Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling, and various
other affiliates. No profit is intended in the publication of this
story.
Harry felt numb; he was just coming back from
Dumbledore's office after hearing the prophecy. On top of losing Sirius
and dragging his friends to the Department of Mysteries, he now had to
deal with this. He needed to get out of here, out of this place and out
of this situation.
He wandered aimlessly, the chattering of
the students' idle gossip was a red flag to his emotions. He climbed
the stairs and hid in secret passageways, finding no solitude in the
dark damp walls. It would seem even the paintings were against him,
mocking him by their desperate way of existence; the very way they
clung onto life, still living and going on living.
The knot in
his stomach was reaching painful heights. His reply was cruel; it
reminded him that he was still alive, if only to exist to defeat
Voldemort. He did not deserve to live, his only purpose for existence
was to kill, or be killed.
"Some future, Potter." Harry mumbled to himself.
He
had somehow ended up in the astronomy tower. The cold morning air
ripped at his face. The feeling of pain was a comfort to him. He
crouched down and sat on the cold stone floor. A small tear fell from
his eye. Harry closed his eyes to the world, hugging his legs to
himself and rocking back and forth.
*
*
* *
Hermione awoke
with a start, the pain in her chest causing her to cry out. She looked
around, she was not dead, and the pain confirmed this. She had
thought all of this was a dream, that it was a horrible travesty of
memories filling her mind and tearing at her soul. But the reality was
even more horrible to comprehend. She had a feeling that something was
not right. She turned her head and saw Ron in the bed next to her
asleep.
She needed to see Harry. A feeling of dread consumed
her. She knew he was in pain and that he needed someone to talk to.
Maybe Sirius could help him? He had always helped Harry in some way or
another. She was brought out of her thoughts as Ron stirred. The look
in his eyes mirrored the feelings Hermione felt. There was something
else though. There was more pain and sorrow there than she had ever
seen from one so close to her.
She felt cold. Death had
tried to take her, tried to get its grip on her very being, but she had
resisted. She had seen the look of her mortal existence, and it pleased
her to know she had beaten death for now. She pulled the covers more
tightly over her. She felt safer now that she was awake, and away from
the dreams which haunted her.
*
*
* *
Ron woke up; the
pain from his arms was preferable to the pain in his heart. How do you
tell somebody you know that they had died? How do you tell somebody you
know that they had died a wasteful death? How can you help the person,
that you think of as a brother, deal with something even you are
struggling to come to terms with? That you do not want to come to terms
with? For in doing so, it finalizes the death of somebody close to you?
He
knew Harry was okay. The bond he shared with Harry was strong, akin to
blood brothers. No, this he had to do; he had to help his brother. He
had to help him realise that the people around him were strong, and
that they were stronger together, as a group.
Ron felt
ashamed; whilst Harry had been duelling, he had been running, and while
Harry had been leading the Death Eaters away from them, he had been
fighting the brain tentacles he had unwittingly summoned. Ron felt
ashamed; he had let down his friends and his sister. Hermione was
right, it had been a trap. Why hadn't he believed her? Was it just to
win an argument? Was it just to prove her wrong? The pain flared in his
arms again as a welcome reminder of his failure to his friends.
*
*
* *
Ginny sat on the
bed, her ankle fully healed. Her memories, however, were another thing,
as was the fear that was running through her. She had always wanted to
be in the group. Well, now that she was in it, and had had first hand
knowledge of their little adventures, she did not want to feel that
scared again. The image of Harry standing in front of her and
protecting her filled her with hope, although it was quickly quashed
with the news of Sirius. He had died a meaningless and wasteful death.
A stray tear fell down her cheek. She was not going to cry and show
weakness, she was stronger than that. She had to be strong for the
group; for Harry.
At the thought of Harry all alone and in
immeasurable pain, she wept. He had shown such strength. He always
overcame his sense of fear in he face of adversary, and it was this
that frightened her the most. How was he coping? Where was he? Why was
he not with them? If he was not here to see her, then surely to see Ron
and Hermione? This could be the final straw for Harry. It could be the
event from which he might never return and he might draw into himself.
The death of Sirius could be a death sentence for his heart. He could
pull into himself and exclude all others.
"I won't let him; it is my turn to save Harry." Ginny mumbled defiantly to herself, before falling into an uneasy sleep.
*
*
* *
When Harry woke
up, it was twilight; the sun had given up its claim of the day. Harry
shivered and pulled his robes over himself. Had he really slept all
day? Why had nobody come for him? Harry could think of one reason, but
was it the right reason? They blamed him for Sirius's death. They must
have blamed him, for he was the reason that Sirius was dead. Because he
had failed to master Occlumencey, he had led his friends down to the
Department of Mysteries. He lead then to fight with Death Eaters.
