cckeimig
Monday 19th May 2008 11:03 | Dudley's Redemption |
| Off to an interesting start. |
angiel72
Sunday 18th May 2008 17:06 | Dudley's Redemption |
| i am enjoying the premise of the story, but i've noticed that dudley seems to be behaving younger than his 17 years. he is a month older than harry but you have him thinking and acting like a 10 year old. i know he is a bit dim, but i think he is quite street smart. but hey its your story ... do what you like :-) just an observation, is all! |
| Monday 19th May 2008 11:30 | Dudley's Redemption (Author Response) |
I disagree, Dudley is not street smart. Hanging around on the streets of a village, is not the same as hanging on the streets of a large town. Drop him in the middle of London and he would be lost and an easy target.
I stand by what I said earlier, that people often play different roles in different environments. At home he is treated like a child so he acts like a child. I'm not saying that he acts that way away from Privet Drive, just at home.
i am enjoying the premise of the story, but i've noticed that dudley seems to be behaving younger than his 17 years. he is a month older than harry but you have him thinking and acting like a 10 year old. i know he is a bit dim, but i think he is quite street smart. but hey its your story ... do what you like :-) just an observation, is all! |
CrumpleHornedKiwi
Saturday 17th May 2008 21:36 | Dudley's Redemption |
Dang - I was trying to be the first to review but I kept getting an error message for ages. I can't even see any changes from when I first read it - so i guess that means I didn't do an awful read over job for you.
I'm just bouncing that you have it up! |
ngayonatkailanman
Saturday 17th May 2008 10:30 | Dudley's Redemption |
| Excellent storyline. Good storytelling technique. |
| Saturday 17th May 2008 10:33 | Dudley's Redemption (Author Response) |
| Thanks! |
Grandma Kate
Saturday 17th May 2008 10:03 | Dudley's Redemption |
Good first chapter, Bronte.
This was very nice-
"Yeah ..." Harry didn't seem to know what to say either. "Maybe. Take care, Big D." Dudley fought a smile. That was the first time Harry had ever said that without making fun of him. |
| Saturday 17th May 2008 10:33 | Dudley's Redemption (Author Response) |
Thanks!
Dudley has a good side, it's just a bit buried most of the time
Good first chapter, Bronte.
This was very nice-
"Yeah ..." Harry didn't seem to know what to say either. "Maybe. Take care, Big D." Dudley fought a smile. That was the first time Harry had ever said that without making fun of him. |
Arnel
Friday 16th May 2008 23:36 | Dudley's Redemption |
That last review seemed really negative to me because I didn't tell you what I like about this chapter. You've done a really great job expanding Dudley's few canon sentences toward the end to show just what's going on in his head and why he possibly could have said what he does. I loved this line..."Not in the slightest," Harry replied. That set something off in Dudley. Something was really wrong that, after sixteen years, they didn't care about each other. He didn't know of anyone else's family who would think that normal. The other boys at Smeltings all seemed to get on with their cousins. A lot of them were at school together. because it gets to the heart of how the boys treated each other all their lives. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter. |
| Saturday 17th May 2008 03:28 | Dudley's Redemption (Author Response) |
Thanks for the review.
I hope you check out my answer to the other reveiws, I answered some of your other comments in a reply to another review.
Dudley is different at school. Anything can be considered normal if you've never known any different. He never bothered to question the status quo at home.
I gave a bit of thought as to what Dudley could be thinking behind what we hear in Canon. I'm glad to hear it works in your opinion.
That last review seemed really negative to me because I didn't tell you what I like about this chapter. You've done a really great job expanding Dudley's few canon sentences toward the end to show just what's going on in his head and why he possibly could have said what he does. I loved this line..."Not in the slightest," Harry replied. That set something off in Dudley. Something was really wrong that, after sixteen years, they didn't care about each other. He didn't know of anyone else's family who would think that normal. The other boys at Smeltings all seemed to get on with their cousins. A lot of them were at school together. because it gets to the heart of how the boys treated each other all their lives. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter. |
J.R. Lewis
Friday 16th May 2008 23:27 | Dudley's Redemption |
Decent start. I'm going to check the next chapter to see where this goes. Forgive me if I seem overly critical. I do like the concept of Dudley being redeemed. I just want to know who is telling this story. Is Dudley telling the story? The parts where Mummy and Daddy are used would indicate so. But then there seems to be a narrator jump in and take up the story for a few lines before things change again.
Some of the language seems rather childish as well. Maybe this is intended, but I hope it changes.Telling the story in childish language would not be good, in my opinion.
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| Saturday 17th May 2008 03:22 | Dudley's Redemption (Author Response) |
My intention, although I didn't consciously think about it, was to write Dudley's perspective in the third person. It's just that the third person can see in Dudley's head.
My take on Dudley is that he's not stupid, he's just lazy and spoilt and has never had to exert himself at home. I know from experience that sometimes it's quite hard to break out of the role that has been proscribed for you in certain situations. In No. 4 Dudley is still treated like a little child and he has no motivation to break out of that.
Thanks for the review and I hope you check back in for the next chapter.
Decent start. I'm going to check the next chapter to see where this goes. Forgive me if I seem overly critical. I do like the concept of Dudley being redeemed. I just want to know who is telling this story. Is Dudley telling the story? The parts where Mummy and Daddy are used would indicate so. But then there seems to be a narrator jump in and take up the story for a few lines before things change again.
Some of the language seems rather childish as well. Maybe this is intended, but I hope it changes.Telling the story in childish language would not be good, in my opinion.
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Arnel
Friday 16th May 2008 23:13 | Dudley's Redemption |
| My first impression with this story is that Dudley is seven, not seventeen. However, due to how he's portrayed in canon, one can justifiably write his character as you are and you're doing a very good job of it. I'm hoping that Dudley's external influences--like his coach, the school nurse, his school peers and his teachers--will have exerted some sort of reasoning into his small, spoiled brain and he'll mature later in the fic. for a first chapter that is begging you to follow up soon. |
