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Author: critmo Story: Per Asperissima Ad Astra Rating: Young Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 9 Words: 28,635
Finally, the first of September had arrived, time to return to Hogwarts. Neither Ginny nor Harry had been looking forward to it. Ron and Hermione had turned into the Prefect's compartment, which had left Harry on his own, looking for a seat. He found a compartment with ample space available. In it were Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood ... and Ginny Weasley. They looked at each other through the glass of the sliding door, and Harry was working himself up to try and enter, when he saw her eyes change from consternation to cold disdain. Defeated, he bowed his head and walked on. Ginny felt an odd sensation of satisfaction to have kept Harry away from his friends. She had paid him back a little for taking Ron and Hermione away from her. Well done, the quiet voice praised her. * * * * After that, neither of them really attempted to reconcile. Harry never dared to. He felt immense guilt to have hurt Ginny as much as he felt he must have and he hardly dared to look at her. Whenever an occasion arose that could have led to a private moment between them, Ginny would turn away quickly and leave Harry behind, his face a mask of ice with burning green eyes. The silent agreement was to ignore each other as much as possible. It was easy during classes, because they were in different years. It was difficult at any other time. The library, the Common room, even the Great Hall seemed too small when they were both there. And still, they would always know when the other one was around. Even from the other side of the Common room, Ginny would be oddly aware of what Harry was doing, and whom he was talking to or looking at. He just stuck out among all the other Gryffindors. And even from his usual place at the house table in the Great Hall, Harry would know what Ginny had for dinner. But it was usually Harry who would give way. If the atmosphere became too tense, he would leave and she felt as if she had won and lost all at once. * * * * Neither of them pursued ... relationships. For all the gloom around her, Ginny was one of the most attractive girls in Hogwarts and commanded the attention of many of her male fellow students. She was red-haired, her cream-coloured skin was adorned with little freckles; she had light brown eyes with a deep golden glow; and she was a clever and gifted witch. She even tried to rid herself of what everybody, apart from herself and Harry, understood to be an obsession with the Boy-Who-Lived-In-Spite-Of-The-Death-Glares-By-Ginny-Weasley by plunging herself into the adventure of some dates in the first few months after their return to Hogwarts. But all of them ended in catastrophes on varying levels of disaster, and she did not care to repeat the experience after several failures. Harry, on the contrary, never even endeavoured to make the pretence he could be interested in any girl. Not for lack of opportunity, though. The stark contrast between his brilliantly green eyes and raven-coloured hair would have made him attractive, even if he had not been the epitome of the tragic hero. Seeing him stalk the castle corridors in all his pain, seeing the insecurity in his dealing with others, the unwillingness to be different - let alone special - and the stubborn refusal to give in to all that life kept throwing his way made him almost irresistible. First to third year girls followed his movements with widened eyes and dreamt about him silently or raved about him collectively in the privacy of their dorms. Fourth year girls tended to swoon in his presence. Fifth to Seventh years were on a manhunt. None of them were to succeed. The only girl Harry would allow physical contact was Hermione Granger, which made her the object of livid spite. Not only was she the brightest person at Hogwarts who was not a member of staff, she also was the girlfriend of Ronald Weasley, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and quite popular for his Weasley charm: a puppy-like clumsiness he used to hide his real talents. And to top it all off: Whenever Harry Potter needed comfort, he would end up in Hermione's consoling embrace, and Ron would not even have the common decency to explode with jealousy. Harry's overwhelming personality alone was hard to bear; the three of them together were barely sufferable. * * * * Having nothing else to do, Harry followed a similar routine as at Grimmauld Place, i.e. he turned to work. Like Hermione, he more or less had his own table at the Library. Practical magic seemed to hold very little difficulty for him at all, but his grasp of the theory grew immensely. His powers grew, too, and hardly anybody had an accurate idea as to their expanding limits. So Harry's academic achievements were outstanding during his last years at Hogwarts, easily outstripping Hermione in practical tests and giving her a hard run for her money in theory. Ron, now having two bookworms for his best friends, had little choice but to join them in their scholarly pursuits. To the undying pleasure of Mrs Weasley and the unceasing mockery of his twin brothers his grades inevitably began to rise to unknown heights. - Another reason for Ginny to spurn Harry. He let her lose the last advantage she had had over Ron, now that he was Prefect and Captain. * * * * In spite of all attempts by others to change the status quo, it was quite clear after a few months that neither