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Author: St Margarets Story: Red Is The Heart Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 9 Words: 91,556
Harry sat on the floor of the storeroom waiting for Tonks to return. He hadn't said a word since Hermione's furious warning about acting recklessly. Ginny was pacing in front of the open backdoor, her arms crossed in front of her. Ron was watching Hermione and Ginny with a worried look on his face. Their angry words hung in the air, as palatable as the dust of the wreckage of the pub. Giles, the Auror, kept peeking in at them curiously from the door. The tension was broken when Tonks Apparated back from the play park. "Your little boy is safe and sound. Name's Bruce. I went to school with Bruce's mum, so we had a little chat. Seems you two have been snogging all over Hogsmeade." Embarrassed, Harry glanced at Ginny's set face. That interlude at the park seemed a lifetime ago. "You're going to have to find some better places for your – er – extra-curricular activities. I'll have to tell you some good spots at Hogwarts." "You can't go corrupting the students, Missy. They don't need any more ideas," Giles said, not bothering to hide his eavesdropping. She waved him away. "They're corrupting each other. Still – it's good they managed to notice that little boy, considering how busy they've been." Ron was thinking ahead. "Do you think they'll ever let us come back to Hogsmeade?" "I don't know. Probably – if you can get a permission slip signed. I don't know how many parents will be keen, though." Tonks shrugged. "These attackers weren't very skillful. I'd say they're new recruits, sent here to terrorize more than anything. I'm sure they'll have new security measures up. You can't stay in the castle all winter. Although, it could be cozy with the right person." She winked at Harry, and then turned to Giles. "Have they given the all clear?" "Yeah, looks like it was just these foreign idiots. The kiddies are safe enough to go back to school." Giles shrugged. "And it's quiet enough for us to go back to the Ministry." He shook his finger at Tonks. "You do the paperwork this time. The wife was not happy I was called out on a Saturday." "The wife," Tonks snorted. "Think you would have bothered to learn her name, in all these years, Giles." "Jus' sayin' it to get your attention." "I'm not doing the paperwork alone – I have a life too." Then she added, "How do you know I don't have an impatient lover waiting for me?" "'Cause no one impatient could spend more than two hours in your presence." He rolled his eyes. "Nah – I've seen the bloke you're going round with. Disposition of an angel, I'd say." Tonks waggled her eyebrows. "Soon to be fallen, I hope." "Merlin help us all," Giles said, looking heavenward. "Time to go," Tonks said. She turned to Harry and the others. "You lot should be proud. Remus told me about how well your DA group did with Shield Charms –looks like it came in handy today." * Once the Aurors were gone, the awkward tension returned. Harry stood up and moved toward Ginny, but Hermione's voice stopped him in his tracks. "I hope you learned something from this, Harry." "Like what?' he snapped. "Like you can leave all the rescuing to the qualified people. You didn't have to do it." He shrugged. He really didn't know what to say. Hermione should know as well as he did that often there weren't any convenient adults around, but he certainly wasn't going to argue the point now. Hermione was stretched taunt with nerves, ready to snap. "What happens the next time?" Ginny asked Hermione in a voice vibrating with emotion. He could see how angry she was, how she was spoiling for a fight. His heart sank at her tone. "What happens when Harry is called to do something and there aren't loads of Aurors ready to go? He waits around to get approval from you?" "There won't be a next time!" Hermione said furiously. "There doesn't have to be a next time! If Harry just minds his own business, listens to Dumbledore, and follows the rules nothing bad is going to happen." Ginny's mouth dropped open. "You really believe that? I thought you were the smart one. Look what happened today." Ron stepped between the two of them. But Hermione pushed past him. "I am the smart one. I was right. I told Harry not to go to the Department of Mysteries." She rubbed her arm where the sleeve was torn and said in a quieter voice. "But I wasn't smart enough was I? I listened to you two – " At this she rounded on Ron. "I was outnumbered. And we ended up in Umbridge's office instead of remembering Professor Snape." She turned back to Ginny, anguish