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Author: Elsha Story: Distractions Rating: Young Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 3 Words: 24,546
Chapter Four – Understandings Theo was glad he'd managed to talk with Anne properly before the Easter holidays; they passed in a rush of study as OWLs drew closer. After the Quibbler interview, and their discussion, things had paradoxically become easier between them. He knew that she didn't care about his father, and wasn't going to tell anyone she was still meeting him; she seemed to be satisfied that he valued her as a friend. Saturdays had turned less and less to music, and more and more to talking; although they were still playing quite a bit. Anne had commented sadly that it was a shame they didn't have anyone to perform a piece to, as she thought they were getting quite good; but Theo had wryly noted the only people who'd be willing to come listen were maybe Anne's family, who had no idea about wizarding politics. And that wasn't precisely an option. So they continued to play for themselves, while the school around them crumbled. Things had been getting worse and worse, until Dumbledore's attempted arrest and flight - which Anne declared was "the last straw." "Honestly, Umbridge just makes me want to throw something! At her! Dumbledore isn't anything they called him, he's brilliant! And now he's gone, it's going to be even worse, with Malfoy and his gang taking points off everyone else, it's all so…depressing." Theo shrugged. They were sitting on the far side of the lake; Anne was hunched up, knees under her chin, staring miserably across to the castle. Theo was leaning back against a tree. They had a good view out if anyone came their way. It was the Easter holidays, too, so a lot of the younger students had gone home; Hogwarts was no longer regarded as a suitable place to leave children over the holidays by many parents, Muggle and wizard alike. Theo had felt trapped in the castle and had suggested getting outside for a bit, as long as it was somewhere they couldn't be sprung. A couple of other places they'd tried had already been occupied by couples who were also looking to not be interrupted, although for different reasons. A long wander had led them to this spot, half-hidden in a fold of ground and far enough away that no-one was likely to bother them. "Just keep your head down. You haven't got into any trouble so far; let Potter and his crowd do that." She turned to look at him reproachfully. "Easy for you to say. You're in Slytherin, you're not losing any points, and you're part of her stupid…Inquisitorial thingimajig. You've got the power." Theo tucked one leg under the other. "Yes. Safest place to be in a time like this. I'm a Ministry official's son, of course I'm going to be on Umbridge's side, aren't I?" Anne sniffed. "So was Marietta Edgecombe, and look what happened to her. Jinxed for narking on Potter and everyone. They were definitely up to something." "Probably practicing Defence Against the Dark Arts, from what I've heard. All the people who were on that list believe Potter's story; well, everyone does after that interview, but they were the ones who were supporting him before that. I'll bet they were practising so they could fight when the Dark Lord reveals himself." "What list?" "Oh, they were stupid enough to write their names down and leave the list where Parkinson could find it, when they were found out. She took the opportunity to read it, so half of Slytherin knows who's for Potter, now." "Where were you that day, anyway?" asked Anne in a rush. She didn't look at him, but tossed a pebble into the lake. "Did you go and…" Theo raised an eyebrow. "You think? Give everyone on the other side another reason to hate me, apart from being a Slytherin and my father's son?" Anne's shoulders relaxed slightly. "So how did you get out of it, then?" "Well," he began, "I, unfortunately, had this massive Ancient Runes translation, so I took myself off to the Library to work on it. Would you believe it, no-one could find me when they did that raid. I'd forgotten they were going to, after all, stress with all this homework and the OWLs coming up. I was most disappointed. So was Malfoy - he seemed to feel I'd really let the side down. Tragic, isn't it?" They both laughed. Theo's thoughts were tinged with regret. Anne hadn't wanted to think he would get people into trouble with Umbridge like that - that he was better than the other Slytherins of his year. He hadn't done it, but his motivations had been far more selfish. And he somehow wished they hadn't been, that the person he was matched the person Anne seemed to see. She wasn't stupid…just unwilling to think badly of a friend. Innocent. He pulled himself away from his musings. He wasn't about to change, and he didn't want Anne to, so there was no point worrying about it. Anne would shed