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Author: critmo Story: Per Aspera Ad Astra Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 15 Words: 15,170
4: Disaster Oddly enough realisation on both parts did not make things any better or easier. Harry even had the impression that Ginny rather avoided him for the rest of the day. She took very good care never to be alone with him and in the evening she said her good nights early, while he was talking to Charlie and had no chance to get away. In the morning she still seemed awkward around him, although everybody else was gone again. Harry even thought she would have liked to stay at the Burrow instead of going swimming with him, but it was burning hot again, and it would have been pure torture to stay inside the house. Ginny's unusual behaviour gave Harry some time to think. Maybe it was just one of these women things going on with her, but if not, then what? * * * * Does she think I'm a perfect git for staring at her? But it was her blushing, not me. So maybe she does like me ...? What an absurd thought, Potter! Yes, I know, but just in case ... What? This would be a chance for something normal, ordinary. Ordinary? Not ordinary, of course. Rather wonderful, but the question is ... Yes? Even if chances are slight that she does like me, should I waste the opportunity? What's worse: going wrong or never knowing if I could have been right? There's only one way for a Griffindor there. Glad you think so, too. * * * * At the moment realisation had hit her, Ginny had fallen into deep confusion. * * * * This cannot be, can it? Why not? Oh, he's never loved me, I've always been little Ginny to him, only Ron's sister. Are you certain? Yes? And what about this last week? I was the only one there. And how did he look at you? There was something in his eyes ... Of course there was, he's sixteen, for cryin' out loud. I don't mind if he finds me attractive, but is there more than that? * * * * She went to bed early in order to avoid any embarrassing situations, knowing full well that she was not likely to get much sleep. * * * * Why, why me? Why now? Why Harry? Well, you always were ... you know.... I had a crush on Harry ever since I've seen him for the first time, but it wore off ... after a few years. This is something completely different! Oh, is it? Yes, it is. This is ... it' s.... Yes? I love him. And he? I don't know. I think he might like me, but maybe it's just attraction. So what will you do? I don't know. I just don't want to be heart-broken. I don't want this pain. It was bad enough when it was just a crush, I fell prey to Riddle and people were almost killed, but now it would be infinitely worse. It must not happen! * * * * The next day Ginny could not avoid Harry anymore, though. It was not too bad when they were working, but when Harry asked her if she wanted to go swimming, she would have liked to refuse. Unfortunately, it was out of the question to stay in the house because it was terribly hot. So Ginny was bracing herself for the worst experience of her life. She would be out swimming with Harry-the-dish Potter, but would have to withstand the temptation to eat him alive. It turned out to be an ordeal. When Harry reached for her hand, she had no excuse not to give it to him, but she used the first opportunity she had to leave his side for a moment to look at some flowers and not join hands with him again. Harry looked irritated, but she acted as if she didn't notice. When she saw him in his swimming trunks again, it was almost too much for her, but she controlled herself. Usually they found topics to talk about easily, but not today. Harry seemed tense and Ginny was worse; she was near panic. Harry had made some remarks about the twins' business. He had tried to talk about Quidditch, but it didn't work. Ginny's answers were short - if not brusque. She could tell Harry was getting increasingly frustrated, but there was no other way. For his part, Harry felt uncomfortable, there was something wrong with Ginny; she was impatient with him; she did not want to hold his hand, but why? Had he given her offence? Could he make things up with her if he told her how he felt? He tried to get the conversation round to any point he could start from, but Ginny would effectively check all endeavours to introduce a personal note. Finally, Harry decided to get straight to the point. "Ginny, can I tell you something?" "You can tell me anything ... as long as it is funny enough to contest with the jokes of Fred and George. You know, we Weasleys set a high standard." "I'm serious." "Well, don't. The weather's not serious, and neither am I." "Please, Gin." There was so much in his using that name it almost made her cry. Shocked, she said, "Don't call me that." "Why not? You must know ...." "I don't want to know." "Ginny," he insisted with growing despair, "I'd like ...." "Well," she declared stubbornly, "life's not always what you'd like it to be." She saw his eyes change. It was like looking down a well-lit corridor: there were rooms on either side, rooms that had been opened by her during this last week. And now she could literally see how the doors of those rooms slammed shut, one after another, and the light falling through them into the corridor was blocked out; Harry's eyes went dark. "Thanks for pointing that out to me," he whispered. "I nearly forgot." He got up, grabbed his clothes and was gone before she'd even realised what she had said. When she did, tears began collecting in her eyes, then streaming down her face, as she sobbed. * * * * The weather got worse. The heat became oppressive, and people began to long for a decent thunderstorm to clear the