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Author: Heliona Story: Wood & Wild Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: WIP Reviews: 1 Words: 37,132
When Fiona woke up on Sunday morning, she grinned. She loved being able to sleep in, and thoroughly enjoy the warmth of her bed. Her grin widened when she thought of the prank that she and Oliver had planned for Joe. Fiona cuddled under her covers for another half hour, before finally deciding it was time to get up. She dressed slowly, and made her way down to the Common Room, to discover Oliver and Joe already there. They were not surprised to see her, but were shocked to notice Audrey following Fiona down, since the blonde was known for her late rises. "You're up a little early, aren't you, Audrey?" Joe asked, a twinkle in his eyes. "And dressed as well. Something big must be happening today." "Hey, guys," Audrey yawned, ignoring Joe. "Got anything exciting planned for today?" Fiona and Oliver exchanged looks, but Oliver shook his head. "Nope, going to take it easy. Relax, for once." "Glad to hear it," Audrey replied, although she did look suspiciously at Oliver and Fiona. "Don't feel like doing anything today either." "Well, I'm off to see Margaret," Joe said, smiling. He got up from the sofa, and sauntered over to the portrait. "Yeah, yeah, rub it in, why don't you?" Fiona grinned, and rolled her eyes. Joe ignored her, and left, waving his hand at them before disappearing. "Oh, actually, I was going to go and see Hagrid today," Audrey remembered. "Right after lunch, I said." "You'd better dash, then, if you want to eat before you go," Oliver pointed out. Fiona added, "Which might be a good idea, taking into account Hagrid's reputation as a cook." Audrey laughed, and nodded, and then dashed out of the Common Room, leaving the two friends on their own. "So," Oliver turned to Fiona, "when are we going to do it?" Fiona frowned. "I don't know. Today's pretty much out, since there won't be much of an audience." "And we do want total humiliation," Oliver agreed. "Although humiliating Joe is quite difficult," Fiona said, smiling. "Still, we have to try. How 'bout tomorrow?" Oliver suggested. Fiona looked thoughtful, and then nodded. "That could work. It'll probably have worn off in time for Potions. I don't want him to get into that much trouble." "And, knowing Snape, he'll give us another detention, anyway," Oliver added. "Good point. Okay, so tomorrow it is. You'll have to cast the Charm, Oliver. If I get caught in the boys' dorm room, I'll be in a lot of trouble," Fiona pointed out. "But you have to Transfigure the buttons; you're much better at it than I am," Oliver said. "Okay, so I'll Transfigure them first thing tomorrow morning, and then I'll meet you outside your dorm room, give them to you, and you cast the Charm," Fiona decided. Then she frowned. "Can you put a timer on the Charm? We don't really want it working until Defence Against the Dark Arts starts." Oliver nodded. "I checked. It's not that hard; even you could do it." "Hey!" Fiona shoved Oliver off the sofa. "For your information, I've found a timer spell for the Transfiguration part as well." "Okay, I concede to your superior intellect," Oliver said, laughing from the floor. "Of course," he added under his breath, "I can still Charm you into a laughing fit." He pulled her off the settee, and onto the floor beside him. Fiona laughed. "You do, and you'll find yourself as a newt, with little spots all over." She poked him in several places on his torso, saying, "A little spot here, and here, and here, and here," until Oliver couldn't talk for laughing. When he finally caught his breath, he grabbed Fiona, and wrestled her to the ground, saying, "I'll get you back for that, Miss Wild." "Oh dear, Miss Wild, is it now?" Fiona giggled, wriggling underneath him. "Now I'm in trouble." Oliver grinned, and proceeded to return the tickling that Fiona had given him. The fact that he was lying on top of a beautiful, squirming young woman who happened to be his best friend was just beginning to sink into his brain when he heard voices coming from the staircase. Oliver leapt off Fiona as though she had turned into a dragon, and held out a shaky hand to pull her to her feet. Fiona's face was red, nearly as red as Oliver's, but he didn't know whether it was because she had realised the same thing that he had, or whether it was from laughing. Actually, it was a bit of both, but again, Fiona was not going to let her embarrassment get in the way of a good teasing. "So, embarrassed to be seen with me, huh? I don't know, a gorgeous girl like me, got all the boys clamouring