Welcome back to writing. You have been missed, and while I started this story on your Website, the print size reverted to the smallest possible. I hoped you would post in another place, as Migrain headaches are not on the top of my list of things to deal with.
I love the first sentence - the construct is terrific. The rest of the chpater met this high standard.
The scene in the pub with ron and Hermione was great, very in character. The issues in the Ministry are something different from other fics I've read set around the same time as yours. I'm fascinated to see how things turn out, given that the immediate future of the Ministry isn't the perfect solution I guess so many of us assumed it would be.
I'm glad we're getting some glimpses into the lives of Lily and James, because this is an area that really interests me, and the scenes at Gringotts were well done.
I must say I was pleased, given you've introduced the Hallows as a plot point, that you've provided a very logical and in-character reason for it. It makes a lot of sense that after recently being pestered about the Hallows, Xenophilius' interest in them would be given a renewed vigour.
Nice to see that you haven't tried to make the wizarding world all sweetness & light, now that Riddle is dead. In all cases where a dictator has gone it takes a long time for the good to get a real foothold in changing the country, and it's nice to see you've added that touch of realism into your story. Keep it up!
Lovely progressing of this story. Its great to have you writing such wonderful work that people such as myslef enjoy
Just one query.In Book 7, I believe that JKR said that the Invisibility Cloak could not be Summoned. Have you changed that for the purposes of this story? Anyhow, on to the next chapter.Loving this story.
Mr. Intel Monday 18th August 2008 06:00
2: Mobbed and Muggled (Author Response)
Now that you mention it, I seem to recall that the cloak couldn't be summoned. But perhaps the Elder Wand (another Hallow) could summon it?
I was really enjoying the story, until I got to the last bit.
Were you actually talking about snogging? Or is there a comedy suprise solution? I hope so, otherwise Hermione was strident and unsympathetic enough to make a boy even less confident about himself then he already is.
However, after Lavender, it's totally unbelievable that Ron doesn't know exactly what he's doing when he's snogging, when that's all they ever did for months on end. Plus, are we to understand that Hermione spent all of 4th year refining her technique with Krum - is that why she's so much more experienced and fussy?
Sorry, but I've just watched the video of Azkaban, and Hollywood constantly ruin the characters, to use Ron as useless comic relief and Hermione as 'The Heroine' which is what's happening here, sadly. It makes Hermione sound like a cow and Ron a fool. (Ginny's cattiness is in character, if unattractive, so no complaints there!)
Sorry, I know it's not the main gist of the story, which I liked, and apologies if they weren't talking about snogging and you just wanted us to think they were. It just distracted me, and reminded me of the below average films!
Mr. Intel Monday 11th August 2008 12:10
2: Mobbed and Muggled (Author Response)
Thank you for taking time to write such a detailed review and to tell me how my story made you feel. Ron's sole kissing experience has been with Lavender. This automatically makes him a bad kisser, IMO. Combine that with the fact that Ron has been consistently characterized as thick and slow on the uptake with regards to relationships, I think that this scene (which did portray kissing) was in character with the books. One of the complaints I have with the books, however, is that Ron and Hermione's relationship is not on solid footing, so I'm portraying them as starting off out of sorts.
I also tend to agree that the movies were sub standard, but try very hard not to base my writings on anything the movies portrayed that wasn't in the books.
As for Hermione being "the Heroine", it's precisely because she wasn't the heroine in the books, that she is coming to her own in this story. She won't be the main protagonist, but she certainly will play a part in the resolution of the plot (as she did in the books).
I hope that the problems you saw in my story won't detract you from reading the rest. I have a few chapters already written and would love to know how you interpret them as well.