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Author: girlyswot Story: Had We But World Enough And Time Rating: Everyone Setting: Pre-OotP Status: Completed Reviews: 9 Words: 11,938
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and his world all belong to J. K. Rowling and I'm just grateful that she lets me play in them. The Great Hall was full by the time Lily came in for dinner. She'd been working on her Transfiguration essay and wanted to finish her first draft before she left it. Slipping in between Mary and Angela she began to help herself to the delicious looking lamb stew in front of her. 'Have you heard the news?' asked Caroline. Lily shook her head, reaching for the mashed potatoes. 'What news?' 'Jenny Drew. You know, Hufflepuff Chaser. Sixth year.' Lily frowned, trying to picture the girl. 'Long blonde hair?' Mary nodded and offered Lily the carrots and peas. 'That's the one,' agreed Angela. 'So what's happened to her?' 'Her parents were attacked last night. Some of Voldemort's followers.' Swallowing became an impossibility. Lily forced herself to keep chewing, to keep breathing. When she could speak she asked, 'Are they… are they…' Mary shook her head. 'They're in St Mungo's. Jenny's gone to be with them. Apparently they used an Unforgivable Curse.' 'Crucio,' whispered Lily. Angela shrugged. 'Must be.' 'Will they be… you know, all right?' Caroline made a face. 'No-one knows. It depends how well they could resist the curse and how long it lasted.' Lily looked at her dinner, felt sick and pushed it away. 'But Jenny's not Muggle-born, is she?' 'No.' Mary went white as she explained. 'Her mother's as pureblood as they come. Related to the Blacks and the Malfoys but she married a Muggle-born. They… apparently they…' Her voice broke and Angela handed her another tissue. 'Thanks.' She blew her nose and went on determinedly. 'They taunted her, making her watch while they cursed her husband. And then they turned on her.' Angela put her arm around Mary, whose own father was half-blood. All of them looked sympathetically across at Lily. 'It's fine. I'm fine.' She pushed back her chair and stood up. 'I just need to go… to be on my own… for a bit.' The others watched in concern as she ran from the crowded room. ### Later that evening, Lily stepped through the portrait hole and scanned the busy Gryffindor common room, trying to appear casual and determinedly avoiding the concerned looks of her friends. She spotted the unruly black hair for which she had been searching and called out, 'Potter!' He looked up casually, still laughing at Peter Pettigrew who was trying to work out how to avoid losing their game of chess. 'What is it now, Evans?' Lily saw the curve at the corner of his mouth and the softening around his eyes and knew that it was going to be even more difficult than she had thought. 'Dumbledore. He wants to see us both. Now.' Lily waited by the portrait hole while James levered himself up from the sofa, paused, looking at the chess board, moved a piece and announced, 'Checkmate' to a stuttering Pettigrew. She held open the portrait for him to climb through then followed him. He glanced at her, raising a questioning eyebrow but made no comment. Once they were ten yards down the corridor, Lily turned anxiously to James. 'It's not Dumbledore. I need to speak to you. Do you know somewhere we won't be seen?' He gave her a strange look but nodded and indicated a corridor which led away from the common room. 'This do?' James had brought her to an empty classroom. He muttered a spell and a dozen candles lit up. Lily walked across to the far side of the room and leaned against the wall. James came to stand close beside her. 'What is it, sweetheart? What's happened?' Lily took a deep breath. 'Nothing's happened. It's… it's…' He waited, moving slightly closer. Lily looked at the floor and began to scuff her toe against the wall. 'It's just that I know I said I'd spend tomorrow with you, but I can't.' 'Okay.' James smiled and leaned towards her. 'We'll do it another time.' His finger was under her chin, gently lifting her face up to meet his. She could smell the last lingering traces of aftershave on him and closed her eyes. 'No, James. I can't go out with you… ever.' By the time she reached the end of this sentence, she was whispering so quietly he had to hold his breath to be sure of hearing her. James's hand continued to explore, edging along the underside of her jaw, cupping her cheek, pulling her closer. She felt his breath on her lips, then the soft, brief touch of his mouth before he pulled away, no more than half an inch, to whisper, 'Why not?' Lily summoned every ounce of strength that she possessed to bring her hands up to his chest and push him away. Only a few inches, but enough to give her space to breathe her own air. 