(Disclaimer: This story is based on the stories and characters created by J.K. Rowling and I am in no monetary way profiting from it.
A/N: Thanks to my SQ beta, Elanor Gamgee and, of course, Bring and Fly here at the 'Song . I can't believe how much better you both continually help me to be. Also, I guess I should warn all readers, I'm told this is sweet.)
The image of the young couple blurred and faded, and Harry found himself staring at Lupin over the brim of the Pensieve. His eyes stung, but he was an expert by now at keeping back tears.
"You and Sirius made this?" he asked hoarsely, though Remus had already explained that part when he gave him the gift upon his arrival at Grimmauld Place.
"After you Flooed us," Remus confirmed. "We thought you deserved to see somebody's good memories of your parents. When you were concerned that your mother hated James, Sirius thought you'd like to see how they started going out. It took a little doing, combining our memories into one Pensieve – but Padfoot was up to the challenge. Rather like the old days," he added wistfully.
Remus eyed Harry cautiously. He seemed like he wanted to say more, but was gauging Harry's mood first. Harry waited, finding himself hoping that Lupin would continue and trying to make his face as open and calm as possible to encourage that.
"I wasn't sure if I should wait to give it to you or not. In the end, I decided you could take the bitter along with the sweet. Sirius hadn't wanted to wait until your birthday, so I didn't either."
It was bittersweet to think of his godfather, Harry silently agreed, but having this living memory of his parents, of all of them, made it better. He thought of the way his mother looked at his father when they were alone in the moonlight at the dance, so different from her apparent loathing when they were fifteen. Suddenly, something occurred to him: they were alone in the moonlight. He had been so caught up in watching his parents that he hadn't realized the obvious. Either Sirius or Remus had to have been within view of the scene for him to see it in the Pensieve, probably both of them.
"You spied on them!" he exclaimed in accusation at his former professor.
Lupin had the grace to look sheepish. "Well, that was Padfoot's idea, really. I'm not sure if he was more worried that James would screw up, or that Lily would hurt James. I tried to tell him to not worry about it and pay attention to his own partner -- but James' future happiness was more important to him than a mere girl."
"So he and that Irene were never serious?" Harry asked.
Remus chuckled. "Oh no, Sirius never got serious."
Harry made a face at the pun, but found himself warming to the conversation. Here was an opportunity he had been longing for since the end of his third year: to sit down with his father's old friends and find out about their life, their friendship. The loss of Sirius only emphasized to him the need to ask his questions and savor this moment to its fullest.
"What about you and Beatrice Bennet?" he asked.
Remus' quiet smile faded.
"Well, Bea was two years behind us, and I could never bring myself to tell her … you know."
"I don't think she would have cared," Harry mused aloud, thinking of the adoring way the girl had looked at the younger Remus.
"Perhaps not," Remus sighed sadly. "You're very free of the prejudices that plague the wizarding world, Harry. Her reaction may have been very different from what you imagine."
"Dad and Sirius grew up in the wizarding world, and they didn't care." Harry didn't bother mentioning Peter.
"Well, it's a bit different when one of your best mates is a werewolf than when it's your…" Lupin paused a moment and Harry thought he almost blushed, "…boyfriend." He finished in a way that made Harry wonder if that was the word he had been planning on using.
"What was all that business about how she smelled anyway?" Harry asked, finding himself enjoying the older man's embarrassment.
Remus shifted uncomfortably. "Wouldn't you rather hear more about Lily and James?"
Harry grinned. He did want to hear more about his parents, but just now he was actually enjoying a conversation without being overshadowed by sadness.
"Right now, I want to know about this," he said with a lighthearted shrug.
Lupin sighed and looked heavenward, muttering, "Padfoot and Prongs are howling right about now. Very well, Harry, just remember you asked for it. One of the side effects of being a werewolf is heightened senses, particularly just preceding and following the full moon. As I recall, there was a full moon a few days before my last journey on the Hogwarts Express…"
So far, Harry wasn't sure what the big deal was, "Yeah, so?"
"Oh boy," Lupin took a deep breath and took on his most professorial demeanor. "All species of creatures produce pheromones to entice members of the opposite…erm…sex. Even humans do it, strictly instinctively, but for the most part evolution has robbed us of our ability to detect it -- with a few notable exceptions."
