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Reviews For Learning to Breathe Together by Rhetor

thorn
Friday 30th January 2009 01:04
Learning to Breathe Together
could you extend this to a longer story? like a novel? I read it and want to know what happens next! write more please!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gymnastgal19
Monday 7th April 2008 22:04
Learning to Breathe Together
I loved this story!
gymnastgal19
Sunday 18th November 2007 12:14
Learning to Breathe Together
aww ww!!! This was so cute! I loved the ending!

Patches
Monday 27th August 2007 02:11
Learning to Breathe Together
This story is very well done. Thanks so much. The feeling and maturity were wonderful. Thanks for writing. p
Friday 19th October 2007 14:09Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you for saying so; I'm glad you liked it. ~Ken
pyromain
Tuesday 17th July 2007 14:11
Learning to Breathe Together
I was hard pressed to think Harry could leave her without her going with him, i tought the argument of Hermoine and Ron was to convince him. But I think that the idea of his child was al ready on her mind when she made the decision. At least thats the way I feel about the story.

trully loved it, thanks again for a great story.
Wednesday 18th July 2007 15:20Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you; I'm glad you liked it. I don't think a child was on her mind, so much as a sense that she had committed herself to him, and he to her, in a way that was already a marriage. Letting him go off without her was, metaphorically, marrying him. ~Ken
afanfictionaddiction
Tuesday 12th June 2007 19:46
Learning to Breathe Together
You are trying to convince me that Ginny should not be involved in the Voldemort fight!
Finesse! You've got it! I particularly enjoyed the imagery of H & G's breath. You write their physicality very well, making it sensual, real and enticing but not the least reminiscent of trashy romance novels. It was very interesting to be inside harry's head in second person as well, not a typical POV.
Tuesday 12th June 2007 21:48Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you! Actually, both in this story and in Counting to 5000, the urge to explain why Ginny shouldn't go on the hunt with Harry came from a series of conversations I had with ChreeChree, who is very firm and convincing on the subject.

I'm so glad you liked H & G's physicality -- it's not something that comes naturally to me and I think it's often overdone. I wanted it clear that these are real, breathing, sexual beings who love each other, but I didn't want to bash the reader over the head with it. (And really, one should trust one's reader -- I mean, if Harry's noticing the rise and fall of Ginny's collarbone, for heaven's sake, we can easily imagine the state he's in.)
Ginzig
Thursday 19th April 2007 18:01
Learning to Breathe Together
I love ready this story over and over again, even though I tear up every time. Oh, to be loved like that and to love someone like that, but still knowing that there's still more to be done and not to be able to be together to do it. sigh I loved Mr Weasley's intuition and Fred and George's help. And the way you described Ron and Hermione as dying to protect their mate. Very true. ~Kim
Thursday 19th April 2007 19:42Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Hi, Kim. I'm so glad you liked the story so well as to go through it yet again!

Perhaps you want to look at my LiveJournal (under the name "rhetoretician"), where I post stuff that 's not yet ready for the archive sites? There's a new story there now...

~Ken
Jacynthe
Tuesday 17th April 2007 22:53
Learning to Breathe Together
Having found your stories by accident (isn't that always the way) I am now happily working my way through them. This one puts me in mind of a high wire act. How long, we ask, will he be able to maintain this fiendishly difficult style? (I know, I've tried it) You have well chosen your name...
Wednesday 18th April 2007 06:17Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you so much for your praise! I'm grateful that you're reading my stories and I hope you like the others. I should warn you that they're mostly pretty angsty, though (although they always have a silver lining eventually ). I'm glad you appreciated how hard it was to work with the style; a number of readers disliked it, which isn't too surprising, really, as it can sound pretty artificial -- but I was aiming at a sense of being inside Harry's head, and this was the way that occurred to me to do it.

My pen-name comes from my other life, in which (as a teacher of legal studies) I publish articles on the "constitutive rhetoric" of legal texts.
hahaheeheehaha
Wednesday 14th March 2007 13:16
Learning to Breathe Together
wow good story
i needed something to cheer me up and it did just that
im working my way through all your stories and ive enjoyed all of the ones ive read so far, and will undoubtedly enjoy the ones i have yet to read
thank you for writing this and all your other stories!
Thursday 15th March 2007 11:16Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thanks for those kind words. I'm glad it cheered you up.
Macsr71
Wednesday 24th January 2007 12:07
Learning to Breathe Together
Excellent - love the visuals portrayed here, and Harry's realization of the shift in Ginny from girl to woman, who had a choice in the matter - most excellent

Off to read your other work.

