SomeGuyFawkes
Tuesday 8th April 2008 21:16 | Natural Order |
Well paced, few typos and intelligent... This chapter is great!
There are some plot holes but the story telling more than made up for that.
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narumi
Tuesday 18th December 2007 11:35 | Natural Order |
| Nice, swift movements on Harry's part. Even though I'm only two chapters in, I'm very dissappointed to know that there's only five chapters total! This is a really good setup you've got going, and I'd love to be able to pour over more chapters in greater detail! |
| Thursday 20th December 2007 22:17 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| I suppose if I really worked at it, I could probably have doubled the length. Maybe even as much as tripled it. But there really wasn't any need to. It's a walk through the playground, not an investigation of every toy present. Perhaps it will inspire some (new) thinking of the re-do theory, and a new author will rise up doing a more detailed exploration of the space. While I wouldn't have minded doing something more, in all fairness, I don't want to write more than short bunnies while Echoes is in progress. It just doesn't seem right, so to speak. |
crumplehornedkiwi
Saturday 15th December 2007 21:18 | Natural Order |
| I loved the image of harry frollicking in the daisies! |
| Monday 17th December 2007 00:07 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Glad people are enjoying that, as twisted as it may be. Thanks for the review. |
thwaaack
Friday 14th December 2007 21:16 | Natural Order |
| Oh my...I can just imagine Snape's response to what he saw in Harry's mind. I'm looking forward to Harry's first meeting/corrospodence with Sirius. |
| Monday 17th December 2007 00:07 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| As you may know by now, it's more the first meeting than it is anything else. A lot of the exacting detail has been glossed over to keep the length and scope tractable for a bunny that wouldn't leave me alone during a particularly slow cycle of EoP chapters. Cheers. |
The_Critic
Friday 14th December 2007 20:02 | Natural Order |
| Snape would find himself looking at a naked Harry Potter frolicking in the giant flowerbeds of Hyde Park whilst random Muggles walked right past. He would be able to see Harry eating flowers, rolling in them, and rubbing vigorously against them. Harry had taken particular care to frolic extensively with a set of very vibrant, over-sized yellow daisies. AH! LOL I would pay good money to see that on Snapes face! (your not selling photos are you) AWESOEM! |
| Monday 17th December 2007 00:06 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| If I had photos of Snape after encountering that particular memory, I would post them free of charge. Thanks for the review. |
lantis222
Friday 14th December 2007 08:46 | Natural Order |
Now this Harry I like. Thanks for showing his humanity a bit. I liked that he would forever be haunted by what he did to Malfoy if he let himself feel it. I also like the very perceptive Sorting Hat.
Well done I can't wait to read the next chapter. |
| Monday 17th December 2007 00:05 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Thanks for giving the remainder of the fic a chance. If you focus on the parts of Harry you were concerned about, and read carefully, you may "find the truth" of the matter. If you get lost, though, I've decided to put a map on the end of Ch5 that points out the major turns involved. Hope you enjoy the rest of it. Cheers. |
Chatmandu
Friday 14th December 2007 07:24 | Natural Order |
Ring of Gyges - Huh! Not only are your stories entertaining, they are also educational.
Unity, peace, and prosperity. Dangerous words. Isn't that what Grindelwald and Dumbledore thought about? Or the bait on the hook Riddle used to bring the pureblood families under his thrall.
So we have an insane (but very functional) Harry Potter walking a very fine tightrope. Obviously Harry never heard of Tiny Tim or he would have staged his "memory" for Snape in a bed of tulips. On second thought, the visual imagery from that scene is already disturbing enough. |
| Monday 17th December 2007 00:04 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
Shouldn't any story, on some level, be educational? Conflict, history, psychology, vocabulary, something? Reminds me of that poem -- "Fleas: Adam had'm" -- which, I suppose, was about as minimalist as you could go and still have some educational value (don't stand near Adam).
Ahh, you didn't like the parallels of the promises? And yet, the promises were only to a Hat, not to a wider audience of followers... or is that Hat a follower of some sort? Deep psychological questions lurk therein. As for a tightrope, I'd think it's closer to a straightjacket, but that might just be my preferences coming out a tad. Disturbing imagery is good for the soul. |
girlspell
Friday 14th December 2007 07:15 | Natural Order |
Pettigrew’s head as a doorknocker ...that whole sequence was hilarious. The pièce de résistan was the daisies in thie park. Snape really has his work cut out for hi, but he is razor sharp. Lets hope Harry dosen't get too confident.
Hmm..I wonder what a certain writer would think about the new fortunes of his pure blood family?
