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Author: Faelaern Story: In Memoriam Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 2 Words: 50,063
So why do I love when I still feel pain? Harry's eyes snapped open as the first rays of sunlight hit his face, shining in through Ron's window. He'd slept more peacefully last night then he had in a while. He'd still had nightmares, of course, but thrown into the mix were dreams of Sirius in happy times, some of them with Harry, others, oddly enough, featuring his father and their friends. In and of themselves, some of those were nightmares; he'd seen his father capable of cruelty when he'd delved into Snape's memories. He wasn't sure how he felt right now. He didn't feel much like getting out of bed, but he also didn't want the Weasleys worried about him. He had put most of his guilt behind him, but now he was stuck with the thought that he would never see Sirius again as long as he lived. Images of the life he could have had with Sirius kept flashing through his mind, mingling with real memories. There was Sirius at Grimmauld Place last winter, singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs. Then he was standing by Harry's side, beaming as his name was cleared by an apologetic, blubbering Cornelius Fudge. He saw a beautiful house, somewhere in a forest clearing, with himself and his godfather on the front porch, laughing hysterically at some unknown joke. He thought back to Sirius as Padfoot, watching his Quidditch match in third year, which seemed centuries ago now. A new flood of images assaulted him unbidden, of Sirius watching in human form from the stands, looking just as happy as he had on Harry's parents' wedding day. He went on like this for a while before the fact hit him again, this time harder than ever before: Sirius was dead. He would never be any of those things to Harry, would never live to see his name cleared. All the years they could have shared, living with an almost father-son bond… gone forever. Tears started forming in Harry's eyes, but he brushed them away quickly. There was no guarantee that Ron wouldn't wake up, and he couldn't deal with the questions. Ron would tell his mother, who work herself into a panic over him… he certainly owed the Weasleys more than that, especially after all they'd had happen to them lately. Looking out the window, he realized the sun had fully risen in the time he'd been lying there. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was half past eight. Ron, of course, was still sound asleep, but now that he listened for it, he heard the sound of movement in the kitchen below. With a sudden jolt he remembered the danger they were all potentially in, and how seriously Kingsley had taken Moody's paranoid suggestions. He pulled on his glasses and grabbed his wand, climbing stealthily out of bed and opening Ron's door. Moving down the stairs, he heard muffled voices from what had been Fred and George's room. It was now occupied by Bill and Fleur, as the twins had their own residence above Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Frowning, he put an ear to the door long enough to recognize that the voices did indeed belong to the expected occupants, and continued on down the stairs. There were no noises coming from any of the other doors, and the sounds of movement he'd been hearing below were gone. Flattening himself against the wall, he peered around the corner, wand at the ready. Karl Zorn was on the floor, dressed in what looked like a black karate uniform, doing a series of one-armed pushups. Karl seemed to sense that he was being watched, and looked up as Harry stepped out from the stairs, surreptitiously slipping his wand into his pajama top. "Good morning, Harry. Late riser?" said Karl, going back to his pushups. "Not as late as Ron, at least. Where is everyone?" Harry answered. "Mr. And Mrs. Weasley had to leave shortly before sunrise. I was left with instructions to make breakfast, but unfortunately, I'm an awful cook. I'm afraid I burned the sausages, and from there on I didn't bother with anything else. Fred and George Apparated in about an hour ago and took Ginny out to breakfast," said Karl. "Leaving the rest of us with cold cereal. Good morning Harry," Lupin interjected, as he walked into the room. Harry hadn't seen much of his former professor in the hours since he'd arrived at the Weasleys. Lupin looked pale and shabby, with circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, and if Harry wasn't mistaken there were a few more gray hairs he hadn't had before. "Good morning," said Harry, forcing a smile. He felt a little foolish for assuming the worst when he heard noises; he was starting to think like Mad-Eye. "How did you sleep?" asked Karl, finishing his set of push-ups and rising to his feet. "I slept fine," Harry replied, dodging the question with a half-truth. He could tell from the look he was getting from Lupin that his former professor didn't believe him. Karl didn't seem to notice, though. "That's good. The Weasleys are much more hospitable then the Muggles you live with, from what we've been told." "Yes, the Dursleys are the worst examples of Muggles I've ever met," Harry replied, pouring himself a bowl of corn flakes. Karl and Lupin each helped themselves to a bowl and were just putting milk on their cereal when Ron, Bill, and Fleur showed up. After the exchanged 'good mornings', Ron asked the predictable, "Where did Mum and Dad get off to?" question, causing Harry to wince. He'd been so relieved not to find Death Eaters in the house that he hadn't fully acknowledged the fact that Mr. And Mrs. Weasley were absent. "Kim Sinat spotted a group of Death Eaters near her home in Inverness. She called for backup from the Order, and your parents happened to be awake at the time, as I was