for my attention, yet you don't want to be seen playing a perfectly innocent game with your best friend." She grinned at his face, which was getting redder. "Don't be stupid. Just don't want to get in the way of all those boys that are stampeding towards you. Wouldn't want the Gryffindor Captain to get crushed now, would you?" Oliver retorted through gritted teeth. "Oh, of course not, you're right," Fiona agreed, smiling. "How could I forget about that? Come on, let's go to lunch, ahead of the hordes of men that are following me." "Agreed," Oliver said, forcing himself to grin. She's only joking; just remember that, he told himself. ~*~*~*~*~ The next morning, Fiona got up extra early. She dressed quietly, taking care not to disturb any of her dorm mates, and grabbed the pile of black buttons that she had placed on her bedside table the night before. Treading very quietly, she snuck out of her room, and made her way down the stone stairs to the Common Room. Moving to stand in front of the stairway to the boys' dorms, she listened for a moment. Not hearing a sound, Fiona carefully walked up the stairs to the seventh year boys' room. There was no one there. Swearing under her breath, Fiona took a look at the stone floor, considering whether to sit down on it or not. She had just decided that she didn't want to get any colder than she already was, when the door in front of her opened, and Oliver tiptoed out. "They're all still fast asleep," he informed her. Fiona nodded. "Are you ready?" "Yep, you got the buttons?" Fiona held out her hand. "Right, I'll Transfigure them now, but they won't actually turn into anything else for ten minutes, to give you time to put the Charm on them, okay?" Oliver nodded, and watched as Fiona took out her wand and muttered an incantation over the shiny black buttons. A silver light emerged from the end of her wand, and the buttons shimmered slightly, but remained as buttons. "Here, quick, take them. You've got to perform two Charms, remember, one on the buttons, and one on Joe." "I remember, I remember." Oliver took the buttons and snuck back into his dorm. Fiona stuck her head round the door and watched his progress. She saw him place a Charm on Joe, and then on the buttons. They rose up out of his hand and floated above Joe's head for a moment, before disappearing. Oliver came back towards her, grabbing his bag along the way, a grin on his face. "It worked." "Of course it worked," Fiona said. "It always works." Oliver rolled his eyes and followed her down the stairs. "Remember Mrs Hampshire?" Fiona groaned. "Not again. I'm never going to live that down, am I?" Oliver grinned. "No. Are you going to get your bag, or do you plan on memorising today's lessons?" Fiona stuck her tongue out him, and bounded back up her stairs quietly. When she re-emerged, Oliver said, "Remember what Joe said, don't stick it out if you don't intend to use it." Fiona, who was in the process of checking the contents of her bag, froze, and looked up at Oliver slowly. Their eyes met, and she asked quietly, "What's that supposed to mean?" "N-nothing," Oliver stammered. "Just that, uh, you should make a remark to go along with it." "Oh, right, okay," Fiona said, her mind racing. "Well, I can't think of anything right now. I guess that spell took it right out of me." Inside, she was thinking, He just told me to use my tongue. To talk, Fiona, to talk, she told herself harshly. That's all he meant. You're getting delusional. It must be all these early mornings. "Come on, let's go to breakfast." Oliver interrupted her thoughts, and led the way out of the Common Room. ~*~*~*~*~ The two were discussing how Joe would react when the subject of their conversation and Audrey walked into the Great Hall. Audrey looked at them suspiciously when they greeted her and Joe with huge grins, but smiled slightly herself when Fiona winked at her. "You two were up early this morning," Joe commented, reaching for some toast. Fiona shrugged. "Just getting used to these early mornings, that's all. I couldn't sleep any more if I'd wanted to." Oliver nodded. "I'm getting better at coping on less and less sleep all the time." Joe looked from one to the other. "Does this mean earlier Quidditch practices?" he asked, suspiciously. Fiona and Oliver's faces brightened. "Now, there's an idea," Fiona said, beaming. Joe's face fell, and Oliver and Fiona burst out laughing. "Sorry," Fiona apologised. "The look on your face was worth it, though." "Don't worry, the practices won't get any earlier, just yet," Oliver reassured him. "That makes me feel so much better," Joe muttered into his milk. "So," Audrey said