The scene opens in the Great Hall. All students and staff gathered together for an early breakfast. The hall is decorated in black and orange, for today is Halloween and Albus Dumbledore has something special planned for the student body.
“Ladies and gentlemen, first of all may I say how happy I am that today is Halloween! As you know, Halloween is a very special day for wizards and witches alike, therefore it is my pleasure to invite you all to the surprise festivities for this evening, not including something special we have decided to do. In true Muggle tradition, this year we will be holding a Halloween Ball. I must say that we have held these balls in the past, but this is the first time in many years that we will relive this exciting event. In addition, we have transformed the Quidditch field into a Halloween maze filled with ghosts, ghouls and goblins.”
Murmurs break out through the student body.
“Not to worry, not to worry,” says Dumbledore. “I assure you that our guests in the maze will not harm you as so many unfortunate incident occurred last year when some of our students would cross our most playful friends. No, this year they plan only to frighten you in the spirit of Halloween. But that’s not all. We have also created a Muggle scavenger hunt to be played throughout the grounds of Hogwarts. You are encouraged to sign up in teams to play this evening. Please sign up with your Head of House before you leave this morning. As a bonus, the winning team will receive a fifty Galleon shopping spree at any store in Hogsmeade!”
Everyone stands up and cheers. Immediately, students begin talking and forming their respective teams.
“One more announcement, please… please sit down,” interrupts Dumbledore. “We will begin our festivities at seven this evening with our special feast here in the Great Hall. At half past eight, the maze, the hunt and the Ball will begin. Our evening will end with a prize ceremony that was utilized many years ago. Tonight we will crown a King and Queen of the Halloween Ball. This will indeed be the best Halloween that Hogwarts has ever celebrated, The rules of the King and Queen winners are as follows. The King and Queen will not be chosen by the number of items that you have found for your team, but by the leadership you display tonight. Our professors will be watching and judging your actions throughout Hogwarts. Those scores will be given to me and later we will be crowning our new King and Queen.”
“This is going to be soooo cool, mate!” Ron says.
“Hold on there, Ron,” Harry replies. “Did you forget that we have a DA meeting tonight?”
“WHAT?” Fred and George cry out. “But it’s Halloween, Harry!”
“I know, I know, but we still have lots to do.”
They all lower their head.
Harry snickers at their reactions. “Well, I guess we can get out a little earlier, say about half past seven?”
“Mate, that gives us just enough time to eat and get ready for the hunt!” says Ron.
“Hold on,” says Hermione. “We don’t even have a team yet, much less a captain.”
“Problem solved,” says Fred.
“Yes, I volunteer Harry as captain,” says George.
Harry cleared his throat quite nervously. “Are you sure about picking me?”
“Of course, mate! Who would be better than you?” replies Ron.
Harry shrugs. “Okay then. Who wants to be on my team?”
“Do you really have to ask?” says Ginny.
“That’s one then,” says Harry.
“Erm, mate,” says Ron, pointing to himself and Hermione.
“With your kind permission Captain, George and I would be most honored to be graced by your leadership and fighting spirit this evening…” says Fred.
“…therefore Fred and I would like to partake in our continuing study of our mentor here as members of your team… in order to study you closer so we can grow up to be just like you!” says George.
Harry blushes and rolls his eyes. “That’s five then.”
A soft, timid voice speaks out. “Harry, do you mind if I’m your team, also?” asks Neville.
“Of course, Neville! I’m glad you want to join us!” answers Harry.
“Neville, where’s Luna?” Hermione asks.
“Oh, she had to go home for Halloween for some reason. She told me to wish you all a Happy Halloween before she left.”
“Too bad,” says Fred and George together.
“What shall we call ourselves?” asks Ginny.
“I saw an American movie on Muggle television a long time ago about a group of seven cowboys. It was called “The Magnificent Seven,” says Hermione.
“I like that name, Hermione! What do you think, mate?” says Ron.
“That sounds fine,” says Harry. “The Magnificent Seven it is then.”