air. The atmosphere at the Burrow was thick. Despite the stifling temperatures, Harry hardly left his room. When he did, he made quite certain not to run into Ginny accidentally. He was polite, although restrained, towards Mrs Weasley, but he did his utmost to ignore her only daughter. He never looked at her once. Her mother did, though, and Ginny was not quite sure what was worse: not even a glance from Harry, or the dissecting eyes of her mother. The first night was pure hell, she hardly slept at all, and judging from the muffled noises that came from upstairs, Harry was not peacefully lying in bed either. At one point she even tiptoed to his room, but when she put her ear to the door everything seemed to be quiet inside, and she left, not knowing if she should be disappointed or relieved. Harry was not sleeping. However, he was just so tired from pacing his room for hours and hours that he was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling decorated in orange, the colour of Ron's favourite Quidditch team, and asking himself which particularly malevolent demon might have cursed his life before he was born. The next day things were even worse. Ginny was left alone, but wherever she turned something would remind her of Harry. In the living room she found some of his books untypically neatly stacked on a shelf. When she turned to the garden she stood in front of some berths he had smoothened at her request only a few days ago, and when she turned to the field beyond the garden she even got a glimpse of Harry himself. He was standing in the window caressing Hedwig, who affectionately nibbled at his hand. A raven-haired boy with a perfectly white owl was a combination that tended to make every young witch's heart melt. Ginny knew that some girls at Hogwarts would kill to get either of them. Her daydream was disrupted when Harry noticed her, withdrew from the window and let Hedwig fly. Ginny raised her hand for Hedwig to come to her, but Harry's owl obviously shared his determination to ignore her. Harry, at the same time, had to exert all of his self control not to punch a hole into one of the walls around him. He could understand that she did not like him, he was not good looking by far and his behaviour was even worse. But the injustice of what she had said had really hit him. To stay at the Burrow any longer would be intolerable. Making sure that Ginny was still outside, he quickly made his way down the stairs to find Mrs Weasley. When he had told her that he would like to return to Grimmauld Place - alone - she looked at him sharply. "What's so terrible here?" she asked. "I'm sorry. I can't really explain this now, and I don't want to be ungrateful, but it would be much better, believe me. Please, Mrs Weasley?" She explained to him that the decision was not hers, but Dumbledore's, and the headmaster would not be available for some days, so Harry would have to wait. Harry was exasperated, but knew there was nothing to be done, so he thanked Mrs Weasley and left the kitchen in a hurry, having seen Ginny approach the back door. Ginny only saw Harry retreat and noticed a stern expression on her mother's face. "Was that Harry?" "Yes, it was." Ginny desperately wanted to know why he had come down, but she would not ask. Fortunately, her mother decided to tell her. "He asked me if he could return to Grimmauld Place as soon as possible - alone." Ginny hardly believed her ears, and although her sight was blurred by tears welling up in her eyes she could see that he mother looked at her with suspicion. She turned round abruptly and went outside again. She did not know what to do with herself. She could not concentrate on her homework, and being outside was no better than inside with the sun hiding behind light grey clouds that made the heat even more unbearable. Going swimming alone was unthinkable. It was pure misery, and Ginny sat on the bench outside the kitchen door for hours. Dinner that night was a dismal affair with only Mr and Mrs Weasley speaking. Harry gave polite answers when spoken to, but made no effort to conceal the fact that he had no interest in light table conversation. When dinner was finished, he managed to slip away without giving Ginny a chance to talk to him, and the next day he had already finished breakfast, when Ginny, feeling terrible after another restless night, appeared from her room. He obviously skipped lunch in order to stay away from her, and only appeared for dinner, which featured a surprise for both Harry and Ginny. Sitting at the kitchen table were Fred and George who were in need of some home-made cooking as they told Harry. With the twins, dinner was a much more enjoyable affair. Within a quarter of an hour they had exasperated their mother to an extent that she was close to hexing them back to Diagon Alley. Even Harry and Ginny could not avoid smiling once or twice, but both withdrew from the table as soon as possible. However, neither of them was safe. It was only minutes later that the twins, in contrast to their usual way of just Apparating in, bounced into Harry's room. "Harry!" said George. "Got a minute to spare?" finished Fred. "Would there be any use in telling you to sod off?" Harry asked with at least a hint of humour. "Nope," said Fred. "Might be amusing to ignore you, though," added George. "So go ahead, if you want to." Harry just shook his head and dropped onto the bed. "Not then. So we'll do the talking." Fred heaved himself on Ron's little desk nonchalantly. "So. You and our lil' sis'...." Harry looked up sharply. "There's nothing that should worry you." George, leaning against the wall, raised his eyebrows. "No?" "Nothing at all. And there never