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Author: Serendipity Story: That Muted Sort of Longing Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: WIP Reviews: 3 Words: 100,131
Aside from a slight ripple of interest the first few days, the commotion surrounding Ginny's phoenix had all but died down. The fourth session of her Familiar class had gone surprisingly well, but she was finding herself increasingly worn out. This day's work had found the students guiding their Familiars through an obstacle course that McGonagall had designed to test each animal's particular strengths and weaknesses. Cho's mottled green and yellow lizard (which she would have named Cedric, had it not been for the good sense of Terry Boot who convinced her not to) had taken three tries before it managed to get through. The sight of Susan Bones's timid white mouse entering the course had initially caused stifled laughter from Blaise Zabini but that stopped abruptly when the animal issued a rather effective engorgement charm on itself, allowing it to grow big enough to push away a rock in its path. There was something somewhat terrifying about a ten pound mouse. Blaise's own animal was a handsome purebred Doberman. After spending the first ten minutes of class trying to convince the others that the dog was a young adult, and not the puppy it appeared to be, he then explained that it was particularly vicious so it would be best for the others not to touch him. Ginny thought his speech would have been a tad more convincing had the puppy not been licking her outstretched hand and blinking up at Maeven the entire time, clearly enamored with the bird. "Has a taste for human flesh, he does," Blaise said as he swiftly yanked the dog away from her and turned his attention to Susan, "Best keep that mouse out of his sight too. I can't be responsible for his predatory instinct." He looked exceptionally aggravated less than five minutes later when it became clear that the Doberman's predatory instinct consisted of playfully batting the mouse from side to side, licking it, and whining softly when Susan removed it. Judging from the strained looks on her classmates' faces as they battled with their animals, Ginny reckoned she had the best partner. Maeven was surprisingly easy to communicate with, as the bird had a natural intelligence and instinct that meshed well her own. Unlike the other students who had initially watched their animals blunder about the course in confusion, Maeven needed little prodding to know what was expected of her. Ginny soon found that the one sticking point was when they disagreed on something. She was still struggling with the concentration required to communicate with a sentient, non-human creature and birds seemed to have a quicker thought process than most. One obstacle in the course consisted of a rather narrow passage coupled with a wind charm. After a few unsuccessful attempts to navigate through, Maeven tilted her neck and indicated that she planned on flying over the hindrance. Unfortunately, Ginny could clearly see above the passage from where she was standing and there was a sticking charm there. If her phoenix flew into it, she'd be transferred back to the start. The difficulty came in conveying that information. ‘Through. Go through. Not over. Through.' Beads of perspiration started to appear on her forehead as she cleared her mind and repeated the message like a mantra, focusing on the purple phoenix's eyes. Maeven fluttered to a stop, but the skeptical feeling that instantly struck the back of Ginny's mind made it clear that the message wasn't fully penetrating. Changing tactics, she tried to visualize the sticking charm and hold that picture in the hopes that that would make more sense. After several seconds of no response and an increasing sense of anxiety, she gave up. As a final effort, she attempted to convey the danger in emotional terms, reinforcing her initial request with what she hoped felt like trust. She likened the effort to swimming with her eyes open underwater. In response to her attempts she saw colors and a few indistinct shapes, but little that made any discernable sense. She gritted her teeth from the exertion. And suddenly, for all of a moment, everything snapped into clarity and it was as though Ginny could see the passage directly in front with her. Just as soon as it appeared, it disappeared. Luckily, the vision seemed to have some impact on Maeven, who renewed her efforts at forging ahead. Once she emerged, ruffled and harassed on the other end, she spotted sticking charm. Ginny felt a prickling sensation that felt a bit like gratitude. The next thing she felt was Professor