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The Pharaoh
Tuesday 30th June 2015 13:18 | Vis Insita | | Huh. Apparently, this site doesn't like to italicize only part of a word without inserting a space. | | Wednesday 15th July 2015 23:24 | Vis Insita (Author Response) | | Internet formatting remains an obscure and difficult art, despite all these years of progress. | The Pharaoh
Tuesday 30th June 2015 13:16 | Vis Insita | Haha, of course it's Trevor! Anyway, it was good to see him again. Ooh, I wonder what Lila just connected to Scott's problem? So excited to read the next chapter immediately and find out! (It's the upside of not having checked on this for a long while and thus having missed out on the opportunity to read it earlier.)
If you can (and will) edit:
Near the top, the Order "didn't know whom they could trust." The potential trustees are the object of the verb, so it's whom. Even if it's from a character's PoV who would say, "who" out loud, the narration should be as correct as possible, I think. There's also a single-quote missing around "'firearm'" in the same scene. When it says Tonks "felt the tension course through her, taught, unbearable," did you mean "taut"? Also, "Lila popped back into the room, which momentary surprised Tonks..." should say "momentarily". | | Wednesday 15th July 2015 23:23 | Vis Insita (Author Response) | Ooh, I wonder what Lila just connected to Scott's problem?
She was reminded of Scott by what Tonks said; her quote is from one of the stories in Winterlude.
I've made the changes you listed to my second edition edit of Vis Insita, which will probably see the light as some point. | lazzyman5540
Tuesday 19th May 2015 16:26 | Vis Insita | | Thanks for the new chapter, I've really enjoyed your story. Looking forward to the next update. | | Friday 19th June 2015 10:25 | Vis Insita (Author Response) | | Thanks for reviewing, I hope you continue to enjoy. |
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