When was this going to end? Harry knew the answer. "To kill or be
killed." Could he really kill the most evil wizard of our time? The
answer eluded him, he could not think straight.
Harry rose
up from his crouched position, his legs screaming in protest. He felt
dizzy, the lack of food was clouding his judgement. Harry looked to the
sky, though tears were hindering his fight. He had to find it. It was
here somewhere, in the black backdrop of night. The bright flickering
stars taunted him and mocked his sullen mood. Harry looked up; clouds
covered the area of sky he needed. He reached up, just to reach out for
acknowledgment. For in doing so then all of this would not be in vain.
He had to find it, to see it, just for the briefest of moments. It was
all he had left.
*
*
* *
Ginny awoke with
a start; she had a strange feeling of dread; something was not right.
She could not find Harry although she had looked in all the places Ron
had told her to look. She breathed in deeply and tried to still her
worried mind. "How does Harry do this? Where are you Harry? Please
speak to me." She had a vision of the stars under a black sky. She ran
out of the dormitory and down the stairs in the direction of the tower.
*
*
* *
Harry was tired.
He was weak. He needed to find it, to see it, and he could not rest
until he did. Continuous cloud cover fought against him and mocked him
for the failure that was his life. He was frustrated, his anger was
brewing up within him, struggling to breach its confines. Harry climbed
up on to the battlements, frantic with desire to reach out. He knew it
was futile, the distance was too great even for magic. Fury erupted
within his very soul, the battle for control was over. His anger had
once again won over his self-control. He let out a throat-tearing cry.
Never had such a sound been heard in the confines of the school. Such
was the sound that even the animals wept for him. For his grief.
*
*
* *
Ginny ran as
fast as she could, constantly tripping over her robes, her frantic
speed causing her to crash into objects. She ploughed through
regardless for she had heard a cry that held such sorrow and such grief
that she did not care. She ignored the tears falling down her face.
Harry was in trouble, he needed help. This was her chance to help him,
to offer some payback. She ran to the top of the tower. The sight she
saw would haunt her until the day she died. Harry was standing on top
of the battlements, his arms stretched out to the black lifeless sky,
with tears falling down his face and his eyes ablaze with anger.
She grabbed hold of his robes and pulled him down. They fell down in a heap on the floor.
"What
are you doing, Ginny?" Harry looked into her eyes and found only
compassion. His anger was being substituted for something else, a new
feeling that was alien to him. What was it? Could he use it? Did he
need it?
"Where have you been Harry? We were so worried." Ginny asked, her voice full of concern.
"I've been up here all day," Harry could hardly talk as his throat was sore.
"What have you been doing Harry?" Her voice was quiet and gentle.
"Looking for something, but I can't find it," said Harry bowing his head in defeat.
"What are you looking for up here?" She placed her hand on Harry's arm.
He looked up at her, and although his tears were clouding his vision he could make out that Ginny was crying as well.
"A sign, a signal. I just don't know, I don't know anything anymore." Harry sighed and lowered his head further.
Once more Ginny took his arm, and this time lifted his head too.
"Let's
look for your sign Harry." She had a fairly good idea what Harry was
looking for, but the cloud cover would hinder them. She saw the look of
total dejection in his eyes, and embraced him to her breast, stroking
his hair and rocking him back and forth. Harry finally broke down, the
tears falling freely. He had no desire to stop them, nor did he have
the ability to. All he wanted was for the pain to subside.
"I miss him so much. I'm so sorry I failed you Sirius." He said, his voice choked with tears.
"What are you on about Harry?" Ginny asked politely.
"It
was a trap, Ginny, and I fell for it. I nearly got all of you killed
and it's all my fault." Harry sobbed uncontrollably. She embraced him
tighter, trying to take away his pain and suffering.
* * *
They
did not know how long they stayed there, as they were oblivious to
their surroundings. A light breeze blew around them, causing them both
to shiver and bringing them back from their grief. Ginny looked up to
the sky and smiled.
"Harry look up, and tell me what you see." Harry wiped his eyes and looked up.
"I see hope, Ginny, hope" Harry got up and pulled Ginny up with him.
"Is that the sign you were looking for Harry?" she asked, looking up at the dark sky.
"I
don't know, Ginny. But it's better then nothing, so it will do for
now." Harry smiled and turned to Ginny. "Let's go down. I don't know
about you, but I'm hungry. Are you coming?"
"Yes Harry, I would love to." She said, sounding much more at peace with herself.
They
both left the darkness of the night and made their way down to the
kitchens. High above them in the blackness of space and time, a lone
star stood out pulsing and shining. It stood for light, power and
protection.
Sirius the Dog Star.
I would just like to thank my Beta Thekillerpie for his
wonderful work, Tante for helping me when all seemed lost and Malfidus
for just looking and helping out. Thank you.