McGonagall's hand come to rest gently on her shoulder. "Good job, Miss Weasley." Her voice sounded warmer than usual and Ginny felt the happy thrill of a job well done. Exhausted by the time the bell rang, she pushed open the door of the Transfiguration classroom and joined the stream of Hogwarts students on their way to their first class. A short way down the hall, her progress slowed to a full stop. She wrinkled her nose at the crowd swelling around her and found herself wishing she'd taken one of the more obscure passages to Charms. Now she was going to be late. There appeared to be some sort of bottleneck effect taking place at the door to the stairs. Someone shouted ‘Fight!' just as one of the Ravenclaw prefects pushed his way past her. Whatever it was, she hoped her friends weren't involved. "Hey, Gin. Nice job in class today." Ginny glanced over and noticed that Susan had come to stand beside her, looking distracted. She followed the other girl's gaze to where Blaise was located, five or six students ahead of them. He was in deep conversation with another boy. "Lovely boy, that one. I've often wondered what side his bread is buttered on." Ginny nearly choked with the sudden urge to laugh. "You wouldn't happen to know, would you, Gin?" "No, actually. Sorry. I couldn't even wager a guess." "Pity." She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. Susan after Blaise? A Hufflepuff and a Slytherin? It was a bit like a chipmunk lusting after a snake. "Oh, but he's just beautiful, isn't he?" And, for the first time, Ginny tried to step back and regard Blaise Zabini as something more than just a Slytherin. He was tall-a good deal taller than Harry, as a matter of fact- with a lanky frame. His hair was a rich brown color that seemed permanently set in a polished, aristocratic wave off of his face. (Again, nothing like Harry's shock of messy dark locks.) His features were a bit too chiseled for her liking, but something about his chin and nose leant an overly-sharp look to him that detracted from what would otherwise be a classically handsome face. Ginny found that endearing somehow. "Love his eyes," Susan murmured, "That gorgeous, murky green. Like sea glass." Yes, the eyes were an interesting bit. They were much softer than one would expect with such strong, dark features but they worked to somehow balance his appearance. "Yes, quite handsome." Ginny wanted to add that he reminded her of a younger, less bitter version of Professor Snape but chose not to, given the fact that Susan would likely take that observation as an insult. Unlike her brother and his friends who still considered their Potions professor a ‘greasy git', Ginny had always sensed the tinge of sadness in his harsh demeanor. When she coupled that with the unyielding support he received from Dumbledore, she started to suspect he was a better person than he made himself out to be. Finding him at the Black mansion as a part of the Order the summer after her third year was the ultimate vindication of her opinion. She also hadn't missed the subtlety with which he acted to stop Crabbe from choking Neville after Umbridge had caught them in her office. Her own fierce protectiveness of Neville meant that he had sealed himself into her good graces that day. A part of her also strongly suspected that there was something about his tragic, tormented past that appealed all too well to her romantic sensibilities. "Oh no," Susan abruptly bumped into her arm and ducked as Blaise half turned towards them. "Oh no. I think he just looked at us. Oh no." Ginny pondered briefly whether or not she had been like this with Harry. It was a wonder he spoke with her at all. "You do realize he's looked at you before, yes? I'm afraid the secret of your existence has long been out." "Mocking me now in my moment of anguish? Oh, you're heartless." Susan's light blue eyes sparkled with good cheer. "Listen, I've got to get to Arithmancy. This'll be the second time this week I've been late and you know how Professor Sinistra gets. Good luck with the Quidditch tryouts this afternoon, though you won't need it. They'd be mad not to take you." And with that, she pushed down the hall in the opposite direction, undoubtedly fighting her way back to access a different route. An odd flutter started up in the pit of her stomach as Ginny realized she hadn't really given the Quidditch tryouts much thought. She had been trying not to build it up in her mind. Unfortunately, she found after her conversation with Harry that she ached to play and would feel very badly if she didn't make it back on the team. Maeven's beak slid gently under her ear, a sweet caress aimed at calming her. Smoothing