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Reviews For Vis Insita by Caleb Nova

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Showing 1 to 6 of 6
Dun8y
Monday 9th June 2014 23:58


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 24

11: When We Remembered Zion
Glad Sophie is back, and it's nice to see Ginny reining in her hormones a little, I too had to look up the Bechdel test, meh, who cares? Interesting to see Scott reacting with the locket, a real macho contest! Keep up the good work.
Thank you, Sue x
Caleb Nova
Tuesday 17th June 2014 22:18
11: When We Remembered Zion (Author Response)
Glad Sophie is back, and it's nice to see Ginny reining in her hormones a little,


Yeah, I had a few people say that.

I too had to look up the Bechdel test, meh, who cares?


I don't care that much, but I find it an interesting concept.

Interesting to see Scott reacting with the locket, a real macho contest!


They were equally fascinated with each other.
  Quote
The Pharaoh
Sunday 24th November 2013 14:10


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 36

11: When We Remembered Zion
Personally, I think you should do what you've done very well so far and continue keeping the characters true to themselves rather than worrying about any external standards. I'm male, so I don't know how much weight my opinion holds, but take from it what you will. (Also, is the fanfiction readers' gender distribution really mostly female? I never thought about it before, but I would've thought it was more even.)
Ooh, Sophie's back. (I'm guessing her coming in is related to the Bechdel question?) I wonder how this will affect the future dynamics of the group in-house, and how much she can contribute to the hunt. It was interesting and pretty cool to see Scott have a traditional emotional reaction to someone. Speaking of which, I thought Ginny and Scott's inner monologues were a little heavy on character exposition, but I see the theme you were going for, examining the progress of all the romantic relationships in the house. With Ginny I think it was mostly because some of what she reflected on we already had heard from Scott observing her behavior (i.e., her aggressiveness with Harry and why), though it was new information that she's been fighting her own discomfort with her "impropriety"--which now that I think about it is a little comforting, because I felt she was being a little OoC even though I understood it, and this brought her back around.
When Ginny and Harry are talking in the basement, Ginny says "But I'm the youngest and a girl, so I have to [be] coddled, always." I put in the "be" just now. You also spelled "unfocused" with two 's's consistently. Fyi, in the event you're as self-exacting as I am.
Glad to see another chapter up. Keep 'em coming, please!
Caleb Nova
Monday 2nd December 2013 07:06
11: When We Remembered Zion (Author Response)
Personally, I think you should do what you've done very well so far and continue keeping the characters true to themselves rather than worrying about any external standards. I'm male, so I don't know how much weight my opinion holds, but take from it what you will. (Also, is the fanfiction readers' gender distribution really mostly female? I never thought about it before, but I would've thought it was more even.)


Readership is difficult to judge, mostly because the read-to-review ratio is something like two percent. But authorship skews overwhelmingly female.

Ooh, Sophie's back. (I'm guessing her coming in is related to the Bechdel question?) I wonder how this will affect the future dynamics of the group in-house, and how much she can contribute to the hunt. It was interesting and pretty cool to see Scott have a traditional emotional reaction to someone. Speaking of which, I thought Ginny and Scott's inner monologues were a little heavy on character exposition, but I see the theme you were going for, examining the progress of all the romantic relationships in the house. With Ginny I think it was mostly because some of what she reflected on we already had heard from Scott observing her behavior (i.e., her aggressiveness with Harry and why), though it was new information that she's been fighting her own discomfort with her "impropriety"--which now that I think about it is a little comforting, because I felt she was being a little OoC even though I understood it, and this brought her back around.


I wanted to come back to the point that Ginny's behavior has a purpose. I felt it was worth reiterating.

When Ginny and Harry are talking in the basement, Ginny says "But I'm the youngest and a girl, so I have to [be] coddled, always." I put in the "be" just now. You also spelled "unfocused" with two 's's consistently. Fyi, in the event you're as self-exacting as I am.


The 'be' is something that somehow slipped past me and Sherry. The unfocused with double S is actually the British spelling.
  Quote
deej
Saturday 23rd November 2013 05:41


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 27

11: When We Remembered Zion
Once again, Another very good chapter. I am glad to see you bring Sophie back. I have liked all of your OC's so far. I may be showing my "Geek" here, but I would love to see these chapters in graphic novel form. You write in a way that has a lot of imagry.

