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Author: Author by Night Story: Beholders Rating: Teens Setting: DH-interview Status: Completed Reviews: 2 Words: 20,690
December 1997
Ron hadn’t understood his mother’s logic at the time, of course. Nor had he realized that she’d died young — for a witch, anyway — because her heart had been lost with all those who’d died before. He’d just understood that it was Christmas and his grandmother was gone and it wasn’t fair. Ron had loved his grandmother — she was the one who taught him to play chess, who gave him his first Marvin Miggs comic book, who was always around when his parents weren’t. That Christmas had been the worst one he’d ever had. Until now. Since the age of eleven, Ron had spent every single Christmas with Harry. Almost every Christmas with Hermione. And now, they were gone. They were gone? Ron laughed bitterly to himself as he listened to the noise downstairs. He was the one who’d left them. Who’d let Hermione scream for him as he walked away, pretending not to hear or care. Hermione… Ron closed his eyes. She would know how to find Harry. Because in an ideal situation, she would have come with— What was he thinking? She wouldn’t have left in the first place. Hermione was smart. What smart person would leave Harry when he was being hunted down by bloody You-Know-Who? Ron had considered contacting Ginny, because he knew she would understand what the Horcrux had done to his mind. You-Know-Who had done things to her, too. But he’d told his sister that above all else, he’d watch out for her boyfriend. “He’s my best mate, Gin,” Ron said. Ginny looked pensive. “Being someone’s friend doesn’t guarantee—” “Have I ever let anything happen to him before?” Ginny’s face had brightened, and she’d been more relaxed after that. What if that was her source of comfort now? He couldn’t take that away from her. His parents would be wondering where Bill and Fleur were. Ron wondered if they were suspicious. They had no reason to know he was there, but the excuse that they wanted to spend Christmas Eve alone must have seemed odd, all things considered. They were at least going to The Burrow tomorrow for presents and brunch; Ron pretended he was okay with it, but in reality, it would be a very lonely morning. “Ron?” Ron hadn’t even heard Bill come into his room. “Remus and Tonks are here,” he said. “I can hear that.” “You should come down. They’re not going to be long.” “They don’t know I’m here.” “Actually, they do.” Ron leaped to his feet. “What? How?” “We told them. We thought someone from the Order should know, in case anything happened.” Ron gave Bill a don’t-be-depressing look. “They want to see you. They’ve been worried.” Why would they want to see him? So they could scold him? Laugh at him? “You know, you at least owe Tonks the news that you came across her dad,” Bill said, more quietly now. “You’re just like Mum with your guilt trips,” Ron snapped. “It’s in the family.” Ron made his way downstairs slowly, hoping that by the time he reached the ground floor, they’d be gone. Instead, they were sitting on the couch. Tonks’s hair was green today, with silver highlights. Her belly was big. Both she and Remus looked tired, but he seemed to be in good spirits otherwise, at least. “Erm — hello,” Ron said. “Fancy running into you.” Why does everything I say have to be a stupid joke? “Ron!” Tonks hurried up and gave him a quick hug. “How are you?” “Fine, I guess.” Remus hadn’t got up yet; he was staring at Ron fixedly. He hates me, Ron thought to himself miserably. “Right.” Tonks exhaled. “Well, then.” “You’re really getting big,” Ron remarked. “Ron!” For a minute Ron thought Hermione had scolded him, but it was just his imagination. All the same, he realized what he’d just said, and felt his ears getting red. “I mean, because of the baby, not because you’re fat.” Tonks laughed. “I know what you mean, and yes, I am.” Ron tried to remember what his mother usually asked when someone was expecting. “D’you have any names yet?” Tonks shook her head. “We considered Sirius, but then realized Harry might want it for his own.” Ron’s stomach lurched at the mention of his friend. “Oh. Right. Harry.” Remus stood. “Ron, why don’t you and I have a word?” “Alone?” “Yes. I think that might be best. Bill, do you mind if we…?” “Not at all. We have a small cellar, if you’d like.” The cellar was cold, and it made Ron even more tense. Remus was going to let him have it… and Ron knew he’d either get upset and start yelling back, which hadn’t worked out particularly well lately, or stand there gobsmacked. “Ron?” Ron realized Remus had asked him something. “Sorry?” “Would you like a brandy? Or there’s Butterbeer.” “Erm — no, thanks. I’m fine.” “Chocolate, then?” “No…” “Here.” Remus pulled out some from his pocket, and handed it to Ron. “It helps when you have too many thoughts.” That was one way of putting it. Ron took the chocolate gratefully, and to his surprise, he began to feel more relaxed. Well, it had worked for Dementors all those years ago… “I know what you’re thinking,” Remus continued. “You — you do?” Remus