cheerfully. "Defence Against the Dark Arts first. I can't wait." "Neither can I," Fiona added, exchanging a knowing look with Oliver. Oliver surreptitiously glanced at his watch, and then at Joe. Their Irish friend had abandoned his breakfast, and his gaze was fixed elsewhere. They followed his eyes, and saw Margaret entering the Hall. "Here we go," Oliver whispered. The next minute, Fred, who was sitting next to Oliver, burst out laughing. "What?" George asked his twin. Fred, gasping, pointed at Joe, who was oblivious. All around his head were flying figures, who, upon Audrey's closer inspection, revealed themselves to be small Cupids shooting arrows into Joe's hair. Finally, Joe noticed that half the Gryffindor table was laughing, and demanded, "What? What's going on?" Fiona controlled her laughter, and answered. "Nothing. Just something the twins did. It'd take too long to explain. Come on, we have to get to class." Joe gave the table a queer look, and then followed his friends out of the Hall, the small Cupids dancing about him. By the time they'd reached their classroom, the Cupids had disappeared again, and Joe's suspicions were alleviated. "How come they've disappeared?" Audrey asked Fiona quietly, as they made their way to the back of the classroom. Fiona glanced at Joe, who was sitting on the other side of Oliver, before she answered. "They only appear when he's thinking romantic thoughts about Margaret. Right now, he's not, so they can't be seen." "Wow, how'd you get them to be able to distinguish between normal thoughts and romantic thoughts?" Audrey asked, her eyes wide. "It sounds like quite powerful magic." "It is. Oliver cast that Charm. People's auras change depending on their thoughts. Sort of like those Muggle mood rings. Oliver's Charm can detect the change in Joe's aura, and it's linked to another Charm which makes the Cupids visible." "So, they're there all the time?" Fiona nodded. "Until they turn back into buttons again, which will be sometime during lunch. We didn't want them flying about in Potions." Audrey was about to answer, when Professor Lupin strode into the room. "Good morning, class. Today we'll be talking about Veelas." A murmur rose up amongst the class, which rapidly turned into laughter as the Cupids appeared around Joe's head again. "Who'd have thought Margaret was a Veela?" Audrey giggled. Fiona choked back a laugh. "At least, Joe thinks so." "Class, quieten down, please. Veelas are no laughing matter. They can cause men to kill themselves, and to commit heinous crimes against innocent people," Lupin tried to tell them, but the whole class was laughing now, apart from Joe, who was looking around, puzzled. "What is going on?" Lupin demanded, and Hayley quietened down enough to point in the vague direction of Joe. Lupin saw the Cupids flying around his head, and then noticed the huge grins on the faces of Oliver and Fiona, who were sitting next to him. It did not take a genius to understand what had happened, and Professor Lupin certainly wasn't missing any marbles. "All right, class, perhaps we shall leave the discussion of Veelas until another day. We'll move on to demons then." Joe had noticed the Cupids by this time, and had gone bright red, realising that that was what had the class in an uproar. He glanced at his friends sitting beside him, but they managed to maintain innocent looks, and shrugged their shoulders. The class managed to quieten down after that, since Joe's mind was obviously taken up with the class, not with thoughts of Margaret. The remainder of Defence Against the Dark Arts passed smoothly, and the four friends left for Herbology talking quietly. All talk stopped, though, when Joe asked suspiciously what the joke the twins had played at breakfast was. "I wasn't paying any attention, and I think I upset them the other day by giving them a few pointers about Beating," he explained. His mind had obviously jumped to the conclusion that the Weasley twins were responsible for the Cupids' appearance, and Fiona and Oliver exchanged a quick, relieved glance. They didn't want to be found out just yet. "They were talking about putting crushed Canary Creams into Snape's dinner," Audrey said quickly, much to Oliver and Fiona's dismay, for they knew Joe would suspect them next. Fiona nodded agreement, and Joe looked from one to the other suspiciously, but finally he seemed to accept the answer. "Fair enough. Looks like this day is full of practical jokes." Oliver shrugged. "Guess it's just one of those days where everyone's happy. Unless someone put something in today's breakfast." Joe nodded. "I wouldn't put it past the twins to do