SpellBound
Friday 19th October 2007 19:21 | The Squib |
I loved all of the dialogue. It was all so realistic. It's good to know Laura has a weak side. You did a great job in expanding her character, she's more that just a socialite now; Thanks I needed that.
Ben and Zoe are so cute they remind me of the biginning of all new relationships. Bert makes me sad, I love his twin relationship but at the same time it seems like thats all he has, he needs something more...
sherellyn |
dogstar
Saturday 7th July 2007 12:09 | The Squib |
| There's a lot happening! I think I'm going to *have* to keep reading in case I forget where I am Yay! Bert was cool about Zoe. |
| Saturday 7th July 2007 13:01 | The Squib (Author Response) |
Too much happening. I keep forgetting when I'm writing and I find it hard to pick up after a break. I think I put lots of things in because I'm scared I won't have anything to say in a chapter.
Bert is cool!! |
Patches
Wednesday 25th April 2007 09:28 | The Squib |
| Ok, Bert is going to ask Uncle Harry difficult questions about the war and he is giving Ben his blessing to date Zoe. Quite impressive. I look forward to the rest of this story. Thanks for writing. p |
| Wednesday 25th April 2007 09:38 | The Squib (Author Response) |
| Well, kind of. I hope you enjoy where it goes next! Thanks for continuing to review, it's so nice to hear what you're enjoying about the story. |
Rhetor
Sunday 11th February 2007 20:41 | The Squib |
*Whew* Okay, I'm relieved. Bert & Ben finally had their talk about Zoe, and Laura is finally taking Jack seriously. Took you long enough. I'm sufficiently wrapped up in the characters to feel anxious for how these relatioships will turn out. (I'm starting to like Laura, too, although that's still touch-and-go.)
The shifting POV within the same scene (Ben's date with Zoe, when we've been in his POV and suddenly we're told how he looks (to her?)) is still a bit unsettling. I'm not quite sure why you're doing it.
I noticed some lovely parallel construction, where both Zoe and Laura tell their dates that "you'll have to hold my hand," and get very different responses. That did a lot to show us the contrast between the two budding relationships -- clearly you're showing us their simultaneous development for a reason, and I'm itching to find out what the reason is.
And I've begun to get interested in Bert's subplot, although I truly don't understand it at this point. It seems to me that you're being deliberately vague about what exactly he's finding out, so this is clearly part of the mystery and the tension you're trying to build. (It wasn't immediately clear why Ben & Bert felt they had to go to Uncle Harry, rather than the other five or more aunts & uncles of theirs who've faught the Dark Arts (not to mention their dad) -- but my hypothesis is that it has something to do with the date of the file, which of course is during DH.)
Oh, and I meant to mention that I thought Jack's interplay with his mother about money rang true. (Personally I always pictured Lee as more of an entrepreneur and less of a scholar, but what do I know?)
~Ken |
| Sunday 11th February 2007 21:13 | The Squib (Author Response) |
Dear Ken,
Thanks so much for this. You write reviews that make me want to be a much better writer than I am. I love the way you assume that I've thought about all these things and am doing them deliberately. Some are happy chance and some are less-than-happy chance and a few have involved conscious thought. I shall file away in my mind the things you think worked and the things that I need to concentrate harder on (POV!) for future reference.
I know the Bert subplot (which is actually the major plot, kind of, eventually) is pretty mysterious at this stage, but I promise it gets clearer soon, as does Harry's involvement. I didn't really mean to write a story full of plot and action, because I'm not very good at it, but I had these characters and they kept insisting on having proper things happen to them. In these first few chapters I tried to keep them under control but now I'm at the stage of having to write proper plotty chapters. I keep handing the problems over to Hermione to solve and I'm still waiting for her to tell me some of the answers!
Lee and Holly (and even Jack) are from St Margarets world and you can find their story in Lee Jordan: Tour Guide, which will tell you how and why he becomes a teacher.
I'm so glad that you like my characters and care about their relationships and that you're still reading.
Thanks so much
Ros |
GryffindorDragon
Sunday 3rd December 2006 14:26 | The Squib |
Interesting dates. Bert is rather forgiving .
|
| Sunday 3rd December 2006 15:22 | The Squib (Author Response) |
| Or maybe he just wasn't that bothered about Zoe in the first place? |
Hoss
Friday 20th October 2006 09:31 | The Squib |
| God I do like this fic, keep up the good work. Thanks |
| Friday 20th October 2006 11:35 | The Squib (Author Response) |
| Glad you're enjoying it - keep reading! |
hjdevnull
Thursday 19th October 2006 08:21 | The Squib |
| This is a really interesting story, I'm quite engaged in these new characters you've created. Can't wait to see where this goes from here. |
| Thursday 19th October 2006 08:24 | The Squib (Author Response) |
| I'm glad you're enjoying it. We've a way to go yet for Bert and Ben and the others - I hope you'll stick with it. |