the bird's silky feathers, she picked up her rucksack. The crowd had started to thin enough for her to proceed and she soon found herself moving at a steady clip towards Charms. She hoped Susan was right. ~*~ As Ginny's broken luck would have it, things started off badly the moment she set foot on the Quidditch pitch. Swinging her broom off her shoulder, she was immediately greeted by a very agitated Harry Potter. The sight of him caused her to heart skip two beats and then thud almost violently to catch up. It was horribly wrong of her to admire him physically, but it was almost impossible not to. She hadn't seen him in uniform for nearly a year and had almost forgotten how smart he looked in the Gryffindor red and gold. She noted that he was a good deal more developed than when he last donned the outfit. His shoulders were broader, causing the robe to fall gracefully behind him instead of engulfing his frame as it used to. His thighs were also much more defined and she could almost make out the way the muscles bunched as he strode towards her. Sensing dangerous ground, she forced herself not to think any further. "I'm sorry that you have to try out at all, Gin. I argued with Katie but she won't budge." Paying scant attention to what he was saying, she was instead staring at the bat in his hands. Oh heavens, he'd been helping with Beater tryouts and she even found the rough-hewn tan gloves he wore sexy. Pull it together. "I-it's all right, Harry. Not your fault. Just point me in the right direction and let's get this over with." She was as anxious to do that as she was to get away from him and hoped he'd chalk up her stammering to nerves. Much to her irritation, he decided to escort her directly to where Katie was standing with a clipboard. The blonde girl was shielding her eyes and looking up at a second year that was trying to navigate through the air. "You're banking to the left, Walters. Left. Left, I say! No, your other left…Okay, that's it. Thank you. You can come down now. Down. Down, Walters, come down!" She let out a sigh and looked took a few notes, "Good grief." Her eyes fell on Ginny. "Nice timing. Weasley, you're next." Ginny looked at her nervously. "What shall I do?" "Let's start easy. Your first task is to get in the air. Then follow my instructions." Katie was scrutinizing her board. This was worse than the first time, Ginny realized. Before, the team was in dire straits for players and she'd had nothing to lose by trying out. Now, everyone had seen her play and she already had a sense of belonging. The problem with her solid past performance was that it set up certain…expectations…for the future. Mustering up all her courage, she kicked upwards and shot up until she was thirty feet off the ground. Katie glanced at her. "Okay, that's enough. You can come down." Her heart fell. Over? Already? What had she done? Sinking back to the ground, she heard Harry speaking in particularly sharp tones. "Oh, shut it, Potter," Katie waved him away as though shooing a gnat. Ginny approached slowly. She would force herself to see this through. The Quidditch captain didn't even look up from her notes as she spoke, her voice dry with sarcasm. "Brilliant job, Weasley. Never seen such a clean ascent. Congratulations, you're one of our new Chasers." For a split second, both she and Harry wore matching looks of disbelief. His quickly turned to anger. "But, if you were just going to-I mean-blimey, why force her to go through all that worrying if you had no intention of actually choosing someone else?" "Rules are still rules, Potter." Katie smirked at him, "Even when they're formalities. Now get back to Beater tryouts. Gin, I've left your uniform in your old locker. Practice is tomorrow afternoon at four. Oh, and see if you can find that brother of yours for me. Bloody fool was so nervous he let three of six Quaffles through so I let him stew on the Keeper position for a while. Might have been a tad cruel of me. Don't want him harming himself before our next game, you know." Too overjoyed to be upset, Ginny obediently scampered off and came back shortly thereafter, hauling Ron with her. By the end of the hour, Gryffindor's Quidditch team had added a total of four new official players to their ranks and gained six new people in reserve slots. The pitch was buzzing with a frenetic, happy energy as students dispersed back to the castle for dinner. Hooking her left arm through her brother's, Ginny took a chance and did the same with Harry on her right side. She was pleased when he didn't seem to balk at physical contact and instead playfully jerked her into step with him. Despite some awkward stumbling, they stayed like that