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Author: Bekken Story: Don't Mess with the Best Rating: Everyone Setting: Pre-OotP Status: Completed Reviews: 6 Words: 2,099 disclaimer: It belongs to JKR. Not me. Get it? Seven o'clock Friday morning, Ginny Weasley was rapping on her boyfriend's door. "Harry!" she whined. "Happy Valentine's Day to you, too," came a muffled voice. "What?" "You have to come out here!" she exclaimed. "Wha-at?" Harry asked, as he opened the door. He sighed, and pushed his glasses farther up his nose. "Morning!" said Ginny brightly. Then, to his surprise, her arm snaked behind his back and she was pulling him into a deep kiss. Startled, he responded, pulling her closer. As quickly as it had begun it was over. Ginny was grinning at him. "I told them I could do it!" she cried happily. "D-do what?" asked Harry, who was rubbing his lips. "Kiss you senseless first thing in the morning," she said smiling. "That was nice. Well, see you at breakfast!" Shaking his head, Harry returned to his dormitory. Ginny was…well, she was something. Catcalls greeted him. "Harry!" Seamus exclaimed. "And before you'd brushed your teeth! Bet she got a mouthful!" Dean, ever the prefect, looked at him seriously. "You know that was conduct unbecoming to a Hogwarts student, and I'll have to take off points," he said seriously. Then, breaking into a grin, he clapped Harry on the back. "Good job, mate!" Ron, however, was looking positively disgusted. "How did you do that?" he asked. "To my sister!" Harry shrugged. "I didn't; she did," he said. Ron was beginning to grow green. "Oh!" Seamus exclaimed. "I just remembered, I have the finished version of the list in my bag!" Harry looked confused. "What list?" he asked. Ron gave him a meaningful look. "You know," Dean replied. "The list." "Oh," said Harry, a look of understanding coming on to his face. "So you got seventh year input?" Seamus nodded. "Yep." He lowered his voice, "They were really helpful." "What are we going to do with it?" asked Ron. "Make copies," Harry replied. "Just to…" "Inform everybody," finished Dean. "Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Ron. "Let's see it, then." Moving to his bag, Seamus pulled out a roll of parchment. It was covered by slash outs, and different handwriting. "We just have to copy it over," he said, looking at the paper almost reverently. Ron grabbed it out of his hands, and he, Dean, and Harry huddled over it. The Girls of Gryffindor 1. Best Kiss: Katie Bell Submitted by: George Weasley 2. Biggest chest: Lavender Brown Submitted by: Seamus Finnigan 3. Best lips: Hermione Granger Submitted by: Ron Weasley 4. Best ass: Ginny Weasley Submitted by: Harry Potter "I still don't see why Ginny's name has to be on there," Ron moaned. "Now we're going to have the whole of Gryffindor looking at my baby sister's ass!" Harry shrugged. "It is very nice, Ron," he said. Ron glared at him. "You're a prat for suggesting it," he said. "Why couldn't we have put…I don't know, best eyes, or something?" Dean grinned. "We've all noticed it, Ron," he said. "If Harry hadn't, someone else would have. Might as well have been her boyfriend." Ron mumbled something under his breath and went back to the parchment. 8. Biggest Flirt: Parvati Patil Submitted By: Colin Creevey 9. Breasts-That-Look-Nicest-To-Touch: Katie Bell Submitted by: Dean Thomas 10. Best eyes: Angelina Johnson Submitted by: Lee Jordan 11. Biggest Slut: Lavender Brown Submitted by: Fred Weasley "I resent that one," Seamus grumbled. 13. Worst Hair: Hermione Granger Submitted by: George Weasley "Well, it's true," said Ron sadly. Harry patted his friend's back. "Too bad, mate. At least she's got nice lips." 17. Cutest hands: Alicia Spinnet Submitted by: Dennis Creevey 18. Best kiss: Lavender Brown Submitted by: George Weasley "And how would he know?" asked Seamus, shaking his head. 19. Best legs: Angelina Johnson Submitted by: Fred Weasley 20. Most innocent: Ginny Weasley Submitted by: Colin Creevey "And it better stay that way," growled Ron, looking at his best friend. Harry grinned. "Whatever you say," he said cheekily. 