Thorn
Friday 14th May 2010 14:08 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
There is one part of your story that makes me kinda mad, Lupin and Moody say that they are not going to tell Harry every thing cuz he is a kid, then they all go on to say that he can't be kid any more.
Moody even says "but you can't be a teenager anymore. This is war" and before that "You're a kid, and even though you are the most remarkable teenager I have ever seen or heard of, you're still a kid." These statements conflict!
Is he a kid or not?
Other than that I love the story and were it is going. Harry is a bit meek but thats just me.
Arrakis Thorn |
huskers
Thursday 27th December 2007 15:26 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Well, it's taken me a few days to read this chapter. I kept getting interupted. I have a friend who also writes, and she tells me a chapter where the characters do nothing but sit and talk and listen, can kill a story. "Things need to happen," she says. I don't always agree with her, but there is too much talking in this chapter and not enough doing. And, as in the previous chapter, I think Moody and Mr. Granger are a bit too long winded. I think you are a better writer than you show with this chapter. Too many words for to little result. I'll give you one thing though. Mr. Granger's last statement to Harry is blindingly powerful. And, I have no dobut that your Mr. Granger, if he had to pick between the world, or his wife and daughter, would choose the world.
All in all, despite my somewhat harsh, critique, a decent chapter. You have good stuff in here that you needed to tell, I just think you are capable of doing it better. |
Trulle
Monday 5th November 2007 14:55 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Um. I would never trust a father who says this thing about his daughter, but, it's war ...
Nicely written, even if a bit TO dark for my personal like.
I don't think that Harry could have that much trouble and remain that calm.
Nice done
Thanks |
GryffindorDragon
Wednesday 1st August 2007 13:11 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
In rereading this I noticed something that, as a 10K runner, I should've noticed before. 40 kilometers would be close to 25 miles (10K is not quite 6 1/4) and about 40 miles would be over 60 K.
This is still powerful! |
GryffindorDragon
Wednesday 13th September 2006 10:58 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Nice one with Moody and Harry . I guess it was Harry who taught him 'Constant Vigilance' . Very strong, powerful vingettes, especially Granger's talk with Harry. I see you're going slow with Harry + Ginny , though Ginny's being there to pick him up should tell Harry something shouldn't it. I know hindsight is safe perspective to speak from, but even without HBP I think you were wrong to keep Fudge. Is there any politician who can speak so ill of a famous hero ('The Boy Who Lived'), be proven wrong (so the speaking ill becomes slander), show his government incompetent (the attack takes place on the supposedly secure grounds of the Ministry of Magic), and still survive? I know Fudge served Rowling as a foil, but it should be clear he couldn't survive as Minister (and I think Rowling is too generous keeping him as an undersecretary).
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noylj
Wednesday 2nd August 2006 23:30 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
| This still seems like it SHOULD be Harry and Hermione. I love the Drs. Granger, except I can't see Steph be "scared"--he's already taken out 2 wizards. |
willow
Friday 7th April 2006 09:48 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
wow
i said whoa last time i think, but wow covers this one! dear lord you know a lot about this stuff- you're back story (s) are fantastic- starting with penelope and percy and moving through with the grangers. i have found backstory to be reasonably mind numbing when it is started from stratch but yours is not only in depth but enthralling too...enough flattery you think?!
right, i move on to the next chapter now!! |
Comet Moon
Tuesday 24th January 2006 12:06 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Great chapter.
Have a question. Who are in the Paladin program?
Will Ginny, Hermione, Ron, The twins, and DA join?
Can't wait for more
LOL
Jim |
millercommamatt
Friday 23rd December 2005 00:28 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Steph Granger's story was very poignant and well done. I think it was the most well written of the three meetings. I found Moody's visit to be disjointed and mirky in meaning. The Granger meeting flows well and is quite powerful and moving.
My only complaint/gripe/pointless comment concerns Harry's reaction to all of these visits. Only in the Granger visit do I feel that Harry is really interacting at all. In the other visits, it seems as if Harry randomly transitions from annoyed to defiant to curious to whatever with no real sense that he's even paying real attention. Now, that may be your intended effect, but to me it's like Harry doesn't even need to be there. His replys and feeling just don't seem to have a natural flow. It's more like he just has formlaic reactions to things without any real reason. Now, if I was good, I could give you example and I would have some suggestions. But, I'm no writer. All I can give you is my general impression of what I've read so far and let you use your talent to improve your already good story.
I really like this story and I'm looking forward to more. Keep up the writing and know that you have at least one fan out there.
-millercommamatt |
sonicdale
Monday 12th December 2005 14:58 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
wwowowowowowowo.
I've heard some good tales in my time, but that one had me on the edge of my chair.
And Moody?
Wow.
I hope Steph teaches Harry how to use a Fairbairn.
Good work. This is rapidly becoming one of my faves.
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hewithnoname
Monday 12th December 2005 04:29 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
| Great one, can't wait untill the next one |
Machiavelli Jr
Sunday 11th December 2005 16:10 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
| Ouch. We now know precisely what Harry WON'T do in the Final Battle. Steph excellent, though he forgot to mention how little help his name was in basic training. Being Mrs Granger prbably annoyed him considerably. Moody excellent; I always figured his retirement/madness was a bit exaggerated. |
Rocky235
Sunday 11th December 2005 15:21 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
This was the most horrific and moving chapter I've ever read.
I hope that for you it was fiction. |
Aberforth's Avatar
Sunday 11th December 2005 05:50 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
I think this was a wonderful chapter. We see Harry, who is unable not to respond when asked by his peers for help -- in effect, asked to lead -- learning that wartime leadership has a cost whether crowned with success or failure. Steph's tale was very emotionally powerful, with a strong element of verisimilitude. It really drove home the reality that leaders must be able to place their comrades -- and war cannot be fought without engendering comradeship -- at risk. I very much look forward to seeing Dumbledore's plan for the way ahead, and whether he can achieve teh more open relationship with Harry that he has promised.
I see that you are posting a variant of this story elsewhere. I am impressed at the small differences in nuance that look like they'll add up to substantive effect. I'll confine my comments to this site, but I expect to enjoy the story on both. Thanks for sharing this one with all of us. |
kaiserzacc
Saturday 10th December 2005 19:55 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
| wow...this is such an intense story and aside from the little bit of action at the beginning most of it has been conversation. You are a great story teller. I find myself at times indignant and angry on Harrys behalf and at other times awed at the people...the real people that you have created here. I am in awed of this story. |
amamama
Saturday 10th December 2005 14:01 | “Great Scott, Potter, This is War!” |
Phew. You have a way of describing combat that has me wondering -
were you ever in the thick of it yourself, or do you 'just' have an
interest in it that's above average? Anyway, this is as well
written as always. Your way of handling Harry's emotions makes
his character full-bodied and multi-faceted. Luna's reply was
very in character, you had me smiling there. And I doubt she's
misunderstanding the R/H energy, I guess she sees Ginny for who she
really is to Harry. Moody and Steph Granger are well fleshed out
and do a great job preparing Harry for combat. I do hope they are
successful. I also love the way Harry immediately sets pen to
paper to make instuctions for conjuring a Patronus. He mght not
want to admit it, but he is both a leader and a teacher, and a thorough
one at that.
Thanks for sharing! I love this fic, it's a great fix, and am of
course eager to get more. Just like any good addict.
Berte
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