Harry nor Ginny would go out with anybody else. When the Valentine's Ball was held that year, there were only two lights in the Gryffindor dorms for Fourth to Seventh years: in the room of the Fifth year girls and that of the Sixth year boys. And still, when Harry and Ginny came across each other, she would send him a vicious glare and stomp off into the opposite direction, while he would assume an air of dejected listlessness and withdraw into himself. There was one exception to the rule: Quidditch. After the first training session of the year, Ron, as new captain of the Gryffindor team, had told Harry and Ginny in no uncertain terms that he would not allow them to continue their feud within the team. They would either co-operate or neither of them was going to see the pitch other than from the stands. Both had agreed to that, and Ron had wisely dispensed with making them shake hands. The need to keep their peace during Quidditch, however, had only solidified their studied indifference towards each other on all other occasions. * * * * There were incidents that could have changed things for the better, but nothing worked. Near the end of her fifth year Ginny was cornered by Draco Malfoy and his cronies who obviously thought they could take out some of their frustration on her. Harry came across the scene and stood up for Ginny immediately. He hexed Crabbe and Goyle so that Ginny could deal with Malfoy. While her first impulse was almost gratitude, Ginny winced at the notion the little voice in her head suggested. Potter obviously doesn't consider you capable to fight for yourself. Of course, after helping you in the Chamber at one time, what else would he think ...? Angrily she lashed out at Harry, and his resigned refusal to defend himself let her assume that the voice had been correct. A similar occurrence produced a similar result. When Ginny crossed the entrance hall on her way to lunch one day, one of her fellow students had simply swept her into his arms and kissed her. Ambrose Fletcher from Ravenclaw, who had the reputation of a ruthless womaniser, simply ignored her fury, feeling secure in public with other students around, and when she had stopped ranting for lack of oxygen, he raised his left eyebrow, leaned in to her and said, "Admit that you liked it, Gin." Something rocked the castle at that moment, and a strange feeling passed over them: as if a stone had been thrown into water and rippled the surface, waves of immense power washed over them. Fletcher cast a glance over her shoulder and changed colour. Hurriedly, he backed away from her and made his way to the Great Hall. When Ginny turned round, she found Harry standing there, his green eyes burning with anger, not really comprehending yet that he had let his power slip. But she told him. Her voice could be heard even down to the dungeons, and she landed herself in detention for the expressions she chose to describe his insufferable interference with. No wonder, the little voice in her head told her, he's got to mess it up for you every time. Strangely enough, Harry was in detention too. He was still there when she left again, but she never got to know why. * * * * Meanwhile, Voldemort's war continued to press on the wizarding world. It haunted every day and every minute of Harry's time at school, it was always at the back of his mind. The failure at the Ministry had clearly been a setback for the Dark Lord's plans, so his Death Eaters began to spread terror in the wizard community, and they carried war into the Muggle world as well. Inexplicable cases of people being killed, burning houses or destroyed shops shook the world outside, and the Ministry was hard put to explain this to Muggle authorities. The attacks were unpredictable and ruthless, seldom spectacular, but always painful. Prominent wizards were hit, but also perfectly normal people with no connection to the war whatsoever. Nobody was safe. Luna Lovegood's father was one of the first killed. A copy of Harry's Quibbler interview in his fifth year was pinned to his body with a long thin knife. For weeks, Luna wandered around the castle night and day, ghostly pale, muttering indecipherable things under her breath. The Ravenclaws were aghast, but Neville, Ron, Hermione and Ginny trailed her to prevent her from hurting herself. Finally, it was Harry who was able to make her open up. They had met one night, when Harry's nightmares had driven him to seek refuge in the dark owlery. There they had talked for hours; Luna had seemed relieved, but for days afterwards, Harry's face had been even darker and sterner than usual. Madam Bones from the Ministry, Susan Bones' aunt, was killed in her house in the countryside shortly after that, and Dean Thomas' parents were attacked on their way to pick up Dean from the Hogwarts Express shortly before Christmas in his final year. Many students' families experienced losses. More than one reacted like Luna, and many people in her house regretted their haughtiness, even if they themselves were spared the pain of losing someone dear. The prophecy about Harry and Voldemort was not a thing of common knowledge, but seeing Harry, nobody could be in doubt that there was a connection of some sort between them. It scared some people, some felt compassion for him, and some made him responsible for their pain. When Cho Chang's mother was killed, Cho stormed into the Great Hall and shrieked at Harry, "It's your fault. You and your private little war against You-know-who. It's killed Cedric and now it has killed my mum, you