still setting wards," said Karl. "What happened? And why didn't they wake us?" demanded Bill, a mix of anxiousness and anger on his face. "There wasn't time. I would have gone with them, but they need someone awake here at all times and Remus beat me to the punch," said Karl. "You were with them? Are they all right?! Is anyone hurt?" asked Ron, very quickly. "Everyone's fine, Ron," said Karl. "Well, not quite everyone. Igor Karkaroff is dead," put in Lupin. "I ask again, what happened?" repeated Bill, who was clenching and unclenching his fists. Fleur put an arm around his shoulder. "Calm down, Bill. Give them a chance to explain," she said. Bill seemed to calm at her touch, and he let out a sigh. "All right." "Kim, Arthur, Molly and I followed the Death Eaters to a house on the outskirts of the city. They went inside, and we heard an exchange of spells. We charged in just as they Disapparated. Karkaroff's body was on the floor," said Lupin. "Makes sense, I suppose," said Harry. "His chances for survival weren't too good, with Voldemort after him and no allies worth mentioning." "Yeah, but for the last time, where are Mum and Dad now?" asked Ron, exasperatedly. "Meeting with Dumbledore. As an Auror, Kim made her report as if she were alone, because she's supposed to be at the moment," said Lupin. "Why is she supposed to be alone if they know Voldemort's-?" Harry started, but Lupin held up a hand. "In a moment, Harry, let me finish. Dumbledore needed to get the real story as to what happened in Inverness. I offered to go myself, of course, but your mother insisted I hadn't had enough sleep," he said, smiling a little at Ron. Ron and Bill calmed down completely now that they knew that their parents were all right, but Harry still had questions that needed answering. "What was that about Kim having to be on her own?" he asked again. The assembled people, apart from Harry, exchanged dark glances. "Fudge has spread the Aurors around the length and breadth of Britain. He has large numbers stationed in areas frequented by pure-blood families, but everywhere else merely has one agent overseeing a vast amount of territory. There aren't a lot of them, so to do that, he had to split them up. If you're not within a hundred miles of a Wizarding family residence or Ministry building, you're not likely to see more than one Auror in the same place," said Karl. Harry was dumbstruck. "I didn't think even Fudge could be that stupid," he said, shaking his head. "Why isn't Dumbledore directing things? I mean, Fudge was always going to him for help before, and now that he knows he was wrong about Voldemort…" "Fudge hasn't gone back to asking Dumbledore's advice," said Lupin, with a humorless smile. "He's trying to show people that he doesn't need Dumbledore's help to deal with You-Know-Who. Absolutely nutters," said Ron, shaking his head. Just then there was a sharp crack, and Mr. And Mrs. Weasley appeared. "Good morning, everyone!" said Mr. Weasley. His expression was cheerful, but Harry thought it looked forced. His eyes looked tired, and there were dark circles under them, though not as pronounced as Lupin's. "Good morning, Arthur, Molly. How are things with Dumbledore?" asked Lupin, starting on his now soggy corn flakes. "Karl, you were supposed to make breakfast, not just give them cereal," cut in Mrs. Weasley. Karl looked flustered. "Well, I'm not a very good cook. I burned the sausages, so Ginny went out to breakfast with Fred and George, and when the rest came down, we settled on corn flakes." "They've gone soggy," said Mrs. Weasley, taking Harry's bowl from him before he could protest. "I'll make a hot meal." "You should get some sleep, Mum," said Bill. "You've been up all night – and you should have taken us with you," he added. "Don't you dare instruct me on what I should or should not do, Bill Weasley. Harry needs a proper breakfast; I hate to think of what those Muggles have been feeding him," said Mrs. Weasley, hurrying about with pots and pans. "It's alright, Mrs. Weasley, you don't have to…" Harry started but she stopped him midsentence. "Nonsense, dear. I won't have you wasting away under my care," she said as she busied herself with sausages and eggs. Harry frowned behind her back. It felt good to know that she cared about him, but it was becoming increasingly annoying the way she acted like he couldn't take care of himself. Memories of Mrs. Weasley reminded him of time spent at Grimmauld Place, which further lead him through another group of memories, and he was suddenly back to thinking about Sirius. He had avoided thinking about that particular topic throughout the morning's excitement but it returned in force now. He let out a heavy sigh and took to staring out the window into the Weasleys' garden, eyes watching the gnomes puttering about, but mind someplace far away. He was only half-aware of Mrs. Weasley setting a plate down in front of him. He ate his eggs, sausages, and toast without saying a word, not even noticing that the rest of the kitchen had gone silent around him towards the end of his own period of silence. When he was finished, he cleared his dishes and went up the stairs without saying a word. Harry pulled his wand from his pajamas and set it on his bed. He didn't feel like sleeping now; he didn't want to return to his nightmares. Staying awake didn't seem like a pleasant idea either, but anything was better then reliving Sirius' death over and over again, with his parents and Cedric thrown in for good measure. Grabbing some clothes, Harry made his way to the washroom. He locked the door, disrobed and stepped into the shower, turning the hot water on full blast with only a little balancing cold. He stood like that, for how long he didn't know, letting the water beat down on him and the air get thick with humidity, not caring, not