Wednesday 24th January 2007 21:43Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! (Very few others have commented on Harry's recognition of Ginny's choice, which ws something I loved writing...) ~Ken
GryffindorDragon
Tuesday 23rd January 2007 08:42
Learning to Breathe Together
'It's colder than Lucius Malfoy's conscience out there!' -- I'd say this is a really good line if I thought the said person actually had the stated object
Oh, this is very good. Probably the most bloody brilliant rationale for leaving Ginny behind I've come across.
Tuesday 23rd January 2007 11:50Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the Lucius line. The rationale originally came from ChreeChree of SIYE, and also features in my story "Counting to Five Thousand", which should be posted within a week or so. ~Ken
moshpit
Monday 22nd January 2007 15:00
Learning to Breathe Together
Dearest Rhetoman,

How glorious be the days that were upon us in the sunrise of the season, a home we verily and merrily had in those beholden eyes. Now, though we do admire the eyes so involved, we find that not all of us can bloody see the damned things, due to some sort of cosmic interference; thus, we, by force of need, sought an alternative sensory experience, such that, should the eyes somehow remain permanently occluded to us, we might find some joy elsewhere. Is it so wrong to find warmth at a friendly fire?

Yet why have we been painted with such a brush? Gang of Four? How thuggish, how brutish, for we are of noble and chivalrous heart. Verily, we then say, we are not thugs, nor are we brutes. Nay, we are the Knights Who Say "Squee!" and we sally forth in search of other places whereforth we can say "Squee!", and where we can teach others how to "Squee!", for it is only in "Squee!"ing that we can teach others the fullness of art.

T'was a sad moment when, in such a dark and dreary place we found ourselves, where flights of fancy loom ever before us, our only light a bit of hope, a thought, we realized anew that we must seek aid else lay shackled forever to the narrow confines of hearts not our own. Thus, our hearty laughs, our cold heartiness, our animalistic bellows of shock and dismay, and even our silent moments of meaning will reverberate in these new halls. Their arrival may be delayed, due to the unfathomable laws of the universe, but they shall arrive in the fullness of time. And, once they have arriven, our voices will rise from the distant echoes to cry again that lament.

If this discordant mess sounds harsh and lacks finesse or flow, alack! So must it be when four voices without plan for composition join as one, the soul bond of deviltry a tie unbreakable. So, kind sir, do not think too harshly on our stumbling verse, but rather look upon it as an paean to the gods of rhetoric - those capricious, vagarious and oft peculiar beings which bedevil our dreams with fluffy hot pink plot bunnies and supply us with egregious assumptions.

Until then, dear Rhetoman, peace out.

Sincerely,

KWSS
Monday 22nd January 2007 18:53Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
That which belongs on LJ has been answered on LJ.
Chatmandu
Monday 22nd January 2007 11:56
Learning to Breathe Together
Breathing together is a lovely metaphor for two becoming one. Nice flow of action, angst, fluff, humor, and romance!

I have one quibble though. If I had to choose between Ron OR Hermione in an impromptu and fluid situation, Hermione is not the one I want there. Canon Hermione becomes almost catatonic in any situation that requires thoughtless, natural reaction. But then, that is not important to this story.
Monday 22nd January 2007 14:00Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you so much.

Actually I think your "quibble" is well-taken. I think she's improved considerably since PS, and she participated in combat in both OoP and HBP, but you may well be right. Still, it made for an interesting twist at the end of the story and allowed me to show the level of trust that has grown between H & G.

~Ken
Ladybug
Saturday 20th January 2007 20:53
Learning to Breathe Together
Wow. This is the kind of story you really love and you're not quite sure just how to let the author know ... you feel like your review will be a bit inadequate. You want to tell them that (despite it being yet another enagement fic) it's unique in many ways. It's pretty unusual to portray either of the twins in a moment of dead seriousness, but you enjoy the way it was done, thinking it deepens their characters, not weakens them. You, finally, are able to latch onto the whole 'reason why Ginny can't go with Harry' discussion as more in-character than many of the things you've read. (You can't help wondering if Ginny's planning to go to a tropical-flavoured nightclub - St Mango's - after ice-skating, or if she's hit her head on the ice one to many times!! ) And lastly, you hope the author doesn't think your review ends up being too pretentious - because it's just meant to be a way of saying how much you enjoy the second person present tense narrative. You thank them for a job well done, and look forward to more where that came from.
Saturday 20th January 2007 21:05Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Wow indeed. You're happy to see there's another review but you expect that it'll be just one more "Great, loved it," which is flattering, but doesn't really tell you anything about how the story made the reader feel. Then you're stunned to read the most creative review it's ever been your pleasure to receive. And the reviewer pays tribute to your risky use of that second-person voice (that so many people hate) by throwing it right back at you! Wonderful! And you see that she's worried about being seen as pretentious, but how pretentious can it be when she's taking the same risk you took? Then you see that she's posted many stories herself, and you're ashamed that you haven't read any of them, because some of them look really fascinating (especially the one about different letters from Dumbledore) and you decide that you simply must read some of them. And you hope, hope, hope that she'll read On the Headmaster's Wall when it's posted in a few days. And you feel such gratitude.
nerd2006
Saturday 20th January 2007 01:39
Learning to Breathe Together
I absolutely loved this story. It had a wonderful mix of humor (Ron and his lack of healing skills cracked me up at the beginning despite myself, not to mention the twins) and seriousness, action and romance. Hermione made me sad at the beginning when she rejected Harry, but I see how that fits into the story. Brilliant job, this is a beautiful story. I'm surprised it didn't win.
Saturday 20th January 2007 13:09Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you! Actually it did win: Under its original title (While You Tell Yourself the Truth ) it tied for "Most Adventurous" with Sovran's brilliant story Phoenix . That's not the category I was expecting, but I can hardly complain -- it's especially gratifying to have tied with that particular story.
Sovran
Friday 19th January 2007 22:44
Learning to Breathe Together
Again, the absolute best parts (Ginny's thought process, her realization about R/HR, and the Charm) are at the end, though there are good things throughout. I have to admit, however, that I rather preferred the other name. I think I liked leaving the 'breathing' analogy just that one step more subtle.
Friday 19th January 2007 23:12Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thanks, Dave. Among my LJ group the vote was rather split between the two titles, with thoughtful people having strong opinions on both sides, so I split the difference. I agree with you about the subtlety, but what I didn't like about the other title was its abstractness. I really like concrete titles with (if possible) sensual (tactile, olafactory, visual, aural, etc.) referents, that strongly suggest something that is related to, but not congruent with, the theme or point of the story.