freak." Harry looked at her helplessly, and she slapped him across the face with such force that even Professor Snape winced. Strangely enough, Ginny felt a surge of protectiveness for Harry and an urge to hex Cho. Of course, it's not his fault, the little voice in Ginny's head told her. But wouldn't we be safer without him? She could not help agreeing then. She felt fear for her family every day. Accusations against Harry seemed to find their justification when Hogwarts itself did not remain untouched. Madam Hooch was murdered after visiting relatives in Hogsmeade. Her dead body was thrown over the school gates. The teachers took care to keep the students away, but the rumours that were flying around the school spoke of obvious traces from unimaginable tortures that had been inflicted on her, and Harry knew that Bellatrix Lestrange had been there. More and more students kept their distance from Harry afterwards. Even the castle itself was not safe anymore. At the beginning of Harry's final year there was a fierce attack on the school. Death Eaters stormed into the Entrance Hall; an insider had to have opened the gates for them. A savage fight ensued, Ginny and Harry were in a group of Gryffindors led by Professor McGonagall who defended the staircase leading to the higher corridors of the castle. The Death Eaters were outnumbered and had obviously underestimated the willingness and ability of the students and teachers to fight, so they were overwhelmed in the end. One of them, however, suddenly appeared in the back of the defenders and in a last desperate attempt he sent the killing curse at Harry. Harry just so managed to produce a shield and the curse was slightly off aim so that he was only hit in the shoulder. But the spell had been driven by so much hate that part of it sprang back to his origin and hit the Death Eater in the chest. When they removed the hood, they found Draco Malfoy; he had finally chosen sides and paid with his life for it. Harry had been smashed into the banister right next to Ginny, and she would remember him slipping down onto the stairs for the rest of her life. The curse had partly burst through his incomplete shield and pierced his shoulder. His glasses were askew, his green eyes almost extinguished under half-closed lids, his skin even paler than usual. Harry was in a coma for a week and had to stay in the hospital wing for another month. Many people came to see him: most of the teachers, the Weasleys visited, Remus Lupin and Tonks, other Order members. Hermione and Ron hardly ever left his bedside. Ginny never came. She had been hovering around the doors of the hospital that night, anxiously hoping that somebody would tell her how Harry was without her having to ask. Finally, Professor McGonagall had seen her there. Harry might live, she told her, and the sharp gaze of her beady eyes had made Ginny uncomfortable. The little voice had scolded her for her foolishness, but for once, Ginny had ignored it. Still, she could never bring herself to enter the ward where Harry was fighting for his life, and the little voice confirmed her fears. Do you think he would be the better for seeing you? Harry left the hospital in October, and rumour had it that he was bearing a second scar now, burned into his left shoulder. * * * * But Harry's real scars reached much deeper. Each of Voldemort's victims was a new weight on Harry's tormented soul. The prophecy that Dumbledore had revealed to him lay heavily on him, and the snatches from Voldemort's twisted mind that occasionally sifted through his Occlumency shields made it worse. Harry knew that he bore no guilt, but at the centre of Voldemort's attempts was always the idea to hit Harry by way of others, and Harry felt that as a responsibility under which he was hardly able to sustain a mask of normality. His pretence was shattered the day Hagrid was killed, shortly after Christmas in Harry's seventh year. Voldemort had obviously managed to persuade a group of the centaurs to join him, and they ambushed Hagrid in the Forbidden Forest. They pierced him with arrows and dragged his body back to his hut where it was found by a class of third years arriving for Care of Magical Creatures. Harry had run down when he heard the cries of the younger students, and when Dumbledore arrived, he found Harry shaking uncontrollably as he knelt beside Hagrid, timidly stroking his enormous hand as if he wanted to make him wake up. For Harry losing Hagrid was as disastrous as losing Sirius. Hagrid had been Harry's first conscious contact to the wizarding world, he had never doubted Harry, he had always been his friend. Only Hermione and Ron saved him at that moment. From the beginning, Hagrid had been their friend too, and they felt bereaved to an extent they had never thought possible. Hagrid left a huge gap in their hearts and for weeks the three of them could be seen, trying to console each other. Harry practically stopped sleeping at all, he usually spend the nights guarding Ron and Hermione's sleep in the Common room, and he only began to eat regularly again when Madam Pomfrey threatened him with force feeding. Harry had never been known for his overwhelming good mood, but after Hagrid's death he had not been seen smiling again. An air of desolate determination had replaced all happiness. (A/N: Thanks to Wolf's Scream and Jenadamson for their help with this. I know that Ginny comes across as quite cruel, but I'll explain, I promise! Just keep reading, please.)
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