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Author: Obsessive H/Gers With Too Much Time On Their Hands Story: Three-Word Story Rating: Teens Setting: AU Status: WIP Reviews: 0 Words: 24,296
Ginny rolled her eyes. Now she was doing the chicken dance with Bugs Bunny. "Anyone can join in with the fun!" "Preposterous!" said Fudge. "You know that the chicken dance is my top-secret fave. Chicken Lady is my lover!" Then they played "Bunt the Hinkypunk." "Duct tape is the best; most people use it," said Ludo Bagman. "Taping people up in bubble wrap is quite amusing," Dumbledore said. "Gred and Forge are a unit of duct tapers. They taped Ginny and Harry together in a tree. Then they freed Skully the Skelly from a banana suit. How excited they were!!!!" Hermione whined, "What about all those House-Elves forced to disco??" "What's wrong with discoing on the table?" asked Skully the Skelly. "The monkeys are taking over the world. The peacocks are kicking my arse at number 4 Privet Drive, and the poltergeists are playing 'Snog the Turtle' for the championship." "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" shouted Ron. "You're cute," Hermione said to Ron. "That I know," replied Ron, holding his sequined disco suit. "This calls for peach gummy bears!" "I respectfully disagree," Hermione said, eating one of the sushi rolls on the floor. "Ew!" cried Mrs. Weasley. "That's not my broom!" "What?! Then how's Skully the Skelly going to disco?" "He will try to bake flapjacks!" shouted Tonks, dancing like a jumping trapped skeleton. Mr. Weasley heated the pan to an unbearable six million degrees. "The flapjacks'll burn!" cried Dobby the House-Elf, waving a noodle around his abnormally-shaped eyes and hula dancing to the song "Walk Like an Alligator." "Dobby, why didn't you bring me socks?" asked Ginny, ignoring Dobby's muffin imbued with chocolate frogs and cockroaches galore. The squirrel leaped to Harry whilst talking as though, unbeknownst to him, he had rabies and a large macaroni-'n'-ketchup casserole, baked by Mrs. Weasley's cousin. "The Grangers are coming! The Grangers are coming!!! Oh, what's to become of the English language when Americans mess it up?" cried Tonks. She proceeded to tear the paper up and throw it across the room. The wastebasket rattled to the tune of '80s music. All of a sudden, Billy Idol leaped to the soup bowl of chicken soup. "Where's my bib?" shouted Billy, as Ron continued discoing in his sequined jumpsuit. "I can't fight the music!" "I must go to the library!" cried Hermione, running to the room that held books, also known as the library. Billy quickly followed her into the oddly-manicured toenail shop that smelled like goats. Aberforth waved a baby goat around in circles, while Harry ate goat-flavored ramen soup. Ginny turned and kissed the soup to make Harry jealous of goats. Ron sang "Roxie." "You're such a goat," said Ginny. "A goat?" Roxie said, dying instantly. "Yes," said Billy, "and Velma killed Umbridge's pet sea monkeys. Sea monkeys are the best." Billy got knocked down and almost died. Billy jumped up with frightening speed and ran to the nearest Hippogriff, flying far away for eternity¾but then went to a sushi restaurant and ordered the very large tray of raw fish and teriyaki sauce. Hermione threw away her cautiousness and jumped on the freckle-faced boy's lap, who blushed bright red and said, "Kiss me, BABY!!!!" The Three Broomsticks was the site that Draco visited in the night when he married Moaning Myrtle, who loved Harry, but she had forgotten that she was supposed to visit her secret Merman, and the aquarium had sold him. Alanna of Trebond bought him fast. She wanted him for her Mermen collection that also matched her other collection of banana skins. Skully was trapped in Alanna's castle. George captured them in his little collection of ears that he'd amassed from the ear of the famous Agrippa, who, incidentally, killed Umbridge's zoo friends. Now Umbridge was dancing hula-style, while Ron was eating his breakfast, because he was pondering why Hermione was singing about him. She was dancing with bananas trapped in some very hostile place. Harry then watched Ginny steal Bill's socks. "Ouch! My feet!" screamed Bill, as Ginny smooth-talked the socks into doing her will. Alanna met Billy and ordered sushi to number 12 Grimmauld Place, where Kreacher was snogging trousers. "Billy, where have all the flying pigs gone?" asked Ginny. "They're attacking the harbor," Billy replied, leaping for joy. "Help me," yawned Ginny, as she drew a glass of prune juice. Sirius proposed to Voldemort that prune juice be siphoned into strawberry edible underwear. "Everyone's gone MAD!" said Lockhart, whilst he modeled in a bikini in a crowded mall. The people laughed at the atrocious sign plastered on his bum. "Eat my beta fish!" said Mr. Chudley. "Why?" asked Estella. "No!" cried Billy, as he grabbed a microphone and began singing about those magic changes. Ginny jumped up and sang loudly, "She hates me when