aharkins
Sunday 8th June 2008 20:04 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
I really appreciate the fact that Harry is going to wrestle with adolescent feelings. Even heroes have to have doubts about love and relationships.
Good writing (as always). Do you plan on writing professionally? I think you'd be very successful at it. I know I'd buy your books. |
huskers
Tuesday 25th December 2007 07:01 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
One of the reasons I started writing fanfics myself was the belief that Harry was too dominant in JKRs writing. Don't get me wrong I love her story. But, I wanted more of the other characters. So I wrote stuff of my own. So, I never thought I'd say this, but I think you need more of Harry in your story. Even in this chapter, where he makes his biggest appearance so far, he just listens to Remus, and really does nothing. Just my thoughts so far.
One thing you did in your Olivander story was use the line 'Our Hero'. It worked well in that stroy with Mr. Ollivander telling it. Basically you had a narrator. You use that same line for the first time in this story in this chapter. I'm not sure it works so well here. JKR does not use a narrator voice in her writing; and till now, you had not in this story. Again, just an observation. Also, to me, I thought you could have tighten-up'd the conversation between Harry and Remus. It seemed to loop back on itself a bit to me. You made a point in one paragraph, left it, and then made the same point again 2-3 paragraphs later. I felt it could have been better, and that you have done better in the past with some of your other writing.
Still, this story is great fun. And, though I'm no expert, I find little to no grammar errors. Your spelling is very good. You link your tale well, it is well crafted. I'm sure you must suffer from the same excitment of all fanfic authors and want to get that next chapter out. But, you don't let that desire override the desire to do a good job. It is nice to see. Keep up the good work. |
Trulle
Monday 5th November 2007 14:06 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Hum, so far this story is quite good.
I had to struggle a bit at the beginning, but I do so with every story.
Interessting turns, hadn't expected Moony to be that HARD with Harry.
Excited to read more. Keep up the good work
Thanks |
daniel_r_crazy22
Friday 22nd December 2006 10:56 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
| Wow. Luna? Didn't see that coming. Very godo chapter. And Moony as a guardian. Of course. I see that. Harry needs him, just like Moony needs Harry in a way. |
GryffindorDragon
Tuesday 12th September 2006 17:15 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
"the Boy-Who-Was-Suffering-From-Mild-Depression" -- that's a new one . Very good, but a bit slower (though understandably so).
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noylj
Wednesday 2nd August 2006 21:08 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
| Maybe you could explain what a loud-mouth jealous jock and a nagging, bossy, know-it-all bookworm see in each other. I know that R/Hr is almost canon fact, but just what do they see in each other? |
willow
Friday 7th April 2006 08:22 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
whoa...
i think that about covers it!
on to the next chapter... |
sonicdale
Saturday 10th December 2005 12:12 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Very nice.
I read the original three chapters a long time ago, and am liking this new chapter muchly.
While I was shocked at Lupin's approach to Harry, it was needed. War is war, and mucking around in your woes will get you killed. Harry needed to be jolted out of that.
Good idea with the 'permission' for Harry to be away from his aunt's house. Petunia is shaping up to be a bit nicer now - hopefully it will be better.
Good work. Looking forward to Harry struggling with his love life like most of us guys do. |
millercommamatt
Monday 5th December 2005 15:10 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
I'm glad that you've decided to continue this story. The beginnings
were exciting and unique and I'm curious to see how you'll continue
that into a more extended story. Good luck writing. I've added a few
brief comments below.
-millercommamatt
"When she passed him, Hermione noticed one of his multitudinous pimples had just popped under the stress of Bill's admonition"
Now that's just gross.
"...you have been a hero since the day you received that scar, and you've been heroic ever since."
This is a redundant phrase.
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amamama
Monday 5th December 2005 04:04 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Great chapter! I really enjoyed the various conversations, Ron's thrill
at seeing Hermione, your take on father Lucius. You're quite
right, he is detestable, but you made him into a believable
father. Draco's reactions were heart-warming, he is human after
all. Now I wonder what he's writing in that letter of his.
Remus' words to Harry, that he needs to unite with his enemy to fight
the greater enemy makes me wonder if we'll indeed see them on the same
side, fighting Voldemort. I found Remus' long talk to Harry hard,
but not out of character. As he said, it hurt him to have to say
it. He loves the boy and knows he needs to get his mind rolling
in the right direction - and he's the one to do it, because Harry cares
a lot for him too, and he's the last link to his parents.
Harry/Luna is going to be interesting - love the last sentence of your
A/N! You guys might be dense, but we do love you. Then we
have Steph and Sylvia Granger, and I do wonder what you have in store
for them. They would make great fight instructors... so I look
forward too seeing what happens.
As always, I loved it, and I look forward to the next chapter.
You really are the master of action, I know no other fanfic author who
write such believeable fighting scenes. Thanks for sharing!
Berte
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unople
Monday 5th December 2005 02:22 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Wow. nice new chapter. I read this story before, and then saw your email begging me to re-read it ;-).
I think it's an interesting story, keep it up. sorry this isn't a better review, I am tired, and need sleep :)
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Aberforth's Avatar
Monday 5th December 2005 02:17 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
I enjoyed this chapter very much. I liked your original piece, and the prologue served well to announce your intent to base a longer sory on it; but this chapter gives us solid evidence that the longer story is going to be well worth our readind.
I especially liked Remus in the role of the Ghost of Screw-ups Past. I am not wholly sure that some of what he said is how I'd see Remus getting that message across, but Remus is a good choice as messenger for that particular message. I also enjoyed the frankness that Dumbledore displayed. I hope that he can follow through with his intent of being more forthcoming with Harry. It would be nice to read a story in which Albus can actually accomplish that particular aim.
I very much look forward to reading more of this story. Thanks for sharing it with us! |
Bucktavius
Sunday 4th December 2005 19:41 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
great story. lots of detail and a good length of each chapter.
you write harry very well. also, you have a different take on the
Potterverse which is refreshing, and you manage to avoid the pitfalls
that writer sometime fall into who also attempt a different take on HP
world. very nice
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Machiavelli Jr
Sunday 4th December 2005 13:04 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Exceeds Expectations so far, though I don't know whether the South Essex reference is simple ignorance or subtle Irishness - I know 'never assume malice where ignorance will do' but the Devil's Own were very upset with Mr Cornwell stealing their thunder. Harry/Luna always fun, Remus speech very harsh for him - Moody would say that but Remus is fundamentally too nice - and Dumbledore a proper mix of father-knows-best, supreme self-confidence and the admission that he's really messed up this time. I'm going to enjoy this fic, though I question Draco having the guts to do anything as dangerous as working for Dumbledore [that was the subject of his letter, wasn't it?]; turning Queen's Evidence would be more his line, though I'm not sure what wizards would call it as they don't acknowledge the Queen. Ministry Witness, perhaps? Anyways, top fic and KUTGW. |
hewithnoname
Sunday 4th December 2005 03:03 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
| I have liked this from the start. I'd always pictured the Grangers as the not so helpless couple. You have proven this and for that I thank you. I can remember when this first come out and was dissapointed when the chapters didn't come thick and fast. (I read it on the other site first. lol) But now this is out I look forward to more chapters. |
J.R. Lewis
Saturday 3rd December 2005 22:00 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Keep it going. I loved the original Granger story and this is just adding to it and making it better!
Of course we know that H & G are going to get together, but a quick round of H & L should be interesting as well.
I do have a pang of curiousity as to what the Grangers will do in the
Wizarding world as a job. I could understand Mr. Granger teaching
defense, but what about Mrs. Granger. Don't leave my curiousity
hanging... please.
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