thinking about anything but his losses in life and things that would never be. Suddenly a knock came at the door, shaking him from his thoughts. "What is it?" he asked irritably. "I think I've told you before not to take that tone with me, Harry," came Ginny Weasley's voice. "Sorry, I – ah – was lost in my thoughts," said Harry, feeling sheepish. "What do you want?" "I wanted to make sure you hadn't drowned. You've been in there for an hour," said Ginny. Harry turned the water off. "So what?" "I have six brothers, Harry. The longest I've ever seen them in the shower is half an hour… and even that was odd." Harry grinned in spite of himself. "You watch your brothers when they're in the shower?" he asked through the door, as he pulled on boxer shorts and jeans. There was a pause and then, "Harry Potter, that is not what I meant." He zipped up his jeans, then opened the door to see Ginny, looking annoyed, though the corners of her mouth were twitching. "It's what you said," said Harry, grinning. "And you're right – that is an odd mental image." She arched an eyebrow. "Why is that? Are you feeling… inadequate… in comparison?" she asked. Inadequate? She didn't mean… Harry found his face turning red. "I - uh - suppose I'd better finish getting dressed," he managed. Ginny's smile widened. "Oh, we are definitely feeling inadequate," she said. "Were you watching me too, then?" he asked. "You wish," said Ginny, shaking her head and heading down the stairs. Still blushing a little, Harry walked back into Ron's room and finished dressing, pulling on a t-shirt and socks, but neglecting shoes. He reckoned that he should probably start on his summer homework; he had a fair amount of it, but for some reason he couldn't find the motivation. He headed downstairs to see Ginny and Ron sitting in the living room playing chess. They looked up as he walked in. "Don't bother going in the kitchen," said Ron. "They're all still talking about last night and probably going over whatever Dumbledore had to say about it." "Why don't you use the Extendable Ears?" asked Harry, sitting down to watch them play. "Why bother?" said Ron. "We can just get the scoop from Fred, George, or Bill afterwards." "Ah. Your mum is being…" Harry trailed off. "Yes," said Ginny. "Ever since the… the incident at the Ministry, she's been more determined then ever to keep us locked away from the world." "How many people have to die before everyone realizes I'm better off knowing the whole damn story?" Harry muttered. Ginny's eyes widened. "What did you say?" "Never mind," said Harry shortly. He got up and walked towards the kitchen. There was clearly a silencing charm to prevent anyone outside the room from hearing what was going on inside. From what he could see though, everyone looked really angry. Everyone except for Lupin, who had his head in his hands. Conversation stopped as he entered the room. "What happened? Is everyone all right? What did Dumbledore say?" "Harry!" said Mrs. Weasley, standing up and forcing a smile. "It's practically lunchtime. Would you like…" "To know what Dumbledore had to say? Certainly, I'm glad you asked." Karl broke the tense silence that followed. "Dumbledore didn't have much to say about Karkaroff. We've been expecting that one for a while," he said. Lupin sighed and looked up. "Bad news, Harry. Fudge has canceled Sirius' memorial service and is refusing to officially clear his name." "What? But how could he possibly…" Whatever Harry had been expecting, it hadn't been this. "He claims that he needs the confidence of the Wizarding World at the moment, and 'Acknowledging such a mistake would do more to undermine that confidence then anything he could imagine.'" Lupin said in an uncanny imitation of Fudge's voice. "Hold on – he admits he's wrong but is refusing to tell people?" said Harry. "What did Dumbledore do? Can he set Fudge straight?" Lupin shook his head, looking frankly miserable. "Dumbledore has a war to fight. We all do." "So that's it then," said Harry, angrily. "You're just going to let it go, let his memory die, because Fudge doesn't want a bad public relations image?" "Harry," said Karl. "I didn't know your godfather very well, in fact I only met him twice. But from what little I do know of him, I'm pretty sure he'd be rip-snorting angry with us if we spent time fighting this instead of fighting You-Know-Who." "We're going to go ahead and do the service anyway, Fudge be damned," said Lupin, slamming his fist down on the table. Everyone but Harry looked at Lupin in shock at the uncharacteristic action, but Harry, who was feeling violent himself, empathized with his former professor deeply here, uncharacteristic action or no. "That's right, we are," said Harry, blinking away the tears of rage forming in his eyes. "Of course we are, Harry," said Mrs. Weasley. "But the problem is, we were going to use the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Fudge could find out about that, and we don't need to go back to fighting two wars at once." "So we use the Room of Requirement," said Fred. "The what?" asked Karl. "It's the room we used for our Dumbledore's Army meetings," said Harry. "And it'll have no problem holding however many people will be attending."
"It'll take some preparation," said Mrs. Weasley. "I'll go talk to Dumbledore in person and see what I can do to begin. We've got a lot of work to do." "Yes," said Harry. "And a war to go back to after that. But this is worth it." Everyone nodded in agreement. A/N: A hearty thanks to everyone who was kind enough to review. I know this story has been out on various sites for a while, so I'm not expecting tons of reviews here, but they're always nice to get. 'Cry Havoc' will be coming here as well. I've worked a bit on the first chapter already…
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