I smile. That's why I can't seem to find a way to eat roast beef!" "Oh, my!" screamed McGonagall, who appeared to be slightly excited by Gilderoy's bikini. The lovely shade of pink really enhanced his spell-casting abilities. He tried to steal McGonagall's unusually large banana suit, stolen from his hospital room. Billy sang on. Out of nowhere, QoHG action figures started dancing in an elegant manner. Tonks ate ice cream with chocolate chips and cookie dough with a glow-in-the-dark decoder ring. Harry sang a tune, just like Billy. Harry and Billy sang a duet to Sirius and his fellow displaced people and skeletons galore. Everyone cheered! "That was so childish," Gilderoy said, as he tangoed with Minerva McGonagall around the lake. Estella decided to snog Colin, since he said, "Hey." Mr. DJ put a record on. "I wanna dance tonight and maybe snog my baby Minerva." "I did nothing of the sort!" yelled Tonks, while she made a carrot dance. "And I never¾" Out of nowhere, a dancing banana and a confused elephant leaped into a giant pit of ice cream. "¾liked monkeys today!" Gilderoy Lockhart snogged a portrait of himself, while he admired his bikini. "Oh, golly!" said Snape, covering his head with a very wet towel. "I feel pretty. . . . Oh, so pretty!" "Not the Pretty!" Just then, Tonks announced her intention to perform West Side Story in front of the Dursleys' sorry little faces. Dudley wet his hair and dived under the house. Aunt Petunia shouted. "No life!" wailed Mrs. Weasley, knitting some tartan pajamas for Fred and George, while they were trying to sneak their new "sweets" into Sirius' and Voldemort's wedding. "April Fool!" shouted everyone but Replication. McGonagall hugged Sirius, as everyone tangoed and Hokey Pokeyed their way to the Mall Behind the Veil. "Alas, the leather pants are not on the TV, but are on sale," Draco said, as he ate sushi for the five hundred fifty-fifth time that day. Then another round of Harry and Ginny snogging sessions aired on television around the world. "Amazing!" exclaimed Billy, while he robbed Umbridge's office. Kingsley ate spaghetti with his toes, and Percy joined in. "The socks are in the mail," said Ginny. Meanwhile, Ron ate huge bars of chocolate, because it was Peanut Butter Jelly Time! "Oh, my God!" exclaimed a random Tim Burton fan. "I can't believe you snogged that QoHG action figure!" "I love the Queens of H/G," said Lee, shaking confetti off his stolen bowler hat and grinning crookedly at Umbridge's toad-like face. The fan started collecting all of the QoHG action figures and made Ron drool. "Gimme that!" Ron shouted, grabbing the tiara on Hermione's head. "It's Sirius' and Voldie's wedding." "No, it's not!" cried Sirius, gagging at the very thought of his marrying Lord Thingy. "Sirius, dear, it's okay. It's only a bad dream!" "I'd rather dream of marrying Umbridge!!!!!!!!" cried Voldemort, as Umbridge gleefully walked into Professor McGonagall. McGonagall threw off her tiara and punched Umbridge's nose. A mighty cheer rang throughout the Great Hall. Students gathered together to celebrate this great moment in the most recent history. "Hoist the cupcakes! I will kill the next person who sets foot in the Mall Behind the Veil to buy leather pants." "NO!" Draco the slimeball quaked. Fluffy met up with a nice Labrador retriever and sang the H/G theme song, which is sung by Billy. It is called "White Wedding." Billy decided to disco yet again with Sirius, while he ran around screaming, "RISKY!" at the cocktail bar. Tonks began to snog Snape. Suddenly, a large Quaffle came and hit Umbridge in the face. "Where have all the roast dolphins gone?" asked Bill. "I ate them," growled Moody. He burped and blew his magic eye into Harry's tartan boxer shorts. "Excuse my French," said Voldemort Black, blushing. Suddenly, Crookshanks went ballistic when Moody ripped apart Ron's omelet and forked his strawberry edible lipstick and plastered F.T.S. flyers on Bob Vila's nose. "Hey, there's just enough time for a tea party!!" said Filch, while dancing like an Egyptian. Fawkes swooped down onto the floor, drunk with delight. He then proceeded to begin to jig to "Whiskey in the Hen House." Ron started clucking for sheer entertainment purposes. Hermione looked at Ron's disco suit and laughed and rolled her eyes. Ron was very glad to have his very own rock band. He sang with Billy. The others chuckled, while Voldemort ran and skipped gleefully. "Ring around the rosy, pocketful of Flobberworms, ashes, ashes, we'll die sometime." "I've always loved your dancing skeleton. But alas, they were forced to remove them from the GT boards when the Queens got mad and punished Lockhart and Umbridge." "The Queens rock!" sang Billy and Paul McCartney. "Paul! Are you doing another song about your devotion to tofu cheesecake? It's delicious!" said Dumbledore. "I completely agree," added Estella. "When I bite into its tofu-y goodness, I wanna go to the shore and race jet skis."
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