dunby1
Thursday 27th August 2015 03:09 | Vis Insita | | Love you being back in action again and feel that I need to comment on this roller coaster of a story! The dialogue used is fine, not too much, too stilted or wrong in any way that I can see, I know what you mean about some speech, it can come across badly sometimes in stories that otherwise are good. I hope that this story is coming to an end soon, because I don't want to catch up with you and have to wait! I'm really selfish!keep up the excellent work and thank you, Sue x | | Sunday 13th September 2015 22:10 | Vis Insita (Author Response) | | Sorry, I don't see it ending anytime soon. Too many plot points to go, I'm afraid, and too much writer's block to fight through. | The Pharaoh
Tuesday 30th June 2015 08:23 | Vis Insita | I've always thought the characters all sounded unique and (more importantly, in my mind) in-character. I've recently been reading a crossover fanfic series going through the whole seven years at Hogwarts, and I've much noticed (is that right? I think that's right...) many characters and the narrator using a bunch of the same particular phrases and idioms, so I believe I can say definitively that you don't do anything like that.
Anyway, I hope Scott's going to be okay and not pulled out of duty. Thankfully, I don't have to wait for the next chapter (which will hopefully resolve the issue) this time! | | Wednesday 15th July 2015 23:22 | Vis Insita (Author Response) | I do find it annoying when everyone talks the same way, that's why I was concerned about it. I've also read a number of stories where everyone uses the same turns of phrase and vocal style. I don't have a narrator, of course, as all narrative is couched in character POV, so that makes it a little easier to keep everyone distinct.
| kopfsalat2000
Tuesday 7th April 2015 08:33 | Vis Insita | Wow, those last chapters were really different! I must say, I didn't (and still don't...) really know what to think of it. So I'll try a cumulative review.
It took me quite a while to understand that the Horcrux was causing these events, I thought for a long time that it was some distortion of the shape or the universe or whatever. I'm still not sure how that dream-hopping worked - we visited Harry's dream first, and Scott was there because the Horcrux didn't know where else to place him... okay. But how did we get into the dreams of the other Primes? By making the dreamer remember the real story? So why did Scott's dream last so long? I think you explained this somewhere in the story, but I didn't get it. Maybe you also did some explaining in the reviews, but I didn't read those
Since you didn't explain why we saw Voldemort in Godric's Hollow right at the end, and why it ended the dreams, I suppose you will give an explanation within the story, maybe when Scott is back to normal.
I found these chapters very hard to read, because I couldn't make much sense of what was going on. And we spent so much 'time' in those dreams (3 chapters or something?). Was that really necessary? I mean, we all like the occasional cliffhanger, but this was some gigantic, surrealistic, what-the-f***-is-going-on-cliffhanger in extra-slow motion!
I'm glad we're back to the real world now. I hope Scott's condition isn't too serious, we wouldn't want him to be forced to retire! Lila might have to take over from him, and where would the fun be in that?
Keep up the good work
And after those hard-to-read chapters, I kindly ask for some romantic developments | | Friday 1st May 2015 08:26 | Vis Insita (Author Response) | I'm still not sure how that dream-hopping worked - we visited Harry's dream first, and Scott was there because the Horcrux didn't know where else to place him... okay. But how did we get into the dreams of the other Primes? By making the dreamer remember the real story? So why did Scott's dream last so long?
This was explained in the story, but you may have been confused because the characters went through several false explanation before hitting upon the real one. The Horcrux had them trapped in individual dreams, but was unable to trap Scott in the same way because his apertures allow him to move through the shape. When Scott left each dream and moved to the next, the Horcrux shut down the previous dream, shunting the dreamer into the adjacent dream and therefore following Scott. The Horcrux was essentially conserving its resources, concentrating on Scott and closing each dream in sequence after he left it. His presence was also inexplicable to the people in each dream, so just by arriving he destabilized their false memories, so even if the Horcrux could have just made a new dream for them so they wouldn't remember what had happened, it chose not to in order to go after Scott instead. So there were a few different things in play.
Since you didn't explain why we saw Voldemort in Godric's Hollow right at the end, and why it ended the dreams, I suppose you will give an explanation within the story, maybe when Scott is back to normal.
Yeah, this will be covered. Several readers have already guessed correctly, however.
I found these chapters very hard to read, because I couldn't make much sense of what was going on. And we spent so much 'time' in those dreams (3 chapters or something?). Was that really necessary? I mean, we all like the occasional cliffhanger, but this was some gigantic, surrealistic, what-the-f***-is-going-on-cliffhanger in extra-slow motion!
Strictly necessary, no, but that's true of a lot of the story. It's very decompressed, which was also true of TTM (TTM is longer than the book it's based on — Vis Insita is already longer than Deathly Hallows). The structure was primarily due to me giving each canon character an individual dream. I didn't want to leave anyone out.
I'm glad we're back to the real world now. I hope Scott's condition isn't too serious, we wouldn't want him to be forced to retire! Lila might have to take over from him, and where would the fun be in that?
Lila is only has a Probationary Integration allowance, meaning she can be assigned to another MOFA with an operation, but can't run her own, which is also true of Sophie. If Scott were to be unable to continue, someone else would have to be put in charge.
And after those hard-to-read chapters, I kindly ask for some romantic developments
We'll see. I had some ideas about a two-parter that I think could end up a fan favorite. | Dad
Wednesday 1st April 2015 10:15 | Vis Insita | | I think you are over analysing the dialogue aspect. Ron almost automatically sounds like Ron because of what he has to say and the same with Hermione. In other words it is what the dialogue adds to the atmosphere or story line that matters, not necessarily how many swear words or idiomatic phrases are used. Some people write Hagrid better than others, but the story is what matters. That is why I keep checking this site to keep up to date with what is going on in your particular universe.Keep writing how you want and I will follow! | | Friday 1st May 2015 08:16 | Vis Insita (Author Response) | I think you are over analysing the dialogue aspect.
Almost certainly.
Ron almost automatically sounds like Ron because of what he has to say and the same with Hermione. In other words it is what the dialogue adds to the atmosphere or story line that matters, not necessarily how many swear words or idiomatic phrases are used.
I agree to a point, but I've always felt that what they have to say is equal to importance to the way they say it. That's not always true, but without a real cast to lend unique voices to literature, I can't count on the sound of someone's voice to give their lines individuality. So perhaps people are delineated in their word choices more than they would be in real life, but I think that's necessary sometimes. |
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