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Author: PhredthePineappleEater Story: Mountain Rating: Young Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 4 Words: 2,995 I'm so tired of being here I tried to tell myself that he's gone, and he's not coming back, he's dead. But my mind just won't take it; it was refusing to admit it. After everything that we had been through, love and hate, pain and healing, everything and nothing. I just didn't want it to happen. Suppressed by all my childish fears He cured my fears of everything, of him, of me, of dark, of light. He was the dream husband, and I got to marry him. I'm the luckiest girl in Britain, because I got him. I loved him and all, but I guess I wasn't the wife I should have been, because he's dead. Dead and gone. And if you have to leave I miss him so much, like I have never missed someone before. He was so sweet and handsome and caring and everything! I just can't accept it. I should have gone something. I know I should have, but I didn't, and now, it's my fault. It's my entire fault, nobody else's. And to think, I still love him. I know I shouldn't, if I did that to him. It's my entire fault. I wish that you would just leave I can't do anything without thinking about him. He's in my mind night and day, and I just can't get him out of it. It's driving me insane. As much as I love him, he sometimes annoys so much like now. I wish that he would come back. He was an awesome husband, and I want to see his smile once, just once more. He's in my mind forever. 'Cause your presence still lingers here His death stung a hole in my heart. I don't think that I can love again. He was so kind. He wouldn't want me to blame myself because of this. He was always that considerate, caring and wonderful, just like everything that he made. Once he made me a stool for my vanity, it was absolutely wonderful. I wish he was here with me. And it won't leave me alone I can't look out of the window, because every time I do, I see the memories of all those picnics and all that love. I just can't stand it, he's gone, he's not coming back… in even though, I want him to. But he's not, he's gone. And I still love him, and I always will. These wounds won't seem to heal The bed looks so comfortable with him here, but now, I can't look at it. It brings back too many happy memories and now he's not here, and I'm alone by myself. I hate to be alone, knowing that he's never coming back. It's just too hard, I don't understand how I can sob when he gone, but not when my parents go into that demonic world, that evil world. I hope that someone will help me. This pain is just too real My eyes hurt from all the crying. I'm breaking tons of dishes. I'm breaking down, crying all the way. I should have done something, but I didn't. I deserve this, he doesn't deserve his fate, and I'm a horrible wife and person and human and being. I should have stopped him, and told him, but I didn't, and it's my fault. There's just too much that time cannot erase The pictures on the mantle are wonderful and all, but too many memories flooding back. Pictures of our wedding, honeymoon, of the birth of ours kids who are sleeping. It's just too hard to take. It wouldn't be long until I break down again. It's my entire fault. Someone, help me… When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When he cried, I would always help him, but now, there's nobody to help me. I try to help myself, but nothing helps. I just can't handle it. He was all that I ever cared for, he was my life. I can't handle it. If I could go back and change this, I would in a split second. He's dead, he's gone, and he's not coming back. When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I don't know how the kids are going to take it; their dad is dead, and never going to come back. I knew that Larry would probably be sad and refuse to eat. Linda would probably start crying. Harriet probably wouldn't understand, because she is a baby. It'll be hard, breaking it to them, but I know that I have to. It wouldn't be right if I didn't. That would be pure evil. And I held your hand through all of these years Writing doesn't even numb the pain, which usually helps in these situations, but not today. I guess this is just too big for something to help numb the pain, even though, I wish that my pain would just float away, but it wouldn't. I'll have to deal it. I need someone to help me get through this, but it seems like nobody liked my marrying him, but I loved him. If you can't marry whom you love, what's the point of marriage? I wish my siblings would understand that, but they don't, and I'm all alone, by myself, with nobody. I can't help but blame my siblings for leaving me alone by myself with nobody. But you still have all of me I wish that my parents hadn't died, but they did. Hoping won't change anything, it tries to numb the pain, but it just spits it back out at you without even considering your feelings. Hopes never come true, like my hope that he would never die. It didn't happen. I wasted my time, hoping like that. You used to captivate me by your resonating light The light in our marriage was the thing that my siblings never seemed to understand. I was always trying to show them that I really did love him, but they always threw my opinion out the window. They just joked and teased him. I guess that's how it's supposed to be. Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind He was so considerate of my feelings and hopes, I miss that in him. He's in my mind. I just wish that I could get over him. He's dead, and he's gone, and he's never coming back. I guess that I should find someone else, because he's never coming back for the kids or me. He's wonderful, but he's not a hero. He's a hero to me, but he probably couldn't do that. He's dead, gone, and never going to come back. Your face it haunts I just don't want to believe that he's actually gone. He was the love of my life, and I don't know what to do. All I ever wanted was to be with him, since I first saw him, to be with him forever. It didn't happen. I just don't want to believe it, but there's no point in just hoping that he'll come back, because he wouldn't, he's dead, gone. My once pleasant dreams I have been having nightmares ever since he died, and they just wouldn't go away. Of course, I don't scream out or anything, but I wake up more exhausted than before I went to sleep. This just won't stop haunting me. It's not fair, but then again, life's not fair, taking him away from me so soon. It's just not fair. Your voice it chased away It's been 5 years since our wedding today, but he was already gone, dead, and never coming back. I tried to celebrate without him, but it just wasn't the same. I'm a widow, not a married lady, but he would have wanted me to be happy, and being married made me happy, but he isn't here so I can't be. I wish that he were here. All the sanity in me I don't really feel sane anymore. It's like he took my sanity with him. I want him back so much, but I know that that's not going to happen anytime soon. Actually, it's not going to happen at all. I'm going to be insane all the rest of my life, my horrible, no good, terrible life without him. I'm going to miss him so much, and the kids are too. These wounds won't seem to heal Trees remind me of him. They sway and sway, but they don't break. I wish that I could be more like them, but I'm already broken, so how would help me? It won't bring him back, it wouldn't stop the tears, and it wouldn't stop the world from turning. It's no good. I'm just a snapping ruler that a little boy bent too much. My backbone's broken. This pain is just too real I'm like a mountain, standing tall at first, and then wearing down to the ground. Bringing him back wouldn't stop me from wearing down; it would slow down the process, not stop it all together. I'm a weakling, not being able to stop crying from the pain. It just wouldn't stop coming, it wouldn't show mercy on me, a poor weakling like me. I'm responsible for his death, and I can't believe myself. There's just too much that time cannot erase But together, with a mountain and trees, we're the perfect couple. Too bad that it ended so soon, so soon that the trees weren't even saplings, not tall elegant beautiful maple trees. And I'm just the mountain standing there, shrinking slowly, but surely, still shrinking, becoming smaller and smaller until I'm nothing with him. The trees protect the mountain from erosion, just like he protected me, but now he's gone, and I'm shrinking. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears Without him, I'm nothing, but I still try to be something even though I'm not. I just can't get him out of my mind. He's everywhere I look, and everything I imagine. He's wonderful and caring and kind and handsome, but sometimes he really easy to get annoyed at. As much as I love him, I wish that he would stop haunting me, like a wolf haunts a lamb, a kind and gentle lamb, and then, the lamb snaps and gets eaten. Somehow, I feel like he does that to me. I know it's impossible for someone who's dead to haunt someone else, but I can't explain it, it's like his memory is hurting me. But it's impossible for a memory to hurt, except in the feelings, but I feel like I've been kicked and punched, but I can't see anything visual wrong with my body. I feel so stupid. When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears Nobody understands, they all think that if I married the one who loved me the most I was horrible, no good, terrible, and ugly, but he always stood up for me. Who is to stand up for me now that he has died? Nobody I guess, because they're not my husband. He was. I held your hand through all of these years He was always completely faithful to me, as faithful as it gets. I was happy and all, but I always took it for granted. Now, that he has died, I feel so greedy and selfish and horrible and terrible and no good and rotten and everything else. I mean I should have known that this might happen, but I didn't even think about it, and now he's gone, and I feel like I was a complete jerk and an idiot and everything else. I can't believe I would take something so valuable and take it for