something like that." Audrey laughed. "How those two think of everything, I don't know." Joe linked arms with her, and said, "They've just got bigger brains than you have, dear." "Hey," Audrey protested, and hit him. Joe retaliated, and the two ran off ahead of Fiona and Oliver. Fiona remarked, "Clever of you to think of that excuse." Oliver grinned. "It was, wasn't it? Maybe we could do that to the Slytherins. I'd love to see the look on Snape's face when he couldn't get them to shut up." Fiona's face lit up. "That's a wonderful idea. Serve him right for giving us detention for a little thing like blowing up a cauldron. He'd even be forced to take points from them." "I do believe we have our next mission planned, already, Miss Wild," Oliver said, a twinkle in his eyes. "Excellent," Fiona exulted. "Come on, I want to see whether Joe can get through Herbology without thinking of Margaret." As it happened, he couldn't, but the Cupids didn't reappear until towards the end of the lesson, when Professor Sprout was talking about dittany, a plant used regularly for the preparation of Love Potions. "I shouldn't think Joe would need any of that Potion," Oliver commented to Fiona and Audrey. They grinned, and nodded, taking in the dreamy look on the Irishman's face. When he noticed everyone around stifling their giggles, and Professor Sprout looking around for the source of amusement, Joe saw the Cupids. He began to bat them away, attempting to hide his efforts from his classmates, and from Professor Sprout. When he fell off his stool, a particularly violent swipe of his hand making him off-balance, the teacher turned round sharply. The Cupids disappeared instantly. "What is going on with you, Mr O'Keefe?" Professor Sprout demanded. "Erm." Joe looked uncomfortable. "I think she was referring to you being away with the fairies," Fiona managed to explain with a straight face. Oliver and Audrey choked back laughs at Fiona's wording, but turned away from Joe before he could glare at them. "I was thinking, about dittany, and what it could be used for. I guess I got a little carried away, Professor," Joe apologised. "Indeed. And what were those...." Fortunately, the Professor did not get to finish her question, as a gong sounded, signalling the end of the lesson, and the beginning of lunch. Joe soon determined why the creatures had kept appearing. On the way to the Great Hall, they passed a mirror, and Joe's thoughts happened to be preoccupied by his girlfriend when they passed it. He wasn't that preoccupied, however, that he didn't notice the small creatures flying about his head again. Fiona ran into him when he stopped suddenly. "What's wrong with you?" she asked with a smile. "Did you have anything to do with these?" he demanded, his blue eyes glittering dangerously. "Maybe," Fiona answered coyly. "Fiona," Joe growled. "Oh, don't, please." Fiona fluttered her eyelashes, and put her hand on her heart. "You're making my knees weak." "Fiona!" "Okay, okay," Fiona grumbled. "Yes, I did." "What have you two done to me?" Joe demanded, as Oliver and Audrey joined them. "What makes you think I had anything to do with it?" Oliver asked, since Joe's gaze was directed at him. "Because you two have been in cahoots all weekend, and you always have something to do with it," Joe answered fiercely. "All right, I give up." Oliver held up his hands. "Yes, I did have something to do with it, and it's a simple Charm, that's all." Fiona snorted. "Not that simple." Joe turned on her. "What do you mean?" Fiona sighed. "Basically, it's a Charm that detects when you're having romantic thoughts, presumably about Margaret, and triggers those Cupids to appear. You'll notice that they're no longer there." Joe turned back to the mirror, and, sure enough, all he saw was himself, with Audrey, Fiona, and Oliver grinning behind him. "So," he asked, "all I have to do is think of Margaret, and they'll reappear?" "Try it," Oliver suggested. Joe's blue eyes glazed over slightly, and the Cupids rematerialized. This time, however, they were somewhat transparent. "What's wrong with them?" Joe asked. "They look a little sick." "Maybe they're reflecting your thoughts," Audrey said, grinning. Joe punched her absently, and she rubbed her arm petulantly, although the grin was still in place. Fiona rolled her eyes, and shook her head. "The spell's wearing off. We didn't want them around in Potions. Snape would definitely use it as an excuse to give Oliver and I another detention." Joe nodded absently, watching the flying creatures curiously. One by one, they were disappearing. "Right on time," Oliver said, checking his watch. "Watch out