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sonicdale
Saturday 23rd April 2005 07:57 | A Forgotten Love | Wow. If anything, Ron's to the point. And rightly so...
The paragraph after the cafe scene you dip into first person. Stop that.
'... he placed a hand lightly on her waist..." ah. So. Things ARE going to get a bit mushy/fluffy/angsty, I'd expect. Heh.
Oh. They didn't get to see the scenery. Well. I guess this isn't going to last for 25 chapters after all...
good work. | | Saturday 30th April 2005 14:33 | A Forgotten Love (Author Response) | Wow. If anything, Ron's to the point. And rightly so...
The paragraph after the cafe scene you dip into first person. Stop that.
'... he placed a hand lightly on her waist..." ah. So. Things ARE going to get a bit mushy/fluffy/angsty, I'd expect. Heh.
Oh. They didn't get to see the scenery. Well. I guess this isn't going to last for 25 chapters after all...
good work.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Things are far from straightening out... Yeah, I do have some trouble with point-of-view-switching...
*cringe* oops..
~Kari Lynn
| Lulabelle
Friday 22nd April 2005 21:54 | A Forgotten Love | | So what happened in their 6th year to Ron? I'm dying to find out. And where's George? Oh please please please update this soon! | | Saturday 30th April 2005 14:34 | A Forgotten Love (Author Response) | So what happened in their 6th year to Ron? I'm dying to find out. And where's George? Oh please please please update this soon!
Rather big backstories behind everything. And as the previous review said it wouldn't last 25 chapters... I think I'll have plenty of stuff to last me.
Thank you for taking the time to review,
Kari Lynn |
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