all the way to the Great Hall, shouting a rousing, off-key rendition of ‘Weasley Is Our King' every step of the way. ~*~ Dinner was a particularly rowdy occasion this evening, what with the energy of Quidditch tryouts coming to an end. Even students who hadn't made the House teams were relieved it was over and quickly allowed themselves to be drawn into the good cheer by their friends. Ginny all but sparkled with happiness. She felt lighter than she had in a long time and was currently in the process of convincing herself that it had nothing to do with the amount of attention Harry was showering on her. She had been sorry to break linked arms when they entered the Great Hall but was thrilled when he slid into the bench directly across from her. They had been talking non-stop ever since and he hadn't so much as glanced at anyone else. In a way, it was disconcerting to be the focus of those green eyes for so long and she felt the gentle stirrings of a blush starting at the tips of her ears if she thought about it. So, she resolved not to. "Hey, Ginny," Neville tugged at her sleeve so insistently she finally turned to him. "Hm?" "Susan, Luna, and I are going to meet right after dinner because Professor Lupin went over the subject of Familiars in our D.A. meeting this morning and it just seems so interesting I was hoping to learn more. I know you're probably exhausted from Quidditch tryouts, but we'll be in the library for a while. Would you be willing to bring Maeven along when you're done?" Ginny simply stared at him for several seconds before blinking slowly. It was taking time for what he said to sink in, but thus far, only ‘D.A.' and ‘Professor Lupin' had made it. She was having difficulty getting beyond that. "Pardon?" The inquiry was quiet but carried such an edge that Hermione and Ron stopped in mid-conversation. Neville spoke a bit louder. "Professor Lupin covered Familiars in our D.A. meeting this morning an-," "I got that part," Ginny responded, her voice sharp. His mouth abruptly snapped shut and he stared at her. "Okay. W-well, Luna, Susan and I are going to the library after din-," "Forgive me for asking an incredibly stupid question, but since when is the D.A. still meeting?" Neville suddenly looked nervous and glanced at the others as though asking for help but was simply greeted with confused stares. "Well since …that is to say…. since this morning." "I see." The hurt was knife-like and terribly amplified by how happy she had been moments ago. D.A. Dumbledore's Army. She had come up with that name for it. Their meetings had been one of the few bright spots of her fourth year as it was the only refuge any of them had had from terrible Professor Umbridge. She had sealed some of her closest friendships in the time they all spent together. And now, all those warm memories were torn asunder as she realized they had been meeting without her. Neville seemed vaguely ill, "D-didn't anyone tell you? Didn't you get the invitation?" "No." At this particular revelation, everyone at the table suddenly went very, very still. Unfortunately, Ginny's talent as a Seeker transferred itself into every day life and it only took a swift glance at her housemates to reveal who was responsible for that slight. Ron was the one who gave it away. Though his head was pointed down at his dinner plate, she could see he was looking in Harry's direction under half-lidded eyes. Her dark gaze snapped to The Boy Who Was About To Die, but he was dutifully avoiding her and making a good show of shoveling food into this mouth. "Why didn't you send her an invitation, Harry?" The question came from Hermione and Ginny was glad for it, as she wasn't sure she had the presence of mind to ask it herself. She was also certain it wouldn't have come out so civil had she been forced to make an attempt. He swallowed his food before looking up at her. "Well, there wasn't much of a point. The Familiars class meets at the same time." "It would have been nice to have been asked, at the very least." Her voice was strained, even to her own ears. "Sorry." He shrugged casually. A bit too casually. Her body felt numb but her cheeks felt hot and she knew they had turned red in her anger. She couldn't quite bring herself to care. "Did you invite Cho?" The words burst from her lips before she could stop them. And suddenly, she wasn't sure what was worse, the fact that she had just stooped so low as to ask such a blatantly jealous question or the fact that Harry actually had the audacity to hesitate before responding. "Well…yes." