Uck, all those Slytherins are alike, aren't they? Enjoy this anthem of Pureblood love, sung by, but of course, that quintessential Slytherin, Draco Malfoy. We all know he'll only go for those Pureblood witches, but he's not the only picky bachelor out there. Read Draco's rendition of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" with this, "Witches Got Pure."
*Spoken by two Muggleborns* Oh. My. God. Penny, look at that witch. She's so... pure! She looks like one of those Death Eater chicks. Who understands those Death Eaters? They only talk to her because she looks like a total Slytherin. I mean her family, it's just so... noble! I can't believe there are no Muggles, it's just... odd! I mean, come on? Look, she's just so...pure!
I like Purebloods and I cannot lie, You other wizards can't deny, That when a witch walks in from a Pureblood home, And lineage to match your own, You get charmed. But then you cast a hex, 'Cause you discover that she's a mix. Pure in the genes she's carryin' I'm spellbound, and can't stop starin'. Oh, Pansy, I want to impress ya', Buy you a pink dress, uh. Halfbloods try to boot me, But I just want some Pure booty! Ooh, pure witches grooming, You say you wanna ride my broom? Well jinx me, jinx me, you ain't that average minx, see,
I've seen Yule dancin', Muggle romancin', It's long, wrong, got it goin' like a Deathday song.
I'm tired of the Ministry Saying mixes are to be. Take the average Pureblood and ask him that. She gotta procure the pure.
So wizards (yeah), wizards (yeah), Has your girlfriend got the blood? (hell yeah!) Well keep it, keep it, keep it, keep it, keep that blood so rich. Witches got pure.
I like 'em fine and rich, And when I'm chasing that Snitch, I just can't help myself. I hunt them like an animal; A Slytherin scandal.
I'll take you home, And Nox, double up Nox Nox! I ain't talking 'bout halfbloods, 'Cause impure parts are always duds. I want a real pureblood beauty. So find that noble hottie, Malfoy's just rotting, Beggin' for a piece of that body. So he's lookin' at Gladrags, Those Muggle-born models are just like hags. You can have those drags. I'll keep my witches that I have. A word to the pureblood sistas, I wanna get with ya'. I won't hex or hit ya'. But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna curse, Till the break of dawn. You know you got it goin' on, A lot of gits won't like this song. 'Cause Gryffindors just leave and grieve, But I'd rather last and cast. My wands long, and it's strong, And I'm getting my spells turned on.
So witches (yeah), witches (yeah), Do you wanna pose in my pictures? (hell yeah) Turn up your nose, Huff and pout, Even Halfbloods got to shout, Witches got pure.
Yeah, baby. When it comes to females, Lockheart ain't got nothing to do with my selection. Every 24-7, There'sa Pureblood girl for me.
So your witch rides a Cleansweep? Buying second hand books, torn and cheap. But cheap ain't gonna buy anything but a Cleansweep.
My polished wand don't want none, unless you are pure, Hun! You can flirt with stupid 'Mud, but please don't tinge that blood. Some wizards wanna date that mold. Say your blood ain't worth its gold. So they break up and leave you, And I fly up quick to retrieve it. So the Order is your enemy, Well that don't bother me. 'Cause your blood is pure and your vault is flowin', And I'm thinkin' about going, To the fancy dames in the magazine. "You ain't it, Miss Thing." Give me a witch, I cannot resist, Fortune and wealth did miss her. Some Slytherin tried to diss her, 'Cause his girls were on my list. He had them, but he chose to drop 'em, And now he's sad he lost 'em.
So ladies, if the blood is pure, And you want a magic cure. Floo to 1-900- The Malboy, and come be my rich toy, Witches got pure.
A/N: *Stands up impressively, about to deliver a very important (and long) speech* I have this to say: "Wiggle, and bother. Thank you." Again, thank you!, to my reviewers, Annika, and the two addressed by the quote.