23. Best in bed: Parvati Patil Submitted by: Harry Potter Ron shoved Harry, grinning. "Better not let Ginny see this," he said. "None of the girls are going to see this!" exclaimed Seamus. "See what?" came a very unwelcome voice. "Her-Hermione!" exclaimed Ron, trying to scrunch the paper into his hands. He looked nervous. She gave them all a dangerous look. "See what, Ron?" she asked. "You know," said Dean uneasily. "You really aren't supposed to be in here, Hermi-" "Accio!" Seamus swore loudly. Hermione skimmed the paper, her eyes wide. "Best lips, eh Ron?" she asked in a low voice. "You won't be doing anything but looking for quite a while." She stalked out of the room, still holding the paper. "We. Are. In. Shit," said Harry. He sat down on the bed and buried his head in his arms. "Tell me something I don't know," Dean replied. "I hate Hermione." "A lot," Seamus added. "Well, boys," said Harry. "This is the end. It's been nice knowing all of you. Try not to scream too loudly when they put the Cruciatus Curse on all of us." * * * * Hermione stomped angrily into her dormitory. Lavender and Parvati looked up from what they were doing when the heard her come in. "I'm calling a meeting," she said crossly. "All Gryffindor girls, fourth year and up. Now. We'll meet in here. I'll get everyone." She stalked out. After telling the other dormitories, soon a large crowd had gathered. She held the list up. "Those…those…those boys!" she exclaimed, for she could think of no greater insult than that. Ginny grabbed the list out of her hand. "What, nicest ass?" she asked. "Most innocent? Worst kiss?" "What?" asked a girl, and soon everyone was crowding around the parchment. Faces fell as people saw their names under things like, "Ugliest hair." "Worst in bed." "Biggest ass." Ginny was near tears by the end. "I'll…I'll kill them!" she exclaimed. Her hands were balled into fists. "Oh, best in bed, am I?" asked Parvati, angrily. "I wonder how he knows!" "They. Are. Going. To. Die," said Angelina slowly. "Biggest feet, hmm?" Hermione was shaking her head. "This calls for drastic measures," she said quietly. "I'm not usually one for revenge, but this merits something dangerous." Seeing the glint in her friend's eye, Ginny responded, "What do you suggest?" "Oh, I have a plan. I definitely have a plan." "I'm prettiest," said Lavender, looking dazed. "I'm the prettiest girl in Gryffindor." "SHUT IT, LAVENDER!" * * * * 49. Smallest package: Ron Weasley Ginny added in a funny cartoon, using quick strokes and moving her quill across the page. 50. Ugliest overall: HARRY POTTER Ginny wrote this in large letters. She held up the parchment, which was immediately snatched out of her hand and passed around. "Perfect," pronounced Alicia. "That'll show Lee. Worst nose, my arse." "I hate them," said Ginny angrily. "Who do they think they are?" Hermione muttered a spell into the piece of parchment. "We are going to get in so much trouble for this," she said quietly. "And poor Snape." "He deserves it," said Ginny. "And it will be worth it," Angelina reminded her. Hermione smiled. "It will definitely be worth it." * * * * Professor Snape stood up. "Good morning, students, and I wish you a happy Valentine's Day," he said, looking as if he wished them nothing of the sort. The students in the great hall mumbled something and went back to eating, all except for the Gryffindor girls who were looking at the professor and grinning at each other. Harry felt a sick dread build up in his stomach. "I don't know what's going to happen," he said quietly. "But it isn't going to be good." "I have some announcements," said the professor, and he looked very surprised to hear himself speak. "I have been asked to inform you all that Dean Thomas is very bad in bed, and not to try anything with him." He looked even more shocked at this. "Severus!" said Professor McGonagall standing up. "I have also been asked to tell you," he continued, trying to stop speaking and failing. "That Seamus Finnigan