  Quote
CrumpleHornedKiwi
Saturday 17th May 2008 20:36


5th year
Num. of Reviews: 224

1: Leaving Privet Drive
Dang - I was trying to be the first to review but I kept getting an error message for ages. I can't even see any changes from when I first read it - so i guess that means I didn't do an awful read over job for you.

I'm just bouncing that you have it up!
  Quote
ngayonatkailanman
Saturday 17th May 2008 09:30


4th year
Num. of Reviews: 195

1: Leaving Privet Drive
Excellent storyline. Good storytelling technique.
Bronte
Saturday 17th May 2008 09:33
1: Leaving Privet Drive (Author Response)
Thanks!
  Quote
Grandma Kate
Saturday 17th May 2008 09:03


Hogwarts alumni
Num. of Reviews: 966

1: Leaving Privet Drive
Good first chapter, Bronte.

This was very nice-

"Yeah ..." Harry didn't seem to know what to say either. "Maybe. Take care, Big D." Dudley fought a smile. That was the first time Harry had ever said that without making fun of him.
Bronte
Saturday 17th May 2008 09:33
1: Leaving Privet Drive (Author Response)
Thanks!

Dudley has a good side, it's just a bit buried most of the time


Good first chapter, Bronte.

This was very nice-

"Yeah ..." Harry didn't seem to know what to say either. "Maybe. Take care, Big D." Dudley fought a smile. That was the first time Harry had ever said that without making fun of him.
  Quote
Arnel
Friday 16th May 2008 22:36


Hogwarts alumni
Num. of Reviews: 582

1: Leaving Privet Drive
That last review seemed really negative to me because I didn't tell you what I like about this chapter. You've done a really great job expanding Dudley's few canon sentences toward the end to show just what's going on in his head and why he possibly could have said what he does. I loved this line...
"Not in the slightest," Harry replied. That set something off in Dudley. Something was really wrong that, after sixteen years, they didn't care about each other. He didn't know of anyone else's family who would think that normal. The other boys at Smeltings all seemed to get on with their cousins. A lot of them were at school together.
because it gets to the heart of how the boys treated each other all their lives. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter.
Bronte
Saturday 17th May 2008 02:28
1: Leaving Privet Drive (Author Response)
Thanks for the review.

I hope you check out my answer to the other reveiws, I answered some of your other comments in a reply to another review.
Dudley is different at school. Anything can be considered normal if you've never known any different. He never bothered to question the status quo at home.

I gave a bit of thought as to what Dudley could be thinking behind what we hear in Canon. I'm glad to hear it works in your opinion.


That last review seemed really negative to me because I didn't tell you what I like about this chapter. You've done a really great job expanding Dudley's few canon sentences toward the end to show just what's going on in his head and why he possibly could have said what he does. I loved this line...
"Not in the slightest," Harry replied. That set something off in Dudley. Something was really wrong that, after sixteen years, they didn't care about each other. He didn't know of anyone else's family who would think that normal. The other boys at Smeltings all seemed to get on with their cousins. A lot of them were at school together.
because it gets to the heart of how the boys treated each other all their lives. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter.
  Quote
J.R. Lewis
Friday 16th May 2008 22:27


3rd year
Num. of Reviews: 125

1: Leaving Privet Drive
Decent start. I'm going to check the next chapter to see where this goes. Forgive me if I seem overly critical. I do like the concept of Dudley being redeemed. I just want to know who is telling this story. Is Dudley telling the story? The parts where Mummy and Daddy are used would indicate so. But then there seems to be a narrator jump in and take up the story for a few lines before things change again.

Some of the language seems rather childish as well. Maybe this is intended, but I hope it changes.Telling the story in childish language would not be good, in my opinion.
Bronte
Saturday 17th May 2008 02:22
1: Leaving Privet Drive (Author Response)
My intention, although I didn't consciously think about it, was to write Dudley's perspective in the third person. It's just that the third person can see in Dudley's head.

My take on Dudley is that he's not stupid, he's just lazy and spoilt and has never had to exert himself at home. I know from experience that sometimes it's quite hard to break out of the role that has been proscribed for you in certain situations. In No. 4 Dudley is still treated like a little child and he has no motivation to break out of that.


Thanks for the review and I hope you check back in for the next chapter.