in her voice. "And Sirius was killed. So I am going to do everything in my power from having him make another mistake!" "But – they're his mistakes to make, Hermione – not yours." "No, his mistakes affect all of us. So do mine." She look around at them a bit wildly. "We can't make any more mistakes!" "But that's impossible!" Ginny protested. "Well, let's start with the basics," Hermione said sarcastically. "You were going to run into a street full of Dementors." Ginny paled and bit her lip. Hermione turned to Harry. "You'd better decide what's good for you in all of this – the stakes are a little higher than your hormones!" Then she covered her mouth, as if she just realized what she had said. She stared at him with brimming eyes and then fled the storeroom. Ron watched her go, apprehension on his face. Ginny asked in a small voice, "Aren't you going to say something?" Harry couldn't think of one thing to say to comfort Ginny. His mind was reeling from the painful truths about himself. He understood the pain behind Hermione's anger – pain he had caused. And then there was Ginny. He wasn't sure why she had picked that argument with Hermione, but every second of his silence was tearing her inside. He could see that clearly. "Ginny, I – " She spun on her heel and was gone before he had a chance to say another word. Harry was left with Ron. He was afraid to look at him. He didn't want to see that same look of accusation that had been on Hermione's face – they had never talked about Sirius. They had never talked about Ron's injuries for that matter. They stood there together in the quiet storeroom. They could hear the sounds of Madam Rosmerta and others cleaning up the mess. He wondered whose side Ron was going to take, because Ron knew both girls, Ron loved both girls. When he finally looked up, he realized that of all the sides Ron was going to take, he was taking the one Harry least expected: Ron was on his side. "What should I do?" Harry said in a voice torn from his depths. "Ginny –" Ron said, "go after her." Some of the tightness eased in his chest. "You think? I mean everything Hermione said was true." "It was true from her point of view," Ron said cryptically. "This attack – it was a complete surprise and brought back a lot of bad memories." "But she did fine – she helped those third years." "I know, I told her that too. That was about all the excitement she could take, and then you two were going to go storming off . . ." "But we weren't –" Ron held up a hand. "She couldn't live with the guilt it anything happened to you – especially if she hadn't done everything in her power to stop you. Look – I'll take care of Hermione – we've talked about all this before – and I know you and Hermione will work it out in time – but I wouldn't let it go with Ginny." Without another word, Harry bolted out of the door. He saw her walking up the hill, her shoulders stiff, and her head downcast. He ran all the way up, never taking his eyes off of her, the air tearing into his aching lungs. "Ginny," he panted, "Ginny please stop. We have to talk." She whirled around and said in a cold voice, "About what? How guilty you feel? How you are the worst person on the planet? No wait – how I'm the worst person on the planet. We haven't gotten to that one yet. Should make for a fun afternoon. No thanks, Harry." With that she put her head down, and continued climbing the path. "Ginny – no! You're not giving me a chance." "You're right, I'm not being fair – must be my hormones. Or is it your hormones? I'm not sure which. Ask Hermione – she'd know." "Stop it! She didn't mean that – really." He was in front of her now. "This has nothing to do with Hermione, anyway – this is between you and me." "You let her say those things. You didn't stand up for me," she said with a break in her voice. "I wasn't prepared for you two to start arguing. I'm sorry – I –" "Do you agree with what she said?" Ginny asked, looking at the ground. "I don't know what I think." Harry ran his hand through his hair and looked around. On this high hill he could see the roofs of Hogsmeade in the distance. He took a deep breath. At least Ginny wasn't yelling anymore. "I need you to help me know what I think." Ginny sighed. "Why me?" "Because I trust you," he blurted out. Seeing her push her hair back nervously made him realize what an incredible thing that was to say. She looked at him searchingly and asked in a halting voice, "Even after the mistakes I made? Because Hermione is right." She drew a deep breath. "I have made a lot of mistakes." "I do trust you." Harry realized suddenly why he trusted her. Because