some more of her illusions soon enough, if the Ministry continued to be so stupid. "You're really interested in staying out of this altogether," Anne was saying, "do you really think you can?" "Why not?" "I don't know, it just seems…a bit optimistic. What if someone on our side decides you're a threat? What if someone on You-Know-Who's side decides you're not dedicated enough? What if-" "Enough with the what-ifs. Let the future look after itself, little Hufflepuff. I know what I'm doing." "Do you?' asked Anne innocently. Theo shot her a very reproachful look and reached out a long arm to ruffle her hair. "I would hope so. Do you know what you're doing?" Anne muttered something and unwrapped her arms from around her knees to start patting her hair back into place. "No-one notices me. I'm safe." "You're Muggle-born. That's not safe." She turned to look at him, eyes wide with worry. "You think I…" He shook his head quickly. No need to spoil things by scaring her, not now. Not when in a few months, probably- "No. You'll be fine, I'm sure. As long as you keep an eye out." "That's okay then, is it?" This cut too close to the bone. Theo patted the ground between them. "Move over." "Why?" "It's cold." "Whatever. It's April! Spring! It's supposed to be getting warmer!" Anne moved over anyway, and Theo put a very tentative arm around her shoulders. Warmth was an excuse, he knew that…but so what. It was comfortable. It was safe, and that was an unusual feeling. Anne tensed for a fraction of a second before relaxing against him. Across the lake the lights were beginning to shine from the castle windows. The days weren't yet that long. "We should probably go in to dinner, or people are going to wonder where we are," she said eventually. "We should," agreed Theo. Neither of them moved for a while. * Anne got back to the Hufflepuff common room just before sunset; the temperature had dropped rapidly, and she was rosy with cold and the walk back. As she entered the common room, she could see Ellie and Mai by the fire. Sarah and Gabby had gone home over the holidays, but Anne had chosen not to. The only other Hufflepuff fourth-years still at Hogwarts were Dave Hewett and Brian Lochore, who were nowhere to be seen. The other boys, Chris Cullen, Jeremy Smith and Jack Mitchell, had all returned home. There was quite a gender divide in Anne's year; the boys tended to keep to themselves. Well, Sarah and Jeremy had been keeping to themselves in a more specific way involving empty classrooms, but that had ended rather nastily. Gabby was attempting to keep to herself with Chris, but he was so far oblivious. Anne meandered over to the fire and sat down beside Mai on the couch. She was still rather cold, and leaned over to warm her hands. "Where've you been?" asked Ellie lazily. "You've been gone an hour or so." "Just for a walk. It was getting stuffy in here." Anne unwrapped the yellow and black scarf she wore from around her neck; it was a lot warmer in the common room. "Long walk," Mai said noncomittally. "Oh, I just felt like it, I guess." "Away from our chatter? Fair enough". Mai grinned. "Sometimes I'd like to get as far away as possible, too." "Sure you weren't off to see your secret boyfriend?" Ellie's eyes twinkled. The joke was longstanding; it had started last year, even though Anne had been going off by herself to practice the flute since first year. Slightly more truth to it now, though. Slightly. "Isn't that getting a bit old?" Anne said tartly to cover the thought. "I've never accused any of you of that." "Yeah, but one, we're pack animals, we travel in groups, and two, if you accused us, it'd be true. No fun in that." "True?" Mai sat up like a hound scenting prey. "Are you implying something here, Ellie?" "No…" but Ellie's half-smile indicated that she was, and this was her way of bringing it up. "Go on!" "Well…" Ellie grinned sheepishly. "I'm kind of seeing Daniel Prentice." "In Gryffindor? Ooh, going a bit far afield, aren't we?" Anne let Mai and Ellie play out their banter in peace, watching the firelight flickering over the couch and their faces. They made quite a contrast, Mai short and compact, with short hair curling at the level of her chin, and oval glasses framing her eyes; Ellie a good head taller, all legs and arms, covered in freckles with her straggly dark hair half-way down her back, nearly out of its plaits. It made Anne wonder sometimes; how five girls from all corners of England could share a dorm with never a fight over who or what they were. Mai was Vietnamese, Sarah's mother from Jamaica, Gabby Welsh. Ellie and Anne were the only two both born in England, and then Ellie was Cornish and Anne born in Manchester even if she did live in Essex now. But none of that mattered, where at Anne's primary school it would have drawn blows and insults; you kept to your own groups. Here it was all so different. Race and country