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| Monday 17th December 2007 00:01 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Well, if you know that the rat's got rocks for brains, surely a bit of door-knocking would be an honest job for him? Daisies in the park . . . sounds like a cwarbeck fluff special. I should suggest that title to her. Now, Snape is a character. What does he know, and what does he suspect? Hmmm. It's all off the page in the fic, but there are clues here and there. I've bowed to the review rate -- which has greatly surprised me -- and put together a long A/N to explain some of the off-the-page stuff for the uninitiated. Shrug. We'll see how it goes. Almost done now. Glad you're still out there, enjoying the random things that creep forth in the dark of the night... |
nas4a2
Friday 14th December 2007 06:59 | Natural Order |
| i like what happen when snape looked into harry's mind and saw that type of image. so i though it was funny. can't wait for the next chapter. this is looking to be a great storie |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:59 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| I'm glad people are finding the humour in it. I don't know how many knock-offs of it may creep up, but the whole idea of knowing when someone is probing your brain just begs for "prepared" memories to deflect them. I'm sure any relatively disturbed mind can cough up a few thousand ideas, but the daisies were the tamest I was willing to write. |
Memory King
Friday 14th December 2007 02:59 | Natural Order |
| Excellent work, loved how Harry dealt with Wormtail. What will he do with Quirrell, and when? Looking forward to more! |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:57 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Quirrel, Quirrel, wherefore art thou Quirrel? You can expect a full resolution on that topic very, very soon now. Of course, there's only a couple of chapters left, so you'd expect it soon regardless. Cheers. |
Wolfric
Friday 14th December 2007 01:20 | Natural Order |
| Good chapter. Malfoy wrapped in lead at the bottom of the lake certainly works for me. A fitting end for all who enjoy tormenting others. I am quite curious as to how many "pure bloods" will buy their way free so that Harry has to deal with them in some other fashion. Thanks for writing. W. |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:57 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Ah, the pure bloods and their financial wherewithal. By now, you should know where that leads, in Ch3 and Ch5, but . . . at this point, it's still a bit of a question. Glad you're still enjoying it, despite the fleeting sanity behind it all. |
johnapple
Friday 14th December 2007 01:05 | Natural Order |
| Wow! What a wonderful story you are writing. Thank you for sharing your talent. I look forward to more. |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:56 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Glad you're enjoying the story. It's a bit over the top at times, but it was fun to write. |
skippy agogo
Thursday 13th December 2007 23:42 | Natural Order |
| Bwa ha ha! Very well done, well written and enjoyable take off of viridians nofp. Looking forward to the other 3 chappies of this slapshot short. |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:55 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Slapshot? That would be one spin on it, but it's a valid way of looking at it. Glad you're enjoying it. What will you think of the next time you pass a bunch of yellow daisies? Cheers. |
Arnel
Thursday 13th December 2007 23:40 | Natural Order |
| Oh, justice is very sweet the second time around! I love Petigrew's fate and that of Umbridge, Crouch and Fudge. It's rather ironic that I read of Draco Malfoy's entombment while listening to a broadcast of Modern Marvels on the History Channel that was dedicated to torture devices. I just hope that all of Harry's scheming doesn't backfire on him. I think my favorite part of this chapter is the fact that Harry befriends Rita Skeeter so early in the story and uses her to make sure people know the truth. Well done. I'm looking forward to chapter three. |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:54 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| Modern Marvels is an amusing program. Sometimes the trivia you can pick up from it is pretty neat, but I think I learned a lot more back in my undergrad years when I was in the History of Technology classes. A bigger bunch of geeks is hard to imagine, but we got really excited about spring steel... At any rate, glad you're amused and enjoying it. I wanted it short to explore the idea and show what was possible, rather than go through every detail carefully. That's what my other story is for, although the premise is far from this one. Cheers. |
blue artemis
Thursday 13th December 2007 22:42 | Natural Order |
| That was fun with Snape. But wow, Harry really should have thought through what the hat wanted. |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:52 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
| I'd ask the question of whether anyone could possibly guess what the hat wanted? Especially while in the middle of a sorting? |
brad
Thursday 13th December 2007 22:19 | Natural Order |
My exclamations of 'good grief!' must continue ... cavorting with giant daisies in Hyde Park?!?!?!
On the serious side, this was interesting - "then he could take the steps he planned on to eliminate his future knowledge". What, is Harry going to obliviate himself, so as to put himself on a level playing field with his peers? Hmmm. Makes sense ... I mean, if *I* knew I was destined to end up with Ginny I'd obliviate myself too ... :-)
I'm sort of surprised that Harry hasn't killed Quirrel already; what's stopping him? Horcruxes, I suppose?
Curious as to what the hat's going to do with, or ask of, Harry, at the end of this story. |
| Sunday 16th December 2007 23:52 | Natural Order (Author Response) |
Brad, watch out, you're being posses by Charlie Brown! Duck and cover!
C'mon, surely you found that scene in Hyde park amusing. Doesn't it seem like the kind of thing someone would do? I liken it to going into the Dept of Mysteries, breaking the "real" prophecy orb, dropping in a replacement that _anyone_ can pick up, only to have it play back Queen's "We Are The Champions". Can't you imagine V's face at that moment? Or the fun his followers will have at their "success"?
Now, your biases on poor Ginny are showing. Of course, why you're on an H/G site is a tad confusing, given your biases, but that's okay. They let me post here, and it's pretty clear I'm not entirely stable upstairs, so who am I to point out such minor trivia?
Quirrel is alive for a very good reason. If you think about canon, and what the bit o' snakey is doing vs all those inert other bits . . . mayhaps an answer will pop out at you. And bear in the mind the order of destruction matters, in that ol' snakey has to be the last bit.
The Hat has a role to play. You know I can't write a fic with the Hat just being a hat. No, it has to be The Hat. There's a reason for it, actually, which I'm sure will bother a lot of people. That's okay. I have kevlar clothing with asbestos lining. Cheers! |