of her mistakes she understood about guilt and how to get beyond it. This was something he and Hermione were both trying to cope with. "At least you've learned something from your mistakes." "How do you know I won't make more?" she asked, looking a little frightened. "What if Hermione's right and I mess things up for you? There is a lot at stake." He looked into her eyes. "Then that's my mistake to make isn't it?" She stared back for a moment and then nodded. "Let's sit over here." Down a short path there was a clearing amidst the pines. They sat on a large, flat boulder, which was warm from the sun. Harry didn't know how to start. "Um –" Ginny got up abruptly and started to pace. "It's hard to talk to you when you're doing that." "I can't help it. I don't have any patience left. I can't deal with you doubting yourself." "How can I not doubt?" He spread his hands helplessly. "Hermione was right – look what happened at the Ministry." "Look." Ginny stopped in front of him with her hands on her hips. "Just let that be a lesson to stop and think about your information before rushing off. But don't let that stifle who you are. Don't hate that part of yourself." "Maybe Hermione's right. Maybe I do have a saving people thing. And maybe that's the wrong way to be." He couldn't keep the lost sound out of his voice. "Stop it! Just stop it!" she practically shouted. She looked him in the eye and said in a quieter voice. "Don't I know you? Don't I know what your heart is capable of? You came for me when no one else thought it possible." She swung around and stared off into the woods. Then she took a deep breath and said in a firm voice, "You are never going to be completely safe and neither will I. I'd rather you be you, than be safe!" Then Harry realized what he needed to do. He was going to have to face this part of himself – this part that lead him to danger and caused people pain. Ginny seemed to understand it better than he did. He said to her back, "You know those lessons I've been having with Dumbledore?" She turned in surprise and nodded jerkily. "I have to do this thing called a Chrysalis charm. It's a way for me to leave Hogwarts quickly, but it's also a way to – " How could he explain this? "It's a way to understand . . . . It's hard to explain." She was watching him expectantly. "I want to do it now – to see – about this saving people thing. But I need you to watch over me." "What do you mean?" "Don't let a bird pick me up or anything – you'll see." Before he could change his mind, he said the incantation. He felt the familiar grip on his chest and saw the smoky whirlwind. He was a young boy again, up in a dead tree, terrified. Snarling dogs with sharp teeth jumped to bite him. He could feel their hot breath. The Dursleys were laughing. No one cared about him. There was only despair. The tree was the only solid thing holding him above the frenzy and it was dead . . . The whirlwind changed. It was greenish in color. Sirius was being tortured. Voldemort was sending wave after wave of pain through his body. Harry felt that pain, just as he had felt it in the graveyard. He had to stop it – stop the agony before it ripped him to shreds. He was Sirius ordered to stay put. But the boy . . . he looked like James. The boy was at the Ministry. Anxiety bubbled in his veins – his head felt light. He knew what they would do to him – the prison walls weren't high enough to stop him . . . He was Sirius going to rescue Harry. The light changed to green – that strange fetid green that came from the moldy tunnel leading to the Chamber. She was here. A monster was hurting her. It would be horrible to look upon. That pretty, happy girl – she was in this ugly place. He saw her, saw her streaming hair; he turned her over. She was white, white as death. Don't be dead, he said – but it wasn't a girl anymore – it was a boy – who looked just like him. A boy who made terrible mistakes – yet this boy didn't deserve to die at the hands of Tom Riddle. It was too much. He couldn't do it anymore. He pushed the magic away. The clutching pain in his chest eased. He opened his eyes, breathing hard. Ginny and the beautiful sunny day were still there. He was lying on the ground next to the boulder. He put his hand on the rock and felt its rough, warm texture. She sat next to him and put his head in her lap. She was pale, and her lip trembled. "What did you do? Did you go into that pod thing? Because you were here and then you disappeared." He waited to catch his breath. "What color was it?" "It was black – but then it changed slowly to green." "Oh." He closed his eyes giving in to the exhaustion. He