didn't matter in the slightest. Anne loved it, loved the calm, loved being able to sit here and just watch and know no fight was going to break out over something so stupid. But then, there was the issue of magical blood to divide them; her Muggle-born, Ellie and Sarah half-bloods, Mai and Gabby full, and that had led to some problems in first year. Mai and Gabby giggling over something, and then being a touch too know-it-all in explaining to the others. They were long past that, however. There was just the occasional insult from the Slytherins to remind me of it…and then along came Theo, who didn't even seem to think I was quite human. And he hated to have to think about that, still hates it. But we're both changing, in a way. I can understand the insults, now. It's explained, not excused. And he may not have changed what he thinks, but he's learned to make exceptions, an exception anyway. Me. Where will that lead us? Nowhere. He still thinks Muggle-borns aren't magic enough, I still wouldn't be caught dead talking to a Slytherin. Still. It's nice to know that exceptions can happen. * With the OWLs creeping closer, Theo asked Anne on the first Sunday after the Easter holidays if they could cut back practices to once every two weeks. "I have to be studying," he announced gloomily. "I'm expected to get good marks, and if I don't practice for the Defence OWL I'll be stuffed. Half of it's practical and I haven't learned a thing this year, not with that -- with Umbridge. Makes me half wish I'd been part of Potter's group, they probably got some work in." Anne drummed her fingers on the top of the piano for a moment. "Well, we could practice the practical stuff here," she suggested eventually. "I mean, there's no rule against it, and this room'd actually be big enough if we cleared everything to one end. There's only the two of us in here, after all." "Means not getting much playing done, though. I'm amazed Malfoy's never come to check up on me, and it's stretching credibility slightly for me to be here more than a couple of hours a week." "We'll manage. I should be studying a bit too, and with the school as it is now…" They exchanged wry glances. No-one was getting too much work done, really, what with the chaos that had come with Umbridge being Headmistress. It was just a mercy things hadn't started getting this bad during the Easter holidays. "True. Those Weasley twins…they should almost be in Slytherin." "I thought Slytherins were with authority, now." "The important word in that sentence is now," Theo pointed out. "Only when it suits us. And half the House has orders from home to be Umbridge's pets, since she's so blind about the Dark Lord. If she wasn't, we'd be running riot." "But the rest of us wouldn't…like we didn't for Dumbledore," Anne responded. "It can be quite fun." "Are you implying you're responsible for any of this?" Theo was quite startled. "I didn't think that was a Hufflepuff thing to do." Anne chuckled. "Promise not to tell?" "That would involve admitting I know you exist, remember?" "Fair enough. You know how the teacher's desk in Umbridge's classroom was charmed last week to start playing a song every time she touched it?" Theo grinned. "We were the first class she had after that happened. I'm impressed. How did you manage that?" "Took a bit of work, but once we had the idea it was really a matter of finding the right spells, and they're all there if you look. The only real difficulty was finding a time-delay spell so it didn't start working until twenty hours after our last class in there. Otherwise it'd be too obvious it was us, or someone in our class. I wouldn't fall under suspicion myself, but my friends would." "Nice. Did you hear Umbridge had to get Flitwick to take it off? What was the name of the song, anyway? I didn't recognise it, but the lyrics seemed…very appropriate." Anne snickered, and hummed the first few bars. "Do you hear the people sing...A Muggle song, from a musical. It's quite well known, actually - I think most of the Muggle-born kids got it right away, but the words pretty much say what it was about." "A revolution? Thought so. How did you come up with the idea? " " It wasn't my idea, actually, it was Gabby Hayle's. I thought of the song, and we all looked up the spells. I found the time-delay charm. It was in this book I was looking up for a Charms essay." "What's the spell? I haven't heard of it." "I think - no, wait, I'm not sure, and I don't have the book anymore. Don't want to give you a spell I'm not sure about, if you tried it…" "..and it was wrong…I see what you mean. What was the-" Theo stopped mid-sentence. He was taking advice about magic of a Muggle-born witch. He was praising her for something she couldn't possibly be good at! Maybe she wasn't telling the whole truth, but - But this was Anne, and she was good at Charms. He remembered the magazine interview… No, because