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Author: Lady Chi Story: With All My Love Rating: Teens Setting: Pre-HBP Status: Completed Reviews: 5 Words: 60,540
The next morning, Lily awoke with a terrible, pounding headache and a feeling of disbelief so profound that she almost convinced herself that nothing had happened… that she had dreamt the whole thing. No, no. She couldn't have. You actually had to sleep to dream. Besides, trying to deny the situation would only make Remus feel worse and would complicate things more than they already were -- and they were complicated enough already, in Lily's opinion. The enormity of what she had learned the night before sat on her like an overly large winter cloak. Remus was not human. At least, the Ministry of Magic didn't view him that way. James, Sirius and Peter were under-aged Animagi because there was no other way to be with Remus during the most painful times in his life…. And last year, Sirius had ruined it all. Well, maybe not ruined, but tried his best to break the friendship that was almost legendary among the Gryffindor students. Remus was feeling alone and helpless, frustrated and angry, and Sirius wasn't doing a thing to try and rectify the problem. Perhaps he felt that what he had done was unforgivable. With a sigh, Lily swung her legs out of bed and ran her fingers through her hair. She was fairly certain that nothing short of murder was considered unforgivable by the others in that little group. Then there had been the last little bit of conversation between her and Remus. He had seen, finally, that she was lonely, and felt somehow responsible for that. "There's nothing you can do, Remus," she muttered to herself, sticking her feet in slippers and heading over to her trunk for clothing. "You and James and Sirius and Peter have your own little group and the other girls in the class have their own little group and I honestly don't think I have a place in either one of them." Is that why you're having breakfast with James Potter and his cronies? Because you think there's not a place for you with them? a voice in the back of her head sneered. "I'm having breakfast with James Potter," Lily said furiously to herself, "because I want to. There's no ulterior motive." "You know, one of the first signs of mental illness is talking to yourself," Kathleen said, coming through the doorway. She, too, was in seventh year, and Lily found her to be the only one of her roommates with whom she felt even the slightest connection. "Is that right? I just thought it was a bad habit… didn't realize it was so sinister," Lily snapped. "Testy, testy. What's rubbed you the wrong way?" "I'm an idiot," Lily confided dramatically, searching desperately for a bra that was comfortable. "Yes, well, tell us something we don't know, darling." Kathleen's pretty Irish voice was practically laced with sarcasm. "Are you going to tell me more than that, or are you just going to leave it there? If you do, I may be forced to torture it out of you." "I, Head Girl, supposedly the smartest girl in our year, have agreed to have breakfast with none other than James Potter this very morning. Tell me that's not the most incredibly stupid thing you've ever heard of." Kathleen raised an eyebrow. "Well, now. This certainly is interesting." "Why is it interesting?" Something in Kathleen's tone had set Lily off, and she abandoned the search momentarily to advance on Kathleen. "There's nothing wrong with it, Lily, we have just been wondering how long it was going to take you to relax around him a little." "Relax? Around James Potter? Are we talking about the same bloke?" "The problem with you is that you take everything entirely too seriously, love. You might think about easing back a little, enjoy the poor boy's company, eh? He's really quite funny." "Oh, for Merlin's sake. I never said he wasn't funny." Turning away irritably, Lily pulled one of the bras from a stack and hoped it would suffice. "I am going to go take a shower." "So you do think he's funny, then?" "Of course. I was just concerned that he might not be mature enough to be Head Boy…. And Remus and I had been doing our thing for so long, I just figured that Dumbledore would choose to keep the team together." It might not have been Dumbledore's decision, that little voice said again. What if Remus resigned? "We were all shocked, too. He's a really powerful wizard, though." "There was never any doubt of that. If there was any, he certainly removed them yesterday afternoon on the train." It appeared that the conversation was not going to end there as Kathleen followed her out the dormitory door towards the showers. "Are you going to be telling me what happened, then? Or are you going to keep me in suspense? You know I can't handle suspense." "It was nothing, all right? We climbed onto the roof of the train, we did our thing, and we came back." "You climbed on the roof of the train? You?" Kathleen couldn't keep the disbelief out of her voice. "The same Lily Evans who almost cries every time