“Okay, I’ll tell Professor McGonagall right now,” says Ginny, who rises from her seat and walks over to the Deputy Headmistress.
Professor Dumbledore is sitting behind his desk chair for the next segment. Fawkes, his trusty Phoenix is sitting on a perch behind him.
“As our story progresses, young Harry has formed his team for the Halloween Scavenger Hunt… and may I say what a formidable team it is. But before we can get to the evening’s festivities, our story takes us to a pivotal point when Harry meets young Mr. Malfoy outside Potions class.”
[CUE PHOENIX SONG]
The sun rises over Hogwarts this morning. Inside, pumpkins are lined along the great staircase. They sing a Halloween song.
Trick or treat! Smell our feet! Give us something good to eat!
“Hey!” says the pumpkin with the evil grin to the pumpkin with the goofy grin. “We don’t have feet!”
“We don’t?” says the pumpkin in response.
“No, you idiot!”
“Men, time to come up with a new song, immediately!” The pumpkins began discussing new lyrics.
Meanwhile, Ron, Hermione and Harry are approaching the door leading to the Potions classroom. Awaiting them already are the faces of Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson.
“Well, look at what we have here. Already wearing your costumes, because those are the most frightening masks I have ever seen,” says Draco.
“Sod off, Malfoy!” responds Ron.
“Weasel, don’t you ever get tired of just telling me to sod off? Don’t you know any other reply besides that one?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” says Ron, rolling up his robe sleeves and clenching up his fists. He approaches Draco, but Hermione grabs onto his arm. Draco pulls out his wand and shoots a hex towards Ron.
Harry pushes Ron out of the way and takes the hex dead on. He falls to the ground with a thud. Pansy blurts out a loud cackle. Neville reaches out towards Draco and pushes him to the ground. Professor Snape interrupts the moment.
“What is going on here?” asks Snape.
“Please sir,” says Hermione, “Malfoy insulted Ron and then shot him a hex, which hit Harry instead.”
“I was only protecting myself, sir,” says Draco. “Weasley was coming towards me to hit me for some reason and I had to stop him. Instead, Longbottom pushed me to the ground.”
“Fifty points from Gryffindor. Potter, get yourself to your home away from home at the hospital wing,” says Snape.
Harry got back to his feet and dusts himself off. “I’m all right, sir. I don’t feel a thing.”
Draco shoots Harry an evil smirk.
“Everyone inside now!” exclaims Snape. The students rushed in to take a seat. Snape moves his way to the podium and clears his throat. “Quills down! I have an introduction to make.” The door to Snape’s back office opens. She stands there also dressed head to toe in black. Her hair is pulled back in a bun, graying quite a bit. Her face is pale and wrinkled. She gives everyone a hard look, never showing any emotion at all. She walks over to the podium and stands next to it. “This is my sister. She is quite excellent in potion making and will assist us throughout the rest of the year preparing you for your O.W.L.s.”
“Professor,” says Pansy Parkinson. “How may we address your sister respectfully?”
Ron turns to Harry and whispers. “He’s got a sister?”
The woman takes a step forward and speaks in a demure, but stern tone. “My name is… Frau Blücher.”
Somewhere in the background, a horse’s neigh can be heard.
Class progressed as always for Harry. He was made the subject of several ridicules by Snape and his sister. To add to the insults, Harry begins to feel a bit clumsy. He drops a few of his ingredients several times, and then when class ends, Harry places all his books in his bag and walks out of the class only to have his bag rip in two, spilling everything on the floor.
Ron and Hermione give Harry a hand. Harry piles everything into his arms and walks back to the common room. After giving the password to the portrait of the Fat Lady, he steps over the threshold and trips, spilling everything once again including himself. Harry looks up to see the common room filled with his belongings. He shakes his head and then places it on the floor with a hard thud.
Professor Dumbledore stands feeding Fawkes a few treats, and brushing his feathers with a gentle stroke.
