“Where’s Harry?” Hermione asked the Common Room in general. It was 9 PM now, and everybody from sixth year was doing homework.
“Detention with Filch,” Ron replied without looking up from his Potions homework.
“From whom?” she asked again.
“Snape” was the short reply from Neville.
“And why?” she asked impatiently.
“Why? Since when does Snape need a reason to give detention, never mind to Harry?” Seamus countered, eyes looking incredulous.
“Oh! Point taken, Seamus. Sorry!” she answered sheepishly, and went to work on her transfiguration essay.
At 10 PM the portrait-hole opened to admit a strange looking Harry. Everybody looked up to see Harry walking over to them in a kind of stoned manner. His whole demeanour was “Out-of-this-world.”
“Err, Harry, mate, what’s wrong?” asked Ron slightly uncomfortable with the behaviour of his best friend.
“Ron?” Harry asked with a hoarse voice without looking at him. “Will you promise me one thing?” Everybody else in the room had by now noticed Harry’s strange behaviour.
“Whatever you ask for, mate,” Ron assured him.
“Ron, please, promise me that you’ll kill me before I ever get another detention like tonight,” was Harry’s answer still looking off into space.
“Was it that dreadful? Filch at his best?” Seamus asked his mouth twitching into a smile.
“No!” Harry answered still in a hoarse voice.
“No?” Parvati repeated.
“No! It was worse!” Harry answered, looking at her and blushing furiously.
Hermione watching this conversation had caught Harry blushing while looking at Parvati.
“Uhm, Harry, do you mind me asking: What is the connection between a detention given by Snape, served with Filch, and blushing while looking at Parvati?” Hermione asked in her well known ’you’re-not-getting-out-of-this-so-easily‘ voice.
“Uhm, Harry, why you’re looking at me?” Parvati asked cringing under his gaze.
“Black lace string-Tanga and Push-Up-Bra, C-cup?” Harry whispered without taking his eyes from her.
Parvati blushed furiously at his Question giving him the answer.
If anybody hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation up to this point, Harry now had the attention of the entire table. Seamus looked at Parvati, her blush, Harry’s blush, the question asked and caught the meaning of this all. He gave a low whistle and an admiring gaze towards Parvati. A few seconds later the rest of them seemed to have also caught up.
“Harry?” Ron asked in a choked voice. “How do you know, what kind of underwear Parvati wears?” It was obvious that Ron, along with every other male at the table, was struggling hard with the images Harry had conjured with his question.
But Harry hadn’t heard his question and turned to look at Hermione with wide eyes. “Both red cotton, B-cup?” he asked.
“Yes, so what?” Hermione answered indignantly. “How do you know that, anyway? Were you peeking into the girl’s showers? I wouldn’t have thought you’re such a pervert!” she nearly screamed.
“No!” Harry replied in a still hoarse voice. “That was my detention tonight!”
Stunned silence followed Harry’s answer.
“Errr, the girl’s underwear was your detention tonight?” Hermione asked confused.
“No, not the girl’s underwear. I had to help out in the laundry room tonight!” Harry replied looking again out of space.
With a wicked grin Seamus leaned over. “So, let me get this straight. Your detention tonight was to help out in the Laundry room, and you got to wash the girl’s underwear? Man, I would pay for something like that!” he said chuckling while getting swatted by Parvati and Lavender.
“No, not exactly. Yes, I had to help out in the Laundry Room, but I wasn’t the one doing the girl’s laundry. That was Dobby!” Harry answered, still with his mind some light-years away. “I only noticed that the laundry was divided by house, year and gender, and to top it all, everything had a tag attached to it saying to whom it belonged.” As he looked over to Lavender he suddenly sat up boltright, as if a sudden thought had struck him. Everybody at the table noticed his eyes going wide as saucers while looking at Lavender. He didn’t hear as Seamus whispered to Dean, that they would now find out what kind of underwear Lavender wore.
”Really?” Harry asked Lavender in an unbelieving voice. Lavender just smiled without blushing.
“Yep, really” was her smooth answer.
Harry shrank back into his chair covering his face with his hands.
“Harry?” Seamus asked grinning. “Now that we have Hermione and Parvati down, it wouldn’t be fair, if we only know about those two without knowing about Lavender.”
“Seamus, are you sure you want to know? Lavender, you don’t mind?” Harry asked.
“No, Harry I don’t mind” Lavender assured him smiling honestly.
“Yeah, mate, I, for one, want to know” Seamus replied with a wicked grin. He had been trying for some time now to find out what Lavender was wearing underneath her robes.
“Ok, Seamus, but don’t blame me, if you’re sleeping like a motorcycle in the future!” Harry answered without smiling again looking into space.
“Err, like a motorcycle?” Seames asked bewildered.
“Yep, like a motorcycle, on your kickstand!” Harry replied and mumbled something afterwards.
“Err, Harry, I don’t think anybody here caught that last thing” Seamus demanded with a grin.
“I said, there wasn’t a pile tagged Lavender Brown” Harry whispered.
It took a few seconds for all at the table to process this information. Seamus choked, Dean whistled while Ron and Neville blushed like brakelights during an emergency stop.
“Why, thank you, Harry. I think I’ll sleep on my back in the future” Seamus said still choking.
“I warned you, didn’t I?” Harry answered unfazed. Suddenly he broke down with hysterical laughter, but it wasn’t the hysterical laughter like when a good joke was told, it was more of that one of an insane person inhabiting the closed psychiatric ward in a hospital.
“Uhm, mate, you’re starting to worry me” Ron said, concern in his eyes while still blushing like a tomato.
“Oh, don’t worry. Just a thought I had” Harry answered composing himself before collapsing again in hysterical laughter. “Come to think of it….”
“Come to think of what?” Hermione asked, now calm again after the embarrassing revelations before.
“Well, you know…. Do you think, Malfoy knows what Pansy is wearing underneath her robes? What do you think his reaction will be like, when I tell him tomorrow?” Harry asked still laughing. Seamus and Dean roared with laughter at that one.
“HARRRYYYYY!” Ron whined. “Why, thank you, Mate. Give me some bloody nightmares, won’t you?”
Harry sobered immediately. “Ron, you’re right, Mate. Oh, what a nightmare! And now you reminded me of Millicent Bullstrode” he said shuddering. At the mention of Millicent Bulstrode everybody else shuddered as well, the girls being slightly green in their faces.
“But Ginny….” Harry whispered wistfully, but Ron caught on to that.
“Harry, Mate, Stop! That’s enough! No more girl’s underwear” Ron demanded a dangerous glint in his eyes looking around.
“OK, Harry. Let me get this straight. You got detention from Snape, you’ve been serving it with Filch, you had to help out in the laundry room, you got a glimpse of the girl’s underwear, and you want me to kill you before you ever get another detention like this one again?” Ron summarized.
“Ron, haven’t you listened? I didn’t do the girl’s laundry!” Harry replied, now with a fearful look, again gazing into space.
“So you did the boy’s laundry?” Hermione asked.
“Why, thank you Hermione. The possibility of doing Malfoy’s laundry as a detention,” Neville cried shuddering causing everybody else to shudder violently.
“No, Hermione, Neville. It was worse. I think I would rather join the Dark Lord than ever do something like that again! Please, Ron, kill me before I have to do something like that again!” Harry answered.
“What in bloody hell did Filch have you to do then, Harry, that you’d rather join the Dark Lord? I can’t think of anything that would justify that!” Ron asked impatiently.