Disclaimer: The plotline is mine! Mine, all MINE! But everything else in this story isn’t. It is Jo’s. Aargh!
“Hey, sexy,” Hermione growled lustily, moving towards an unfortunate Harry Potter. “Treat me to a snogging session, will you? You know you want to.”
Harry felt like a mouse about to be pounced on by a delusional cat. “Um, Hermione-” he began. But the infatuated girl in question didn’t let him finish.
“I know you love me, Harry, you don’t have to say it. I love you too, handsome.” Harry, looking wildly around the room to find a means of escape, noticed that Ron looked like he was about to break something. Harry had never seen him look so murderous as he did then. But, as Harry had more pressing matters at hand, he stored the memory of the expression on Ron’s face for careful examination at a more convenient time.
“Professor Snape, will you give Hermione the antidote?” Harry asked loudly. Hermione was now feet away from him. He began to hastily back away.
“Certainly, Potter. But it may take me a while to find it,” Snape smirked. Harry groaned. ‘A while’ could turn out to be a very long time.
“Harry, where are you going? Don’t you want to make love to me?” Hermione inquired innocently. Harry saw Seamus pretend to vomit into his cauldron, and Ron seemed to be gagging; his face was rapidly turning a mottled shade of purple, which reminded Harry distinctly of Uncle Vernon’s face when angry. Harry, very much aware of the dangers of being too close to a girl under the influence of the strongest love potion in the world, continued to back away from Hermione.
The love-sick girl appeared to be near tears. She reached forward wildly, grabbing hold of Harry’s robes and trying to drag him towards her, making wet smacking noises with her lips. Harry sneaked a glance at Ron. He seemed more forlorn than ever. Before Harry could try to figure out what in the world was making Ron act like this, Hermione interrupted his thoughts.
“Why won’t you give yourself to me, Harry? Don’t you love me? Don’t you care about me?” Hermione sobbed, her voice rising in pitch and becoming frenzied. Her face was about an inch from Harry’s when Harry finally managed to yank his robes out of her grasp. He began to reel backwards, tripping over a stool. The last thing Harry remembered before the world around him turned black was something pus-yellow and foul smelling.
o o o O O O o o o
Harry groaned as he returned to consciousness. Slowly opening his eyes, he looked around. “In the Hospital Wing on the very first day of school, huh? Must be some sort of record,” said a teasing voice from his right. Turning around, Harry grabbed his glasses and shoved them up his nose, bringing Ginny Weasley into focus.
“Hey, Gin,” grinned Harry. “What happened?”
“According to Ron, you fell into Neville’s cauldron, which seemed to contain a potion toxic enough to make you pass out, but not dangerous enough to really hurt you,” Ginny explained. "You’ve been out all day."
“Speaking of Ron, where is he?” asked Harry.
“He’s looking for Hermione. As soon as Snape gave her the antidote, she scampered away,” Ginny answered. “I feel so sorry for her…How embarrassing…”
“Yeah,” Harry agreed distractedly. “Listen, Ginny...,” and he told her all about Ron’s reaction to the whole Potions fiasco.
“And I think Ron fancies Hermione,” Harry finished enthusiastically. “Well? Whaddaya reckon?”
”You know what, Harry? I wouldn’t be surprised if you were right! It took you long enough to catch on! It’s been obvious, since, what, your third year?” Harry just stared at her. “Wow . . . Hermione wasn’t kidding when she said you and Ron were the two most insensitive people on the planet. It’s unbelievable that I put up with you . . . Anyway, Hermione spilled that she liked Ron after the Yule Ball . . . what did you guys say to her? She was terribly upset . . .” Ginny trailed off thoughtfully.
Harry reddened considerably. “Er – it was nothing, Gin –” He heard footsteps in the hallway. “Ginny,” he said quickly, “Meet me in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom after dinner tonight. We have a relationship to discuss…”
Before Ginny could answer, Madam Pomfrey had bustled into the room and had started to usher Ginny out so ‘Potter can get some rest.’ “See you tonight, Harry!” she called, and Harry winked at her.