“Suffice it to say that Harry’s day would worsen.” Dumbledore turns to face the camera. “Ah yes, young Mr. Potter was hit with the Clumsy Curse, which always expires at midnight. Therefore Harry has a long time to somehow deal with his current disability. In the courtyard, Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger were sitting under an oak tree conversing about their lives.”
“Ron, what are you planning on doing with your life after school?” asks Hermione.
“I’ve thought about it, Hermione. I would have liked to be an Auror, but I don’t think I have the courage for the job.”
Hermione slaps him on the arm. “Are you kidding? Of course you have courage! Who played the game of chess when we were looking for the Philosopher’s Stone? Who went down into the Chamber of Secrets? Who went to Aragog’s lair?”
Ron shudders. “Please don’t remind me of Aragog.”
“It’s just that you always find a way to put yourself down. Who cares that you’re afraid of spiders? I hate flying! We’re all afraid of something. Remember the Boggart in Professor Lupin’s class two years ago? We saw everyone’s fears that day.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, Hermione.”
“As always,” she says jokingly.
Ron smiles at her. He looks deep into her brown eyes and lost himself in them. He wished he could only lean over and show Hermione just how much he truly liked her, but he thought that she would reply with the same right hand she’d given Malfoy before.
“Have you seen Harry?” asks Hermione to break the silence.
“No! Last time I saw him he was going back to the dorm to get a new bag. That must have been hours ago,” says Ron.
“What do you think?” says Hermione quizzically.
“Yeah, let’s go,” says Ron, who leads Hermione back towards the Gryffindor common room.
When they entered, they saw spots among spots of dried ink all over the rug. Furniture was turned over. “Harry…” says Hermione with a deep concern. Ron runs up to his dorm and throws open the door. Three of the five beds have collapsed, their canopies torn. The other two beds are burned to cinders. The fireplace appears to be scorched. Ron’s poster of the Chudley Cannons no longer had players flying through. They all appear to be peering around the edge with their eyebrows singed.
“Bloody hell!” exclaims Ron. There, sitting on the floor in a corner was Harry. “Harry mate, what happened?”
“Where do I begin?” says a dejected Harry Potter.
Hermione enters the room in a run. She is out of breath. “The common room is cleaned up and… what happened here?”
“That’s what Harry was going to tell me,” says Ron.
Professor Dumbledore is admiring the sword of Godric Gryffindor before he turns to the camera once again.
“And so Harry tells his friends of his persistent clumsiness. He falls over beds, trying to light the fireplace to relieve him of his cold, but unfortunately the fire got out of hand. During his efforts to put the fire out, his wand performs reverse spells that cause further havoc in the bedroom.”
Professor Dumbledore takes several steps closer to the camera while continuing to speak.
“Ron and Hermione listen intently. Soon after several Reparo spells, they have the dorm looking like new. But it doesn’t end there.” Dumbledore nods his head and winks, as his spectacles are now across the bridge of his nose.
“Mate, are you going to be all right going down the stairs?” asks Ron.
“I hope so,” says Harry timidly.
“I’ll be right in front of you,” says Ron.
And so they go carefully down the stairs, Hermione follows right behind with an arm outstretched on Harry’s shoulder. Ron stands sideways on each stair, waving Harry down carefully. Harry grabs onto the railing with both hands tightly. His knuckles turn ghost white.
“Come on, mate. You only have five steps to go.”
Hermione holds Harry tightly by the collar of his robes now. She is focusing on her friend until she sees a white shadow pass by the corner of her eye. “Hedwig?” she says.
Harry turns to ask Hermione what she had said. That’s all it takes. Harry goes head first right into Ron. His robes tear right down the middle and remain in Hermione’s grasp. Her eyes bulge as the heap, known as her friends, are strewn in unusual positions across the floor. She sighs and blows a strand of hair out of her face.
Ron picked himself up and offered Harry a hand. “All right there, mate?”
Harry did not take Ron’s hand. “Can’t I just stay here until we figure out what’s happening to me?”
Ron laughs. “Not likely. Let’s go.”