nodded. “You’re thinking that I ought to be angry with you; after all, you abandoned your best friend, with whom I have a strong personal connection.” “That’s about it, yeah.” “I’m not angry, Ron. You’re not the only one who has made mistakes lately. I believe you were present when I lashed out at Harry.” “I thought he was a bit harsh with you,” Ron said fairly. Remus laughed wryly. “No, he was right. I was being stupid — again. I almost lost her again, because I didn’t think I was good enough for her.” “I think I already have,” Ron blurted. “I’m sorry?” “Nothing.” “Ah.” Remus had a knowing look on his face. “Hermione. Yes, Dora and I always reckoned… and you’re worried she doesn’t feel the same way?” “I’m — it’s complicated.” Ron sighed. “I should be sure she does, but then I worry maybe she doesn’t, and the — something I came across made me doubt it even more. Made me wonder if she wasn’t even in love with Harry. I know it was evil, I know it just wanted to hurt me, but at the same time it made me think all sorts of horrible thoughts. That Hermione preferred Harry because he’s — well, Harry, that…” Ron stopped. He hadn’t meant to admit that, and he certainly wasn’t going to talk about all of the other stupid things the Horcrux made him think about. “It was a stupid reason to leave him. That’s what the — thing wanted me to do.” “War messes with our minds,” Remus told him. “You’re hardly the first. I’ve pushed away many people.” “You didn’t abandon them in the middle of nowhere!” “Does it matter?” Remus shook his head. “In the end, though, what you have to do is remember you’re better off with the people you care about, not without.” “It’s too late for that. It’s been too long, I’ve said too much. They’re probably snogging along fine without me anyway.” And there it was again. At this rate he was going to have to talk to one of those Mind Healers Ginny had seen after her first year at Hogwarts. “Or maybe they miss you more than they can bear. You don’t know. You do know, I think, that they need you, and you miss them.” “I don’t know where they are.” “Has that honestly stopped you before?” Ron shook his head. “No. But wait — you’re encouraging me to find them?” “’Encouraging’ is the wrong word,” Remus said, “because I’d much rather you stay safe. You’re young, and I would hate it if something happened to you. But I also know Harry needs his best friends, both of them, and I know should anything go wrong, you’ll never be able to live with yourself. Therefore, yes, I suppose I am… giving you options.” Ron smiled despite himself. “Thanks. Bill and Fleur will kill you, though.” “I think they already know your stay is temporary.” “Just one thing, though — how can I possibly find them?” “Oh, I’m sure you’ll find a way,” Remus said. “Surely you have something amongst your possessions that will be of use.” “I-I guess?” “Stop doubting yourself. Of course you do. And if you don’t, you’ll make something be of use.” “Are you two okay down there?” Tonks’s voice called. Ron and Remus looked at each other. “I’m fine now,” Ron told him. “Thank you.” “Anytime.” Ron told Tonks about her father; both Remus and Tonks were visibly relieved, and left looking more energized than they’d arrived. Bill, Fleur and Ron had dinner by the fire, and Fleur told them all about Gabrielle’s year at Beauxbatons. “How did they get home, anyway?” Ron asked. “If Charlie couldn’t leave…” “I told zem to Disapparate when zee Death Eaters first came,” Fleur explained, looking sad. Ron understood why; her parents had barely enjoyed any time with her and Bill as a married couple. They really had got the short stick. “If we get out of this, we ought to throw you two another reception,” he said. Fleur shrugged. “No, it is what it is. When this is over I zink we will want to move on.” “Absolutely,” Bill agreed. “Besides, everyone got to see us at the altar. Well, not Hestia or Dedalus, but almost everyone.” They went to bed after that; Ron didn’t sleep well. It was hard to. The next morning was lonely, as expected. Ron was holding the Deluminator — taking Remus’s advice — and listening to the radio when he heard something. He paused, and listened carefully. He heard it again… but it couldn’t be… Ron realized, after a few minutes, that he knew how to find Harry and Hermione. Would they be mad to see him? Ron grinned ironically; Harry would probably stammer, going from shocked to angry to pleased very quickly. Hermione would be angry and yell at him, the birds might even make a reappearance, but she'd secretly be pleased, too. Or at least, Ron hoped that would be the outcome. No — he needed to assume that it would be. Otherwise, those insecurities would stop him, and he couldn't let that happen this time. When Bill and Fleur returned, Ron had packed; they clearly weren't happy, but as Remus had suggested, seemed unsurprised. “Be careful, Ron,” Bill told him after a tight hug. “If you snuff it, Mum will never forgive me.” “You too. Give this to Lupin.” Ron handed him a piece of parchment, hugged Fleur, and went on his way. Professor Lupin,
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