she has to climb onto a broom?" "Don't rub it in. Besides, James was behind me the whole way." "I'll just bet he was." It was at that infuriating moment that Kathleen decided to turn around and leave Lily standing there. "What is that supposed to mean?" "It means it's going to be an interesting school year," Kathleen said, and didn't even turn to look over her shoulder as she headed back to the dormitory. Standing under the stream of hot water, Lily silently cursed Kathleen and her own stupidity. She could always back out now, but that would look to Remus like she was giving up on their friendship simply because he was a werewolf. Irritated, Lily shut the shower down and stepped out to towel off. Getting herself ready in the morning didn't take as much time as it took some of the other girls, but she liked to spend a few minutes pampering herself. That meant using a quick Drying Spell to get rid of the moisture in her hair and a little while to style it, some lip-gloss and very understated mascara and eye shadow, and she was ready to go. Once she arrived in the common room, James was standing there waiting for her. "Hello," she said, mostly because she couldn't think of anything else clever and exciting to say to him. "Hello yourself," he whispered, and then shook his head, as if bringing himself out of a trance. "Um, the other blokes are still in the showers… and stuff. I'm the first one here." For some reason, his nervousness made her relax a little. So this wasn't going to be easy for him… just like it wasn't going to be easy for her. They had six years of near animosity to get over before they could call each other "friend", but the fact that James Potter was human made that seem almost possible to Lily Evans. "I noticed they weren't here. How is Remus this morning?" Lily asked, choosing a safe topic while she made her way over to one of the armchairs to wait. "Seems a bit tired, but that's not really unusual," James admitted, and then stopped cold before Lily nodded at him, silently communicating the fact that she already knew. "I see" was all she said as she began to study her shoe with some interest. After a long moment of silence, while James presumably digested the fact that Lily knew the best-kept secret at Hogwarts, he decided to speak up. "Did you drop any classes over the summer?" James began tentatively. "Of course not. I sort of feel obligated to finish them out, you know." "I didn't either, but some of our classmates are. They're scared off by the reality of the N.E.W.T.s." "Don't even mention them in my presence," Lily said with a self-deprecating grin. "I might go off on some tangent about how I haven't got around to studying yet and the adverse affect it's going to have on my future, and you will be bored to tears." James shook his head. "I doubt that." "Aren't you nervous about them though? I am… in fact, I don't think I've ever been so frightened in all of my life." "Not even when you were on the roof of the train yesterday?" "Small potatoes compared to a harsh judging board and the fate of the rest of my life resting on one test." James nodded. "I find it's less stressful not to think about that. I'll just go in there and take the test like it's a Potions exam." "You're really going to be that cool? I doubt I will be. In fact, I predict several nervous breakdowns in the year to come." "There is nothing more entertaining than you in the middle of a nervous breakdown, Lily, light of my life," Sirius called from across the room. Lily immediately squashed the rebuke that was on the tip of her tongue. It wouldn't do anyone any good for her to take out her anger on him -- yet. "You say that now, Sirius," Lily said, waving her finger, "but you just wait. There'll be nothing ‘entertaining' about it." "This year does promise to be quite stressful," Remus agreed, coming down the stairs behind Sirius. "However, thinking about it does nothing for my appetite, and I'm thinking we should save what little there is of it." "Hear, hear!" James agreed. "Let's go to breakfast then, shall we?" "Where's Peter?" Lily asked before the rest of the group could descend without him. "He's coming," James said nonchalantly. "Why do you think I said that so loudly? He'll be coming down the stairs at a breakneck speed any minute now." "Peter's kind of slow in the morning," Remus said with a patient smile. "Peter's kind of slow all the time," Sirius muttered under his breath so that only Lily could catch it. In spite of herself, a little chuckle escaped her. "I'm here, I'm here!" Peter announced as he flung himself down the stairs at astonishing speed. Not unsurprisingly, he tripped over his own feet and almost fell flat on his face. James and Sirius rushed to catch him, which only increased the red flush on Peter's face. "Thanks," he mumbled, straightening his shirt and adjusting his pants so that he looked more presentable. "Let's go then. I'm starving!" Sirius said with a large grin and a wink for Lily. "Not specifically for food though, Lily, light of my life…."