Decent start. I'm going to check the next chapter to see where this goes. Forgive me if I seem overly critical. I do like the concept of Dudley being redeemed. I just want to know who is telling this story. Is Dudley telling the story? The parts where Mummy and Daddy are used would indicate so. But then there seems to be a narrator jump in and take up the story for a few lines before things change again.

Some of the language seems rather childish as well. Maybe this is intended, but I hope it changes.Telling the story in childish language would not be good, in my opinion.
  Quote
Arnel
Friday 16th May 2008 22:13


Hogwarts alumni
Num. of Reviews: 582

1: Leaving Privet Drive
My first impression with this story is that Dudley is seven, not seventeen. However, due to how he's portrayed in canon, one can justifiably write his character as you are and you're doing a very good job of it. I'm hoping that Dudley's external influences--like his coach, the school nurse, his school peers and his teachers--will have exerted some sort of reasoning into his small, spoiled brain and he'll mature later in the fic. for a first chapter that is begging you to follow up soon.
  Quote
Showing 1 to 8 of 8
If you enjoyed this work, take a moment to review the story. Your comments are their only payment.
This author is not accepting unsigned reviews.
Login for signed reviews.
Latest Stories
Saturday 8th November
Author: parakletos
Story: Stronger and Harder Than A Bad Girl's Dream
Sunday 2nd November
Author: Caleb Nova
Story: Vis Insita
Monday 18th August
Author: St Margarets
Story: Mountains and Molehills
Thursday 31st July
Author: Wings
Story: Heart of Gold
Author: Arnel
Story: Ancestors
Sunday 13th April
Author: parakletos
Story: The Sins of the Fathers
Thursday 30th January
Author: Arnel
Story: Curing Dudley
Tuesday 24th December
Author: jedi34
Story: Flying Free
Sunday 15th December
Author: Author by Night
Story: So This Is Christmas
Sunday 27th October
Author: Antosha
Story: A New Life
Sunday 29th September
Author: St Margarets
Story: The Not-So-Newlywed Match
Author: GovCampbell
Story: Indefinite
Saturday 27th July
Author: Author by Night
Story: Thread
Wednesday 19th June
Author: Northumbrian
Story: First Sight
Sunday 16th June
Author: Northumbrian
Story: E.C.C.E.N.T.R.I.C.
Author: Northumbrian
Story: Tales of the Battle
More
Perfect Imagination: A Harry Potter Beta Reader directory.
Latest Art
Tuesday 20th January 2009
Artist: tripperfunster
Image: Lost Prophecy
Artist: tripperfunster
Image: Kitchen Argument
Artist: Hito
Image: Harry and Ginny
Saturday 10th January 2009
Artist: AgiVega
Image: Potter Cast Conquer Olympus I
Artist: GoldenSnitch33
Image: HP Art Project-Ch.23, OotP
Artist: mary-dreams
Image: Remus and Tonks - More Than Meets the Eyes
Wednesday 15th October 2008
Artist: bludgerbanger
Image: Wiinter Ginny and Hermione
Artist: bludgerbanger
Image: Bellatrix Lestrange
Artist: bludgerbanger
Image: The Silver Doe
Saturday 11th October 2008
Artist: Sanna
Image: Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter
Artist: GoldenSnitch33
Image: HP Art Project
Wednesday 6th August 2008
Artist: GoldenSnitch33
Image: Holyhead Ginny
Artist: bludgerbanger
Image: Ginny Sneaks Into the Broomshed
Artist: bludgerbanger
Image: Trio-Hats
Artist: bludgerbanger
Image: Notorious Mass Murderer
Friday 13th June 2008
Artist: AgiVega
Image: Lily For Ever
Artist: roby_boh
Image: 1st Year Luna and Ginny
Friday 6th June 2008
Artist: Rae F
Image: A Family Christmas

Help keep Phoenixsong Running - Donate

Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various affiliates. Without the brilliance of J.K. Rowling, PhoenixSong.net would never exist. The stories we've published here are manifestations of our appreciation for the world that she has created. That said, all fan fiction stories and artwork published on PhoenixSong.net are copyrighted by the listed authors and artists and may not be published or distributed elsewhere without the express permission of the authors and artists.

Artwork for Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione and Fawkes banners created by ReallyCorking (c) 2013

The Admins of PhoenixSong.net, 2004-2007

Code ©Jeconais, 2004