will be. Ginny made that perfectly clear, so don't you dare go pestering her. If you want to get protective, do it here and be done with." "Uh," George whispered, "getting bold, are we?" Harry smiled sadly. "Remember it was me teaching you in the DA." "So? It's two against one." Harry shook his head. "You don't have the faintest idea what you're dealing with." He felt it was true. The encounter with Voldemort and all the ensuing emotions had unleashed powers he never supposed he possessed, let alone supposed he could control. The twins looked at him suspiciously as if they wanted to size him up. "Ok," said Fred, exchanging a triumphant grin with his brother, "we'll let you pass with this for once!" "Back to the issue at hand," George reminded them. "Right," said Fred. "Ginny!" Harry stood up, anger boiling up within him. "I told you. Nothing's happened, and it never will." His voice faded. "It's safer anyway." "What d'you mean, 'it never will'?" "I'm leaving. As soon as your mother gets Dumbledore's permission. I'll go to Grimmauld Place for the rest of the summer." The twins looked at each other and got up. "One last thing: do you think that our parents are in love with each other?" Harry looked at Fred as if he had gone completely nuts. Not knowing what to say, also being slightly embarrassed, he tried to joke. "Their having seven children certainly gives the assumption some credibility." "You're certainly correct there, mate," George told him smugly. "And what do you think, how many attempts did Dad need to make Mum go out with him?" Harry shrugged. This was certainly beyond him. "Seven," Fred informed him. "So if you don't want to end up with more than two red haired and green eyed offspring …." "Or black haired and brown eyed." "Thanks for pointing that out, George." "Or one of each." "Or one of each." "Or both of them black haired and green eyed?" "Possibly." "Or…" "I think he's got the point, thank you, George." "You're welcome, Fred." "…anyway, you better make your next attempt with Ginny count." Two pops and the twins were gone, leaving Harry gasping. * * * * Ginny heard her brothers Apparate in front of her door. "Are you decent, Ginny?" Fred asked. Automatically she answered, "Of course," and the next moment the twins came in. "I didn't say you could come in, though," she said weakly. "Oh, must've been a misunderstanding there." George grinned. Fred settled himself onto her desk. "So," he said in a by-the-way-tone, "you and ickle Harry." Ginny looked up sharply. "That's none of your business. Besides, nothing's happened." "Funny," George replied. "Those were the exact words Harry's used just now." "Got quite protective of you," Fred added and grinned at his brother, remembering that Harry had taken their teasing a little too seriously. "Me?" "Yeah, said you'd made it quite clear there would never be anythin' we should be worried about, so we shouldn't 'dare pester' you." "So, what are you doing here?" Fred ignored her. "Want to know what else he said?" Ginny shook her head, but her eyes belied her. "He said nothing would ever happen, because he's going away, back to headquarters." She let her head hang. So it's true. He's leaving me. Before she could hold herself back she asked, "Why?" Fred shrugged. "Didn't say." "Did," said George. "Did not." "Did." "Did not." "Did too." "If you don't stop this, I'll hex you both into oblivion," Ginny stepped in. "What did he say, George?" George threw his brother a triumphant look. "He said it was safer." "Safer?" Fred nodded. "That's true. He did say that." He turned to the door, George following. "Wait! What's that supposed to mean?" George shrugged. "No idea. None of our business, as you so rightly said, dear sister." * * * * Harry had flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Does that mean, Ginny might like me anyway? But if she does, why would she say anything like that. I know life's not always friendly. I didn't need to be told Well, maybe she didn't mean you, but herself. How's that? Maybe she didn't like what was happening. Well, that was quite obvious, wasn't it? But the question remains, why? Well, because she doesn't like me that way. O ...? Or what? Or maybe she's just afraid. Afraid of what? Whom! Oh ... is it me being her link to ... Riddle? Do I remind her of the Chamber all the time? Does that make her afraid of me? Having to deal with Riddle again? And isn't she right there? This idea weighed him down. Yes, she is. Everybody who's near me is in danger. It's safer for them if I leave. But then you'll never know if Ginny likes you, but is afraid, or if she doesn't like you. * * * * Ginny, too, was lying on her bed, crying into her pillow. Oh, why is he going away? Stupid girl, what do you think? I didn't mean to be rude to him. Well done then. You showed admirable sensitivity. He tried to tell you that he loved you, and you told him life's not always what he'd like it to be. Excellent idea, that. He really needed reminding of that. Ginny withstood the temptation to bang her head against the wall. I was so afraid. Afraid of him being what you've always wanted him to be? Caring and loving? How could I know he loved me? What if he was only nice, because I was the only girl around? Well, he didn't take the advances of Jessica and Belinda too well, did he? He made it quite obvious he preferred you when given a choice. This made her sob even more. I just couldn't stand the risk to have my heart broken again. And therefore you had to give up the chance of finding out if you couldn't have been happy instead. (A/N: Thanks to Jenadamson for betaing. Look at my profile for a disclaimer.)
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