for flying buttons now." "Huh?" Joe and Audrey asked, just as the first button appeared in midair, and fell to the ground. "I transfigured buttons into the Cupids. That spell's worn off as well, and they're returning to their natural state," Fiona explained, as she Summoned all the buttons to her, and placed them in her pocket. Joe shook his head at his friends, and led the way to the Great Hall, saying, "I hope you two don't have anything else planned for today. It's been bad enough already." "Well," Fiona started, glancing at Oliver. "We might have," he finished, smiling. "But we promise to let both of you in on it this time." "Although, not today. We don't have time to do anything about it today. We need to do some research," Fiona added. "With your skill in that subject, I don't think it will take us that long," Oliver said, smiling. "Hmm." Fiona strode along, her brow furrowed in thought. "That means waiting until Friday, though." "It'll be worth the wait." Oliver grinned, and winked at the other two. Joe was silent for a moment, and then said, "So, it's something for Potions, then?" Fiona and Oliver nodded, and Audrey looked surprised. "How'd you figure that out?" Joe shrugged. "It was simple. They could only do it today or on Friday. Potions is the only lesson we have on Mondays and Fridays. Besides," he added, "revenge on Snape is needed. You didn't think Oliver and Fiona were going to let him give them that detention and get off scot-free?" Audrey grinned. "I suppose not. I can't wait until Friday, then. Huh," she laughed, "first time I'll be looking forward to a Potions lesson in a while." "Like I said, it'll be worth the wait," Oliver said, sitting down at the Gryffindor table. "We just have to do it without giving him a chance to figure out it was us," Fiona said. "We can't have him giving us another detention. We need to practise Quidditch, after all." Oliver smiled. "No fear. I have a plan." He winked at the three of them, and wouldn't say any more on the subject, instead devouring his lunch. ~*~*~*~*~ Fiona and Oliver spent the rest of the week in library, and then later in an abandoned cupboard which they'd discovered in their second year. They had found it to be useful for a number of covert operations over the years. On Friday morning, they once again got up earlier than the rest of Gryffindor, and snuck into the secret cupboard. Taking the sweet-smelling blue Potion which Fiona had brewed, with Oliver's help, they slipped down into the kitchen. There, they found the house-elves working away, getting breakfast ready. "Bonny," Fiona called, spying the house-elf amongst the mass of her fellows. "Miss Wild, Mr Wood, how nice to see you," she screeched. Oliver winced, and then knelt down in front of the elf. He handed her the bowl containing the Potion. "Audrey sent this. She wants it to be put in the Slytherins' breakfast. It's a little treat for them." He winked at Bonny. Both Fiona and Oliver knew that if Bonny believed Audrey had masterminded the plot, she would do anything. Bonny had idolised Audrey ever since she had rescued her from the clutches of a particularly vicious Jarvey when Bonny was very young. "A treat for the Slytherins?" Bonny inquired. "Will Master Malfoy like it?" Apparently, Bonny had been made aware of the Malfoys' treatment of house-elves. "I doubt it, I doubt it very much," Fiona said, laughing. "Will you do it?" Bonny grinned. "If Master Malfoy won't like it, then yes, I will. Tell Miss Rose I will." "Just the Slytherins' breakfast, mind. We don't want the other Houses to get the treat," Oliver warned. Bonny nodded her head, and scurried off to do their bidding. The pair made their way back up the stairs, and to the Great Hall, to anxiously await the results of their plan. "Good thinking to get Bonny to do it. She won't tell anyone who told her, since it might get Audrey in trouble," Fiona praised Oliver quietly. "And, even if they suspect Audrey, they can't prove it, since she didn't actually do it," Oliver added. "Here we go," Fiona whispered, as the food appeared on the table. "You sure you got the timing right, Fiona? We don't want it wearing off before Potions," Oliver asked worriedly. "Oliver, this is me we're talking about. I know how to brew a Potion," Fiona reminded him. "Besides, I got the timing right on the buttons, didn't I? It's pretty much the same process." "Okay, okay," Oliver surrendered. "I believe you." Oliver and Fiona had told Joe and Audrey what they had planned, and the four of them fidgeted through Transfiguration so much that Professor McGonagall had to issue them a warning. Finally, the lesson drew to a close, and