elvenlaughter
Friday 15th February 2008 18:27 | You Make Me Sick! |
| Heehee. I love trying to figure out exactly what happened to make James "deflate his head a bit." This is a nice take on it. I like how James was affected enough that the others picked up on it. Nicely done. |
| Sunday 17th February 2008 13:41 | You Make Me Sick! (Author Response) |
| Thanks for the review Elvenlaughter. Teenage boys can be pretty thick about stuff like this, but I thought the marauders were close enough - and definitely sharp enough - that they'd pick up on it sooner rather than later. |
kagome1
Thursday 14th February 2008 21:41 | You Make Me Sick! |
| I loved this missing moment from OOTP. I have been searching for James and Lily fanfic stories on other websites and feeling deprived. I was hoping this moment would be reenacted in the movie last summer and it didnt happen. I think it was cut quite a bit. But thanks for giving this story more depth and feeling before the James, Lily and Severus connection was clear in DH. |
| Sunday 17th February 2008 13:39 | You Make Me Sick! (Author Response) |
| Happy to oblige Kagome. I hope those feelings of deprivation soon dissipate. I originally wrote the story before DH and had to tweak it a little to make it fit - but only a little! |
critmo
Thursday 14th February 2008 08:04 | You Make Me Sick! |
| Well done. You convey the powerful emotions behind Lily's fury very nicely. She doesn't argue very clearly, but maybe that makes the story even better. I get the impression that she literally chokes on her emotions. |
| Thursday 14th February 2008 19:15 | You Make Me Sick! (Author Response) |
Cheers Critmo.
Yeah, choke she does. But eloquence and clarity aren't necesarily the same thing, eh? She makes her point. Thanks for the review. |
Grandma Kate
Wednesday 13th February 2008 19:50 | You Make Me Sick! |
| A good tightly written missing moment. It could have happened like that. |
| Wednesday 13th February 2008 19:57 | You Make Me Sick! (Author Response) |
| Thanks Grandma! |
potterlovesginny
Wednesday 13th February 2008 09:13 | You Make Me Sick! |
I thought that this was really well written and interesting. Only thing I will say is when used the exclamation mark when you said
"He really needed some air!"
I think it looks un professional in ANY story when ! are used when describing something in the third person narrative. But that's just me. Other than that I really enjoyed it. It is interesting contemplate what made James make his turn around |
| Wednesday 13th February 2008 15:41 | You Make Me Sick! (Author Response) |
| Thank you for the advice, PLG. I'll bear it in mind. |
Patches
Wednesday 13th February 2008 00:11 | You Make Me Sick! |
| Ah! Lily the voice of truth got through to James. Lucky for him and for us. Otherwise he and Lily wouldn't have married and had Harry and we would have missed out on all of the wonderful stories that grew from that. Thanks so much for writing. This was very well done. I look forward to more of your stories. p |
| Wednesday 13th February 2008 15:40 | You Make Me Sick! (Author Response) |
Hey there Patches
You've found my earlier one and there's another coming shortly.
Yep, thanks to Lily for daring to speak the Truth, and to James for having the guts to recognise it. |
potters_love_redheads
Tuesday 12th February 2008 23:43 | You Make Me Sick! |
| So this is the rant that changed James for the better, eh? lol It's quite a good story, I do love a James and Lily tale. Great job! |
| Wednesday 13th February 2008 15:38 | You Make Me Sick! (Author Response) |
Thanks PLR
James and Lily give us great friction! |
