dun8y
Tuesday 10th June 2014 04:11 | Vis Insita |
| I loved the poem at the start of this chapter, I felt quite emotional reading it x |
| Tuesday 17th June 2014 23:22 | Vis Insita (Author Response) |
| I really appreciate you saying so, most of my readers aren't really into poetry and prefer the technical excerpts. I'm glad you liked it, I spend as much time on my (extremely amateur) poetry sometimes as I do on the fiction. |
dun8y
Tuesday 10th June 2014 04:10 | Vis Insita |
Good to see Kylie opening up more, she's right, Scott doesn't need to talk to her like a child. Looking forward to them going to Godric's Hollow and seeing how you deal with that.
Here's me being a picky Brit, when we write about the floors of a house, we write the word as storey, not story. Thought you might like to know that as it has been used a couple of times incorrectly, once again though, observation and not criticism.
Thank you for sharing, Sue x |
| Tuesday 17th June 2014 23:21 | Vis Insita (Author Response) |
Good to see Kylie opening up more, she's right, Scott doesn't need to talk to her like a child.
Yeah, it was fun finally having her speak up for once, and even be slightly aggressive.
Looking forward to them going to Godric's Hollow and seeing how you deal with that.
Well, since that chapter was already up, you've seen it, so I can't be mysterious.
Looking forward to them going to Godric's Hollow and seeing how you deal with that.
Yeah, I think I just missed that this time, because I remember doing it correctly at some point. |
Aragorn
Thursday 16th January 2014 17:30 | Vis Insita |
CORRECTION of my previous review: "There are many things that could be said about this CHAPTER, but I think the scene with KYLIE at the end is one of the best."
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| Sunday 26th January 2014 20:16 | Vis Insita (Author Response) |
| It's a good moment for characterization. Kylie has been so quiet there hasn't been much about what's happening in her head. I thought that scene might help. |
Chatmandu
Wednesday 15th January 2014 04:38 | Vis Insita |
... I'm not a dumb little kid And Kylie speaks several whole sentences! I do wonder what has been going on in HER mind. Nice to show she is in fact a preteen who understands child responses are no longer satisfactory.
Did Scott REALLY try to provoke Ginny like he does Hermione, re: the "vote" question? Wow, he must really be tired to make that mistake. Sophie may deserve the Nobel Peace Prize after this mission is over if he continues to do that. |
| Sunday 26th January 2014 20:15 | Vis Insita (Author Response) |
And Kylie speaks several whole sentences! I do wonder what has been going on in HER mind. Nice to show she is in fact a preteen who understands child responses are no longer satisfactory.
Probably the first real insight given for her in some time.
Did Scott REALLY try to provoke Ginny like he does Hermione, re: the "vote" question? Wow, he must really be tired to make that mistake. Sophie may deserve the Nobel Peace Prize after this mission is over if he continues to do that.
I don't know what Scott was thinking. He probably wasn't. |
Aragorn
Sunday 5th January 2014 17:08 | Vis Insita |
There are many things that could be said about this paragraph, but I think the scene with Sophie at the end is one of the best. Scott switching from his simple talk at her request is a reminder of a spice you're quite fond of...ie, the technical descriptions...but one you don't overuse.
I recall praising the addition of Kylie to the story way back in TTM, for reasons I wasn't really sure of, and your continued integration here clearly justifies whatever caused your inspiration and my intuition then. It adds an emotional layer to the story that has nothing to do with their mission...but is oh so about their basic humanity, and why we care about them even more.
Your AN is a great recognition...and a valuable learning for you. Writing this brilliant 'should' have more readership. Believe you've identified why it's played out as it has...
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| Sunday 26th January 2014 20:14 | Vis Insita (Author Response) |
I recall praising the addition of Kylie to the story way back in TTM, for reasons I wasn't really sure of, and your continued integration here clearly justifies whatever caused your inspiration and my intuition then. It adds an emotional layer to the story that has nothing to do with their mission...but is oh so about their basic humanity, and why we care about them even more.
It's true, Kylie has just sort been there to provide character moments, which she's quite good at. Of course, it appears she has nothing to add to the mission... So far.
Your AN is a great recognition...and a valuable learning for you. Writing this brilliant 'should' have more readership. Believe you've identified why it's played out as it has...
I've actually thought about rewriting the first six chapters of TTM and putting the originals from Scott's POV in a separate 'outtake' story. I don't know, I'm still considering the pros and cons (the cons being mainly it will be more work). |
deej
Thursday 2nd January 2014 06:04 | Vis Insita |
High marks for posting again so quickly. This one of the few stories I keep up with any more. I still wish you could find a way to write books based on Scott and his adventures.
I like how Sophie was able to exert some influence over Scott. It shows he think of her as more of an equal. I also like how Kylie is coming out of her shell more. I would think if she could open up a little more, she could provide some insight. She seems like a smart girl.
Now that you are writing it, I always wondered why Harry didn't use more muggle weapons. JK might have some aversion to them, but I don't even remember many fanfic authors doing it. I will say, your knowledge of weapons is pretty impressive. Some of them I have had to look up to get a good mental image.
As always, I am looking forward to the next chapter.
DEEJ |
| Sunday 26th January 2014 20:05 | Vis Insita (Author Response) |
High marks for posting again so quickly. This one of the few stories I keep up with any more. I still wish you could find a way to write books based on Scott and his adventures.
Yeah, me too. I've put some more thought into it and I figure I have two options: either I write a story for Scott to integrate into, or I change some of the nature of the Kharadjai and base the story entirely in their universe.
I like how Sophie was able to exert some influence over Scott. It shows he think of her as more of an equal.
While Scott technically outranks her, they're friends and comrades first and foremost. Rank doesn't mean much on a long term integration.
I also like how Kylie is coming out of her shell more. I would think if she could open up a little more, she could provide some insight. She seems like a smart girl.
Perhaps she could.
Now that you are writing it, I always wondered why Harry didn't use more muggle weapons. JK might have some aversion to them, but I don't even remember many fanfic authors doing it. I will say, your knowledge of weapons is pretty impressive. Some of them I have had to look up to get a good mental image.
Muggles are very peripheral to Rowling's books, as perhaps they should be. She has gone on record as saying that, if you have a Muggle with a shotgun vs. a wizard, the Muggle will win. But that's a very simplistic scenario that seems to take nothing into account but reaction time. Magic is far slower than firearms, but no less deadly when properly applied; and far more versatile.
Most fanfictionists follower her lead and keep the focus on magic. There have been a few stories with guns, but not many. My focus is on magic as well, and the magical world, but the secondary universe I've introduced is technology based.
As always, I am looking forward to the next chapter.
As much as I look forward to your next review? |