I'm the best at Charms in our class, so I could hide it the best. And she wouldn't lie. Maybe… Maybe Muggle-borns could be good at magic. Better than purebloods. After all, Hermione Granger was the smartest witch in his year, everyone knew that. Harry Potter had managed to tie for the Triwizard tournament at fourteen, and he was a halfblood. After all, if his family were wrong about killing Muggle-borns, could they be wrong about… "Theo?" A small hand was being waved in front of his face. "Theodore Nott, you still here?" "Uh, yes, um, where were we? Practising Defence. Good idea. Yes." "You sound a bit distracted," said Anne dryly. "Something wrong?" You seem to be forcing me to re-evaluate things I've never doubted before, you make me think about things I don't want to, you have from the first time I saw you, and it's not even anything you do! It's what you are that's doing it! And, you know, you're actually quite pretty, not that I've ever thought about that before either, and I- Help. "No. Nothing." "Liar." Anne began to put her flute away. "Don't tell me, then." She seemed vaguely amused, if anything. "I tell you too much as it is." "How do you define too much?" she questioned. "You mean, things you wouldn't tell someone else, or things you shouldn't tell, and why are they that?" Theo frowned thoughtfully. "Things that I wouldn't tell, because I shouldn't, because if I want to stay neutral in this war then I need everyone to see me how I want them to see me. Irrelevant, or subservient, or just not at all. If I tell people what I think, then I run the risk of them seeing me, not the person I want them to see, and then everything goes to hell in a handbasket." He shrugged. "Might as well give up on that with you, though. You know far too much already." "But if you do that, no-one will ever like you, because you'll be too stuck on being safe. What's the point in being alive if you aren't enjoying it?" "What's the point in being dead?" "Better to live properly and die than to spend your whole life trying to stay alive and never living." "That's a contradiction in terms." "No, it isn't." "You don’t mind me, don't you?" Anne seemed a little taken aback by this. "Well, not too much." Theo chose to ignore the implication. "There you go. I do have someone who likes me. So it's all OK, isn’t it?" He smiled at her engagingly. She just shook her head. "I'm your escape clause, then?" "Escape clause?" What does that mean? She chuckled. "The exception to the rules. You keep your head down and let people see what you want them to, except for me. So I'm the only person you let get close enough to know you, and to like you. Your little escape clause on your whole neutrality thing." He'd never looked at it that way before. "That's an interesting way to put it." "But it's a true way to put it, I think. Apart from your family, they must know who you are really." "My family…my opinions have changed quite a bit since I last saw them. My father still sees the person I was…the person he expects me to be." "You don't have any brothers or sisters?" "Pureblood families don't go in for lots of children. Well, the Weasleys, of course, but they're blood traitors. Too many kids is…common. Besides, my mum died when I was a baby, practically." Anne looked up from shoving her flute case in her bag along with her music. "Your mum's dead?" Theo shrugged. Everyone looked at him like that, if he mentioned it. It barely qualified as a sore point, and even then one distanced by time. "I was only two. It's not as if I really remember or anything." Anne looked like she was about to say something appropriate, but thankfully changed her mind. "D'you live with just your dad, then?" "Just me and Dad, yeah." Theo gave a half-smile. "Reason I'm so used to being by myself." Anne made an amused noise. "I have three siblings, and I spend all the time on my own I can get. My family's definitely common by your standards." "Your family are Muggles." He winced as he said it; it was true, but he wasn't in the mood for an argument and if that didn't start one - She took a step towards him and put her hands on her hips. The effect was slightly spoiled by the fact she had to tilt her head upward to look at him properly. "There is nothing wrong with my family!" "They're not magic." "That's not their fault! They're just as good as you! At least they wouldn't think things like that -" Theo felt trapped. Her family were only Muggles, but…they were her family, so naturally she would care about them. And they'd managed to avoid topics like this for so long… "Uh, I'm not meaning to insult them or anything-" "Oh, really?" "-they're just not like us. We have magic. They don't. They never will. They don't belong in our world. They're not…they're just different, and you can't pretend that isn't true. You can't go back, Anne." "We. Well, at least you're not saying I…" She seemed