BTW: Josh's most recent A/N strongly implies that Tonks's partner, the one I almost saw in pigtails, appeared in one of your stories. But I can't remember where it was.
hp4-sauce
Friday 19th January 2007 21:57
Learning to Breathe Together
That was great. Harry and Ginny were very much in character and the dialogue was natural. Fred & George were fun. Exceptionally well written.
Friday 19th January 2007 22:05Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Thank you; you're very kind. I enjoyed trying my hand at Fred & George.
girlspell
Friday 19th January 2007 20:50
Learning to Breathe Together
I don't think the story would have worked without the second person narrative You want to show Harry's feelings as it progresses in regard to himself, Ginny , Ron and Hermione. OK, Harry changes his resolve. I want to know exactly what he was thinking and why. This narrative is the most effective way. The ending would not have had the impact at the end without it. The story had a twist toward the end. Changed the mood of the story. That form really helped it.

It must be something in the air. I'm seeing a kind of migration from SIYE to PS by quite a few authors. Are you going to move all your stories here?
Friday 19th January 2007 21:07Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
Hi Again, Rakheleh. Thanks for the vote of confidence as to my use of the second person voice. Acclaim for it hasn't been universal, but some people have liked it.

Most of the people newly posting here from SIYE have been members of the Gang of Four (Sovran, Moshpit, ChreeChree & cwarbeck). I think Moonette may be a recent addition too, although she wasn't an SIYE author. I'm not entirely sure why the Gang came over here en masse, although I've heard bits of it. I think they're all still planning to post on SIYE. I know that PS has a really good reputation as a "quality" site due to its beta requirement and the fact that it holds open submissions only bimonthly or so. My own reasons for coming here are (1) Antosha and St Margarets have both expressed the strong opinion that I would be happy posting here, and (2) I've been advised that some of my newer ideas (such as Returning Were As Tedious ) wouldn't fit within the SIYE guidelines. I think I'll keep posting my new H/G stuff on SIYE too, because I like that community a lot -- and of course, A Slow Boat to Shippers' Hell probably belongs exclusively on SIYE, because the story is really about the site.
Curren
Friday 19th January 2007 15:16
Learning to Breathe Together
sorry to say, but i have never been able to really enjoy stories written in 2nd person. I feel the perspective doesn't (and can't) contribute anything at all to a story, and turns a lot of people off...
Friday 19th January 2007 17:09Learning to Breathe Together (Author Response)
First, let me thank you for your candor. Many people are afraid that they can't say anything in a review except gushing praise. I much prefer substantive comments, be they positive or negative.

I can easily understand your point. I think the second person narrative form, if overused or misused, can drag a story down. In the last twenty-six years this is only the second story I have written using that form.

My purpose, here, was to give a sense of intimacy and immediacy -- to make the reader feel that s/he was sharing Harry's thoughts and feelings as he was having them. (I used the present tense for the same reason.) The first person does not achieve this in quite the same way, because the voice of the thinker always implies a certain shading -- no one is ever completely honest when describing themselves. The third person is distanced by its very nature. The second person, though, if used judiciously, can give the reader the sense that these are his/her feelings.

But it doesn't work for everyone, and you're not the first of my readers to be skeptical. (Several on SIYE said similar things.)