'Because of this. Because of the way you make me feel.' He frowned. 'You're going to have to explain it a bit better than that, Lily. Don't you like the way I make you feel?' He grinned, and leaned in to kiss her again. She turned her head away and put her face in her hands. James took a step back and ran his hands through his hair. 'Lily?' She hardly recognised his voice, it was suddenly so serious. 'Lily, sweetheart, what's the matter?' Lily moved away from the wall and collapsed onto one of the chairs. 'I'm frightened, James.' Her voice was shaky and she began picking at a splinter in the desk. 'I don't want you to become a target.' 'A target?' he repeated, bemused. 'Yes.' She continued quietly but with real determination in her voice. 'I'm Muggle-born. I know what the risks are and there's nothing I can do about it. But you're not. There's no need for you to put yourself, and maybe even your family, at risk. I couldn't bear it, James. I'm too scared already.' He sat down opposite her, looking shocked. 'Is this about what happened to the Drews?' Lily bit her lip. 'A bit.' 'So let me get this clear. You won't go out with me because you don't want me to be in danger from Riddle and his Death Eaters?' Lily nodded. 'Because you think it'll make me a target?' He was trying to keep his voice measured, under control. 'Look, James, I know you.' It was important she made him understand. 'You won't be the type to live a quiet life, taking care not to draw attention to yourself. You'll be out there fighting, because of me, in some stupid, noble battle that I can't bear to think about.' Lily drew a deep, shuddering breath. 'I can't bear to think about it,' she carried on, more calmly. 'And the more I see you, the more I… care for you, the harder it will be.' There was silence. Lily couldn't bear to look at James's face, so she continued to pick at the desk. Eventually a large, warm hand was placed over her own small, shaking one, stopping her. James stood up and pulled her to stand in front of him. 'Lily?' His voice was charged with emotion. 'Do you love me?' She tried to look away, but his hands were tilting her face upwards and his deep hazel eyes were locked onto her cool green ones. Slowly, she nodded. He kissed her then as he had not kissed her before: hard and long and passionately. When he stopped, he didn't let her go. His hands were in her hair, his lips were on her cheeks, on the soft sensitive skin where her ear met her jaw, on the tip of her nose, on her mouth again and again. If she had known how to break away, how to refuse him, she would not have done it. Yet, when they both stopped, panting for breath, and she hid her face in his shoulder, she said, 'We can't, James. I can't.' James's hand was on her back, rubbing gently, comforting. His chest reverberated against her cheek when he spoke in reply. 'Listen to me, sweetheart. We must. If we're separated because of… him, then, don't you see, my darling girl, he'll have won? That's what he wants. The purebloods to stay away from the Muggle-borns. We can't win anything if we start doing what he wants us to. We have to show him that he's wrong. We have to do what's right. ' He dropped a kiss on top of her head and pulled her closer to him. 'And it may be noble, and it probably is stupid,' he muttered, 'but I would be proud to fight a battle for you. To die for you, if it comes to it.' After a moment in which she wondered if she had heard him right, Lily raised her head to look at James. It was as if she had not known him at all. Who could have suspected that James Potter, James Potter, of all people, would have thought so seriously about the war? Who could have known that he was so determined to fight the prejudice? Who could have believed that he loved her that much? Lily said the only thing she could think of: 'I love you.' ### Usually, when she was meeting James for work at six, Lily set her alarm for five thirty. That gave her ample time to wash and dress and make her bed. But that Sunday, she rose half an hour earlier, so that she could wash her hair, paint her nails and iron her favourite top. Contemplating her reflection in the mirror she wondered whether to borrow Caro's red lipstick, then laughed at herself. If James didn't know what she really looked like by now, he must be blind. But she did squirt on some of Mary's new perfume before collecting her cloak and running down the stairs. As usual, James was before her. He'd made an effort too, she was touched to see. He wore her favourite lilac checked shirt under a dark blue sweater and had damped his unruly hair. He grinned when he saw her and moved across the room to kiss her, breathing in the sweet scent. 