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Author: hewithnoname Story: Dog Star Rating: Young Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Warning: Language Reviews: 6 Words: 11,972
Evening closed around London; the shouts and screams of the earlier battle now gone from the air. The Ministry stood empty in the evening light, still echoing with the screams of broken lives, and promises unfulfilled. In amongst the rubble stood two men, the elite of their profession. Only these two men would be able to repair the damage caused by all the spells and curses that had been cast that night. “Wha’ the chuffin ‘ell ‘appened ‘ere Ivor?” “Eh?” “Clean out ya ear’s, ya dozy old coot.” “Eh?” “Never mind, Ivor.” H sighed and looked around “What the hell happened, H?” “That’s what I’d like to know, Ivor” “Eh?” “Oh put a ssso- ssso- ssso…Oh shut it.” Ivor looked around, huffing. “What do you reckon, eh? eight hours double bubble?” H rubbed his chin, which was thick with stubble, and contemplated the scene before him. He rubbed his hands together, and smiled, revealing his missing teeth. “Yeah I suppose so mate.” “Where do we start then H?” “Lets ‘ave a brew first Ivor, and maybe some snap.” “You know H, there’s a reason your in charge, you make the big decisions.” Forty minutes later, the men were on their forth cup of tea. Ivor took hold of his paper and huffed. “Seams old Clammy has been picked up again, H” “Oh? Why’s that then?” “Well, you know them chickens he tried to breed?” “Yeah, they started breathing fire didn’t they?.” H chuckled to himself. “Yeah, well you’ll never guess what he’s gone and done? He’s only gone and done it again hasn’t he? Only this time he’s bred a chicken with three legs!” H looked impressed. “Well, I’ve always said you need another leg on a chicken.” “You’re not wrong mate, you’re not wrong, but that’s the problem see?” “Oh? What’s that mate?” Ivor looked left and right, and then behind himself checking nobody was listening. “Well the trouble is, they can’t catch the sodding things can they? As fast as they’re hatching they’re off! His farms over run with the things!” “I reckon you’d get that Ivor, yeah bad form that.” Ivor nodded his head in response. He reached over, and placed the kettle back on to the makeshift stove they had made. After their fifth cup of tea, H started on his sandwich “Hey Ivor, guess what I’ve heard?” “What’s that then mate?” “Well I ‘ered it from the Department source.” “You mean you were fixing the cooling charms, and you were listening in?” “Yep, got it in one mate.” H smiled once again showing his blackened teeth. “Anyway, there’s this tribe see, in Africa, called Pigmy’s, you know, the little folk.” H raised his hand up to his waist to show the height. “Well they’re supposed to be really magical see, some say the most magical in the world.” “Really, H? What’s wrong with em, then?” “Well Ivor they reckon they just got up and vanished of the face of the earth. They’re normally well hidden see, on the account they’re Pigmy’s see. ‘Cause they live in tall grass, some would say about six foot tall.” Ivor blew out a long breath. “What’s the name of this tribe then?” H screwed up his face in concentration. “ ‘Ang on a mo’ Webber? No, that’s not it, Westlife? No…Ah! Werethe, that’s it Werethe. Now, what was the last part?” H walked about, clearly trying to remember, he suddenly snapped his fingers together. “I got it, it’s Efarewe.” “Efarewe, mate?” “Yes mate, the tribe are called Werethe-Efarewe.” “Blimey, H.” Ivor sighed “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, everyday is a school day. I’ll tell you something else H.” “What’s that mate?” “I’d marry my daughter off to your fine lad any day. Once she gets over her little problem.” Ivor suddenly looked very flustered. “She’s up the duff ‘aint she?” “It wasn’t her fault the charm back-fired! How did you know anyway?” “My boy Stan, he told me, they were quite friendly a while back.” Ivor sighed again. “Yeah, Charms were never Daisy’s strong subject. Divination was her strongest.” “Bet she never seen that one coming, did she?” “What was that?” “I said we’d better get going and move something.” “Oh, right you are mate.” H didn’t get up at first, as he was thinking back to the night his son took Ivor’s daughter on a date. Apparently, Stan took her to Abergavenny on the Knight Bus, where he also gave her a tooth brush he swore had once belonged to Harry Potter. His train of thought was broken by Ivor interrupting him again. “Come on H, we got to get these statues together.” H looked around at was once the great statue, now in pieces, strewn across the floor. The Centaur was trotting around the place, the House Elf was tidying up and the goblin was holding a piece of the Centaur’s ear, biting into it, checking the value of the gold. “Well ‘ow we goner do all this then Ivor?” “I say we stun them H, all but the House Elf, He’s doing a grand job cleaning.” “Right you are, mate.” One hour later, and it was pandemonium, “Where did you learn ‘ow to stun H? You couldn’t wilt a ruddy Daisy!” This upset H more than Ivor intended. H sent a stunner at the Centaur, which ricocheted off it’s hind quarters, and hit Ivor square in the chest, who promptly slumped to the floor. “Damn.” H ran over to Ivor and tried to revive him. “Evern-Evern-Evern- Oh sod it.” H walked off mumbling something which definitely wasn’t latin. “He’ll wake up in a bit. I’m going to get me snap.” Forty minutes later, Ivor stumbled over to H. “What ‘appened H? I feel like I got hit by your lads Knight Bus!” “Centaur ran into you mate” “Well? Where are they all?” “Well I made a cage see, and the House Elf helped me round them up.” “Blimey H, got to give it to ya.” Both stood up as they heard voices approaching, and were distressed to see Minister Fudge walking up to them, as well as Rufus Scrimgeour. “Look sharp H! The Minister is coming.” H shot up and started levitating pieces and placing them onto a pile. Fudge walked up to them. “Ah Mr Biggun, how are you doing?” “Fine sir, fine. Couldn’t be fairer.” “And Mr?” “Shunpike sir, Horatio Shunpike sir.” “Splendid. And I’m terribly sorry, Mr Biggun, I don’t recall your Christian name.” “Ivor sir, Ivor.” “We don’t have time for this, Cornelius. We have a busy night ahead of us.” Scrimgeour spoke up. “Yes, yes of course Rufus, let’s get going.” The Minister looked around the place and sighed. Ivor spoke up. “Minister, I don’t suppose now is the time for a pay rise is it?” Rufus Scrimgeour looked at him sharply. Ivor stepped back at the look Scrimgeour gave him. “We’ll just get on with this shall we then sir’s? You have a good night then.” H stepped up to try to take control of the situation. Both Ivor and H bowed low as the Minister and head of Aurors Department walked off. “Bloody git’s. You wait mate, we’ll get that pay rise one way or another.” H mumbled. “What do you reckon H? Do you reckon rain or hail?” “Cats and Dogs mate, cats and dogs, but Ivor, lets get it right this time and not real Cats and dogs, that last time made a right mess.” “You’re not wrong mate, you’re not wrong.” Authors Note: Thanks to Thekillerpie, without him all of this work will have come to nothing. I really appreciate all the help you have shown. Thanks also to Tante for all the support she has dished out. This is dedicated to all the Maintenance workers out there. We will one day rise and take over the world. (Once we have finished our lunch break.) Please read and review…
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