refuses to sleep with, or even kiss a girl until he is married, so there is no use in dating him. "Ron Weasley has a small bear that he has christened Angel that he sleeps with every night. He also has a pair of lucky boxers that are lacy with pink hearts." Professor Snape looked disgusted, but he continued. Ron's face grew tomato red, as was Seamus'. Dean was looking down at his plate. "Ron Weasley also has a very small package. Actually, it's minute. Miniscule." Everyone in the hall was roaring by now except for the Gryffindor boys, who were shaking their heads into their plates. "Fred Weasley would like to inform you all that he has a bottle of Madam Malkin's Beautifying Acne Lotion in his dormitory that he uses every night to have clear, glowing skin. He also has not, though he claims it, slept with Alicia. In fact, she hardly ever lets him kiss her." Snape was beginning to look ill. Everyone in the hall was laughing hysterically now, and even the teachers other than himself seemed to be fighting grins. "Lee Jordan finds himself unable to become aroused, and as such, does not engage in types of activities where it would be necessary to." Lee looked at his plate. "George Weasley has a secret crush on Alicia Spinnet, but she has expressed more than once that she has no interest in him. He refuses to give up and follows her around like a puppy." George was staring very hard at his shoelace. "Colin Creevey keeps dirty magazines under his bed, and would like to inform you all that when he has a nightmare at home, he still goes to his parents' bed!" Colin shook his head. "I do not!" he screamed, but no one could hear him over the laughter. "Dennis Creevey, however, does not. He just wets his bed! He'd also like to tell you all that he's secretly gay and has been living a lie. No girl has a chance with him!" Dennis closed his eyes, then looked at the Gryffindor girls. "You can! You can ask me out! I'm available! I'm-" "AND," said Professor Snape. He looked amazed at the words that were coming out of his mouth. "Harry Potter was voted ugliest by Hogwarts girls." Snape actually smiled at this. "His eyes are too big for his face, and his ears stick out. His scar is horribly ugly, and he needs new frames for his glasses. He's too bony and thin, and he's only on the Quidditch team because he's famous!" "Hey," Ginny nudged Hermione. "Did you add that part about being on the Quidditch team? It wasn't in what we wrote out." Hermione shook her head slowly. "I didn't. It wasn't on there." Ginny's eyes widened. "But that means Snape…" And both girls began to glare angrily at Snape, who was giving them all a slow grin. "I do not know who did this spell," he said. "But I can assure you, I will find out." Ginny, however, was still looking angry. "How dare he say that?!" she exclaimed. "He's such a prat. Teacher's shouldn't be allowed to-" But she stopped talking because at that moment, a piece of parchment appeared in front of every plate. "Oh no," Ron moaned. "They've made a list!" "What, worst kisser?" asked Dean. "Where does she get that?" "I have not got short stubby legs!" Fred cried. "That thing about ear hair isn't true!" Colin yelled. A smile was beginning to creep onto Ginny's face. "That was beautiful," she said quietly. "Absolutely beautiful," said Hermione. Fred, who was blushing horribly, walked over to Hermione and stuck out his hand. "Congratulations, madam," he said. "You play dirty. That was one of the best revenges I've seen in all my years." "Wasn't it though?" asked Hermione, not too modestly. "So we're even?" asked Fred. Hermione shook his hand. "We're even," she said. Ginny glared at Harry. "But if you think that your hands will be going on this ass any time in the near future, you are absolutely, positively wrong!" she exclaimed. "And you won't need to deal with the 'worst Gryffindor kisser's' kisses for quite a while. So there's a Valentine's present for you!" Angelina shook her head. "Don't mess with us." author's notes: It popped out of my head and onto a Word document. What can I say? |