'You look gorgeous, darling.' 'So do you,' she replied. 'Cup of tea?' He indicated the tray, which also held toast and marmalade. 'We're having breakfast here?' Lily enquired. 'Sort of.' James handed her a cup and a plate. The sun was pale and half-hidden behind a thin cloud by the time James and Lily left the building. Hand in hand they silently walked across the park towards the lake, content in each other's company. James pointed over towards Hagrid's cottage. 'Look,' he whispered. 'Oh!' Lily caught her breath as together they saw a spiral of what first seemed to be coloured smoke, then, as it came nearer, distinguished itself as a column of iridescent mirrorflies, performing their mating ritual. It was utterly mesmerising for the few minutes it took for the mirrorflies to form their elaborate patterns before dispersing into the morning mist. They took a boat out onto the lake. At first, James rowed while Lily trailed a hand in the water, watching the fish and occasionally catching a glimpse one of the merpeople who lived in the dark waters. After a little while she offered to take one of the oars, so they could sit together, pulling perfectly in time with each other. James shifted across a bit, so that the boat would trim and so that he could slip his arm around Lily's waist. Once they were quite beyond sight of any part of the school, he stopped and pulled both the oars safely into the boat. He produced a package which smelt quite delicious. Unwrapping it, he handed Lily a hot bacon sandwich. She leaned against him and sighed contentedly. 'It feels as if all that,' she waved a hand vaguely, 'is part of a different world. Out here there can't be any danger or evil or tiredness or unhappiness.' James looked indulgently down at her. 'I'm glad you like it. Are you warm enough?' 'Oh yes.' But she snuggled closer towards him anyway. 'Lily?' They'd finished breakfast some time earlier and were sitting comfortably in the boat with Lily leaning against James's chest and his head resting on her shoulder. 'Mmm?' 'I want to tell you where I was on Wednesday night.' 'You don't have to.' 'Yes, I think I do. You see, it's going to happen again and you need to know so that… nothing goes wrong.' She shifted so that she could see his face. 'What on earth are you talking about?' He pushed his hands through his hair as though wondering where to begin. 'It's Remus. He's a werewolf.' 'What?' Lily screeched. James smiled ruefully. 'Yes, that's one of the reasons we came all this way. So you can scream as much as you want.' 'But… but… how?' 'He was bitten as a child.' 'Yes. I don't mean how, exactly. More, how does no-one know?' 'Well, some people do. Dumbledore, of course. And McGonagall because she's Head of Gryffindor. And Remus told Sirius and Peter and me in the second year. No-one else at school knows. Except you, now. And it needs to stay that way, Lily.' He looked very stern and she was almost frightened of him. 'Yes. Of course.' She shivered. 'Cold?' 'No.' 'Okay. Well, at home, his parents had a place he went every month where he could be safe, but at school it was just too dangerous. So McGonagall made the Wolfsbane potion. He still transforms, of course, but it keeps him more… subdued. But we noticed, when we were in the same dorm, that around about the new moon every month he became very quiet and moody and then there'd always be a night when he just happened to be in the Hospital Wing. So, half way through the second year, when we were pretty good friends, we decided to challenge him about it. And he told us.' Lily tried not to appear amazed. She'd always thought the boys' friendships were fairly superficial. All they seemed to talk about was Quidditch and girls. Yet if to tell the others something like that, Remus must have known he could trust them absolutely. He'd obviously been right. 'Well, of course,' James was still explaining, 'we wanted to help. But we couldn't think how. There was no way Remus could be safe anywhere near school or near us. Halfway through third year, Sirius came up with a plan. He said we should all become Animagi.' 