felt her hand gently brushing his forehead. "Are you ok?" "Yeah." He sat up slowly and leaned against the rock. "You were right. That saving people thing. It is me." He paused, he didn't know if he should try to tell her the rest. What would she say? "It is me. And it is everybody else too." She frowned, listening intently. "I was rescuing and being rescued. It was like I was two people." "What did you see?" she asked, looking a little afraid. "I saw Sirius. I saw me. I saw you in the Chamber." "You did?" She looked eleven again, with her hair all messed up and the lost look in her eyes. "When I rescued you, I rescued me too." "I don't understand." "I don't either. But I know it's true." He reached out to her and pulled her into his embrace. He felt her tears on his shoulder. "Did you know I heard you?" She was speaking into his shoulder so her voice was muffled. "No." "You said, 'Please don't be dead, Ginny.' And I thought, Harry doesn't want me to die." She was trembling as she spoke. "Tom wants me to die. But Harry doesn't. I won't die." He tightened his hold on her, as she wept with her head on his shoulder. "I thought I deserved to die – for all the things I had done – Tom told me I did." It was hard to see the clearing through his own tears. He had to wait for the thickness in his throat to abate before he could speak. "Did you feel that no one would come because you weren't worth anything? I felt that – just now. I felt I was the one lying there feeling like that." "How could you have felt that? How could you have known that about me?" she asked, still crying a little. "Because when I saved you, I saved myself." "I still don't understand." "I don't either." They didn't speak again for a long time. Ginny couldn't stop crying, perhaps it was a delayed reaction from the attack, or maybe it was a long overdue reaction to what happened to her in the Chamber; Harry didn't know. He was feeling shaky and emotional himself. He stroked her hair, which was tangled and rough. So he conjured a comb and started to work through all the knots. Ginny quieted at this and faced away from him just like she had done at Sirius's house. As he worked, he thought about seeing her hair in the distance in the chamber. She could have died. He had never let himself think of that before. Now he understood why. It was too horrible to contemplate. He could have failed. Ginny could have been the first in the long line of mistakes he had made. But you didn't fail, he thought. She was here – in front of him – warm and alive. And for that he was so profoundly grateful, he had to fight back tears. He looked up at the blue sky and the green of the pines. They were reassuringly alive too. It calmed him enough to continue to comb her hair. It took a long time – especially to extract the remaining clasp. Then he started to braid the bright tresses. "I never got to practice." "No – you never had a chance to shock Ron." The wind rustled the trees. The pattern of the braid made its own motion. First the right went to the center, then the left – up and over – until it was done. He felt soothed by this silent act, by this contact with her. He clipped the clasp on the end of the plait. "How did you do?" she asked feeling the braid with her hand. "Rope looks a little sturdier this time." "We should get back," Ginny said in a subdued voice. It was starting to get dark. Even though it wasn't very late, the sun set before supper this time of year. "Are you ok?" "I'm just tired." She did sound weary all of a sudden, so Harry didn't press her to talk. It would surely come up later. It was getting too dark to see the path back to Hogwarts clearly, but they pressed on in silence, holding hands. Harry wasn't paying much attention to their surroundings, so he almost stumbled into the iridescent wall blocking the path. It was something huge, textured and gleaming – like a mountain of blue jewels. They stopped in their tracks. It was the Swedish Short-Snout, fast asleep. "I think we've tickled enough dragons today," she murmured in his ear. They veered into the forest, trying to skirt around the dragon, without getting too far away from the castle. Ginny used her wand to light the way, and Harry used the Four-Point Spell to keep them on course. Eventually they came to a place where they could enter the Hogwarts grounds out of sight of the dragon. "We're really late now," Harry said, looking at the distance lights of the castle. "How much trouble are we going to be in?" Ginny wondered. "A lot," a voice answered from the darkness. It sounded just like Snape.
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