they dashed off to Potions, wanting to be the first ones there. They succeeded, and took their seats, awaiting the Slytherins. They didn't have to wait long. The students with the green and silver badges on their robes sauntered into the dungeon, already giggling. The four exchanged looks, and stifled giggles of their own as Snape strode in. "Silence," he bellowed. "Today, we will be brewing a Potion to stop wounds from bleeding excessively." He tried to continue, but Marcus Flint let out a great guffaw, and soon the rest of his House was following suit. The Gryffindors looked on as the Slytherins rolled about on the floor, howling with laughter. Oliver and his classmates did their best to remain calm and maintain shocked looks on their faces any time Snape looked their way. The Potions Professor was desperately trying to calm his seventh years down, without any success. Finally, he pulled out his wand, and yelled, "Finite Incantatem." Of course, since it was a Potion that was affecting the Slytherins, nothing happened, except that Kevin, who had been Hayley's boyfriend, pointed at Snape, and said, between his laughs, "That wasn't very impressive, Professor. I thought you were brilliant at magic." Fiona choked back a laugh, and intercepted a fierce look from Percy, who had obviously realised who was behind the Slytherins' laughter. She managed to look innocently at him, and then winked at him behind Snape's back. Percy maintained his dignified look for a moment more, but then looked delighted when Snape shouted, "Fifty points from Slytherin for your insolence." He looked furious, and the Slytherins managed to get some hold on their laughter. "I don't know what's wrong with you lot today, but if you don't behave yourselves, that's all of you," he said, glaring at the Gryffindors, and Oliver and Fiona in particular. "I will personally see to it that neither Gryffindor nor Slytherin win the House Cup this year." Audrey's eyebrows rose. Snape must have been truly angry, to threaten that about his own House. Joe whispered to her, "He wouldn't do it, at least, not to Slytherin. It's a hollow threat, but they're probably stupid enough to believe him." Snape shot him a look, and Joe shut up. The Slytherins calmed down after that, although that was due to the effects of the Potion wearing off more than the threat of losing the House Cup. Potions continued quietly, much to the relief of the Gryffindors, who did not want Professor Snape any more riled up than he already was. He prowled up and down between the desks, treating everyone equally horribly. When the lesson finished, Fiona breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank Merlin that's over. It was like sitting on a dragon egg about to hatch." "I don't know, that sounds like fun," Audrey said, grinning. "I know you two had something to do with that," Flint said, shoving past Oliver and Fiona. "Don't think I won't be able to prove it." "Prove what, exactly?" Audrey demanded. "That Fiona and Oliver had something to do with your disobedience? Don't be even more stupid than you are, Flint. How in Merlin's name could they have done that?" "I don't know, Rose, but I'm determined to find out," Flint growled at her. "I guess that will put your extra brain cell to the test then. Good luck," she called after him. Joe shook his head. "I don't know how you do it, Audrey." "What's that?" "Think up all those quips, and not let him get to you. Normally, you're really easily wound up," Joe explained. "I guess that's just the way he gets to me," Audrey explained, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder as she made her way up the stairs. Fiona and Oliver followed their friends and fellow Gryffindors back to the Common Room, and collapsed into a settee. "It's the weekend, woohoo!" "Yeah, Quidditch practice," Joe groaned. Fiona was about to reply, when the twins came rushing over. "What did you two do? The Slytherins were in absolute hysterics in Care of Magical Creatures today. Three got taken to the Hospital Wing because they'd been bitten. It was fantastic!" Fred and George said together. Fiona and Oliver grinned. "Sit down, and we'll let you in on the secret." "Seeing as you're fellow conspirators, you have a right to know," Fiona said. "But don't go spreading it about," Oliver added. The Weasley twins nodded, and soon the four trouble-makers were in a deep discussion. Audrey and Joe looked knowingly at each other. "Here we go again," she said.
Come along to Oliver and Fiona's Quidditch Practice, for discussion and new updates of Wood & Wild. The more the merrier.
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