'But… in the third year?' This time Lily really couldn't keep her astonishment hidden. Becoming an Animagus was an extremely difficult procedure and only over eighteens were allowed to apply for a licence after passing a complicated test. 'Yes. Obviously not legal. But we swotted up in the library and practised for ages every night in the dorm. Sirius managed it first, then me and by the start of the fifth year, even Peter had got the hang of it too. So we knew we could go with Remus and be safe.' 'But where? Even with the four of you, it's not safe.' 'No, of course not. You know the Shrieking Shack, down in Hogsmeade?' Lily nodded. 'What d'you think makes it shriek?' 'I'd always assumed it was haunted.' James shook his head and Lily could feel her eyes widening as she worked out what he was saying. 'You mean… Remus?' 'Yes. There's a tunnel from one of the trees that leads down to the Shack. No-one comes anywhere near it, so it's perfectly safe. We spread as many rumours as we could to help keep people away. So, Sirius always checks when the full moon's due so we can plan well in advance and that night we set off, long before dark, and spend it out in the Shack. It's easy in the summer when the nights are so short, but in the winter, it can be pretty tricky, missing supper and not always back by breakfast. But we've never been caught yet.' 'So Dumbledore still thinks he takes the potion?' James nodded. 'He always keeps it just in case we can't get away one time and then empties it once the danger's past.' 'And… do the others know that you've told me?' 'Yes. I said I couldn't go with them again unless you knew. And that I was certain you could be trusted.' She could read the trust right there on his face. 'But…' He grasped her hands. 'Lily, do you have any idea what life is like for Remus? Knowing he can never marry, never be trusted near other people, never relax. He will always have this awful burden. And if I can help to make that any easier at all, show him that he does have true friends, then I must.' 'Yes. Yes, I do see that. But… don't you think Dumbledore ought to know? Especially now?' He sat back and frowned. 'I don't know, Lily. Peter and Sirius said not. Remus said he didn't mind, but the way he looked when he said it… I couldn't do it to him, Lily. It's only a few more months before we leave school.' She looked grave. 'It's just that… I'm afraid something awful might happen to you, and I couldn't bear it.' 'Oh sweetheart. Come here.' He held her tightly to him. 'It's going to be all right, I promise. I love you.' ### Much later, when they were sharing the lunch James's house elf had provided, she asked. 'What animals?' Thinking of something else entirely, James looked confusedly at her. 'When you change. What animals?' 'Oh, I see.' He laughed. 'Well, Sirius is a dog. Large and black, I'm not sure what kind. And Peter's a rat.' He paused, looking a little awkward suddenly. 'And you?' she prompted. 'Well… I'm a stag,' he muttered. 'A stag?' He nodded. 'A white stag? With large silvery antlers?' 'That's the one.' 'Then… that was you?' Lily asked, wonderingly. 'Looking so beautiful and proud that morning in the sunrise. I… I wanted to look at it forever.' ### As they wandered slowly back to the school buildings that evening, hand in hand, Lily felt happier than she could ever remember. The sunset light made the grey stone of Hogwarts seem to glow like gold and somehow that seemed appropriate for her and James. 'I wish we could do this every day,' she sighed. James squeezed her hand. 'I know. But unfortunately, real life starts again tomorrow.' 'At six?' 'I should think so. I need you to take me through some Antidotes.' He grimaced. 'I don't know how you remember all that stuff.' She shrugged. 'It's not that hard. I'll show you.' When they finally reached the Gryffindor common room, James held the portrait aside to let Lily climb through before he followed her. Their entrance was greeted with a chorus of whistles and cat calls. Lily blushed furiously, but James slid an arm around her waist and grinned proudly. 'I'm going to bed,' she murmured. Slipping out of his embrace, she made her way to the girls staircase, but before she was out of earshot she heard his familiar voice calling, 'Goodnight, Evans.' 'Goodnight, Potter,' she replied, laughing.
If you've enjoyed this, you might like to look out for Part Two - Time's Winged Chariot, coming soon to a PhoenixSong near you. In which the War becomes a bit more of a reality and James and Lily start to get a bit more serious…
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