granted. I know I shouldn't blame myself or anyone for what happened, but it feels like I killed him when I didn't, but I don't know what to do in this situation. I feel like I did it… even though I didn't. I feel like it was my fault… even though it wasn't. It seems like he's never coming back because of me, and I just can't handle that. I wanted him to live forever, but he never got the chance because of me. I should have stopped him, but I didn't, and now, he's gone. I know I shouldn't have let him go, and now… I don't think I can handle it. I don't know if I can love again, because I might take that love for granted too, just like I took his love for granted. I don't want to break anyone else's heart like I've broken my own, but it's so horrible. I need someone to love, but can I ever make up with myself to love again? It seems as though he's my only love, and I can't live without him, but I can go on, I must go on, for Larry, Linda and Harriet, but it seems too hard. They need a father, and with him gone, he can't do the role. I guess I'll have to found someone else to love like I loved him. But you still have all of me I hope that they understand it what I'm going through, I can't be the mother I am if I'm crying all day and night, and that's just not fair to the kids. I'll need some help, but it's better for the kids, not having a father or a mother. I never want to leave them alone after what happened to their father. It would be just too hard to handle right now. I don't, I won't leave them alone ever again. I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone It's just so hard to relieve and believe that he's gone forever. I just don't want to believe it, and I can't do everything that I want to now, because he's dead. Basically, my whole life revolved around him, he was my hero, the one who saved me from all my fears and I don't want him to go, but he did so I can't complain with God. God give me him and the kids and everything, but did He have to take him so quickly. I miss him like I would miss light and dark. He's all I have. But though you're still with me It's like that he was all I wanted, all I needed, but now that he's gone, it seems like I can't live without him in my memory at every single second. I break dishes now that he's gone, I burn the dinner that he always loved that I made for the kids, and I do everything that you're not supposed to. I feel like a demonic mother now, with him gone. As much as I wish him back, he's gone, dead, and never coming back. I've been alone all along I hope that he thought about me right before he died, it would be so nice and kind and loving, but I know that he was probably too busy worrying about staying alive, not me. I know I sound selfish, but I need him so much, I need him to stay alive. I need him day and night. I'm hopeless without him. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears Yesterday, I was making Macaroni and Cheese out of a box, and I literally started to cry. It's so weird not having him here to help me, and grow deeper into my heart. It's so weird, not having him to help me, and love me even farther than he already does. I hope that he never goes away from my heart, and that I never leave his. When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears He always was there for me, through everything that I tried, in sickness and health, in sorrow and gladness, in horrible and awesome times. He was always there for me, but now he's not, my true love isn't here, and I find myself wishing my life away, just to be with him, dear old him. And I've held your hand through all of these years Everything seemed so evil after he died, everything seemed like it was against me, everything seemed like it hated me, and never wanted me to get over him. I didn't know how I could live without him, but now I understand, I can live without him, because my heart's with him, and I can't take back my heart. It's his forever, and I'm just a lonely woman (widow) without my true love, but he's really inside of me, and I'm not going to let go of him ever. He's my everything, and I can't live without my everything. I'm good as dead without the spirit of him living inside of me, and I'm just a remarkable widow to be able to understand that, at least everybody says that, and I believe them, because without them and him, I won't be anywhere. I would be dead, like him. But I guess that that's not the worst thing in the world. After all, I would be with him and I would do anything to be able to do that, but I wouldn't be able to see the kids. I don't know if I could live without them, they helped me so much when I was severely insecure about where he was and what I wanted to do with my life now that he's gone. I don't know if I could live without anyone that I love. But you still have all of me (all of me) I heard a couple of dishes crash behind me, when I was sitting in front of the deli bar in our house. I nearly knocked over the bar in fright. "Ginny! I'm home!" I heard Harry's voice. I smiled, he survived. He's defeated Voldemort. I swallowed. "Harry, I love you so much!" |