"Well, food is all you're going to get. Remus has agreed to be my escort for the morning, and James has happily agreed to be his second. You're simply going to have to wait in line." Remus looked positively stunned and James guffawed. "She's got you beat there, Sirius, old chap!" Sirius had no choice but to agree, and he joined in with the rare gusto only Sirius possessed. Remus was a bit more hesitant in his laughter, but eventually he enjoyed in the merriment. When it was evident that it was okay to laugh, because everyone else was doing so, Peter carefully added his chuckles, making sure to stop exactly when Sirius and James did. The walk down to the Great Hall was surprisingly entertaining. Lily found it easy to enjoy the company of all of the boys, and they traded insults, jokes and worries with the ease of longtime friendship. A few people at breakfast that morning were surprised to see Lily Evans and James Potter actually speaking to each other and enjoying one another's company, but nothing was said to them. It was simply shrugged off, considering the fact that Lily and James had already shocked the rest of the school with their daring on the train. It seemed sort of inevitable that the two of them, who had risked so much for the school, would come closer together after an event like that. Lily was seated with a great deal of flair next to Remus, and James immediately occupied the seat on the other side of her. Sirius and Peter sat on the opposite side of the table with Kathleen. "I can't wait to get our time tables," Lily was saying excitedly as she buttered a piece of toast. "I hope it's not as dreadful as last year's was." "It's certain to be worse," Kathleen said pessimistically. "This is, after all, our last year here." Sirius threw his hands over his ears and immediately started humming. "I can't hear you, I can't hear you!" "Of all the juvenile…" Lily mumbled under her breath. "It's not juvenile, it's denial," Sirius said with a broad grin that would have charmed most girls. Lily noted, however, that it didn't quite reach his eyes the way his smiles used to. "I don't want to grow up." "Okay, Peter Pan," Kathleen began, but was cut off by the entrance of Severus Snape. "He's a bit late, don't you think?" Sirius almost snarled, his beautiful grin immediately replaced by something much more sinister. "I would have thought he would have the decency to stay on the other side of the Great Hall." Lily shot him a sharp look, but James said mildly, "Down, Sirius." "I would appreciate it very much," Remus said in a soft, intense voice, "if you wouldn't make a scene, Sirius." Immediately, Sirius's features smoothed over at the rebuke from both of his friends. "Fine then. I shall be as docile and harmless as a puppy." "Housebroken or not?" Kathleen asked saucily. Sirius smiled. The flirtation game was one that he knew how to play. "How would you like me?" "Rare, medium rare, medium, well, medium well, or crispy?" James added with a wink. Kathleen let out a hoot of laughter. "Morning, Potter," a cultured voice said from behind him. James turned around slowly, his face stony. "Good morning, Snape," he responded in a deceptively cheerful tone. "Is there anything we can do for you today?" "I just wanted to be sure you knew," his voice dropped to a low whisper, "that one misstep this year will be the end of the line for you." "I've already told one of your friends that threats won't make an impact on me this year." James remained smiling so that no one would suspect the seriousness of the conversation, other than Lily, who was pretending to eat her food with an amazing level of concentration. "I know your secret, Potter, and I won't hesitate to use it against you, if I have to." Lily looked up. "Good morning, Severus. Pleasant weather today, isn't it?" Both James and Severus looked at her as though she were crazy. "It wouldn't do to threaten the Head Boy in front of the Head Girl, would it, Severus?" Snape tried to work his mouth to form words, but found he could only manage "Erm, no…" "I knew you were an exceptionally bright fellow," James muttered. "James," Lily rebuked him softly before turning again to Snape. "It is also not particularly nice to use that sort of information against someone, Severus. I must say I'm rather disappointed in you. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to eat my breakfast in the relative peace I was enjoying before." Noting with some degree of satisfaction that she had sufficiently shocked both Severus and James, she returned her attention to her food, confident that Severus was leaving. "You're incredible," James whispered to her. "I thought you liked him." "I didn't…. That is, I don't dislike him, either. I just disliked the senseless disrespect you shared for each other. Now I can see why you think less of him than I do." "Because he's a sneaking, rotten, no good snitch?" James asked with a pleasant smile. "That may have something to do with it," Lily agreed amicably, and patted his arm comfortingly, without noticing the looks the other people at the table exchanged. "Pass the sausages, will you?" * Thanks go out to Anne and KC, of course, for again extending their services to my humble fic. I appreciate all that they do.
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