By now, Harry was getting the picture, and could feel the heat of a blush rising up his neck. "Like werewolves?" he asked.
Remus nodded. "Like werewolves."
"So, um… you could tell from the way she smelled that she fancied you?"
Remus looked as if he was considering Harry's interpretation, "Well, I'd say it was a bit more… intense a feeling than that…"
It took a moment for Harry to realize what Remus was getting at. When it hit him he gaped at him.
"Did you…?" Harry couldn't bring himself to finish the question and wasn't quite sure he wanted the answer. In any case, he was grateful that wasn't in the Pensieve.
Despite the embarrassment of the situation, Remus chuckled. "Keep in mind, Harry, that I wasn't always the grubby old bachelor you see now. I was seventeen back then. I did quite a few things I'd rather not discuss and I'm fairly certain you'd prefer not to hear about. Still, there's another side-effect of lycanthropy that kept me from erm…"
"I get it," Harry offered looking away quickly, unable to look at his former professor and not wanting to hear whatever euphemistic term Lupin might come up with for shagging.
"Right – you see, werewolves, like regular wolves, mate for life. That's quite a commitment for a teenage boy -- and, I admit, I was cautious of making that sort of bond with a girl only to be rejected when she found out what I was."
"So you just dumped her?" Harry exclaimed.
"Oh no, I was much more cowardly than that. She wrote to me for several months after I left school and I just never answered. Later I heard she became a healer at St. Mungos after Hogwarts. It didn't surprise me, she always had a healing touch." Remus gazed into the Pensieve, and Harry got the feeling he was remembering much more than was reflected there.
"Don't you think about getting in touch with her now?" Harry asked.
Remus shook off his wistful air. "No, Harry, I'm quite certain a classmate of hers told me she was getting married many years ago. I'll always be sorry I wasn't honest with her, but we can't rewrite the past. It doesn't do to wallow in self-recriminations and regret."
Lupin fixed Harry with a direct stare and he didn't miss the double meaning in those final words. When he began the conversation, he had thought to tease Remus about his youthful love life, but now the mood was serious again. His eyes drifted back to the Pensieve and thought of all that he had lost, that they had lost.
"She never gave up on him," he muttered, wondering why the thought filled him with such mixed emotions. He was glad for his father, of course, for both his parents, but for himself…
"They never gave up on each other," Remus responded, then he peered at Harry penetratingly. "Somebody give up on you, Harry?"
"No," Harry answered automatically before Hermione's voice echoed in his mind: Ginny used to fancy Harry, but she gave up on him months ago.
"Maybe," he found himself admitting before he could stop. He frowned in puzzlement. Why did he care that Ginny gave up on him?
"The more fool she," Remus responded with a sympathetic pat on his shoulder.
Harry pocketed away those thoughts for another time and brought his thoughts and the conversation back to his parents.
"They really loved each other." It was more an observation than a question.
"Yes." It was more an agreement than an answer.
"Professor Lupin, thank you for this." He felt the prickling of tears start again, preventing him from even attempting to say what it meant to him.
Lupin seemed to understand.
"There's one last side effect of being a werewolf that you should know, Harry," he said in an offhand manner.
"Oh?" Harry braced himself for something embarrassing and disturbing.
"Although often alone and outcast, we crave the pack. Since I had no siblings, for me that was my school friends. James and Sirius…" They both knew he left Wormtail's name unspoken. "And later your mother. She was right about James, you know, he took us all in and turned us into a family, a pack.
"Anyway," Remus continued, "the thing about a pack is that care for the young is the responsibility of all. As a werewolf, I have no legal rights to take custody of you. You'll be of age in a little more than a year, anyway -- but I want you to know that I'm here for you. If you have questions, or need advice, please try to remember that. There are lots of people who care for you, Harry. I hope you count me in that family."
At first, Harry couldn't speak past the lump that formed in his throat. He merely nodded at Lupin, thinking of how much he always wanted a family. Finally he croaked out, "I'd like that."
"Good," Remus said with a smile. "Now then," he stood up and straightened his robes. "You keep the Pensieve in here for your own personal use. I'm sure you'll want to look at it again later. For now, come to the kitchen. I can tell you about how your father finally told your mother he was an Animagus."
Harry smiled and followed Remus down the stairs, his heart feeling lighter than it had in months.