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hermione take a slow, deep breath. Ginny's mind flooded with possibilities. There were so many things she could do right then. She could scream at him. She could simply get up and walk away and never speak to him again. Dump her food in his lap. Jump across the table and throttle him. Bat bogey hex him into the next century. A small part of her brain seemed to be urging her to act sensibly, trying to remind her of how much Harry had just done for her at Quidditch tryouts, of how nicely he had been treating her. Calm…calm...calm…But then why the HELL did he invite bloody CHO to something that actually mattered and not HER? "Why?" With so much built up, she was rather disappointed with herself for not managing more, but her voice was quivering dangerously. She felt Neville grasp her hand under the table and the gesture reinforced her strength. Instead of looking apologetic, Harry looked annoyed, "Well, I reckoned she might actually consider it." Ginny had heard many stupid things in her life, but at that moment, she didn't think she'd ever heard anything stupider. "What? What makes you think I wouldn't have considered it?" "Okay," he bit our angrily, "fine then. Ginny, Professor Dumbledore has contracted Professor Lupin to teach a study session based on the D.A. syllabus from last year. Would you like to join?" His mocking tone horrified her. "No!" She fired back at him with equal anger. Even though the response would only confirm his point, it was the lesser of two evils. In cases such as these, the lie was always easier. The truth, that she would have sincerely considered the possibility had she only been asked properly, would simply leave her more vulnerable. "See?" He glared at her as though he couldn't understand the fuss. It was then that Ron caught her eye and the sympathy on his face sent her teetering on the edge. Cry. That's what she was going to do. She no longer had a choice in the matter. Instead of something properly impressive like a scream or something dignified like silence, her anger was shaping itself into tears. Stupid, weak, pathetic tears. Her legs were trembling too much to be of any use and the lump in her throat was growing at such an exponential rate that she was having trouble breathing. Suddenly, she felt a strong grip on her forearm as someone hauled her to her feet. "Let's go." The voice was rough with such anger that she scarcely recognized it. Turning to her savior, Ginny fell into shock. She was so dumbfounded by the look on Neville Longbottom's face, all tears were momentarily forgotten. His mouth was set in a stony frown and his skin was pale from an emotion that had nothing to do with fear. For the first time in his life, there was no stumbling, no clumsiness in his gait. With supreme dignity, he escorted her off of the bench and out of the Great Hall. When they entered the library, Luna and Susan were already there, seated in a back corner. The two girls had clearly missed all the drama, but instantly knew something was amiss when they caught sight of her. Their matching looks of concern was all it took to send Ginny into harsh, dry sobs that she was trying to quiet even as her friends rushed forward in comfort. Part of her realized that Neville had released her arm and slumped down in the stacks, trembling. When she was finally calm enough to relay the story, she saw Luna settle next to him. Unlike with Harry, Ginny didn't have to explain her anger to them. They instantly saw the betrayal inherent in his actions. As Susan set to smoothing her jarred nerves, Ginny heard Luna whisper something to Neville. "That was very good, what you did. Very brave." She laid her head gently on his shoulder and patted his hand in a comforting manner. He simply put an arm around her. It was all Ginny could do not to start crying again. Such wonderful simplicity. Why couldn't she have that with someone? That uncomplicated, easy understanding. It was what she yearned for. What on earth was wrong with her? Turning away, she set her focus on recomposing herself. Though a bit shaky at first, the foursome finally did get around to the original purpose of the meeting and spent a good amount of time focusing on schoolwork. By the time they split off to go to their separate dormitories, Ginny was feeling a bit better but still couldn't quite understand it. She couldn't even begin to fathom how Harry could at once be so kind and so hateful towards her. Just when she thought she had achieved that understanding, that she had found the key to getting past his brooding, controlled personality, he proved her wrong. Perhaps most frustrating was the way the anger lurked at the edges of her mind, keeping sleep at bay for a very long time.
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