to relax slightly, and her gaze had more thought than anger now. "You and me?" "Is there anyone else in the room?" "Hey, you could have been using the royal we." Theo scoffed. "Please, I'm not Malfoy. I have some sense of proportion." "Good." She let one hand drop from her hips. "It's true. I can't go back to before magic, but…they're my family, you know," she said softly. "That doesn't change, even if I'm a witch. My sisters still might have magic, they're not eleven yet." "How many brothers and sisters do you have, anyway?" "One brother, two sisters. My brother, Edmund, he's thirteen. He was…pretty upset when he didn't get a letter. Theresa andNicola - my sisters - they're ten and seven, so they won't know for a little while. Theresa might get one this summer, if she is a witch. I'm pretty sure she is, but…I'd love to have family at Hogwarts." "You miss them, don't you?" Theo said. "Yes." She seemed to droop a little. "It's a long time without them, and since I didn't go home these holidays…three more months. I love magic, and all, but I do miss them." Theo put a very tentative hand on her shoulder. The mood she was in, there was every chance…but luckily for him, she didn't pull away. "I don't see much of my family, either," he ventured. "Yes, well, that's different," said Anne moodily. "Why?" Theo was stung by her comment. It was rather unlike Anne. "Well, they, they're, umm…you know…" She was engaging in a rather absorbed study of the floor. Theo suddenly understood. His grip tightened. "Are you saying that because my father…because my father's a Death Eater, I can't miss him as much as you miss your family?" Anne shuffled her feet. "Um, maybe. No. That's not fair. But, uh, I, I…" "Oh, so you are. No, that isn't fair. Just because they're…it doesn't mean I don't care about them! For God's sake, Anne, family's family, and I don't have enough to risk losing it! I might not agree any more, you might not be just a Muggle any more, but family doesn't change - you were saying that! My father might have gone out and murdered Muggle-borns before I was born, but that doesn't change how he treats me! Or my other relatives, yes, half of them are Death Eaters, but they don't bring that home with them! That's just as bloody prejudiced as me saying your family don't matter because they're Muggles, and you know it! You're smarter than that! You're supposed to be the open-minded one, dammit!" "Theo, stop it!" He realised he was gripping both her shoulders now, quite hard, and yelling. Anne was looking up at him, eyes wide with shock. He'd never yelled at her before, he thought absently. Slowly he released his grip. Anne didn't move. He let his hands drop. "I…uh…sorry?" She bit her lip. "You were right. I was being unfair. I didn't really think - you hear about people like that, and you think that because they…they're dark, or work for You-Know-Who, they must not care about anyone else. But it's not true, is it?" "No." Theo hated the way she looked right now, all depressed and meek. The thought crossed his mind that this was how he'd thought she should look all the time, on a blustery Saturday when he'd been avoiding going to the Quidditch…it seemed ages ago, not four months. "Never mind. We're both allowed to make mistakes, right?" A spark of humour crept into her eyes. "You just told me I should be open-minded all the time, and I wasn't then." "But you are, little Hufflepuff." "Why do you always call me that?" "Do you mind?" "Only sometimes." Anne suddenly threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry, too, Theo, I'm just feeling all depressed and homesick because it's so awful with Umbridge in charge and no-one ever really listens to me, except you, and you don't sometimes because you don't understand, and now I feel really really stupid and-" Theo stiffened for a second, then put his arms around her a bit awkwardly. After all, he was a teenage boy, and he would belying to say he wasn't enjoying the feeling of holding her. He had the impression this opportunity might not come his way all that often. Some of her words struck a chord…you don't understand. How often had he thought to himself that Anne couldn't possibly understand, she was Muggle-born, she didn't see…blindness, it appeared, worked both ways. "We can just both not understand together, then, how about that?" Anne's reluctant laugh was muffled by his chest. "Okay then. Not understanding seems to have worked so far, hasn't it?" Theo allowed himself to lean his chin on her head, and eke out the moment. After all, it wasn't as if he'd have many moments in his life to hug pretty Muggle-born girls, even this one, so he might as well make the most of it. Neutrality, after all, still had to come first. And Anne was a break in neutrality that could be very dangerous. Still, no reason not to enjoy it for now.
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