Harry gets up and attempts to balance himself. Hermione walks past the two directly towards Hedwig who is hooting for their attention. She brings the trio a large package. Hermione takes the card and hands it to Harry. “It’s for you.”
Harry takes the card and opens it, giving himself a paper cut in the process.
“Who’s it from?” asks Ron who watches Harry suck on his bloody finger.
Dear Harry, Today is Halloween, and Remus and I thought that it was time for you to take your turn as the King of the Halloween Ball, as your father did so many years ago. You may be asking if this is a Marauder joke. I assure you that it is not. Therefore, Remus and I are sending you James’ Scepter. It’s not fancy or anything. In fact, it was made from a Muggle cricket bat. But just the same, it should now belong to you. Bear it in front of all your subjects this evening and declare yourself as “The Great Pumpkin” as you sit in the Halloween Throne of Honor. Some time during the dance, please hand the Scepter over to Hagrid. He will know what to do with it.
Remus also wants to tell you to make the Marauders proud tonight during the Scavenger Hunt. We’re sure that you will be forming a team of your own to compete, so I strongly urge you to get Fred and George to join you and use as many of their jokes as possible.
We are well, and hope to see you during the Christmas holiday.
Love, Sirius and Remus
Ron bore the biggest grin on his face. He tears open the paper to reveal a wooden cricket bat adorned with pumpkin and bat stickers. Ron falls down laughing.
“Honestly, Ron! This belonged to Harry’s dad. Have some sentimentality, will you?” Hermione says in a huff. Harry follows suit and begins laughing as well. Hermione tries her hardest to refrain from grinning, but she soon begins laughing too.
The portrait swings open. Fred and George, along with Ginny, walk into the common room. They stop when they see the laughing taking place. Ginny steps forward and pounces on Ron. She begins to tickle him. Fred and George encourage Ginny to keep going before they stop when their eyes see what is lying on the table.
“Fred, do you know what this is?” George says with wide eyes and his grin expanding from ear to ear.
“Blimey George, it can’t be possible, after all these years!”
Harry begins to calm down and look at the twins quite confused. “You know what this is?” he asks.
“But of course, my Captain,” says Fred. “A true piece of Marauder legend…the immortal Halloween Scepter!”
“See mate,” says George, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, “When your Dad, Sirius and Lupin were in school, Sirius became the King of the Halloween Ball in their first year. Well, your Dad and Lupin of course were on his back about it for so long, that your Dad, after the Christmas holiday, came back to Hogwarts with this piece of wood all decorated with these pictures. He gave it to Sirius during one snowy evening in front of all the Gryffindors in the common room. Lupin arranged this big crowning ceremony and got all the students involved. It was a real hoot.”
“Then,” continues Fred, “year after year, Sirius, Lupin and your Dad began trading off the King title for all seven years they were here. Your dad was the last King that Hogwarts crowned and took the Scepter home with him after graduation. Blimey Harry, we have got to make sure you become King tonight! You must follow in the Marauders’ footsteps!”
“It is a moral imperative!” says George.
Ginny was now stands up next to Harry and begins to tickle him endlessly. The twins, Ron and Hermione join in, chanting repeatedly, “MY KING! MY KING! MY KING!”
Professor Dumbledore stands next to the portrait of his predecessor, Armando Dippet.
“And so we bring to a conclusion of this first chapter. We hope you enjoyed this episode of “Ron of the Dead,” and look forward to welcoming you back next time for another spine-chilling adventure here on Hogwarts Theatre. I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and I wish you a good day.”
[FADE TO BLACK]
AN: The first of several episodes are down and certainly not out! It only get crazier from here.
We stop and bow down to two special people. First our beta, Katie, for still swimming in the ocean of sickness in our heads and still surviving the darkness while laughing. And to our muse Meghan, whose own sick style of laughter carried us through this fabled and twisted journey through Hogwarts.
Again we warn you - as the episodes progress, this story will become quite addicting in nature. Don't worry, it's not illegal. It's just "Ron of the Dead."