I really enjoyed this chapter. Ron is my favorite character and I love the very real sense I get when reading his sections. "Bloody Hell" has become my favorite saying, I can just hear him saying it. Great job.
I like the battle of the snorers
'Harry remembered his first summer at the Burrow' -- what about the showers at Hogwarts?
'that’s just as bigoted and narrow-minded as the Malfoys’ view of Muggles' - Yes; and I think JKR intended that
'I think Dudley and Malfoy could have actually been mates' -- is that 'prophetic' as Dudley is now a magician; though I guess its not likely as Dudley would be a mudblood, and we know how Malfoy feels about them.
' Priori Incantatum ' -- I think you mean Prior Incantato , the spell to see what the last spell a wand was used for. And then there's Priori Incantatem which is not a spell but the effect produced when 'brother' wands are used against each other; unless you're creating a new spell?
It looks like Hermione has taken on a new project; instead of the house-elves, it's the Dursleys -- looks like she's having the same measure of success
'I’ll be of age in a few weeks' -- so they're leaving before his birthday; wouldn't it be wiser to stay at Dursleys while he has the magical progection?
Go Ron; you tell 'em.
'He could see a crude drawing of a birthday cake with candles drawn in different colors with gradual improvement in the drawing. He remembered adding to it each year on his birthday' -- very moving picture.
I really liked this chapter. Hermione's persistence to befriend the Durlseys was typical. I love reading loyal!Ron and the ending was perfect. For Hermione to lose her control to the point of using one of the Prince's spells on a Muggle was priceless.
Boy, you did a wonderful job with the garden scene. Just by presenting Dudley with the idea of his potential power you were able to show how terrifying a character he could be with a wand in his hand. Riddle's absolutely the right comparison because Dudley's already proven he's cruel enough to use his strength simply to torment others and because you very convincingly portray a lust for power in him.
Dudley’s eyes gleamed, as if a light switch had just been turned. “I could make them do anything I wanted, couldn’t I?”
That's such a freaky moment, and I just love it because it has so much potential. If Dudley's sudden willingness to stand up to Petunia is any indication, he could make a great background villian. I'll definitely be hoping we see him again at some point in the story.
Elsewhere, I thought you did a nice job keeping Ron and Hermione in character. Ron's quick tongue kept things lively in light of the typical Dursley antics. And I especially liked Hermione's explosive burst of rage at the end. She might typically be the most diplomatic major character in canon after Dumbledore (another point you've brought across well here), but she's also probably the most dangerous when angered. Good job illustrating that.
What I'm not so sure about is all of Harry's internal debates about Ginny. One of the biggest character traits I took out of the last two books is that Harry can be almost completely single-minded when he wants to be, and it certainly seemed like he was entirely focused on destroying Voldemort (and, perhaps, Snape) at the end of HBP. I think Harry's going to resist any potential distractions strongly, and since you seem to be indicating in your author's note that Ginny's going to play a major role, you're going to have to convince me of why he'd let her back in. In that regard, I'm definitely finding your stated preference of angst over fluff encouraging.
Anyway, you've definitely got my curious as to what you're planning next. Thanks again for your efforts!
Melindaleo Sunday 23rd July 2006 02:30
2: When One Door Closes... (Author Response)
Thanks! You will see Dudley again, but you'll have to wait awhile for it. As for my love of angst, I do have to clarify one thing - I love dramatic angst, but not romantic angst. I have no patience for that, actually. In canon, I agree with you - Harry will be too focused on the Horcruxes. Still, JKR did say there was always time for a little romance, and in fanfiction, I like Ginny to be in the story. I just thought I'd give you fair warning.
That was bloody brilliant! (as I'm sure Ron would say) Couldn't help my laughing throughtout the entirety of Rons speach to the Dursleys. It's about time someone did that lol. I love your work so far. It's been a while since I enjoyed a fanfic this much! :-D
That is so nice to have Ron and Hermione as loyal as they are. And it is also very surprising to have Hermione using the Half-Blood Princes spells. Very shocking and very good and well written. Keep it up!