Anyway, keep it up. I look forward to the next chapter.

Deej
Caleb Nova
Monday 2nd December 2013 07:02
11: When We Remembered Zion (Author Response)
I would love for someone to illustrate scenes of this. I can't draw. Like, at all. It's a continual source of frustration since I really, really want to show you guys some of these things. So I do the best I can with words.
  Quote
Chatmandu
Wednesday 20th November 2013 12:55


4th year
Num. of Reviews: 153

11: When We Remembered Zion
1. I had to look up what a Bechdel Test was. Don't warp you plot to make a gratuitous PC point.

2. Yeah! Sophie's back and you gave her green eyes. I am trying to see into how many syllables the exclamation D@mn!! can be stretched.

3. In a confusing situation she draws down on a target holds fire and all she says is
"My goodness!" Sophie breathed, tucking her gun away. "Did I do something wrong?"
Oh goodness?? See item two on drawing out a single syllable word.

4. R/Hr and H/G progress. Good, good.

5. The locket and its effect on Harry and then Scott. I imagine with Scott's experiences Tom Riddle isn't that much a threat, perhaps more an annoying bother. Poor, poor Harry. Noting like having your worst, and most irrational, nightmares laid bare (pun unintended) before the dynamic love of your life.
Caleb Nova
Monday 2nd December 2013 07:01
11: When We Remembered Zion (Author Response)
1. I had to look up what a Bechdel Test was. Don't warp you plot to make a gratuitous PC point.


I would never! Probably. I think.

2. Yeah! Sophie's back and you gave her green eyes. I am trying to see into how many syllables the exclamation D@mn!! can be stretched.


She was already established as having green eyes, but, as I recall from your review on the subject from TTM, you get excited about them every time.

Oh goodness?? See item two on drawing out a single syllable word.


Not quite Scott and Lila's level of cucumber cool, but Sophie isn't a noob.

4. R/Hr and H/G progress. Good, good.


I like to space out my romance. It comes and goes.

5. The locket and its effect on Harry and then Scott. I imagine with Scott's experiences Tom Riddle isn't that much a threat, perhaps more an annoying bother. Poor, poor Harry. Noting like having your worst, and most irrational, nightmares laid bare (pun unintended) before the dynamic love of your life.


Well, the locket attempted to do its thing with Scott (and partially succeeded, as evidenced by the images it projected). And while a Horcrux is only a shade of the real thing, Scott did appear to have to put some effort into countering it.

And, yeah, Harry had a bad night. And given how much he hates having talks about his feelings, it's about to get worse.
  Quote
Dad
Wednesday 20th November 2013 10:22


Hogwarts alumni
Num. of Reviews: 480

11: When We Remembered Zion
Oddly enough I read an article this week about how all the top box office films fail the Bechdel Test. So if you fail it, you must be heading for some big money.
Caleb Nova
Monday 2nd December 2013 06:57
11: When We Remembered Zion (Author Response)
And you said I wouldn't amount to anything, Dad.
  Quote
monkeyboy
Tuesday 19th November 2013 09:31


1st year
Num. of Reviews: 1

11: When We Remembered Zion
Good chapter, but that seems to be pretty much the standard by now. The only reason I come on phoenixsong anymore is to check for an update to this. As for the political correctness... @&$# it. One of the reasons why I like this story is because it is genuine yet entertaining. This isn't a PSA where we have to be all inclusive to protect people's fragile sensibilities. Hell, even when Scott is being outright chauvinistic he is extremely blatant and obvious so as to call attention to how sarcastic and humorous he is being. I say keep on keeping on and thanks for bringing us this awesome fic.
Caleb Nova
Monday 2nd December 2013 06:57
11: When We Remembered Zion (Author Response)
I agree, and as indicated I'm not especially interested in political correctness. The musings on the test were mostly related to my wondering about my portrayals of female characters. I think it's something that's good to consider every now and then, being male. Keeps me focused.
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