I enjoyed this chapter a great deal. You do an
excellent job capturing a realistic feel in your descriptions. I love how
you describe Harry's dreams, the pleasant facts from memories combining with
wishful thinking. I especially liked
the line “….somewhere in a forest clearing, with himself and his godfather on
the front porch, laughing hysterically at some unknown joke.†This is so much how I picture Sirius,
finally happy and free. Bittersweet
that he will never know that life, for both Sirius and Harry.
Nice job showing Harry’s emotions still unsettled as
well. He’s done a great deal of
healing, (thanks to no small part to our favourite girl!) but he still has anger frustration and
sadness to work through. I like how you
have him stop Molly from locking him out of the ‘adult’ conversation. She’s acting out of love, over protective,
misguided, and perhaps ultimately dangerous that may be. She is a fully realized character, and you
do a great job hinting at her emotions rather than have her shrilly nagging her
‘children’.
I believed Harry’s reaction to hearing noises, and his
careful check of who was home. After
all, if it were Molly, there would be breakfast. (grin)
Strangely, I liked the scene where all the men try to find
out what is going on, and are interrupting each other. Felt very real. I have had those conversations, and as annoying as they are, they
happen in tense situations often.
(Loved Fluer’s gentle calming influence over Bill. You do well with subtle interactions.)
Hee. Giggle. Poor
Harry. I’m starting to get the feeling
he won’t often win against Ginny…And she got a blush! Good for her. (grin)
Very glad to see that the Memorial is going to still happen,
and that Lupin was the one to force the issue.
I like that he’s taking up for the things that Harry wants, even if it’s
just in Sirius’s name.
I love the small details best I think: The way Bill clenches his hands to keep his
temper, Harry forcing himself not to cry, Molly bustling in the kitchen to
bring some normalcy to her day, caring for her loved ones while fighting her
own stress. Wonderful, moving chapter,
great job. Sentence structure and
grammar were lovely. My thanks to your
betas. And thank you for sharing your
creation. I appreciate it.
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